This morning I woke up and discovered we’re out of coffee.

I decided to go about my day anyway and forgot about it.

Then around noon, I had a huge headache, felt all sorts of foggy, and couldn’t stay awake. Took some Advil but couldn’t shake the fog or the sleepies. I posted at Ask the Blondes, but I just couldn’t make my brain work well enough to analyze articles er nuthin’.

It took me like 3 hours to realize that was all because I hadn’t had any coffee. I’m working my way through a 20-oz. cup of White Hen Vanilla Nut right now, and everything is becoming MUCH clearer.

That is so goddamned sad.

And it’s all I’m gonna post about today, because I’m about to go for a walk with Mean Asian Girl and the Mean Whasian Baby, who is already even bigger than this:

(which is killing me), and then Al and I are off to meet Laura and her boy for drinks. I will be bringing Laura my too-small apple-pickin’ skirt, and possibly some other goodies that Lexapro and lord knows what else* have made my ass too big for in the last year. (If you’re a Chicago-area in-betweenie, now is a good time to make friends with me.) And I will be plotting to steal her awesome glasses. And I will be hoping we don’t have to talk much about literature other than Harry Potter, because — apart from being a philistine in general — I am SO BAD about retaining what I’ve read, you seriously would not believe I have an English degree. Even a little baby bachelor’s one. Seriously, every conversation I have about literature goes like this:

Other Person: Have you read ______?

Me: Why yes, of course! I am A Person of Letters, after all!

Other Person: Okay, so you know how when ____ does _____ it leads to ______?

Me:  Um, I know I wrote like 3 papers on it in college, but I actually don’t remember a fucking thing about it. Hey, did you see the new Die Hard?

Laura’s all smart about books and shit. I’m somewhat concerned.

I definitely need more coffee.

That’s all.

*I mean, besides the calories I’m underreporting because I’m a big, fat liar. 

13 thoughts on “Caffeine

  1. I’m re-reading Beowulf, tonight, and then I’m having an in-depth conversation with John Updike about the balance between character and plot in the post-millennial society.

    Yup. Then we may go see Die Hard.

  2. I pretty much don’t retain so I pretty much don’t read. I in fact DO read Harry Potter, but only to like, find out what happens… I don’t remember any of the details. The fact that I read most of your blog most of the time is impressive.

    But I don’t remember movie storylines either. I can see a movie over and over and keep enjoying it because it’s all new to me every time. I swear I am like Dory in Finding Nemo, or like the Memento guy.

    And Kate, I actually got squishy good feelings when I got to the part where you had your coffee and all was once again right with the world and the choir of angels sang their coffee song.

  3. When my mother came to my son’s wedding, she had to go to bed early because she had a headache that was killing her.

    The next morning when she got up, she had a cup of coffee, and (what Roberta said). Between the traveling and the fact that no coffee was served at the wedding (cookout reception), she’d had no coffee since breakfast.

    We only saw her that one night because she had to go home early in the morning, and thanks to the headache, we really didn’t even see her then. So sad. Coffee people, don’t skip your coffee!

  4. I used to retain all sorts of things from books and movies. Then I turned forty. And that was six years ago. My brain, she a sieve. You cannot believe how hard it is to do my weekly movie quiz. I decide to include a movie I’ve seen in the quiz, and then I realize I cannot recall ONE scene from it to describe as a clue. I go through a list of fifty or more movies to get my seven a week.

    But Caffeine Is Good. Caffeine Is Your Friend. Praise Caffeina, Goddess of Alertness! Hail Her Mighty Java Goodness!

  5. I went off coffee a few years back (to save on calories, but continued to gain weight). I used to get major headaches and grumpiness. Now I do tea, and it is not nearly as dramatic if I miss my morning beverage.

    Just a suggestion for those in the mood for fewer side effects.

  6. “*I mean, besides the calories I’m underreporting because I’m a big, fat liar.”

    Cracked me up, Kate!

  7. All you need to remember is that Henry James sucks and D.H. Lawrence sucks worse. Secretly Laura hates all modernist novelists. (Not so secretly, I guess. Actually, I checked and what she said was “all British modernist novelists except Woolf,” so that’s probably more accurate.)

  8. I also found that weaning myself from coffee using black tea helped me manage caffeine withdrawal much better. I’ve never been a five-cups-a-day kind of girl except while writing a seminar paper, but I do need that one crucial one in the morning and sometimes one in the midafternoon to keep me going. Black tea packs a pretty decent amount of caffeine so it suffices for either WakeMeUp Slot, it’s less expensive, and as NameChanged said, it’s easier to miss.

  9. I’m a total caffeine addict. I’m not much on coffee, but I love my sodas. Unfortunately, combined with my genetically extremely soft teeth, it’s giving me major dental issues. I’ve tried the black tea route, and the sweet tea route (I’m a Southern girl, what can I say?), and the coffee route, but I just can’t break away from my delicious morning bubblies.

    Drives my mom crazy; she likes to give me lectures about addiction. I like to tell her that at least I only have one addiction, and it’s both legal and only mildly unhealthy.

  10. Ha!
    (Not about the coffee, but about the “Yes! I am a woman of letters!” line. I’m so with you there, obviously.
    L, J
    PS Down with the moral judgment of Harry Potter readers AND people who forget the plot details of One Hundred Years of Solitude!

  11. Hee… same as some others with the “Yes! I am a woman of letters!” line. Yeah, got the English degree (itty bitty BA here as well), cum laude, Phi Beta Kappa… and don’t even bother to ask me who Gilgamesh’s good buddy was, because like I can remember back that far?

    And the caffeine… goodness, the caffeine! I can’t tell you what I’d be like without it, because this house is NEVER without. They will pry my Diet Coke from my cold, dead fingers.

  12. Heh…same here with the forgetting, except my itty bitty BA is in music.
    I can tell you what year Mozart was born and what year he died, and the same for Beethoven.
    And that’s about it.
    (And yet I still have years to go before my student loan is paid in full…)

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