I’ll drink to that

After spending the weekend playing Bingo*, and unrelatedly being in a bit of a funk due to one of those unpredictable dips in serotonin, I’m about ready to do some serious thinkin’ about drinkin’. I’m not a big drinker, but we have a large bottle of Wild Turkey at home, purchased so I could make hot toddies when I was sick, and a bottle of red wine from Christmas. In practice, I’ll probably avail myself of those. In theory, though, I think it would be nice to have a signature shot that Shapelings can turn to when the bigotry gets nasty. There’s no talking to people who are determined to hate, judge, and persecute you because they’re offended by your body, threatened by your happiness, or simply unable to think analytically about societal messages. So you might as well raise a glass instead.

Of course it has to be called the Baby Donut. And by rights it ought to include some of the most indulgent inebriants we can think of. I’m thinking Bailey’s, or possibly Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur which I’ve never had but the bottle is pretty, floated on top of something, with a sugared rim. But what can we float it on top of that tastes like baby? One version of the Test Tube Baby shot has peach schnapps with a drop of grenadine, but if we copy that exactly, we’ve just got a Test Tube Baby, not a Baby Donut. Chambord is an option, for a jelly baby donut, but I can never afford Chambord. That’s the limit of my knowledge, so I hope some of you have bartending expertise to offer!

Also, as an additional question for the non-drinkers and anyone else who’s interested: what do you do when you are blue? Do you subscribe to the idea that there are certain foods that improve your brain chemistry? Do you just go with chocolate, which certainly does? Do you meditate? Take a bath? I’m interested to hear how you repair yourself and rally when you’re feeling down, or under stress, or someone is calling you a hypocrite on the internets, or whatever. Personally, I usually count on exercise for the endorphin spike, but over an hour of dance yesterday failed to improve my mood (this is probably in part because it should have been two hours, but I couldn’t find parking). I’ll probably try again tonight, or go with my alternate approach which is rereading old comic books and light novels, or practice needle felting, which I just learned and which handily involves a lot of stabbing.

*Note to trolls: when we post that link, it’s our way of saying “we have heard all your asinine comments before.” Sing along now: B-O-R-I-N-G, B-O-R-I-N-G, B-O-R-I-N-G, and boring was their complete inability to apply critical thought or at very least come up with new insults!

It doesn’t scan well, but you’ll pick it up eventually.

167 thoughts on “I’ll drink to that

  1. But what can we float it on top of that tastes like baby?

    How about a dollop of French vanilla ice cream?

  2. Ooh, no matter what it MUST have whipped cream on it. AND a sugared rim. Because lord knows, we fatties just don’t know when to stop.

    I wonder if protocol should involve talking about how BAD and INDULGENT it is for at least ten times the amount of time it takes you to drink it?

  3. Hmmm

    Perhaps it should involve a Hazlenut Liquer and a twist of lemon– because what do we do when trolls give us lemons? Make a shot!

    Exercise helps me when I’m feeling down. I usually pop in a aerobics DVD or recently I’ve been Wii Boxing. Taking a walk works too.

    When I’m REALLY pissed, I frantically clean my house.

  4. Not so much on the baby-flavoured theme…(shrug)

    When I’m down I turn on the SAD lamp, cuddle with cats (whether they’re into it or not…sometimes this requires running around the apartment to catch them, which is ridiculous/funny in itself) and watching my tape of the 10 best Buffy episodes. With a cup of decaf with Bailey’s.

    So rather than a shot I’m thinking of a Bailey’s/coffee milkshake with whipped cream. Because it lasts longer.

  5. And a chocolate stir stick. Isn’t there some kind of chocolate-flavored clear liqueur? I’m a red wine drinker, so I’m not sure.

    Anyway, here’s a proposal:

    Baileys on the bottom. Clear chocolate liqueur on top. Dollop of ice cream floats in the chocolate liqueur, then chocolate shavings and a chocolate stir stick.

    Honestly, it kind of makes me sick to think about it, but that’s what Baby Donuts are all about.

  6. Ooohhhh, my hope for a vegan Baby Donut shot is quickly fading. Oh well, here’s my try: How about: Amaretto and cinnamon vodka (to make it taste like a donut), and whipped cream on top, with a sprinkling of cinnamon sugar? I found vegan spray-whipped cream in the store the other day, so that’ll work, though it doesn’t taste that good. Although… you don’t put cream on shots. That would make it one of those insane “martinis” that aren’t martinis at all, that were all the rage a couple of years ago.

  7. Perhaps it should involve a Hazlenut Liquer and a twist of lemon– because what do we do when trolls give us lemons? Make a shot!

    Hee! Actually, the idea came from me suggesting that Kate go drink chocolate cake shots, which are in fact mostly Frangelico and lemon. I didn’t think of such an elegant explanation, though. I was just like “ha ha chocolate cake.”

    Also I am very fond of chocolate cake shots because they are a miracle of chemistry.

  8. What about the Bailey’s and the Godiva, with the sugared rim, and then a handful of Sugar Baby candies dropped in like olives in a martini?

    My go to stress-relieving behavior is a bottle of Cuervo, my beat-up writing guitar (as opposed to my pretty stage guitar), my back porch, and playing raunchy blues and maudlin ballads until the tequila runs out, my neighbors start complaining, or my fingers start bleeding. Good times!

  9. OMG, jelly babies! There have to be jelly babies in it. Can you even still get those?

    Our American readers will be in trouble, mind you.

  10. well, as far as what I do when I feel blue (rhymes ftw) it mostly involves music. a lot of f*cking music, because I am a floating quarter note on the music scale of life

    /psychospiritual babble nonsense

    but for real, I turn to music. it makes me feel better. never been one to drink much, and I only have a drink when I’m in a really great mood. I’m talking “no work for a week WITH pay and a marathon of trashy reality tv” great.

    oh…that reminds me…trashy reality TV makes me feel so much better. honestly. I love it.

    I have NO shame! I refuse!

  11. Oh yeah, I did notice yesterday that when the Pogues came up on the iPod, it did a lot for unknotting my brains. Perhaps a concentrated dosage of Rum, Sodomy and the Lash is in order.

  12. Vanilla vodka, Frangelico, and Bailey’s, topped with whipped cream and a dusting of powdered sugar.

    When I’m down I nap. Not a depressed kind of sleep, where you’re not tired but can’t get out of bed, but a nestle into the down pillows and watch the light flicker through curtains with a light breeze and dream a sweet dream kind of sleep. It is always very healing and calming to me.

  13. I think I like Linda’s best so far. (Let’s put a Jelly Baby in it if one is available, though.)

  14. When I’m down I like to nest with a pile of books and/or magazine and a cup of tea. I especially like gardening books in the winter.

  15. What about a single sugar baby atop the whipped cream? The brown sugar would go better with the frangelico, don’t you think? Unless the jelly baby is actually shaped like a baby. That would probably be ideal.

  16. what do you do when you are blue?

    I tend to wallow in it for a while and just kind of ride it out until I can get my perspective back. Sometimes, the only cure is an ugly, ugly full-snot cry. Just getting rid of all the emotional vomit. Talking to someone (either IRL or online) who can distract me with anything also helps, as do games that require me to strategize somewhat (like Boomshine or solitaire). It takes me out of my head and by the time I get back into it, whatever’s biting my ass has generally passed.

    Eclairs or anything that’s custard-filled…not too shabby in the helping department, either.

  17. Well, as a non-drinker, when I’m blue I start crying hysterically, run home, throw all the lean cuisines out of the freezer onto the floor, grab an entire container of mint ice cream and a spoon, sink to the floor in a puddle of tears and dribbling ice cream, yell at a 9 year old, and accuse my mother of making me fat.

