Hey! Y’all! [lowers voice to a conspiratorial whisper] Guess what I’m doing RIGHT NOW. [chuckles furtively]
Dude, I’m staying up half the night with my two awake kids, one of whom is VOMITING BILE! Because a nasty, nasty stomach virus has been making the rounds in our house. (I lost six pounds in three days LIKE MAGIC! My husband is STILL shaky and dehydrated! Ahh, life’s rich pageant… love you, just LOVE you.)
Meanwhile, you all — to say nothing of FJ and SM specifically, who’ve heroically handled the vast majority of the moderating on these monster threads — have been dealing with nasty bile-spewing of a different sort. And I’m guessing we all (and by that I mean you, if you’re a sincere regular reader or lurker who’s been fighting the good fight) need three weeks paid time off at a magnificent resort, retreat center or spa.
Since that’s not in our budget this year, I’m asking you, please please please, to turn this thread into something that I hope will be nearly as restorative. I’d like us collectively to cover all of the following before the thread dies.
-Children guilelessly using profanity to humorous effect
-Videos that make one want to cheer or dance around the room
-Alarming 1980’s workout outfits
-Excruciatingly psychologically correct letters written to humorously-inappropriate recipients thereof. (For example: “Dear Broken Toaster — I don’t mean to minimize your experience, but I wonder whether you and I might have different needs…”
-links to palatial retreat centers and other gobsmackingly beautiful settings where we may spend our Shapeling retreat/start our Shapeling commune once we get a very rich benefactor.
-Comfort food recipes
-Phony and funny but plausible-sounding dissertation titles
-Deliberately bad poetry
(And yes, you may add your own requests to this list, so long as they are all SUPER FLUFFY, like, Snuggle-fabric-softener-bear funny; and not things like “I’d like to hear someone go on at length about how sad they feel to think that men aren’t automatically, as a class, given 100 percent of the trust and goodwill of women, as a class.”)
Sound good? Good. Because I hear retching in the next room. Thanks in advance. Gaaaaaah.