I have PCOS, very pale skin, and very dark, coarse body hair. I have a full dark mustache, sideburns, chin hair, chest hair, a full treasure trail, ass hair, hair on my hands/feet/fingers/toes, nipple hair, hair on the small of my back, wild bushy pubic hair, big tufted armpit hair, hair all up and down my thighs, AND moles with hairs sprouting from them. I’m hairier than most men I know.

I don’t get rid of any of it. None! It’s all fully grown out, and it’s not going anywhere. I’m also quite fat, don’t wear any makeup, and I have zero problems finding dates. And I’m actually really choosy about the guys I go out with, too.

I’m not trying to brag or something. I honestly believe that unwavering self-confidence is the sexiest thing in the universe. And apparently a lot of men agree. I’m not some unnatural beauty, either. I’m just a human being who’s very comfortable in her humanity. ‘Stache and all.

I completely reject the idea that women aren’t “allowed” to have body/facial hair. I’ll admit it took me nearly 2 years after I decided to stop shaving my body to finally stop shaving my face, but there have been exactly zero negative consequences. The world has not shattered in two. I actually don’t get any more dirty looks than I used to. No one has threatened me with physical violence. No one has stopped being my friend or refused to be seen with me. The hardest part was just blowing through my own anxiety and discomfort.

The guys I date all tell me how sexy they think it is that I carry myself with such confidence, baring all my hair and fat freely. They tell me how proud they are to be seen with me. And, you know, I *feel* sexy. I feel like a whole, natural woman. I actually feel more like a woman with all my hair intact than I do with it all shaved.

When I shave, I feel, well, stripped down. Naked. I feel forcibly subdued and in a state of perpetual worry that I’ll have “missed a spot” or that I have a rogue hair peeking out. Now, I don’t get anxious when people look at my face. I don’t think, “Oh god, maybe they see my whiskery shame!!!” When people look at me now, I find that I just automatically assume they’re thinking, “Damn, what a curvy, sexy, confident woman! Nice lady tickler, too!”

You, too, can get to this point! There’s no special magic to it. I’m not some special, 1-in-a-million case, divinely gifted with the solid brass balls necessary for such an enormously difficult undertaking.

The few people who do give me dirty looks? Fuck em. At least having seen me, they’ll hopefully be more tolerant toward their girlfriends’ (or their own) stray hairs. Because, you know, at least they’re not a yeti like me.

There is one thing that makes me nervous, though. And that’s the idea that people will say, “God, I knew it. Fat girls are fucking disgusting and have no hygiene.” I REALLY do not want my body to contribute to a confirmation bias against fat people. I do not want to make fat people as a class look any worse in the eyes of the public.

So I occasionally get very anxious and start thinking, “If I want people to respect and accept fat people, I should look as perfect as possible! I should be the exact image of feminine perfection, as determined by culture, except also fat! Then they’ll see that fat people can be sexy and accept that we’re not so bad after all!”

You know what, though? No. Because all that would do is contribute to the idea that fat women can be shamed into submission just like “regular” women. I’m sending a much more positive message being out in public shamelessly, furry legs a-kickin’, havin’ a ball.

Anyway, the overall message I want to impart is that it may seriously feel like you CANNOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES have facial/body hair. Because the universe will seriously crack in half, down will become up, and black will become white.

But, actually, you can! And, frankly, I found that learning to love and accept my body/facial hair was a relatively shorter and easier process than learning to accept my fat. Mainly because I already knew how to calm down and just take the plunge. (Remember the first time you wore a sleeveless shirt in public, and you just KNEW everyone was staring at your arms? But then nothing happened, and you finally just realized it was actually okay? Yeah.)

Anyway, I really hope someone reads this and thinks about it. You really can have facial hair and not die of shame and embarrassment! Push through the anxiety and try it! It’s really not that bad.

“I’ve often thought that if men had to go through menstruation, the human race would have gone the way of the Dodo bird. It cracks me up when guys talk about their ultra-intense workouts, and the pain they suffered, yada yada yada. I’m like ‘Yeah? Try giving birth, pal! Try bleeding out of your crotch every month!’”

I had a period every month for 16 years, until I started testosterone therapy. I also personally know several men who have given birth. Please don’t erase trans men just for the sake of a Guys Are Really Big Wusses crack.

Also, although my relationship with menstruation was surely different than that of cis women, I too had unbelievably painful periods. I actually fainted a few times from the pain. And like a few others here, I DID have bleed-through problems … so you have my empathy! It was very, very not fun.

On the plus side, I can report that getting my period was treated as a natural, no-big-deal thing in my family. My father was even the one to buy me my first set of pads (my mother was out of town at the time), and he was very matter-of-fact about it.

I am Kitrona Fucking Sainte, and I know things about things you’ve never even HEARD of. I have more, and more accurate, medical knowledge in my head than any three books (especially if you pick those three books at random)! I know what makes costumes historically accurate or not, in several different time periods! I know where to find almost anything anyone could ever want on the internet, I have half of Finding Nemo memorized, and my kids are awesome because /I/ parent them. I have AMAZING hair, too. I’m playful and fun and sexy and it’s all about my BRAIN, cuz that’s where it all comes from.

That would be one W. David Hager. He helped sink the Plan B on the first go around to make it OTC. His wife also accused him of sodomizing her for a couple of decades each night while she slept. His second wife also made similar accusations.

And he still practices ob/gyn is my beloved city.

I’ve been trying to find a good place to put this and I think the first page that got me into Shapely Prose is apt. For 20 years now, I’ve had body image challenges. That’s right, I’m almost positive I could feel my ‘rolls’ as a baby. This summer, I am determined to Love Myself Silly.

After reading the comments on the book Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere, I had to write this blog. I hope you get a chance to read it. It’s my little part in trying to improve Body Image worldwide.

http://love-yourself-silly.blogspot.com/2010/06/fat-is-fit-with-and-attitude-madtv.html

<3
Holland

“I’ve often wondered if the tremendous reservation that most parents have in communicating with their children about sex has the ironic consequence of making their children more curious about it.”

So did Michel Foucault- about thirty years ago. You might want to check out the History of Sexuality Vol 1, Mr Science.

You’re doing the right thing for you, and that’s all that should matter. Endo is one of those illnesses where often there’s no good option and you just have to manage it depending on what you feel most able to cope with at the time – you get the pain, or the hormone side-effects, or you have major surgery. None of those a barrel of laughs, and doctors shouldn’t try to force you into one to try to “cure” you because they don’t want to spend time helping you manage a chronic illness.

Rebecca V – apparently the fibroids are the cause of the heavy bleeding for me. Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about fibroids without surgery (and an associated risk of being less likely to be able to carry a pregnancy to term). My GP did suggest the Mirena coil, but I haven’t tried it yet.