    Hey, who else watched Queen Sized over the weekend?!?!

  18. I have tried jelly babies and they are gross, especially the licorice ones.

    When blue I tend to retreat into the world of books, or maybe take out my frustrations on pixelated demons in a good computer game.

  19. I have tried jelly babies and they are gross

    Oh bah. Well, it could be like a garnish that you don’t eat.

  20. Whenever I want to get my redonkulous, calorie laden drink on, I go for a White Russian! The milkshake of alchoholic beverages! But mostly I LOVE filthy dirty martinis. There’s a martini for everything.
    Baby Donut Martinis all around! :)

  21. I like the shots, they all sound kind of grossly sweet… but that’s kind of the point huh?

    When I’m stressed… I chain smoke and drink “vodka tonics” (really VODKA and a splash of tonic). Maybe not very healthy… but definitely effective :D

  22. Alas, my body doesn’t do well with the alcohol (is it medically possible for a hang over to last more than two days?) so lately to beat the blues I’ve been re-reading books I loved as a kid … like To Kill a Mockingbird or A Wrinkle in Time. And lately the movie “Once” has been floating my boat and running continuously in the upper left-hand corner of my laptop … and the fact that “The Wire” is back on makes me swoon (though it’s the final season :-( )

  23. When I am sad…I smoke a lot, like lexy does. But I also like to watch a favorite movie that makes me sad and happy at the same time, like Eternal Sunshine or Harold and Maude.

    And nothing helps like shiraz helps.

  24. Well, being an allergic-to-alcohol pregnant lady, I can’t really give any help on the Baby Donut.

    However, I can say that I often turn to ridiculous web surfing about favorite TV shows (OK, really, it’s only Buffy, but I don’t want to seem single-minded) when I start to get a funk on. Once I start spending some time on the James Marsters fan sites and Whedonesque, things seems somehow better.

  25. Often sleep is the great equalizer. The bf has gotten me to reading in the bathtub with the faucet dripping, which is quite calming. Or I drink a nice cup of tea. Sometimes I dance like a crazy person or work on a spontaneous creative project. I find that I’m giving myself neck massages more and more. The more strategies, the better.

  26. When I get down I smoke, but not cigarettes. And then I’ll usually have some quality snuggle time with my cats or my dog (or if the cats are feeling REALLY adventurous, both.)

    Sometimes the bestest thing is quality time with a good friend. (Human or other)

    As for the baby donut shot, I would take some babies, and some donuts and then put them in a blender……

  27. Oh, that reminds me, a seven-year-old told me some great jokes this weekend.

    What’s red and green?
    A donkey filled with pastry in a blender, nine days old.

    What do you do when a hawk with legs and claws comes?
    Grab the blender and say “Barbara, it’s time to cook this turkey!”

    There were other jokes, all involving blenders, but those were the best.

  28. My time-tested pissed-off-or-stressed cure: exercise, followed by the longest, hottest shower I can stand, and then several hours of sex.

    Then I pass the fuck out.

  29. But what can we float it on top of that tastes like baby?

    I’d just like to declare that the best question ever asked on this blog.

    I’m really confused about what’s actually going into the Baby Donut at this point. We might need to come up with a few recipes and take a poll. But here are a few thoughts.

    1) I’m thinking I like Lu’s basic recipe — “Amaretto and cinnamon vodka (to make it taste like a donut)” — for being the most donutty. I suppose something chocolatey is just as good, but seriously, as much as I love Frangelico and Bailey’s and whatnot, they don’t strike me as donutty. (Though maybe those are meant to supply the BABY flavor.)

    2) Having said that, somehow involving elements of the “test tube baby” recipe, to reinforce babiness, could be good.

    3) Sour patch kids definitely work in citrusy drinks, as I learned at one of my favorite bars in Toronto. But in most of the drinks suggested here, I’d have to go with the chocolate babies.

    4) Many of these do sound more like blank-tini recipes than shot recipes to me, and I’m totally okay with that, since I actually prefer blank-tinis to shots. So, if Fillyjonk will allow me to change the rules, I say it’s fine to think in terms of a Baby Donut cocktail OR a Baby Donut shot, depending on your particular expertise.

    That is all. For now.

  30. When I get depressed, I clean my house and throw a bunch of stuff away. Well, I Freecycle it, but still. If that doesn’t work, then I find something funny to watch or read, accompanied by a Diet Dr. Pepper and a bowl of popcorn with white cheddar seasoning. Mmm…popcorn and white cheddar…

  31. Oh, the Godiva liqueur is to DIE for. (Regular, I don’t know what the white chocolate tastes like.) I had some over Christmas break and it was all I could do not to wrest the bottle from the hand of my host and run off crooning “My preciousssss….”
    But maybe that’s just me.

    I’d say the rim also has to have sprinkles, if it’s named after a doughnut. :) (Ok, seriously? The spellcheck here didn’t underline it as donut, but it did when I spelled it correctly?)

    My stress cure is a long, hot bath, reading Little house on the prairie or something else escapist and easy. And/or a nap.

  32. I suppose something chocolatey is just as good, but seriously, as much as I love Frangelico and Bailey’s and whatnot, they don’t strike me as donutty.

    I don’t know, when I think of donuts I think of chocolate donuts.

  33. Kate, yeah, I was definitely thinking that it was turning into a babytini. So yes, as long as we’re still in the brainstorming stage, don’t restrict yourself to shots.

    Frangelico doesn’t seem very donutty until you remember that it’s the primary ingredient in chocolate cake shots! And it does taste generally rather dessert-y. And I don’t know that Amaretto is technically a donut flavor either. But, again, brainstorming.

    I do wholeheartedly support the sprinkles idea.

  34. yuck, frothy drinks. I’ll just have single malt on the rocks if you don’t mind.

    When I’m down, I tend to wait it out because most of my down-ness lately has been hormonal in nature (impending menopause) and the PMS has been brutal.

    But other than hormonal, good music, singing, making music, watching a favorite movie while doing some knitting or spinning, those things do wonders.

  35. What I do (since I’ve especially low alcohol and drug tolerance):

    1) Cry buckets.
    2) Seek out long snugglehugs from local human and felines.
    3) Write in my journal at whiny length about how unfair everything is.
    4) Re-read one of my Tortured Musician Biographies so I can remind myself, “Well, at least I didn’t wind up like THAT.”
    5) Nap.
    6) In cold weather, bake cookies; in hot weather, go for ice cream.

  36. And I don’t know that Amaretto is technically a donut flavor either. But, again, brainstorming.

    Naw, it was more the cinnamon (which would blend well with Amaretto) that got me, cause it reminded me of the stale, sugar-covered cinammon donuts that would be served with apple cider at every church function of my youth and many school functions.

    Agreed that Frangelico tastes generally desserty, and it’s one of my favorites. But as always, I am too goddamned literal (seriously, ask my sister J. about this), so I’m killing myself trying to figure out what the basic flavor of, like, a French Cruller (which I think of as the Standard Donut) really is, and how to replicate it with alcohol.

    I am not quite relentlessly literal enough to try to figure out what babies taste like. But don’t think I didn’t consider it — AND try to figure out if there’s a liqueur that sort of has a baby powder aroma.

  37. All right, I just looked up French Crullers and discovered that, as I expected, the recipe is pretty much fat, sugar, and vanilla.

    So now I’m voting for vanilla vodka as a base. Perhaps with Goldschlager.

