We’re all a little distracted right now — Kate’s been traveling, SM’s been studying, and I’ve kind of burned myself out on the internet. I’ve got the shittiest excuse of the three, so it falls to me to give you guys something to talk about. But all I can think about is being burned out on the internet. So, let’s talk about that!
I’ve been thinking about this article by Katha Pollitt lately, because I am an ace internets detective, which is both a blessing and a curse (in the way that all knowledge is, especially knowledge obtained under the table). If I were a good personal essayist like Kate and Katha, rather than a vulnerability-avoidance machine powered mainly by shame, I would tell you a titillating little story right now that would lay bare my deepest and most personal flaws and let you laugh gently at my foibles while simultaneously feeling a profound kinship with me as I hold up a mirror to your own humanity. I’m not gonna do that though. I’m gonna make you do it. Tell us about your biggest web “research” jackpot, or your biggest surprise, or how you knew it was time to erase your search history and never look again.
If you’re one of the three people who’s never used Google for evil, you may prefer this article by Richard Cohen, whom I consider to be a fundamentally ridiculous human being. If Katha makes me feel like I’m far too guarded to ever be a writer, Cohen makes me think that maybe any schmo can do it. SM and I went into paroxysms when we first read this article (we were on a bit of a Cohen-hating kick) — it led to a lot of yelling “I USED THE INTERNET” in a Gumby voice. (We still use “falling down the rabbit hole” ironically to mean wasting time online.) So if you’ve got no internet sleuthing secrets to spill, tell us about an experience falling down the rabbit hole. Maybe the Post will give you a column!