Comments on: Up close

By: kitrona

kitrona — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 05:56:14 +0000

The only issue I’ve seen brought up with leaving notes saying “You are beautiful” is that it can be kind of scary, especially for people who’ve been stalked before. Just something to be aware of, I guess? I personally find it a little odd, just because I’m so tired of my body being the focus of everything (although I admit I have different issues, in that my body doesn’t quite WORK right). I’d rather be told, I dunno, I’m smart or I have good coping skills, something that I actually have something to do with, that I can put work into and not feel like it’s a waste of time.

But that probably says more about me and my issues. :P Carry on!

I love PostSecret, I just wish there were more of them posted each week.

By: BeccaBoo

BeccaBoo — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:15:59 +0000

@Muz : None of my notes say anything like that. I tend to write compliments. I’ve written ‘You are beautiful’, ‘No one is more lovelier than you’, etc. etc. At school is the only place I’ve sharpie-marked, but I take Post-It notes to Borders or Malls if I feel like it. I’m even tempted to write up a bunch of note cards and cut them in fours (so not to waste paper if possible) and hand them out just casually as I walk around school.

I have self-image issues and I can admit it, but having a reminder there (I keep a post-it note on my bathroom mirror at all times) that I didn’t always feel so down about myself perks me up and lets me get on with my routine.

By: muz

muz — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:13:04 +0000

and/but I still think it’s a lovely thing they’re doing…just important to be aware of that pitfall, I think, and offer loving and positive energy without the implied pressure to take it in in a certain way. Some days you’re just not going to feel beautiful or smiley and that’s totally fine too. I love the offering, I don’t love the instructions on whether and how it should be accepted.

By: muz

muz — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:06:17 +0000

@Puffalo – YES, what you said.

By: Puffalo

Puffalo — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:58:27 +0000

The notes saying to smile remind me more of when I was depressed and people would helpfully suggest that I try being happy instead than of dudes complaining about women being inadequately decorative.
Did you know that smiling can improve your mood? It’s true! And if you aren’t happy with your body, maybe you should try being happy with your body instead! Smile! That’ll fix everything! Or at least it’ll make you look happy, so nobody else has to put up with your negativity while you suffer in secret. That’s great!

Being told to be happy is a sore spot for me. Smiling does not cure depression. And I have serious doubts about the cultural trend towards admonitions to love your body paired with increasingly unreachable beauty standards. I can’t help but feel like women are expected to overcome all the shit that’s heaped on them, and feel beautiful anyway. Like saying “I am not beautiful” is a personal failing- not failing to be beautiful, but failing to maintain a positive self image despite the hostile environment.
Self esteem rocks, but it isn’t compulsory.

By: muz

muz — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:12:23 +0000

BeccaBoo, I love that idea! I really think it’s wonderful. I did find myself taken aback by the number of post-its that included the injunction “Smile!”, though…it felt to me like an internalization of the idea that women should be pleasantly smiling at all times, and that random strangers get to tell me how to rearrange my face (it’s not much better when women do it). Also, maybe, it feels like pressure to take the affirmation in, or let it affect you in a certain way – I’d love for it to be ok to be beautiful, know it, AND not smile (if that’s not where you’re at).

By: Sweet Machine

Sweet Machine — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:06:05 +0000

Thanks for the link, JP!

By: Savagewoman

Savagewoman — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:46:27 +0000

BeccaBoo, that’s a splendid thing to do :) At the local university, women write a lot on the bathroom walls (probably men too, but I don’t know for sure). There’s often whole conversations going on. I’m never sure if it’s wonderful or depressing, people who are physically so close come close emotionally only through anonymous writings on walls. But the next time I’m there, I might just do what you did. That’s positively inspiring.

By: MezzoSherri

MezzoSherri — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:45:30 +0000

Man, now I’m gonna have Mandy Patinkin singing in my head for the rest of the day.

(Not that that’s necessarily a BAD thing, mind you….)

By: JupiterPluvius

JupiterPluvius — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:38:52 +0000

JP, it’s actually not “Un dimanche…” — the details are slightly different (if you look at the person in the red shirt on the bottom left, for instance). I found this one labeled as a related work, which I assume explains the working title-ness of it. Ah! I didn't look that carefully. There are quite a few sketches for the final painting: see here for some others.