  38. In Patrick Susskind’s novel, “Perfume” (which you simply must must MUST read), a baby’s smell is described as being sort of like caramel, with a little salty tang. So what about some kind of caramel flavored liqueur? Or the caramel syrup you can get to serve in coffee? Or caramel sauce, like just a tiny little dollop on top or in the bottom?

    And answering an earlier question, creme de cacao is a clear, chocolate-flavored liqueur.

  39. caramel, with a little salty tang

    I LIKE IT.

    Mostly because I like caramel. And now I’m picturing something that tastes sort of like Starbucks cinammon dulce de leche thing, only boozy.

    Except, I don’t really like that drink so much. It’s just such a good CONCEPT.

    Maybe I need to get over the cinammon thing. Vanilla and caramel is a delightful combination.

  40. To combat the blues or in the words of Ms. Golightly, the “mean reds”? Red wine and a mini cigar, preferably outside on my porch.

    Also, I feel like the Baby Donut could contain Tequila Rose… creamy strawberry-flavored pink liquor is usually a good call.

  41. As I have mentioned previously, I am a card-carrying donut lovin’ fatty so I think this drink could go a lot of ways. However, I am liking the Frangelico or amaretto or vanilla base, either one of those plus the cinnamon vodka, to give it that “baked good” flavor. And when I think of donuts, one of the kinds that immediately comes to mind are those fresh fried cake donuts usually found at small local bakeries, with various irregular protuberances of batter, having a slight cinnamon-y flavor (maybe this is just from being near the cinnamon donuts, who knows) and spread with thick, fudgy chocolate frosting.

    So my vote is, take the “baked good base” described above, float some chocolate liqueur on top (to represent the frosting) in a martini glass with multicolored sprinkle rim (car, IMO that is the best idea ever), garnish with a chocolate baby or sugar baby on a swizzle stick, and there you go.

    I would probably actually like this drink, FYI…

  42. I’d be on board with a vegan shot/drink, too, Lu. But I am disappointed to hear that the vegan whipped “cream” isn’t very good. How disappointing.

    But caramel, cinnamon, and amaretto might be good.

    As for what I do? Good book, hot bubbly bath, brandy, bed. If I can do that after hammering something or even shoveling the snow, even better.

  43. Carbohydrates are essential for serotonin production, so carb-rich foods might help. Whenever I notice myself in an unreasonably bad mood my first thought is, have you been eating and drinking enough? and the answer is often no, so I’ll have a bagel or muffin or something and a big glass of water. I get SO cranky when I am dehydrated.

    When I am sad but not irritable, I tend to kind of go with the sad thing until it’s worked out of my system. I’ll watch a movie or listen to music that makes me cry. I often feel better after a good cry, though the key is that I am crying about someone other than myself. The Joy Luck Club and Boys Don’t Cry are standbys.

    In either case, re-reading my favorite young adult fantasy novels is often very soothing. The Dark is Rising series, The Last Unicorn, the Earthsea books, Ella Enchanted.
    If it’s time for the big guns, I’ll pull out Watership Down and reread it for the 8 millionth time.

    I suppose gingerbread men are only available seasonally and not likely to be any more convenient than jelly babies for the drink.

  44. Whee! I think we’re getting close.

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE the sprinkles idea, except sprinkles have a pretty distinctive taste (imo), which might not blend well with some of the suggested ingredients (caramel, cinnamon).

    Without sprinkles, I’m thinking vanilla vodka, Amaretto (which I’ve decided is donuttier than many other liqueurs), a drizzle of caramel syrup on top (for that baby flavor), sugar rim, and a Sugar Baby dropped at the bottom.

    With sprinkles? I’d probably go for a straight vanilla and chocolate combo.

  45. I just reread Watership Down like last month! I had to buy it again because I don’t know where my copy from fourth grade is. Goddamn that is a good book. It’s like Sesame Street — great for kids, but with whole other layers of nuance and reference for adults.

    Eating lunch improved my outlook slightly but gave me a stomachache, which is always a pitfall of that approach for me.

  46. Well I asked my husband, who is a former bartender, how he would make a donut-flavored drink. This was his response:

    well, since I prefer glazed, bready style dohnuts I’d probably start with irish cream, add a bit of frangelico and an equal amount of milk or half n half to the two liquors

  47. Could you add a shot of cream to the amaretto/cinnamon schnapps thing for the babiness? (It sounds gross, but so did a Brandy Alexander before I tried one.) Or perhaps shape the whipped cream on top into a pacifier/bottle nipple shape?

    When I’m blue, I go for spicy food to perk me up. Sometimes, I can actually feel the squirt of happiness entering my brain.

  48. prefer glazed, bready style dohnuts I’d probably start with irish cream, add a bit of frangelico and an equal amount of milk or half n half to the two liquors

    Okay, we’re getting places here. What about this as a base, and then sprinkle options like cinnamon sugar, brown sugar, chocolate power, or coloured sprinkles?

    And a Cream-filled Baby Donut would be the above but with whipped cream.

  49. Dang. I don’t even like most of the ingredients, but I’d love to go to a bar and order a Cream-filled Baby Donut.

  50. I think I’d go with citrus vodka, creme de cacao, and maybe Frangelico, although historically my attempts to create mixed drinks have been abject failures. The thought of Amaretto AND caramel syrup in combination makes my teeth ache but I’m not big into really sweet drinks, generally.

    When I’m stressed and blue, I will go to the zoo and watch the otters frolic or drink coffee with Amaretto in it (speaking of) and watch some comfortable TV shows or movies (Arrested Development, BSG, Firefly usually do the trick).

  51. True story – at 25 I’d never tried a White Russian. I was browsing through a Ladies Home Journal at the local library and found it listed as the most fattening drink out there. That alone made it worth trying.

    You have to put heavy cream into the recipe for the Baby Donut. It’s even better than icecream. I’m going to go with:

    White Godiva mixed with Stoli vanilla on bottom
    Layer of heavy cream
    Bailey’s carefully blended into top in donut pattern
    Cinnamon sprinkles and chocolate drizzle

    Used to drink heavily when I was stressed or depressed – but that wound up not working out so well. Nowadays I go to an indoor track and hammer out 6 or 7 miles as fast as I can until I can’t walk straight. Life was simpler in my 20s and 30s. Oh well…

  52. there’s these, which are sort of amazing and disturbing all at once.

    and 4th grade was the first time I read Watership Down, too. The only reason my copy is still holding together is because I put contact paper over the cover.
    I wrote a book report on it in 5th grade basically gushing about how much I liked it, and then my freshman year of college I wrote a paper on imagery of exodus and the promised land in it for a religious studies class.

  53. Watership Down — all things at all ages! I just noticed your spamtrap email, speaking of which. Hee!

    We played rabbits a lot in fourth and fifth grade, that’s how I know I was obsessed with it then. It was nice to reread it and find that it still holds up when you’re older than eight.

    I hadn’t actually thought about the exodus imagery; I was envisioning a paper comparing it to the Pilgrim’s Progress. There probably is one already.

    And those lollipops are terrifying.

  54. for me, showers make everything better. and if a lonnnnng hot shower doesn’t turn the day around, next up is children’s/young adult lit (harry potter, the golden compass series, lemony snicket, etc) accompanied by hot tea with milk and sugar.

    for days from hell, live music and whiskey does the trick!

  55. When I’m blue, I admit, I smoke a lot of pot.

    How is the “chocolate cake” shot made? Frangelico, what sort of lemon, and what else now? I am intrigued.

