Sweet Machine, You've Got to Be Kidding Me

Stuffing yourself with baby donuts is true patriotism

Several of you have sent us this link or dropped it in comments, but just in case you missed it: the oh so rational right-wingers in the American Life League accuse Krispy Kreme of making the official snack of Shapely Prose, the baby donut! This is because Krispy Kreme is offering a free “donut of choice” on Inauguration Day, and also because the American Life League is staffed solely by robots who do not understand the human ideas of “idioms” and “context.”

Enjoy a babylicious donut this week — FOR OBAMA. Bonus points for anyone who wears a baby donut t-shirt to an inaugural ball.

52 thoughts on “Stuffing yourself with baby donuts is true patriotism”

  1. For the first six times I heard this, I swear I thought that they were protesting an actual Roe v. Wade celebratory donut or something.

    But we’re just talking “you can get sprinkles or chocolate or whatever you choose”, right? So they’re basically protesting their inability to understand standard English?

  2. Ok, so that this even happened is got me befuddled, but that it is making news headlines? At least the Miami reporter is seeing the insanity of this ridiculous response as much as we are.

    But I know there are plenty of others who will take it completely seriously and be picketing Krispy Kreme stores in a few days…


  3. Yeah, they’re bound to win friends and influence people with this tactic. No one who’s on the fence about abortion is going to look at this article and think the American Life League is a bunch of wack jobs! No, sir!

    Tangentially, this reminds me of the episode of 30 Rock in which Jack asks Kenneth if he’s a Democrat or a Republican, and Kenneth says “I believe making choices is sinful, so I just write in the Lord’s name,” and Jack says, “That’s Republican. We count those.”

  4. man… and the two krispy kreme locations near me closed down a few years ago. no baby donuts of choice for me. :(

  5. I suppose if you choose to have a baby, that’s still bad–because choice is bad? Is it just more fun to force women to carry pregnancy to term? When you carry that logical thread out, it’s really scary. But hey, I’m just a fat, liberal baby-donut-eater.

  6. And as was noted on another blog, this means that every time those same people start yammering on about vouchers and “school choice”, we can say that they’re advocating abortion clinics in the nurse’s office, right?

  7. No Krispy Kremes near me, and they aren’t really my baby-flavored-donut manufacturer of choice anyway, but now I want to go get one just to strike a honey-glazed blow for sanity. And for pragmatics.

  8. And I guess my family stayed at an Abortion Hotel over vacation, and use First Abortion Bank, and drink Taster’s Abortion.

  9. @car: snort! Taster’s Abortion.

    Also @limesarah: “a honey-glazed blow for sanity” is pretty awesome.

  10. I loved the scathing tone of the article though; especially this “Shame, and abortion, is what makes them so delicious!” Ah yes. Dude, no wonder us fatties are so fat! All that SHAME we get for existing as human beings in this world is just making all that food we stuff down our gullets taste…BETTER! Ahhh the irony.. ;)

  11. How about “Honey-glazed sanity washed down with Taster’s Abortion”? ;P

    Seriously, now I want to go out to my nearest Krispy Kreme, and get not just a donut of choice for myself, but for THE BABY. And take a picture of HIM EATING IT.

    Cannibalism at it’s finest, y’all.

  12. The “Taster’s abortion” part came from the other blog commenter, but I’ll be damned if I can find where I saw it for proper attribution.

    Wouldn’t “honey-glazed blow” be pretty hard to sniff up? :)

  13. Remember when Palin said Bristol had a choice and was keeping the baby? SO, she has a choice, but I don’t? Color me logical, but when I heard this I thought KK was saying we had a choice when we elected the Prez, hence free donuts. I don’t know if I want the baby flavored or the pathetic anger bread glazed?

    I am so supporting KK this week.

  14. Yeah, I should have seen this coming after the RNC this year, when Samatha Bee from the Daily Show did that AMAZING bit where she tried to get Republicans to say the word “Choice”.

    That was one of my favorite segments ever.

  15. As much as I’d like my free baby donut of choice on Tuesday, I will have time to only get one freebie, and that is makeup at Macys. I’m not the only one, am I?

  16. I have no time for free donuts Tuesday as I will be at the parade. I will, however, make time for pay donuts at least one other day this week.

  17. Now, see, if it’d been Dunkin Donuts doing this promotion, I’d be all over it. But KK? Meh.

    (Not that we have either of those in my rural neck of the woods. Damn I miss Dunkin Donuts. I gotta move my ass back to Boston.)

    And now I want a donut. Curses.


  18. Robotiron, I almost forgot about the free makeup! I’m a bit annoyed that they’re not giving away the good shit, but hey, free mascara is free mascara, right?

  19. I’m gonna make some Obama logo donuts for inauguration day, but I just need to find a gluten-free donut for my BFs sis.

  20. Sadly, my nearest Krispy Kreme is listed as being at the Melbourne Airport, about three and a half thousand kilometres away. Otherwise, I’d be all over Inauguration Baby Doughnuts for Choice.

    I may have to console myself with a steamed pork bun.

  21. If I’d read this before I went into town for lunch, I’d have stopped at Krispy Kreme and bought a dozen for the office. I am utterly gobsmacked. Although deeply delighted that there are real-life baby-flavoured donuts, of course.

  22. All the Anti-Choice people have accomplished with their little scheme is make me want doughnuts. Seriously I have been thinking about them all morning, I really shouldn’t skip breakfast it is so not good for my concentration. Now I have to go buy a box for my office some time this week. I wish our KK wasn’t across town on the busiest street. It takes forever to get to them and then you have to wait in a line of cars just to get close to the building. I probably will not go get my free doughnut tomorrow because it will be extra busy, but sometime this week there will be doughnut eating at work.

