Quick hit: Sour milk

Quick hit so we can talk about something other than how I’m a humorless, comics-hating, loveless feminist who thinks men should be arrested for talking to women in public: Feministing points to Spike TV’s utterly appalling feature, “The Top 10 Actresses Past Their Expiration Date.” Get it? Like milk! Ha ha!

If you can stand to look at the list, you may note, not without some bitter chuckling because that is the only laughter produced by feminist bodies, that what most of these women are criticized for are actually measures that they have taken so as not to look older. Thus the beauty ideal eats its own tail: age naturally, and you’re a wrinkly hag; attempt to fix your haglike wrinkles and you’re “a scary mix between Michael Jackson and the mummy of King Tut.”

Here’s the main complaint for each of the 10: too much Botox; too skinny; too chubby; too skinny; too squinty (?); too wild; too mannish; too much Botox; too much makeup; too old. So, there you go, Hollywood Ladiez, it’s easy: just don’t be any of those things, and the dudes at Spike will grace you with their hard-ons forever.

122 thoughts on “Quick hit: Sour milk

  1. How nice it must be to have an entire network with which to bully women. Oh, wait. Not nice, completely hideous. That’s the word I wanted.

  2. I could only look at the first page and then I had to click away in disgust.
    And Sweet Machine, I know that opening sentence is probably in jest and that you’re above taking such criticism to heart, but for what it’s worth, I think you’re awesome! :)

  3. Thank you for clarifying the rules to live by. For lo, my life would sink to the depths of meaninglessness if I could not inflate the erectile tissue of morons.

  4. I love how they describe Drew Barrymore as “just another talking chubby face attached to a chubby body” and then immediately complain of Helen Hunt that she “buys into the unattractive Hollywood fad of self-starvation.” What?

  5. Yeah, I love how they list both too skinny and too fat in their list of flaws. As well as too much plastic surgery and not enoug. No one is good enough ever.

    Asshats.

  6. I read the article and then took a deep breath and dove into the comments. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that in at least 50% of the comments the author is being taken to task for his article, both generally and specifically. It gave me hope.

  7. Wow….I feel a little sad and sick to my stomach… Do the men who write this crap even know any women? Do they have mothers, wives, girlfriends, daughters? Would they print this article out and show it to them?

  8. not without some bitter chuckling because that is the only laughter produced by feminist bodies

    Slightly off-topic, but oh, this made me laugh out loud. By which I mean bitterly chuckle, of course.

  9. As a woman who resembles a dark-haired Drew Barrymore, I thank the gods I will never have to put up with that douchehound hitting on me. Am I the only person scratching her head and saying, “Who the hell does he think he is? Warren Beatty?”

  10. I’m so sick and tired of the tug or war between “too much” and “not enough”. We’re either too skinny or too fat. Too much surgery or not enough. Too *this* and not enough *that*.

    It’s time to cut the rope. This game is getting old. Perhaps the guy who wrote that should get out of his cave and have some actual face to face interaction with some women.

  11. I can’t even bring myself to read this, but I just have to say, can you imagine anyone ever publishing “10 Actors Past Their Expiration Date”? I know it’s a cliche, but it’s so aggravating how women in the public eye have to not only be good at their jobs, but also perfectly and effortlessly attractive, while men only have to be good at their jobs.

  12. Do the men who write this crap even know any women?

    I wonder how they react to actual women in the world. I think it might go a something like this:

    “Ew! An average looking woman without makeup!” vomits

    “Oh, my god! An elderly woman in a somewhat worn raincoat!” dives through random door to avoid the horror

    “Great Caesar’s Ghost! A fat woman buying a newspaper!” dies

  13. WTF?! “It’s easy to see why Tom Cruise would have grown tired of this uptight Aussie getting up in his grill every night.” Whaat?! Because she dares to hit her 30s?

    Then again, what to expect from Spike TV? I don’t expect anything from them, except more episodes of CSI. Yet another reason to be relieved that I don’t have cable.

    The thing is, I’m not enamored of any of the actresses on their list, but for reasons unrelated to aging, wrinkles, or weight.

  14. I love how they describe Drew Barrymore as “just another talking chubby face attached to a chubby body” and then immediately complain of Helen Hunt that she “buys into the unattractive Hollywood fad of self-starvation.” What?

    Repeated for emphasis and awesomeness. My thoughts exactly.

  15. I mean…I just…I can’t use my words. It is remarkable to me (and really, it shouldn’t be after existing on this planet for 37 years) how full of blase’ hate and disdain so many men seem to be for women. Logically, I know it isn’t *all* men, but jeepers creepers…there are days where it seems as if there isn’t but a handful of men existing in the universe that aren’t in the business of degrading and reducing women.

  16. I note that they’ve carefully chosen some of the worst pictures of these women. I didn’t even recognize Sarah Jessica Parker.