  56. Those recipes sound delicious – I definitely like the sound of Bailey’s and a sugared rim. Along these lines, I just found this recipe for a Jam Doughnut:

    2/3 oz butterscotch schnapps
    1/3 oz Bailey’s® Irish cream
    1 dash grenadine syrup

    Pour the butterscotch schnapps into a shot glass, and float the Bailey’s Irish Cream on top of the schnapps. Pour the grenadine through the Bailey’s Irish Cream so that it sinks into the butterscotch schnapps, hence resembling a jam doughnut. Serve.

    Since I have no idea what a baby tastes like (ewww!), I don’t know how to make it baby-flavored – but maybe we could just throw in some chocolate instead (since we all obviously eat that all day long, too!).

    As for what I do when I’m feeling down – I tend to hole up at home with a good book and some mellow music on the stereo, and yes occasionally some comfort foods – chocolate, red wine, and/or something starchy, usually involving rice or potatoes.

  57. Kate, it could be chocolate jimmies instead of the rainbow kind?

    That never even occurred to me. Duh.

    I’d probably start with irish cream, add a bit of frangelico and an equal amount of milk or half n half to the two liquors

    Okay, we’re getting places here. What about this as a base, and then sprinkle options like cinnamon sugar, brown sugar, chocolate power, or coloured sprinkles?

    And a Cream-filled Baby Donut would be the above but with whipped cream.

    Sniper, I agree that we’re getting somewhere! And I like the different sprinkle options!

    We would still need a vegan baby donut alternative, though. Vegans, keep working.

  58. I don’t know about you, but here we have a drink called Dooley’s which is toffee liqueur. Drinking it is… well, like drinking liquid toffee. Liquid toffee with the ability to get you really, really drunk.

  59. Liquid toffee with the ability to get you really, really drunk.

    I have fantasized about this since I was a little girl.

    (And that’s what I discovered and linked to above. Must go buy.)

  60. Just a collection of short responses to points made above: Yan, you and I can have the vegan Baby Doughnut. Let the others have their fun, lol. I don’t like things that are too sweet, so I’m thinking 2/3 cinnamon vodka, a dash of amaretto for flavor, and a powdered-sugar rim. I can attest to the fact that doughnuts taste like cinnamon because there’s cinnamon in them–I made them in home ec class in junior high. Wow, they were good, and I don’t even like doughnuts that much. (OOPS! Am I banned?) They also have nutmeg, which, now that I think about it, should probably also be in there. Maybe on the sugared rim.

    I don’t have any method to deal with the blues. Sometimes I give in to it and collapse in a heap, other times I drink (which is not too effective as it makes me feel even more depressed the next day), or call people and bleat for support, or lose myself in a movie or a book. Exercise is great for interrupting moods and making you forget about what you were so upset about, at least for a little while.

  61. Uh, I guess if I’m going to specify “2/3 vodka,” I would have to also specify another 1/3 of something. So, read “1/3” for “a dash” above. Or maybe 3/4 and 1/4, respectively.

  62. I deal with the blues by sleeping. I take a nap, and then what was bad was before sleep, and now it’s after sleep, so there’s a disconnect and I can get on with my life.

    I usually have a big glass of chocolate milk and listen to angry music first, though. And sometimes I write and angstfest blog post.

  63. I don’t even like doughnuts that much. (OOPS! Am I banned?)

    Well, I dunno, how do you feel about gourmet babies?

  64. Some of the bars around here are using hazelnuts as garnish (not a fan). We could just use nutmegs. Whole ones. You’d not eat it (ick), but it would add some flavor to the drink. I like it, especially the powdered sugar rim. I haven’t ever had cinnamon vodka, but I’m game, and it sounds much less sweet than some of the other baby doughnut drinks.

  65. Oh my god, I can’t believe I didn’t mention the world’s most powerful antidepressive agent: Jeeves and Wooster. Sweet Machine discovered this and got me the first season for my birthday so I could share in its power.

  66. buttercup, I like your style! I like my booze to taste like booze (but I’ll make exceptions for mudslides, lemon drops, and buttery/slippery nipples).

    When I’m down, I simply give myself permission to not be ok by not trying to make myself feel ok.

    Sometimes, I just take things easier than I usually do. Sometimes, I wallow and have a good cry. Sometimes, I take a mental health day off from life and just do nothing planned, which usually turns out to be lots of cuddling in flannel and sipping hot tea while reading or watching anything written by Joss Whedon on DVD.

    My key to feeling better is really just to let myself feel what I am feeling and not make apologies for it or try to explain it or think too much about it. However, my emotions tend to run their course quickly and I’m not prone to depression, so I don’t know how well that would work for people who are.

    The best thing is simply to know what your most basic needs are and make sure you are filling them. For me, feeling low is often my body’s most effective means of letting me know that I need to rest emotionally/mentally as well as physically (though I really do suck at resting mentally.)

  67. I like to play with my cat and dog when I feel depressed. They don’t judge me, they love me unconditionally, and they remind me to slow down and enjoy things.

  68. filly and kate, so cute. I like babies if they’re vegan–no animal exploitation allowed in the growth or processing of the babies. Babies are by definition a gourmet food–difficult to obtain, high-prestige items. MMMmmmm. Roll ’em in powdered sugar and nutmeg, and you’ve got yourself a fabulous prestige snack.

    BTW, on a side note, where did the “baby doughnut” idea come from in the first place. I know we all do nothing but eat doughnuts on the couch all day while watching Jerry Springer, but where’d the baby part come from?

  69. Oh, the baby thing is because we’re evil and inhuman.

    Jill, good idea! Kate and I handled a little of the emotional fallout from yesterday by just saying “DOGS!” at each other for a while. And coincidentally, yesterday I had my volunteer orientation for the local humane society. Once I’m trained, I’ll get to actually just hang out with dogs for a couple of hours whenever they need me/I want to.

  70. Lu, if you’re interested in the whole baby donut story, I just told it toward the end of one of the last few threads. I’m too lazy to look for it, but maybe you’re not.

    And yeah, it’s pretty much that we eat donuts because we’re fat, and babies because we’re evil. Baby-flavored donuts fill all our needs.

  71. Eddie Izzard said babies taste of chicken. Not sure how to work that into an alcoholic beverage, though. Actually, I’m not much of a drinker, and doughnuts give me heartburn. Also, not really a fan of babies much. When I’m down, I like to:

    1) Get in the car and drive around aimlessly (and far in excess of the speed limit) for at least an hour or two, with music blasting on the stereo so I can sing along and pretend I’m the girl version of Tom Petty.

    2) Watch Eddie Izzard videos. (Natch.)

    3) Play guitar/sing, which is better with other musicians, and even moreso with a little green herb to share.

    4) Sit on the balcony, stare at the river and smoke filtered cigars.

  72. Depends what the problem is. If it’s stress and anger and I need a safe tension release, then I will go and hit the living daylights out of a small defenceless piece of plastic.

    A ping-pong ball, to be specific. Actually that is not quite the best, it doesn’t have enough weight to hit it hard, you can only hit it fast. It was a lot more satisfying to hit a badminton shuttlecock as hard as you could (which you can do safely in a game of badminton, yippee!), or a tennis ball. But I had to give up badminton and tennis. Nowadays, just my table-tennis buddies get to find out when I’ve had a bad day at work, boy do I get energetic and play aggressively!

    If I’m blue? I’ll play piano. Something sad to reflect my mood. Then when I’ve worked through the mood, I stop, and then go and do something else more fun to lift my mood.

  73. Eddie Izzard said babies taste of chicken.

    Mmmm…. chicken liquer.

