Stolen from Feministe, this totally kills me:
I think I am finally old enough to admit that yes, sometimes, when I was a kid? I would provoke my sister M. until she beat the crap out of me, then go screaming to my mom about how SHE HIT ME!!!!!!, conveniently leaving out the part where I had indeed started it, and did indeed know what I was in for.
In my defense, M. was bigger than me and usually didn’t need to hit me that hard, thank you very much. But in retrospect, I’m willing to admit there’s some possibility that I might have hit me that hard, too.
So as soon as I saw the older kid slowwwwly, deliberately stick his finger into his brother’s mouth, I started laughing, ’cause I knew exactly what was coming. And… yep! CHAHLIE! How dare you chomp down on that finger I just gave you for the express purpose of down-chomping?!? (And I wonder how many times exactly that sort of thing happened between M. and me before I got big enough to start being the one who started it. See, M.? I must have learned it from you! STILL ALL YOUR FAULT.)
The British accent is just the cherry on top. In case our UK readers weren’t aware of this, children with British accents are the cutest thing in the world, because only adults are supposed to have British accents.* I’m pretty sure that’s some sort of natural law, just so you know. I have friends who say they’ve always secretly wanted to adopt a little British boy, just to make him say, “Please, may I have some more toffee?” over and over. I can relate to that.
*For the record, children with pretty much any accent other than a higher-pitched, sloppier version of the standard American/Canadian broadcaster one — including American southern — crack me up. Because I’ve always lived in relatively accent-neutral places in the U.S. and Canada (sure, you can tell I’m from Chicago when I say “hot dog” or “Wisconsin,” and you can often tell I’ve spent half my life in Ontario when I say “out,” but those things don’t necessarily show up in little kids), I’ve never spent much time around children with any other kind. So in my head, only adults have accents other than a basic, flat midwestern one — ergo little kids with accents other than that sound like tiny adults, which is inherently funny.