  17. I freakin love their description of SJP:

    “In other words, back before she became HBO’s reining queen of materialistic shallowness.”

    Uh…they’re referring to Carrie Bradshaw as SHALLOW when look at that whole fucking list. I’m sorry, I think this computer monitor is now beyond saving after I laughed so hard my coffee splat on it again.

    And Charlotte’s comment– right the fuck on! We’re always too something for these douchehounds. But in my experience, the guys who write this shit usually never interact with women. Ever.

    Not to mention are actually far more insecure than women; which is why they enforce these fascist beauty standards and have this sense of entitlement like in spite of not being anything to write home about themselves, think they should be bedding Heidi Klum.

  18. I didn’t even get past half of Kidman’s, before my stomach was turning. All the horrible things they say about these women are, god, awful. But I think the thing that really makes me want to hurl is the way they’re being spoken about as though they’re things.

    “And she’s probably aged better than anyone else on this list, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t gone past her “Use By” date.” (On Kidman.)

    Seriously? Her “Use by” date? She’s not a fucking loaf of bread, she’s a person, and doesn’t exist to be used at all. I mean, I know we talk about how patriarchy doesn’t see women as fully human, but way to illustrate the point and then some, SpikeTV. Ugh.

  19. “They hit their expiration date and go bad, and once they hit that point there’s no making the sour gallon of milk scrumptious again.”

    Actually…the best chocolate cake recipe I have ever used requires sour milk. So all they need is some good quality chocolate and a little loving attention. Neener.

  20. In regards to this …

    “Wow….I feel a little sad and sick to my stomach… Do the men who write this crap even know any women? Do they have mothers, wives, girlfriends, daughters? Would they print this article out and show it to them?”

    … and similar comments and questions, I would venture to guess that guys like this keep separate mental files for Actual Women They Care About and “Random” Women Who Are Open for Public Judging. The whole “Oh, I didn’t mean YOU” sort of thing.

    Also, I think these sort of articles are really more about men beating on their chests and proving their own dudebroliness to other men–through that time-honored dudebro bonding activity of Judging Women Harshly–than about men’s actual attractions. Similar in concept to guys cat-calling; it has nothing to do with whether they find a woman sexually attractive and everything to do with exerting dominance over her.

  21. Can I just say how much I loved your last post on the XKCD comic? My boyfriend and I rocked out to Skullcrusher mountain on Rock Band in your honor! (I didn’t comment because I do not love comment threads > 200 comments long.)

    Also, I hate Spike TV. I hate them because they occasionally air shows and movies that I LOVE the whole time simultaneously telling me that I am a sexual object who should be off watching weepy women in wedding dresses on Lifetime. I hope they all end up so impotent no amount of viagra can get them in the game.

    (I’m am only wishing this on them because they apparently think erections are the most important thing ever. I don’t. But it would certainly be an appropriate comeuppance for them.)

  22. Wow, after reading that I feel I’ve had my dose of mean for the day. What a sad little life the writer must have to need to be so negative about others. These women all look pretty darn good.

    If Drew Barrymore is 34 now, was she even born yet when she made that Stephen King movie?

  23. The first comment was “I’m so glad to see Julia Roberts on this list. I hate her movies with a passion!”

    I’m sorry, what? What does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Her movies suck so she totally deserves to be talked about as if she’s a piece of badly aging beef! Of course.

    That whole list was reprehensible and had me making up my own list of older male stars who I don’t need to see on a big screen, but then I realized that made me no better than them, so I threw it out.

  24. I just love how they picked the absolute worst pictures they could find for each actress… unflattering poses, hidden in shadows…

  25. Also, I hate Spike TV. I hate them because they occasionally air shows and movies that I LOVE the whole time simultaneously telling me that I am a sexual object who should be off watching weepy women in wedding dresses on Lifetime.

    I know; this used to drive me crazy back when they aired Star Trek: Deep Space Nine reruns (what? a girl watch science fiction? NO WAY!!), but now they just seem to show Voyager, so that problem is solved for me.

  26. My boyfriend and I rocked out to Skullcrusher mountain on Rock Band in your honor!

    This makes me so happy. Kate and I (and co.) did this just this weekend, which is part of why I started mentally composing that post. But then she gave me swine flu and I can no longer rock! ;-)

  27. I know it’s petty of me, but I hope that the “writer” of that article and all his troll, women-hating buddies never EVER get laid again!
    These guys shouldn’t be allowed in public. They’re a menace to themselves and others.
    If my son EVER spoke of a woman that way, he’d be grounded for months.

  28. “what most of these women are criticized for are actually measures that they have taken so as not to look older. Thus the beauty ideal eats its own tail: age naturally, and you’re a wrinkly hag; attempt to fix your haglike wrinkles and you’re “a scary mix between Michael Jackson and the mummy of King Tut.””
    I always love that part.

