46 thoughts on “Rachel Could Use Some Help

  1. I know this is totally not the point, but after reading all those comments — most of them by men — I really feel good about being single today.

  2. Done and done. I made my point, and now I have to go and meditate or something. The stupid – it hurts my brain!

  3. I know what you mean Tricia…I’m hardly in warrior mode, but commenting over there and knowing, even if I don’t change minds, that they aren’t going to bring me down, makes me feel good.

  4. Isn’t it frustrating that a bunch of anonymous jerks can mobilize on demand?

    Yet heartening that a bunch of Shapelings can, too. :) Things are definitely evening out over there.

  5. reading all those comments — most of them by men

    And yet people will again and again try to tell me it’s women who enforce the beauty standard and the idea that thin =attractive. I mean, obviously women do their part, but men sure as hell do too.

  6. Thanks for the mention, Kate, and thanks everyone for the assistance. It was a bit of an unexpected deluge. I let some comments go that I normally would auto-delete because I think it’s important for people to see the sheer idiocy behind much of the fat-hatred. You know, like telling someone who lost 175 pounds via an eating disorder that I can lose weight if only I dieted, exercised and developed some willpower. Sheesh.

    Anyway, the responses have been largely positive, and many have knocked the fat-haters squarely on their bony, self-righteous asses. Many thanks, all.

  7. I wish I was in Hilary Warrior Mode today . . . and could bring the sass and the smarts and the sound arguments like some of you amazing peeps are doing over there!

    Today all of this just depresses me, though. Seriously, all the cheeseburgers in the world couldn’t put a smile on my face. I feel just like I did when people were fighting over my head when I was a kid, and I hate that because I want to be a grown up and jump into the fray. But I feel like if people won’t respect those who are different from a compassionate/humanistic angle, then I need to fight them with science. And my science knowledge is a little wobbly. What could I bring to an intelligent discussion on the subject?

  8. What kills me is all the “I had this friend who got skinny through…” bullshit. I half expect them to start talking about this dude they knew who woke up in a bathtub full of ice, missing a kidney.

  9. I am in a chatty CherieLaWarrior mood and could be over there all day! But it is cutting into my valuable donut eating and tv watching time.

  10. Oh no, I hate it when I have to use my Sanity Watcher’s points on blogs I actually like! I am glad Shapelings are coming out in full force.

  11. I keep thinking: Where is Beth Ditto now that we need her? Maybe if we chant her name like Beetlejuice, she’ll show up. “Beth Ditto…Beth Ditto…Beth Ditto…” Because, you know, Beth is probably the person who scares Danny boy the most in the whole entire world, even more so than James Dobson or Pat Robertson. After all, most people (especially young people) know those fundie guys are cranks.

    But Dan is in his 40s now and you know what happens to hipsters in their 40s. Young people quit listening to them. And within the next 5 years, a lot more of them will be influenced by Beth and her no-apologies-for-size attitudes than by Dan and his pedal-that-lifecycle-faster-and harder-so-the-boyfriend-doesn’t-skip-out bit. He knows it. And it probably scares the weeniejuice out of him.

    This of course assumes that Beth won’t cave in to Celebrity Wasting Syndrome and start lecturing the whole world about Dieting For Health Health Health. One can never assume that. But she will have made her mark, regardless. Given that, I’d expect Savage to become even more petulant about the issue of weight over time, not less.

  12. I was so inspired by all of that, I wrote a comment and a blog entry. Good distraction from how anxious I am about my afternoon doctor’s visit.

    I am so ready to take heads if anybody gives me grief about not losing weight even though I’m on a corn-free diet (allergy) which means I don’t eat anything that could even remotely be accused of making me fat. Not to mention the daily exercise I do anyway just because it keeps me limber and keeps my circulation circulating smoothly.

    Send the trolls under my bridge. I’ll eat them all and let the billy goats run free!

  13. After using my allotted Sanity Watcher points for the month on those comments I must say: Thank you Meowser! Wenniejuice! I’m in giggle fits.

  14. Read Savage Love.

    I don’t know who his letter-writing emailers are, but I surely would never encourage a gay man to blame his low libido on his spouse.

    But then I have this prissy belief that relationships go through cycles, and that if you’re still in love, you can have gratifying sex with a lover who changes. We have dry spells, yes, but the fire does keep burning.

    Maybe it’s because there isn’t an emotionally stunted man in the equation?

    I say that as a woman in a 13-year relationship with another woman who has gone and done a whole bunch of changing.

  15. Holy shit, Rachel et al. did AWESOME. And isn’t it prescient that I wrote that “everyone’s an expert” post right before everyone descended to tell us about how losing weight is SO EASY because they TOTALLY KNOW A GUY?

    (Answer: No. Something like that would have happened, somewhere, the day after I posted that article, no matter when I posted it.)

  16. OMG. His blog entry and the first three trolls alone used up so many Sanity Watchers Points, I’ll have to avoid my mother for a year to make up for it.

  17. Oh, yes. I do recommend avoiding the commentary at Dan’s site. If it’s any indication of his overall readership, then I’m relieved to consider myself an ex-Savage Love loyalist.

