At a restaurant after finishing my dinner, which consisted of (a genuinely gigantic bowl of) mushroom soup and a salad.
Al: Did you really eat that whole bowl of soup?
Me [horrified]: No! I only ate half of it!
Al: [shit-eating grin]
Me: Oh, I C WHAT U DID THAR! Fuck you.
Al: Tee hee.
Me: Also, of all the foods I have issues about overeating, mushroom soup really isn’t one of them.
Al: Potatoes, on the other hand…
Me: Whole different story.
Al: I still can’t believe you ate that whole potato.
Me: Drop dead.
Al: Potatoes are supposed to be filling.
Me: I was full! After eating the whole thing.
Al [sing-song]: I didn’t eat that much!
Me: You know, it’s entirely possible that you just put way more cheese and bacon and shit on yours than I did.
Al: Possibly more cheese and bacon. But definitely not MORE SOUR CREAM.
Me: It’s also possible that you had a snack that afternoon, and I didn’t.
Al: No, it’s not.
Me: [WTF? face]
Al: I hadn’t had anything else to eat all day!
Me: Oh, why stop there? You hadn’t had anything else to eat all week, had you?