    I’m totally a bubble bath whore. When I need to relax (I’m much more likely to be wound up and angry than blue), I head for the tub. I’ve got a bunch of those scented bubble baths from Bath and Body Works, I don’t remember the name of the line but they switch them out seasonally and they’re all modeled after decadent foods? For winter, you get candy cane and chocolate mint and gingerbread,and for summer there’s strawberry margarita, and there’s pecan pie but I don’t remember when they sell those because I bought a trunk load of them some time and am still going through them…

    So, yeah. I take a bath that smells like candy, cookies, or booze.

    @kate

    And yeah, it’s pretty much that we eat donuts because we’re fat, and babies because we’re evil.

    And you said you were lazy in that comment… nice trifecta!

  74. I don’t know much about mixing drinks, but most of these sound pretty damn good!

    As for what I do when sad: call a friend; curl up in my bed and watch “Queer as Folk;” light some candles, pour a glass of wine, and slip into a hot bath (with or without a good book); lay down and cry; try and nap…

  75. (First-time commenter, but I’ve been reading for a while. I do love this blog. )

    I’m not much of a drinker, so I have trouble adding to the Baby Donut cocktail shenanigans, but as for what I do when I’m down, I often come and throw myself at the internet, and frequently this blog. You’d think, given all the sizeist hassle you chronicle here, this would bring me down yet further, but actually it makes me think, entertains me (not the hassle itself, but your responses) and reminds me that other people have bad stuff to deal with too.

    And then I call my girlfriend. That usually helps a lot :)

    (PS. Fillyjonk, where/from what book/person dd you learn needle felting? I have just bought the equipment myself, having heard about it years ago and enjoyed making flat felt, but I haven’t traced any good basic instructions.)

  76. Y’all, reading Alexandra Erin’s story is pretty good for stress, too. But bad because it makes you want to make Sims that look like the characters. (And I’ve even got the University expansion pack now. Must…resist…)

  77. I bathe in very hot water when I’m down.

    I just want to say to FJ and SM and KH that y’all have given gifts to me a thousand times over.

    Trolls and attacks get me down, but I just thought that was my own thin skinned neuroses: people whose opinion I don’t respect on any other issue suddenly become experts when talking about my worthiness to exist. Which intellectually I know is ridiculous….

    Anyway. If there’s any of that in you, let it be balanced by the gifts you’ve given. THEY, the venomous hoards, really don’t understand the emotional reality, and so are attacking out of ignorant privilege. Like ignorant privilege everywhere.

  78. Mmm. I suck at inventing drinks, but they sound good!

    As for what I do when I’m blue, Patron is excellent as it makes me both cheerful and drunk. But when that’s not practical, I too am a fan of long hot showers. Probably the most effective thing for me, though, is crafting like a fiend; preferably sewing, as it takes the most concentration and keeps my mind off whatever is bothering me. And as books go, has anyone else read Good Omens? So funny, even after the 234th time.

  79. llamas, Good Omens is totally one of my go-to books when I’m in a funk. That, Hitchhiker’s Guide (any one in the series, or the radio scripts), The Code of the Woosters, and various comics.

  80. @fillyjonk: My story de-stresses you? I’ve had so many people (who apparently like it, anyway) tell me it does the opposite. But I think those are probably the people coming into it from the position of needing some horizons broadened, and I can see how that would be stressful in a good way.

    Anyway, now that you mentioned my story I should probably be all responsible and close my browser so I can actually, you know, write it.

    Sigh.

    I have the greatest job in the world and it still takes both my shreds of willpower to actually do it.

  81. AE, yeah, I find it very engaging without my having to do too much thinking — characters’ motivations are complex but clear, the worldbuilding is consistent, etc. You might have to know for this that I mostly read deliberately obscure postmodern literature. :) Tales of Mu is brainy fluff, and I generally cherish that genre.

    I guess your stressy readers either a) are not totally cool with kinky sex and/or b) have a hard time waiting for the next installment.

  82. Quit drinking years ago. But when I did imbibe & was full of angst, peppermint schnapps & hot chocolate did the trick. Add real whipped cream & chocolate shavings for extra comfort & yum.

    Now I just have a good cry and go online shopping. Ebay sellers, Sephora, & Philosphy love me when I’m weepy.

  83. Squee! fillyjonk, isn’t it the most comforting silly/philosophical book ever? I’m determined to make everyone I know read it too so they’ll get the random references that I constantly have the urge to make.

  84. Oh hey, and taimatsu, sorry it took me so long to approve your comment — I’m kind of shying away from the yet-to-be-approved comments today, though they’ve not been too full of douchehounds. I learned needle felting this Saturday from my friend Jenn. I did then go looking for books and noted that some Amazon reviewers were commenting on the general mediocrity of needle-felting books. But I will tell you the secret of it right now: just stab shit into the shape you want. It’s remarkably difficult to make a mistake, since if things get too flat or small you just add more, and if there’s too much you stab more. So like, if you’re making a hedgehog (I made one on Saturday), you get a large chunk of roving and stab it for a while, and then stab the front for a while so it tapers, and then stab the very tip into a sort of cute nosicle, and then stab some brown onto it. That’s sort of the basic deal. As for tips and tricks, I’m figuring them out myself, but the experimentation is fun.

  85. llamas, it is very nearly a perfect book. And very cinematographic, though I really hope nobody decides to run with that.

    I’m on at least my third copy, because I keep lending it to people.

  86. Tales of Mu is brainy fluff,

    That’s really a great description of how I write it, too. I mean, I put a lot of thought into the characters but each installment’s written in a couple hours on a daily basis, so it stops me from overthinking. Otherwise it would probably be downright impenetrable.

  87. Oh here’s a really stupid thing that I do when I’m stressed… I fantasize about winning the lottery… where I’d live, where I’d travel and with whom, what I would do with my time, etc.

    If you have an active imagination you can spend a really really long time engaged in this activity.

  88. Is there any way the Baby Donut drink could become a dessert? An actual donut soaked in booze (a la tiramisu), topped with boozy whipped cream, sprinkles and one of those astoundingly creepy baby lollipops..Oooo it could be layered! Why stop at just booze when there are more calories to be had? I will clear out some of my VAST Haagen Das supply in order to store Baby Donuts in bulk.

    To answer the actual question, I work out every weekday evening. So it’s not necessarily a conscious thing (working out to improve my immediate mood) but it does have that effect. Particularly since there’s really nothing like working the heavy bag or sparring a few rounds to take all the piss and self-pity and extraneous thought right out of me. If I’m still a bit off after class, I nest with a good YA lit book. Or shows (Frisky Dingo, Firefly or BSG, especially) with the husband. The husband himself is a pretty stellar mood-improving cuddler.

  89. A Baby Donut could also include Galliano. Vanilla always rounds out the flavours and gives that hint of bakery. Or if you wanted to go swank, orgeat syrup (almond rosewater).

    You could you cachaca as the base spirit, too – made from sugar cane and you know how much us fatties love the sugar.

    For stress relief, I make cocktails.

    Medos honey vodka + avocaat or banana liqueur + dark chocolate liqueur’s a good one if you like ’em sweet.

    Decent Irish whisky + blood orange juice + dash of lemon and vanilla if you like it tarty. :)

  90. Jam Doughnut:

    2/3 oz butterscotch schnapps
    1/3 oz Bailey’s® Irish cream
    1 dash grenadine syrup

    Wholly deliciouso, that is my idea of paradise in a glass!