  18. It’s like going back in time. I can’t believe I used to be capable of reading endless stories of weight loss, hoping the ‘secret’ would somehow insinuate itself into my consciousness.
    Man it is tedious beyond belief, wonder if that is why some of us end up depressed, the sheer tedium of the endless repetition of what is essentially a cul-de-sac.

  19. Dr. Lecter would say the Dan’s “revelations” about having paraphrased numerous reader letters to distill the advice he gave to Hawt are like “the obfucations of a bad liar”.

    I think Dan is lying. And not doing a great job of it either. He gave crappy advice and is scrambling to point the finger in a different direction now that public sentiment is going against him. First the fatties are unattractive and our husbands should leave us, now fatties are handing out medicine they can’t take in the form of bad advice?

    I’m not buying.

    And IF he really was distilling the gist of reader’s letters into advice in his column is this something he commonly does?

    If he really did it who did he think he was teaching a lesson to? Did he plan on revealing his game to educate people?

    It stinks of BS.

  20. Ah, man. Sometimes I forget what ASSHOLES most people are. I salute all of you on the blogging front lines!

  21. Dan linked again to it in a separate blog entry. I’m thinking of just shutting the comments down. I really don’t have the time or effort to moderate them.

  22. Augh, Rachel, I’m sorry. Do you have the option of just sending first-time commenters straight to moderation (so people with previously approved comments get through, but drive-by trolls don’t)? I’ve been doing that for a while, and it’s helpful.

  23. Wow. On reading Savage’s follow-up I’m amazed at his naked dislike of women in general. Is this new? I used to read his column fairly regularly and don’t recall him being quite so much of an asshole.

  24. Rachel, you’ve really been subjected to some asshats lately. It’s a shame, especially since your posts are well-argumented and deep, and the idiots just go around spewing obvious clichés. I was going to post in your comments, but I’m not at my best when I get really annoyed, and I’d rather not give that picture of us to the other side. I see lots of calm, collected responses there from others though. Well done.

    I use comment moderation, but then I get very few comments so far, and have only had to reject two (one obvious troll and one that went a little too far in bashing another blogger who attacked me). I hope you find some way to not completely turn off comments. I enjoy reading your posts and occasionally commenting.

  25. Well, Rachel dared to suggest that fat was not a moral failing but a genetic preset that can’t be permanently changed, just like being gay is not a moral failing but a genetic preset that can’t be permanently changed. And that the people claiming a 5-10% “cure” rate for the nonexistent moral failing of being fat are just as reprehensible as the people claiming a 5-10% “cure” rate for the nonexistent moral failing of being gay. (Only they’re making more money.)

    People have been pretty fucking offended at all of these ideas, even though they’re true. Dan’s only offended by the ones that challenge his biases.

  26. And can I just say how much I love it when a thin, upper middle-class, able-bodied, employed white American man gets all huffy because straight feminist fat activists won’t check their privilege long enough to see his “point”?

  27. I’m hoarding Sanity Watchers points, so I think I’ll stay away from Savage’s posts and everyone else’s posts about them except on fat-safe blogs. But it’s probably worth a few SW counter-points to know that most of the people who aren’t haters don’t bother to post, or even to read this stuff in the first place, other than a few itchy-fingered activists like ourselves.

  28. Oh, and FJ, it’s not so much that they claim a cure rate of 5-10%. It’s that they claim the cure rate is only 5-10% because people aren’t trying hard enough.

  29. Oh, and FJ, it’s not so much that they claim a cure rate of 5-10%. It’s that they claim the cure rate is only 5-10% because people aren’t trying hard enough.

    Yeah, man, where have I heard that before?

  30. Augh, Rachel, I’m sorry. Do you have the option of just sending first-time commenters straight to moderation (so people with previously approved comments get through, but drive-by trolls don’t)?

    I do, but I’ve let a lot of people comment whom I would normally delete so I’d have to go back and flag each of them in the comment blacklist and hold filter.

    Man, I managed to piss off the Dan Savage loyalists AND the pro-anas all in the same week. My husband warned me to never say anything against the Trekkies.

  31. Man, I managed to piss off the Dan Savage loyalists AND the pro-anas all in the same week

    Hey, maybe for your next post you should do something on nursing mothers. Or whether or not feminists should wear makeup.

  32. Oh, and FJ, it’s not so much that they claim a cure rate of 5-10%. It’s that they claim the cure rate is only 5-10% because people aren’t trying hard enough.

    Too right. Much better put!

  33. “On reading Savage’s follow-up I’m amazed at his naked dislike of women in general.”

    Exactly, and we think it’s about as ‘cute’ as he does the opinions of his own female readers on gay (male) relationships.

    Is he saying that we shouldn’t judge him by the company that keeps him?

  34. I’m afraid this will put me WAY over my daily Sanity Watchers points limit. But I’ll compensate by dining solely on nice dry Uniform Probate Code provisions. (And potato soup, which I’ve been craving for days.)

  35. I wonder what Savage’s advice would have been if the letter had read something like, “My wife and I have been married for five years, but she’s suddenly lost about 40 lbs, and I don’t find her attractive anymore.”

    Would he have told him, “Tell your wife to eat a sandwich?” Or, “Congratulations!”?

    Not, ZOMG, get that woman to a doctor?

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