    I think the default assumption should be that if it’s a feature of Spike TV or any of its related properties, it’s generally utterly appalling.

  29. This list is by Nate Bloch, who – as I found after two seconds of googling – is the “comic” behind this hilarious sketch in which a man gets prescribed a pill called “Testemax” so he can “grow a pair” and “become the verbally abusive one.” When he takes them he threatens to kick his girlfriend.

    Watch it on his website here:

    http://www.natebloch.com/

    Nate Bloch doesn’t think women are human beings. Nate Bloch wants to see women abused, compliant, aged to his exacting specifications, and eager for his hot cock. Beyond that, he doesn’t really care. He sees women as having no value past their “use by” date.

    Nate Bloch makes no attempt to disguise this fact, and plus he’s not at all funny, yet finds work as a writer and “comic.”

  30. “I know; this used to drive me crazy back when they aired Star Trek: Deep Space Nine reruns (what? a girl watch science fiction? NO WAY!!)”
    That was evil. It was worth it to me to shell out for the DVDs.

    (I already owned all the James Bonds. And bought a set for my mom. She’s a Connery girl. I’m a Brosnan girl. Both of us are gradually coming around to Craig, and we laugh together @ Roger Moore.)

  31. @ Iron Lesbian #2

    Wow, you actually read the comments? That’s real bravery! Thank you for reporting that even half of the commenting readers of Spike TV are not on board with this.

    Of course, we all are readers of Spike TV today. Let’s go stuff the comment thread!

    Naw….they can go stuff it all by themselves….

  32. @Rosemary –
    “Actually…the best chocolate cake recipe I have ever used requires sour milk. So all they need is some good quality chocolate and a little loving attention. Neener.”
    Genius.

  33. @Kathryn –
    “Of course, we all are readers of Spike TV today. Let’s go stuff the comment thread!

    Naw….they can go stuff it all by themselves….”
    They can stuff it. I wouldn’t grace them with the hits. Let ‘em go bankrupt.

  34. @spuffyduds –
    *rofl*

    @SM –
    Also, what Tara said.
    *takes another Dainty Little Bite of SP’s humor-and-smoked-paprika-spiced wisdom*

  35. I’m not even going to look, because I’ve already had my SW points blown for the day in real life. But from what people have been quoting, it sounds like they’re also mixing up “aging badly” with value judgments about how horrible the actresses’ personalities might be, and what stereotypes of castrating, bitchy, nasty harpies they might actually be. Like what someone quoted about how no wonder Tom Cruise must have been sick of Nicole Kidman “getting up his grill.” Getting older is “getting up in his grill”?

    Um. Tom Cruise is a Scientologist. End of discussion.

    That was my intelligent retaliation. My unintelligent retaliation is that the first thought I had when I saw that title was, “Ew, Jack Nicholson.”

  36. It’s easy to see why Tom Cruise would have grown tired of this uptight Aussie getting up in his grill every night.

    So then how did she manage to trade up (in my opinion, at least) to Keith Urban?

  37. You know, I could make a list of “actors past their sell by date” that would be a lot longer than 10 names, and that’s without even including the “has a personality I dislike” element that seems to be creeping in here.

    But I won’t because I’m a woman and therefore I don’t think that my libido should dictate whether or not people are allowed to exist in public.

  38. “she’s just another talking chubby face attached to a chubby body that should know better than to be projected on a giant movie screen.”

    Emphasis on “SHOULD KNOW BETTER.” Oh and the “talking chubby face.

    Women should not talk and know better than to try and talk when they’re chubby.

    Fuck that shit. It’s nice how they do see these women as objects and if their girlfriends said something about it to them they’d go, “Not you honey, I was just talking about that talking fatty doll over there.” They still managed to offend me as a human being and insult me personally. I’m frequently told I look like Drew Barrymore, but she was never hot anyway right? So I should take that as an insult right?

  39. Ah yes, another of those lovely ‘women only have value if they’re fuckable’ memes.

    I really do feel sorry for the men who write these. How can you have meaningful relationships with people who you think have no value beyond their ‘hot or not’ status? I mean, what kind of relationship would that be, where you’re not interested in their sense of humor, their personality, their passions, their dreams, how well they just ‘get’ you?

    It’s like eating the pictures on food packaging instead of the actual food – sure, it looks good, but there’s no real value to it. It’s relationship anorexia.

    And given that some of the symptoms of anorexia include moodswings, being anti-social, and rage…well, maybe that explains this behavior. They’re suffering from relationship anorexia.

    Somebody get these guys checked into a relationship clinic, stat! They’re starving their souls into little shrivled up, pathetic shadows of their potentially empathetic, empowering selves and as everyone knows, anorexia has the power to kill! We’ve got to save their ability to relate…

    …oop. Wait, scratch that. We’re too late.

