Comments on: No more “fat talk”

By: Ace

Ace — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 05:04:41 +0000

“You look great! Have you lost weight?” No, I’ve gained! It must look good on me, I’m glad you like it!

“Ugh! I can’t wear this! I’m too fat!” If you can’t wear it, that means it is too small. And if the manufacturer didn’t make one that fits you, too bad for them, I guess they’re losing your business.

I have a dear friend who is wonderful, caring, and loving to everyone else (seriously — I’m convinced she begins the day with small woodland animals hopping into her room to help her get dressed, to the merry sound of flutes) but will just. not. STOP. with the fat-shaming (and other kinds of shaming) about herself. She would never say a mean word about anyone, but she’s fair game for every kind of awfulness. And she says it in such a frighteningly disconcerting matter-of-fact tone.

Finally her other friends and I lost our patience with it and we established a new rule. Each time she says something awful about herself, we pester her until she says three nice things about herself, and they have to be sincere, and original.

By: FlameWriting

FlameWriting — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:07:16 +0000

“What do you do when every week someone comes up to you and asks you if you are pregnant because of your weight?”

What about: ‘Ah, you must be confusing my healthy glow of someone happy about their body with the glow of pregnancy. The main thing, though, is that you noticed my healthy glow, so thanks!’ [Followed by such a huge happy grin that they'd be forced to either go along with it or show some (decidedly ugly) true colours. If they do decide to explain why they were really asking, they'd have to be openly rude which means if you respond in kind you won't be made to look unreasonable to anyone else listening in.]

By: aleks

aleks — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:21:48 +0000

Carrots? Maybe she just didn’t want any rabbits in her program, as they’re notoriously deadbeat about paying bills. A no-carrot diet?!>?

By: Chickfactor

Chickfactor — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:41:21 +0000

hmmm. Reckon that’s a bet she’d win. Think I feel especially let down as I used go on her forum a lot and enjoyed the (initial) spirit of cameraderie and felt very supported. However India herself was often quite scathing in her responses to perfectly innocuous comments and posts, and on the day I read a post from her berating some hapless newbie for asking if it was okay to eat carrots on her diet (it wasn’t) I decided I couldn’t be a part of it any more…

By: aleks

aleks — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:25:36 +0000

That’s because you don’t hate yourself. She’s betting that most of her audience does.

By: Chickfactor

Chickfactor — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:24:18 +0000

I did ask, that’s true. I guess what I guess what I meant to say was for someone who makes her living from writing diet books is it such a great idea to be cruel and unpleasant about your target audience? It’s probably not wise to alienate the very people you’re hoping will part with £15.99 a go for your latest book, join your internet forum and buy your diet-related knick knacks. I should have been clearer about what I meant!

I can see your point that creating fat-shame in prospective readers might well be a viable business plan for a writer of diet books- it just seemed counter -intuitive to me.

By: aleks

aleks — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:18:16 +0000

Ok, don’t, I don’t care what they think either. You asked “For someone who makes her living writing diet books is that really a good idea?”

By: Chickfactor

Chickfactor — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:16:12 +0000

The Times readers were more than up to the challenge of expressing the views of those who find fat hateful, filthy, revolting etc! And I don’t have to try and see it from their point of view, I don’t have to do that at all. I’ve spent years being told that as a fat person I’m worth less than a ‘normal’ person, worth less than a dog, a worm, an amoeba, and I DON’T have to try and see it from their point of view because for so many many years their view of me was my view of me.

It just saddens me that I’m 31 now and still being bullied (in a manner of speaking- I’m aware the article wasn’t directed at me personally! :D ) for being fat in the same way I was when I was 6. Ugh *sighs*

By: aleks

aleks — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:07:36 +0000

Yes CF, but you’re someone who participates on a Fat Acceptance blog. Try to see it from the point of view of someone who does think being fat is awful, sinful, etc.

By: Chickfactor

Chickfactor — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:05:25 +0000

Aleks- hadn’t thought of it like that. The fat-shaming just made me hate her and made me angry that I’d contributed to her coffers by having already bought the book before she came out as a fat hater!