    I have two guaranteed-to-work remedies for the blues:

    1.) If my son is with me then I do crazy kid stuff with him, the more physical the better. Cuddles with him work wonders, too.
    2.) If he’s at his dad’s, I listen to Depeche Mode for umpteen hours (or watch their DVDs – Dave Gahan in motion always makes me feel better) and read either a psychological thriller or one of my stack of art and architecture books.

    Either way, I always come out the other side feeling relaxed, refreshed and ready to deal with life again.

    I’m pretty sure drinking down a Jam Doughnut would make an excellent remedy no. 3!

  91. I am laughing my head off now. I think I’ll need to bookmark this page for future browsing when I’m in a bad mood.

    Uh, I guess if I’m going to specify “2/3 vodka,” I would have to also specify another 1/3 of something.

    1/3 BABY.

    And now next time I start thinking that I need a drink and wonder what it ought to be, I’ll think “and it has to have 1/3 baby”, and everyone around me will think I’m insane.

  92. I think “one part baby” would be even better, since that’s generally how one describes drink recipes.

    Sniper, omg! LA has just redeemed itself. (I’m not a big donut fan, if I get a choice, but a little donut tasting menu actually sounds pretty good.)

  93. Haahahaha.

    Real late to this thread, I see. :D

    La Doughnutte Bebe:

    Coat outside of chilled martini glass with Raw Sugar.
    Add shaved ice
    Add 1 part vodka (Hangar One or your choice)
    Add 1 part Goldschlager Cinnamon Schapps (with gold flecks, bien sur)
    Add sparkly straw

    Toast Shapelings. Sip fast.

    Since I am vodka rocks/champagne/good wine on holidays but don’t imbibe much otherwise (I seem to have left my drinking prowess on my Big Ten school’s campus), for lowcarbers/teetotalers who are nonethless ripe for indulgence, I would recommend the following:

    Pilates private followed by
    Infrared or mineral rock sauna followed by
    New Shoes.

  94. littlem that sounds like the most drinkable recipe yet.

    Far be it from me to start something but…. what about The Morlock? I would love to buy a round of Baby Donuts and Morlocks.

  95. The Morlock! Hm, I feel like it should be green and lumpy. Like, blue curacao, pineapple juice, and a splash of milk. Eew.

  96. redblossom, I am 100% in favor of spinning this off into a dessert. Zingerman’s Roadhouse in Ann Arbor, MI offers a doughnut sundae. It’s the kind of thing that if you order it, there is a good chance that everyone at the table will give you crap over how rich it is and they are sooooooo full it doesn’t even SOUND good (I never figured out what that has to do with me) and how could you possibly consider eating it and etc. etc.

    (If you are my husband’s judgmental coworker you sit there and silently but obviously judge people for eating it even if one sundae is being shared among 8 people [after telling a “hilarious” story the gist of which is how fat women are figures of fun and can never be considered attractive. And I am 90% sure he told the story just because I was there. Not that I am bitter].)

    Moving along, though, the dessert itself has a delicious dense cake donut topped with homemade vanilla bean ice cream, butterscotch syrup, whipped cream, nuts, and a cherry and every component of it is so fresh and delicious. It is awesome. Way I see it, just add some alcohol to that and there is no possible way you can go wrong.

  97. What about something along a cinnamon flavor, with cinnamon sugar on the rim or a cinnamon stick for stirring? That’s donut-y. I don’t know what would go well, Jagermeister or Cinnamon schnapps or something. Then again chocolate is nice. I don’t know, I usually just pour half a mug of vodka and anything I have on hand to mix with it – juice or something. It’s quick and easy.

  98. I’m late to the drink inventing party, but I’d like to point out that Bailey’s has a new Creme Caramel flavor!!! I haven’t tried it yet, but maybe that and some vanilla vodka… mmmmm….

    Usually when I’m blue, I just need some alone-time to veg. This can be surprisingly hard to get even when single and living sans roommates…

    It drives one of my neighbors crazy. She can’t stand being alone when she’s blue and has apparently decided that no one else should be allowed either. So if she thinks I’m blue she will drive me insane with the visiting and the trying to get me out of the house. If I actually am blue — it just makes things worse. I realize and appreciate that she cares, but sheesh.

  99. For me, exercise helps & I do, depending on what the problem is, sometimes clean too. I love to drink tea & eat chocolate & a meal with plenty of carbs is an absolute necessity for comfort. I am also a voracious reader, & I love Terry Pratchett fantasies, Harry Potter, the gothic mystery/fantasies originated by John Bellairs & continued by Brad Strickland, & sometimes cozy mysteries, such as the “Home Repair is Homicide” series by Sarah Graves or the culinary mysteries of Diane Mott Davidson. And quality time with the person I love most is the best cure for anything which ails me, followed by cuddling/playing with my toddler granddaughter.

  100. I don’t know much about mixing drinks , but I do know that whatever recipe decided on it needs to be served in a container big enough to do double duty as a fish tank, cause we have no clue about moderation. lol With a very long straw so we don’t have to move out of our indent on the couch .

    I always thought the baby flavored donuts thing came from the Austin Powers Character Fat Bastard where they took all the stereotypes of Teh Fat and plopped them into one evil villain character who has a taste for Ze bebbeh
    For your viewing pleasure http://youtube.com/watch?v=tTxkJFgPAt4

  101. Well, everyone has different causes for making them feel blue so just because this works for me doesn’t mean it will do squat for anyone else. For me, I get blue and tired at the same time. When I start waking up exhausted I know I need to shift something. I work at the sleep part.

    Fortunately, I don’t have serious trouble sleeping so cutting caffeine completely out of my life for a while and even cutting way back on sugar and white flour helps. I’ve found that making those adjustments, even temporarily (because please, no caffeine?) helps me sleep and lifts my blues.

    Also, if I find I’m dragging (and blue drags itself behind me on that often) then I need to pick up the iron in my diet. Luckily a little spinach or a big steak picks me up within hours. Yay, my favorite cure!

    Oh, and unfortunately, alcohol makes it worse for me. Could be sugars in the alcohol but I don’t sleep well after I drink which always throws my system off.

    Those sound easy so I don’t want to discourage anyone else that might not be helped by these. I just happen to have physiological blues most of the time.

  102. I had completely forgotten that babies smell like caramel. Obviously not baby-powder coated babies (ick) but babies au naturale. It’s true.

  103. I think sampling a cross section of the aforementioned cocktails would cheer me up immeasurably if I was feeling down. Failing that:-

    1) A brisk walk to work up a few endorphins – or – a bounce around the living room to some fave tunes. If I’m feeling cross, as opposed to sad, I listen to a particularly angry Hunters And Collectors song called Tow Truck. Don’t know what the fuck it’s about but it’s the aural equivalent of wrecking hotel furniture and always makes me feel tons better.

    2) Retail therapy. Works for me about 87% of the time – and, if it doesn’t, well, I’ll still be the best dressed sad girl in town.

    3) Father Ted re-runs. Doesn’t matter how many times I see them, they still make me howl with laughter. Fellow Brits will back me up on this.

    4) Buffy re-runs with best girlfriends, during which there will be raucous Spike appreciation; pizza, chilled white wine and valiant attempts to eat our combined body weight in chocolate.

    5) If I’m feeling upset as opposed to angry or sad, I reach for Zen Cat, (as opposed to his brother, Hyper Cat), sit in subdued lighting and stroke until maximum purring ensues, blood pressure drops and splitting headache dissipates as if by magic.

    6) Brazil nuts. They contain tryptophans y’know. Apparently good for depression. So chocolate-covered brazil nuts must be even better for you, right?

