Comments on: Cultivate Your Inner Samuel L. Jackson

By: drummergrrrl

drummergrrrl — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 21:47:15 +0000

FYI, SnarkysMachine, I was so inspired by your post that I laid down some smack/righteous indignation the other day on a jerk who was ruining my night at the comedy club. Let’s just say it involved a “church pinch” (yeah, what your mom uses to make you shut up/behave when you’re in church) and some very choice words. It worked so well that I might just exercise this option all of the time! Never know when a church pinch might come in handy …

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 03:11:46 +0000

Snarky, a while ago in a post I can’t remember I asked a question about hair and privilege, and you gave me a very nice answer and a very polite smack down. I didn’t respond then because the thread had moved on and I thought I was being a grown up. But I think this would be a good opportunity to apologise for being so intrusive – as soon as I hit post I thought ‘hmmm. I think that wasn’t a great idea.’ And I wanted to thank you for reinforcing that it doesn’t matter how INTERESTING or even valid a point is (although I am not sure mine was either, truthfully), it is not good ettiquette to use a human being as an example of it. I am sorry I was rude and stomped over your internet space, and thank you for your good grace in gently making sure I knew it.

Excellent internet staring! ;)

By: bigbigtruck

bigbigtruck — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 20:51:07 +0000

Agreed. I totally resist the idea that one needs to confront someone engaging in assclownery. For one thing, they aren’t really engaging with you, so why are you expected to generate new and refreshing ways to end up upset, silenced or defeated?

Thank you for this. I just recently had to walk away (in several senses) from a friend who insisted in engaging in assclownery with me and other friends as their audience. They weren’t trying to persuade or engage any of us; they were just charging their superiority batteries by being insulting and demeaning.
My gut told me that confronting them would be completely pointless and merely provoke more insults, so I chose to walk away.

I still feel a little bad about walking away without saying why, but you’re right, SnM: I had no obligation to engage and put myself through a worse round of crap when said assclown wasn’t engaging with me in the first place.

By: Amber

Amber — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 20:40:41 +0000

I also have social anxiety and need to work on standing up for myself more often. I have really long hair and there have been a lot of times when someone will come up behind me and start running their hands through it. It’s usually older women and they don’t seem to realize that it’s inappropriate. I guess they think it’s non-threatening because they’re women, but it drives me crazy when strangers touch me like that. I usually just act polite until they leave because I don’t want to seem loud and bitchy by telling them to stop touching me. I yelled at someone once when I as a child and she acted like I was overreacting; people were looking over at us like they thought we were nuts so now I’m always afraid of making a scene.

By: spacedcowgirl

spacedcowgirl — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 19:31:20 +0000

Thank you so much for taking the time to spell this out. I am a huge believer in concrete lists of steps you can take to become better at things–even or especially if you feel like they should be obvious. I know this is a process I can put to use concretely in my life and I appreciate you sharing it with us.

By: Jenniferal

Jenniferal — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 19:00:05 +0000

@Snarky – yes, sorry, I didn’t factor in privilege when I wrote that. What I was thinking when I wrote it was of women in my workplace, who are plenty privileged but just don’t want to risk being disliked. Or the very smart woman I worked for on the 2008 Dem campaign who were getting rolled over by her male staff members because “I don’t want them to think I’m a bitch.” In these situations the women were giving up all their power in exchange for the goodwill of douchehounds, and it was really frustrating to watch.

But yeah, I have also seen WOC get slapped with the “angry black woman” label in situations where anyone with a pulse would have been apoplectic, and someone with more privilege might have been told to calm down, but no one would have attributed their anger to their race.

By: Rebecca V.

Rebecca V. — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:30:30 +0000

Other Becky: Yes, Miss Manners is probably where I got it from. I first read her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior when I was in my teens, and it made a strong impression.

By: melonbrawl

melonbrawl — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:30:30 +0000

Rebecca V.: Yesss! I used that one on a jerkass boss once, with the added benefit of knowing that everything I’m thinking shows on my face. I have no doubt that she got the message. AWESOME.

By: Other Becky

Other Becky — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:19:00 +0000

Rebecca V.: That one’s actually a classic Miss Manners tactic, and it works very well for those situations in which I don’t feel like expending any of my limited amount of SLJ-energy.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:05:46 +0000

This post is a real gift, & I was really ready for it. Thank you so much.

Don’t diminish yourself by thinking your lines are petty, picky or foolish.

Wow. & lo, Sparky has blown my mind. Thank you.