Edward, perhaps? “The diet that will make you SCREAM…”

@shyvixen & littlem, Don’t forget verse 2:

“Figurines … help keep you as you are
with a calorie rate … of 138 a bar!”

As a teen who thought she was fat, I ate Figurines like — well, like cookies. The whole box. In a sitting.

Food fraughtness much?

I am also old enough to remember the “Phoenix for Life” diet. It too was a cookie diet, popular in 1989-1990. It was also a handy pyramid scheme! I was sitting in a hot tub at my gym, along with my optometrist, who had his arms stretched across the back of the hot tub, sitting between two women, and was touting Phoenix for Life, trying to convince the women to come aboard his “business.”

About a month later, I took my damaged glasses to his office only to find out he’d closed up shop and run away. The local paper reported that he’d been involved in fraud, swindling, etc.

/threadjack

(There was also something about: “Figurines … crunch-crunch-crunch-crunch-crunch … ” in later versions of the ad. I think there was a line with “munch” in it next.

I’m beginning to wonder if, y’know, maybe these magic diets are… ummm… money-making scams? Or am I just being cynical?

My folks bombed out of a bunch of weight loss programs, then lost a lot of weight with Weight Watchers, then my dad gained it all back.

Should show that to the midwife I had during my last pregnancy – the one who used to be a nutritionist. She tried to guilt trip me for eating a WHOLE banana as a snack. “You know that has ‘OVER 100 CALORIES?” Apparently in my third trimester I was not allowed to eat 100 calories… ever.

Rather than not artifically imbuing foods with guilt, you do and that drives you to evade that guilt, ‘s marvellous.

Hey, is the lesson there, forget eating guilt with you food, it’s futile?

Nah, that’s too good to be true.

So a couple of weeks later she came home with *da da da DAAAAAH* diet toffees!!! One before each meal would magically help us to lose weight as they were made from secret magic ingredients that would burn off our excess lard faster than necrostising fascitis! Didn’t work.

Three months later she brought home some teensy weensy ickle pots of jelly made from special magical Japanese seaweed that were going to make us thin forever! Didn’t work.

Cambridge diet? Didn’t work.

Lighterlife? Didn’t work.

I’m beginning to wonder if, y’know, maybe these magic diets are… ummm… money-making scams? Or am I just being cynical?

BTW I looked up who Tyler Max is and now I feel sick and dirty :(