  23. Yeah, I unfortunately have no access to a free baby donut tomorrow. Krispy Kreme donuts are sold in my town, but they’re sold in the little boxes of six at Walmart.

  24. Eh…those boxes from Walmart don’t taste like real Krispy Kremes. You have to get them fresh of the line. Maybe I can get my husband to stop for doughnuts on the way home…

  25. See, now, I don’t even really like Krispy Kremes all that much, as donuts go. I got spoiled, living close to Sweetwater’s, which is the Holy Grail of All Donuts. Not-glazed, cake-style donuts in all kinds of wonderful flavors, with frosting on top… that is what a donut SHOULD taste like.

    But this? This makes me ready to drive right up to good old Krispy Kreme and tell them I want my delicious abortion donut and I want it now.

    And if they were REALLY supporting abortion (or hell, even just people’s right to make choices about their lives in general), they would have my loyalty for life.

  26. Right, I’m stopping in for doughnuts on the way to work tomorrow. And I don’t even like Krispy Kreme that much (I did in the States, but they don’t use the right sort of babies in the UK).

  27. I’m diabetic and have pretty much given up Krispy Kremes (as an alternative to going blind and losing kidneys and feet), but dang it, tomorrow I’m getting up early and buying a dozen to bring into my office JUST TO SPITE THEM.

    Good grief…

  28. Yes, I think this the American Life League is overreacting and would have been better off not to take this particular bait.

    But bait it was. The doughnut people said they would be “celebrating freedom of choice” through this promotion in their own press release. I know the PR biz, and there is no chance on earth that Krispy Kreme didn’t understand the baggage that is attached to that particular turn of phrase.

    I might also mildly point out that the obfuscation of the “plain English” word “choice” came from the pro-abortion side (I say “pro-abortion” and “anti-abortion,” not the smokescreen terms chosen by the combatants). And I might also say that nobody here would have any difficulty understanding what was meant if someone were to state that they’d like to “celebrate freedom of choice” in any other context.

    And, with that, Tuxer bows out. This is not a very welcoming forum (using “not very welcoming” in the sense of “openly hostile”) to people of my political and religious beliefs — nor, indeed, does it have any obligation to be. Best to all; there is much worthwhile to be found here, but no longer for me.

  29. Aw man… damn my living in the UK! Abortion doughnuts sound DEEELISHUS! Perhaps I’ll make some up at home, add little marzipan or icing foetuses to stuff in with the jam filling and take them to work or something.

  30. Actually, Tuxer-pie, I had no idea “freedom of choice” was a phrase exclusively intended for use in the issue of womanly bodily autonomy. I had to have it spelled out for me in the article. But then again, you must be one of those people who believes nobody should make their own choices (unless they’re in line with what YOU would choose), and then blames your narrow-mindedness on your religious and political affiliations. Awww. As SM said, don’t let that door smack your tush too terribly hard.

  31. Bunny Mazonas, if you do this (and please do) I want to see pictures.

    Jam in the baby donuts is the BEST idea ever… and jeeps do I ever want a strawberry-filled donut now…

  32. So to appeal to the other side of the debate:
    Dunkin Donuts… because life begins at confection!

    Ok, I totally stole the phrasing from the original article’s letters.

  33. And, with that, Tuxer bows out.

    But not soon enough. As if we needed more proof that “pro-life” is really anti-choice.

  34. Yep, I’m going to a completely unaffiliated store tomorrow to get a doughnut. Because of this.

    Also, Mimi, I think I hurt myself laughing at “life begins at confection.”

  35. Once again proving that there is a lolcat for every occasion:

    Is there no end to their wisdom?

    This is totally off-topic and a bit out there, but Heidi of The Sugar Monster needs help big-time. She did a guest post a few months ago about WLS. I feel weird about mentioning this because I don’t know her and I only lurk at her blog, but she needs help, period, so there’s no point in being delicate.

    Here’s her blog. There’s a paypal button.


  36. “freedom of choice”

    Besides which, Tuxer, the press release never said “freedom of choice”. It said “doughnut of choice”. As in, whatever kind of doughnut you would choose to get. Sheesh. Ignoramuses.

  37. Wait, calling the legalized-abortion side of the debate pro-choice is obfuscatory compared to calling it pro-abortion? I’m confused, because here I’ve had two kids, never had an abortion in my life, never intend to. So I’m pro-abortion? I’m anti-forced-pregnancy if you prefer, but pro-abortion is at least as coded a term as pro-choice, if not more so.

    Damn, I wish I didn’t loathe KK donuts. Because I’d totally go buy some tomorrow otherwise.

  38. Tapetum – Bingo!
    That’s the term I’ve been looking for. Now I can start telling people I am “anti-forced pregnancy”.

    It’s almost cooincidental that this came up just as I am starting prenatal care for my own pregnancy… with a midwife. The organization I’m going with is the Center for Humane Options in Childbirth Experience. Acroynm- CHOICE. I am pro all choices in regards to pregnancy, mine just happens to be the choice to give birth at home.

    I do wonder how many people note that there is a center downtown where a lot of pregnant women go that is called CHOICE and make the wrong inferrance.

  39. Oh, good grief.

    Nothing annoys me more than people who storm into the kitchen, turn up the heat, and then declaim the hotness of said kitchen while “bowing out.”

    I’m pretty sure I’m not the most liberal person in the comments thread, and I admit to being a particular stripe of Christian. (I admit, I’m not on the conservative end of the faith.)

    But you know? Learn to self-differentiate. Learn to own your values with dignity wherever you are.

    Because playing the kicked pup in mixed company is a cheap shot.

  40. I had some frozen abortion doughnuts in my freezer, so got one out and had it with my coffee this morning while watching the new prez on tv. \o/

    Yummy! And the doughnut wasn’t bad either.

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