    7) I know a lot of folks vanquish the caffeine but IMO the restorative powers of a nice cup of Twinings Earl Grey with a splash of milk cannot be underestimated.

  104. Oh, I am so there with you on numbers 5 and 7, buffpuff.

    I also watch the alarm clock cat animation. Hee.

    When I am very angry, I kick teh husbind out, clean the house while listening to Fiona Apple (When The Pawn; yay mad woman music), open up all the windows to clear out the irritable stale chi, light up some candles, grab a cuppa as described above only with a little sugar, and change out the Fiona Apple for…wait for it…Enya. Can’t help. This music turns me into a happy peaceful panda.

  105. You know, Stirrings has a drink rimmer that they sell for their blueberry pie martini mix that’s like pie crust. I haven’t had it, but I wonder if that would add to the donutty flavor?

    It seems like we’ve got at least three or four really good recipes going on here, either for shots, or phony martinis, or desserts, or all of the above! We need to be sure to put them all together when we’re done free associating. The Shapelings’ Beat-the-Blues Cocktail and Dessert Cookbook!

  106. I’m afraid I stay away from alcohol when I’m just feeling down, as it doesn’t help me much. Although those drinks sound awfully good – I’d just rather have them when I’m in a mood to appreciate them properly.

    What I do depends a lot on the kind of blue. Sometimes I go play Taiko Drum Master or Guitar Hero on the PS2. Sometimes I go read. Sometimes a little retail therapy helps.

    But sometimes I go clean the floors or the bathroom or something. I hate housecleaning, so I figure I might as well do it when I’m feeling lousy, so I don’t have to ruin a perfectly good mood by doing it. And somehow getting those tasks out of the way makes me feel better.

  107. Based on a list of vegan liquor producers from a friend:

    Vegan Jelly Doughnutte Bebe:

    2 parts Ketel One vodka
    1 part watermelon puree, previously frozen
    1 part blueberry puree, previously frozen
    pour in Collins glass
    garnish with white cherry circles and coconut

    Vegan Morlock:

    2 parts Jose Cuervo tequila
    2 parts DiSaronno
    pour over rocks into Collins glass
    garnish with glowstick
    don’t get up

  108. OK, I’m sorry, but I have to add this, though I know it’s in bad taste:

    The Dan Savage Troll:

    1 jigger Bailey’s Irish cream
    1 jigger lime juice

    Drink quickly before the hatred curdles.

  109. 2) Retail therapy. Works for me about 87% of the time – and, if it doesn’t, well, I’ll still be the best dressed sad girl in town.

    Hell yes, you will.

    And that works for me about the same amount of the time.

  110. The Dan Savage Troll:

    1 jigger Bailey’s Irish cream
    1 jigger lime juice

    Drink quickly before the hatred curdles.

    BWAH!

    That’s much more clever than what I would have come up with, which would have been something like “a pint glass of sour mix.”

  111. My next party, I am serving baby donuts. I can’t say I know exactly what will be in them yet, but they will be there, along side baby-shaped cakes and bowls of candy and lard to garnish. Mmmm.
    A friend and I did attempt to make a donut-based drink once. We made a friend buy us fresh krispy kremes, threw them in the blender with chocolate syrup, creme de menthe and milk. It was a little chunky, but not entirely bad. No baby flavour, though.

    When I’m down, we buy good beer, find the most awful, low-budget, trashy horror and/or zombie movies we can (the so-bad-they’re-hilarious stuff), and watch until we either a) get tired and pass out or b) get tipsy enough to break out the camera and make our own movie. I really think we’re onto something with the latter.

  112. The Shapelings’ Beat-the-Blues Cocktail and Dessert Cookbook!

    This rocks so hard.

    Also, Sniper, I would take that doughnut-tasting menu idea over to Wolfgang’s and make a fortune with it, if I were you (which I know I am not). I’ve seen that man on TV with chocolate, and he is a joyous artiste (where I, on the other hand, would probably just end up making a hell of a mess). Are you in L.A.?

  113. OK, I was so focused on content today I didn’t get a chance to squee with approval at the header cartoons.

    Whose genius?

  114. This is not my idea at all! I just posted the link because, godamm, there really are baby donuts.

    I’m in Denver. And I’m almost ashamed to admit that… I don’t actually eat donuts.

    Hangs head in shame.

  115. Other cocktail names:

    The Tub O’ Lard
    Nothing Tastes as Good as This… Tastes
    A Whole New Lifestyle
    Sofa Cushion

    Ooh… actually I have a recipe that we could name “The Sofa Cushion”: Vanilla Coke Zero (I can’t help it — it tastes good!), a shot of vanilla vodka, and a half-shot of creme de cacao. MMMMMmmmmm…

  116. Ooh, ooh, ooh!! You have all **GOT** to go look at these books: Kerry Greenwood’s Corinna Chapman series. Here’s a website
    http://www.earthlydelights.net.au

    I often turn to Kerry Greenwood mystery novels when I’m down. They are fluffy cozies, but they are also smart, fluffy, feminist cozies. The Corinna Chapman ones are about a woman who is gleefully plus-sized, and a baker, with cats and friends and a terrific sex life. There are often recipes.

    Then there are the Phryne Fisher ones are all set in Melbourne in 1929. (It’s *always* 1929, 10 or 12 books into the series.) Phryne is a wonderful character, too. She’s slender flapper-shaped, but she loves her food, and her men.

  117. I just had to share this conversation that occurred after I tried to explain to Dan why I was laughing so hard at “Nothing Tastes as Good as… This Tastes.”

    Me: You might not get it because you’re a guy. It’s a play on “nothing tastes as good as thin feels.”
    Dan: Oh, is it some kind of maxi pad thing?
    Me: It’s a diet thing. You don’t eat maxi pads.
    Dan: Oh, nothing tastes as good as thin feels. Wait, you don’t eat maxi pads?

    Must be nice.

    (Also, who says “maxi pads”?)

  118. Other cocktail names:

    The Tub O’ Lard
    Nothing Tastes as Good as This… Tastes
    A Whole New Lifestyle
    Sofa Cushion

    What we need now is a huge stock of every kind of booze and every possible booze additive, several blenders and a huge kitchen to make and test everything.

    Then we could have combat dance lessons.

  119. I’m in Denver. And I’m almost ashamed to admit that… I don’t actually eat donuts.

    Hangs head in shame.

    Hell, I don’t even eat white flour except in Mama’s pie @ Christmas. (And the gluten-sensitive GI tract makes sure I pay for it for about a week.)

    Boursin? Gruyere? (Not Sure They’re) Virgin Marys?

    What do you all indulge in up in those high altitudes?

    Did you go see the Top Chef finale when they filmed live there? Man, if I lived around there, I might have elbowed someone out of the way to eat elk with the patrons that day.

  120. Nothing Tastes as Good as This… Tastes
    A Whole New Lifestyle
    Sofa Cushion

    *dissolves in helpless laughter*

    DO. NOT. Show those to Paula Deen without getting a residual check FIRST.

    I can haz combat dance lessonz?

    I’m SO in.

  121. One final plug – the final line of Corina’s bio from that website
    “She weighs one hundred kilos, and is never, ever, going to go on a diet.”

  122. What do you all indulge in up in those high altitudes?

    Hmmm. Many people seem to indulge in taking “sick” days off to ski or snowshoe. Also, there are amazing number of garden clubs.

