Dear Ashley Stewart,
Thank you for existing.
Thank you for starting to offer size 12s, because seriously, your shit runs big.
Thank you for making me giggle every time I drive past one of your locations, because one of the Perfect Skinny Blondes I went to high school with was named Ashley Stewart*, so the idea of a fat girl store named after her pleases me.
Now please, for the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, start selling shit online. I know I was just complaining about Old Navy forcing people to shop online, and I know this request makes me sound like the mother of all stereotypical lazy fat chicks, since you actually have a location three el stops away from my apartment, which even means walking distance when the weather doesn’t suck. But seriously, you guys, it’s 2007. You need to be selling online. I constantly forget you exist, except when I go to the grocery store right across the parking lot from your nearby location, because I do about 85% of my clothes shopping online these days. I would happily send you some money if you would make it possible for me to do that while sitting at my computer at 1 a.m., after I’ve had enough cocktails to convince myself I need new clothes.
As it is, you’re missing out. And that’s not even taking into consideration the 87 gazillion fat girls who don’t live within walking distance of an Ashley Stewart store.
*One of my best friends ended up rooming with her at nerd camp, and it turned out she was really nice, but still, the symbolic value there is precious.