  123. I have a question about something that happened to me:

    I have a friend that I have known since the ninth grade.
    She is thin and comes from a very rich family. Before
    all of this fat hysteria mess started, I never really thought
    how she viewed me in terms of my weight but here’s
    what happened:

    We were at a mutual friend’s party. She knows that I
    have issues with my mom due to my mother’s zealous
    religious beliefs. Well, two things that happened that
    bothered me. One, our mutual friend knows this guy
    that is absolutely gorgeous that I was kind of flirting
    with and when she saw that he was kind of flirting
    with me back, she preceded to tell everyone in front
    of me about my mother. I just kind of played it off,
    not really thinking anything of it but then something
    else happened too.

    There’s this other gorgeous guy that likes her but
    she said that she couldn’t be with him because
    his family didn’t have the right genetics (i.e. his
    family members weren’t attractive enough, some
    of them may have been too fat, etc.). I know this
    is what she meant but my question is: SHOULD I
    STILL CONSIDER HER TO BE A FRIEND?

    It made me rethink of whether or not I need to continue
    a friendship with her? I was just wondering if what
    everyone thought on this . . .

  124. Geez … Sorry to go a little off-topic, but is anyone from New Orleans here or is anyone familiar with the “King Cake” concept? If you don’t know, it’s a doughnut shaped danish-type cake eaten during the carnival season (right before Mardi-Gras) and is traditionally baked with a little plastic baby hidden inside … it’s good luck to find the baby in your piece of cake (though you wouldn’t want to eat the plastic, of course). I love New Orleans.

    http://www.kingcake.com/

    Sorry … on with the baby-tini recipes and names …

  125. One final plug – the final line of Corina’s bio from that website
    “She weighs one hundred kilos, and is never, ever, going to go on a diet.”

    I can’t stop reading her site now! Love it!

  126. And here is why I can’t stop reading:

    You are in the common female position where you have no help, an uncooperative partner whose idea of cooking is called burning pots, clamouring children who all have their own ideas of what constitutes cuisine and limited time. And limited money. You are exhausted by working and doing all the housework, shopping with a car load of screamers, hauling bags of groceries into the house to be laboriously unpacked under the eyes of teenagers so bone idle that they can’t get up off the sofa and help. And in any case they can’t hear you because they are plugged into a perpetual Ipod.

    You might be excused if one night you just added finely chopped deadly nightshade to the beef stew and watched them all roll on the ground in well deserved agony. Some women have actually taken this unfortunate course. From their prison cells, they speak highly of arsenic and weedkillers. But most of us will find ourselves unable to obliterate our nearest and dearest, however much they deserve it. And what we will then be very tempted to do is revenge cookery.

  127. ZOMG I missed this entire baby-drinking party because I was writing a paper and NOW I WANT A DRINK SO BAD.

    This is what I get for being in school.

    I looooooooooove the Dan Savage Troll. We probably need a Violent Chancres troll, too, which will consist, of course, entirely of bitters.

    [/rimshot]

  128. Sadly, I have nothing to add to the cocktail creativeness, but perhaps I might share some lulz:
    my (quite thin) husband is wonderful, for many reasons. One of which is that he totally gets FA and even better, has totally caught on to the Shapeling humor culture, to the point where he regularly makes jokes based on running gags from here or making fun of the ridiculousness of BMI, etc. It makes me happy :)

    For example, one night we had ourselves dissolving into giggling fits looking up the body proportions of various types of humanoid creatures in the RPG world he plays and calculating their BMI’s, looking for bragging rights (compared to our own).
    For instance:
    me: “I’m fatter than an ogre!”
    him: “Well, I’m skinnier than a nymph, so there!” etc. ;D
    (all said in utter and complete sarcastic delight, of course)
    This all started because of the following sentence he read “Ogres are a lesser race of giantkin. They stand between 9 and 10-feet tall and can weigh up to 650 lbs. They do this to be lazy and brutish, preferring to rely on ambush and overwhelming numbers in battle.”/ which construction we found so hilariously ridiculous (okay, we might have been a bit overtired, but still) that “to be lazy and brutish” as a reason for doing something has now become a running joke between us, but I digress . . .

    Anyway, bringing this back to the donuts, we were in the grocery store yesterday, and I put a package of those cakey sort of plain donuts in the cart.
    He taps me on the shoulder and stage whispers, in tones of mock horror (he’s very good at those), “but, but, they’re not the right flavor!!! ;) I lol’ed, oh yes I did.

  129. oh argh. I messed up my tags. the italics were supposed to be for the quote only and end where that little slash is. oops.

  130. The Violent Acre:

    1 part bitters
    2 parts arsenic
    Attach to barbell so that it weighs a healthy 88 pounds

  131. One thing nobody mentioned is going to Petco and watching the cage full of budgies. There’s like 30 of them in there and they’re all eating, arguing, playing with bird toys, cuddling, or falling off their perches. They’re hilarious. It’s my anti-drug.

    I also prune the aquatic plants in my fishtank, or look at the pictures in bareroot rose catalogs.

    If I were to make a baby donut…I’d just pipe pastry in baby shapes. If you can do pastry swans, you can do anything.

  132. When I’m sad or angry, listening to sing-along-able music at top volume while unabashedly singing along (super-loudly, of course,) usually works.

    Knitting helps to soothe me, too. Something about that meditative act, putting together an object one loop at a time, helps to unravel my nerves.

    And whenever it’s remotely possible, as much vigorous sex as I can take before passing out in an exhausted, sleepy ragdoll heap. Best. Stress Relief. Ever.

  133. I’m not a drinker. When I’m feeling down, I talk to my df about it, say affirmations, look at lolcats, read empowering things. I might also beg my df to see Enchanted again. Not that he minds. He loves that movie as much as I do. :-)

  134. “O.C., on January 15th, 2008 at 3:03 am Said:

    Other cocktail names:

    The Tub O’ Lard
    Nothing Tastes as Good as This… Tastes
    A Whole New Lifestyle
    Sofa Cushion”

    You. Are. Adorable. LOL!

  135. Way late to the party here, but when I’m feeling down, I take care of myself as if I had a cold or the flu or something. Which is to say, I curl up in bed, watch cheeseball movies of the Zoolander stripe, read old Calvin and Hobbes collections and other childhood books (Roald Dahl and the like), take long baths and naps, eat soup and drink grape juice … basically I mother myself through it.

  136. So, long-time lurker, first-time poster here. Breaking my silence to recommend Ani DiFranco’s Reckoning, anything by Greg Brown, Old Granddad, making soup and eating it, and napping with cats.

    I love this place and I am so happy to have found it!!! Thanks for everything!

  137. It’s the kind of thing that if you order it, there is a good chance that everyone at the table will give you crap over how rich it is and they are sooooooo full it doesn’t even SOUND good (I never figured out what that has to do with me) and how could you possibly consider eating it and etc. etc.

    This kind of behavior is totally code for: GIMMEASPOONNOWIWANTITMINEMINEMINE!

  138. Suzanne –

    Right here, sister! I’m in New Orleans and I just had my first King Cake of Carnival last night – YUM! Okay, it was just Rouse’s grocery-store version, not a Gambino’s (my personal fave) or Randazzo’s, but still – King Cake! Yummmy :)

    Btw, did you know that Tastee Donuts used to make a king cake that was just a giant donut covered with the purple, green, and gold sprinkles and, of course, the baby? I don’t think they make it anymore – they’re using McKenzie’s old (and dry) recipe now – but I think they still sell regular-sized king cake donuts. And yes, they come with “1 part baby” ;)

  139. If there is to be cream liqueurs in this drink, then I’m wholeheartedly voting against Yellowhammer’s suggestion of a twist of lemon, as that will look nasty. Curdled cream liqueur is not decadent.

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