    ~Kali
    http://www.brilliantmindbrokenbody.wordpress.com

  40. Huh. I had a totally different reaction… Oh, wait – no I didn’t!

    Sniper, you cracked me up. I think we should suggest this as a redefinition of “hysteria” – over-reactive emoting *about* people who have uteruses.

  41. Sorry to interrupt, I still have to actually read the thread but I was wondering, am I the only one missing the donut factory that should be at the top of the page?

  42. Oh and for fuck’s sake! They even manage to insult Queen Elizabeth I for no apparent reason:

    “Queen Elizabeth the first was praised as the beautiful Virgin Queen until the day of her death at age sixty nine. But none of her subjects truly believed there was a hottie underneath all those layers of white make up and frilly dresses. They just kind of got used to the title.”

    Seriously? It makes zero sense, none!!! Can someone explain what they were going for with that line? Anyone?

  43. Blergh.
    And really, once you have gotten to the “use by” part, why read any more? It’s actually kind of usefull that they admit this openly what they are talking about: not women; not human beings; not people with their own lives, families, problems, interest, characteristics. No, they are talking about “things” that exist for the sole purpose of being used by them. As jerk-off fantasies. As models to measure other women against (and when those don’t measure up, their lack of perfection as an excuse for not getting to know them). As parts of a game of “who would you want to…”. As whatever-the-hell they want to use us. Things don’t have their own voices, wishes, desires, interest or personalitis, after all. Things have no problem with being used. That’s what they are for!!!

    Thanks guys, for reminding us that our only worth lies in how much we can make the blood rush into your dicks. God knows, there are not nearly enough reminders out there without this article.

    Also: the fact that 50% negative comments are a good thing is incredibly depressing on a whole other level. Not surprising, but depressing all the same.

  44. Dear fucking God. I love how the author can clearly speak for all men on what all men find attractive. I’ve always loved Drew Barrymore in part because she’s adorable but not stereotypically beautiful. Also, it pisses me off that someone who (so I’ve read) is between a size 4 and 8 is called chubby.

  45. Well, I liked that Spike showed CSI all over the damn place but I will never turn to it again.

    Taking it off my DVR too, even if my boyfriend squawks.

    God forbid women be anything other than ageless barbies. God forbid they get cast for amazing acting ability, nope, they have to look like airbrushed airheads or no go.

    I hope whoever wrote that sits on a toilet seat wrong and pinches a delicate part of their anatomy.

  46. Okay, so I restarted my browser and the donuts are back. So nevermind. I was just having browser fail there.

    This reminds me a lot of the discussions I have gotten myself into with men who judge women on how much makeup they wear. I am so sick of hearing men make degrading remarks about women caking on that crap and then following it up with what is supposed to be a compliment, I guess, that we look better without it. Yet, a woman that shows her face without makeup is judged harshly because heaven forbid a woman should show what her face actually looks like.

  47. I can think of at least one television network that’s definitely past it’s “sell by” date. What an unpleasant little ass blister this guy is, he’s like a living breathing advertisement for lesbianism.

    Good gawd, Drew Barrymore really is that young! It’s kinda funny that she’s only older than I am by a year, since I grew up watching her in movies. Thirty four is the sell by date then, where you’re officially too hag like and old for Hollywood and Dude Nation. Might as well pack it in Drew, since you won’t be able to compete with young hotties like Helen Mirren, Glenn Close, and Kathy Bates. It’s all about T&A baby, nobody cares if you’ve got acting talent so long as you never age!

  48. Oy. Do you think we could get Friday Fluff a day or two early? This week (and it’s only Wednesday!) has been depressing as fuck, and it’s wearing me out.

    Sour-milk sponge cake recipes? A whole thread telling stories of snappy comeback to idiot dudes? Feminist lolcatz?

  49. I, also, did not comment on your XKCD post because I was busy dealing with parts 1 and 2 of people’s reaction to it on my own blog (which has, luckily, such a limited and private readership that everybody was very nice in their comments, but a lot of people were really confused by my take on it) — but can I just say that I was SO GLAD to find that other intelligent folks in the blogosphere had had the same reaction that I did. And one acquaintance, after asking me a bunch of questions about it, later sent me an e-mail saying that, whether he agreed with everything I said or not, my various posts and comments on feminist issues had really opened up his eyes and made him seriously rethink his white-male view of the world — it’s an ongoing process, he said, but he really wanted to thank me for helping him do that. It was very touching.

    This post is also awesome, albeit depressing — I think the post’s and farfalla’s comment on the revealing use of the phrases “use by date/expiration date” is a particularly good observation.

  50. Wow, they’re not even subtle about being complete assholes. They even use the term “Use-By Date” when talking about Kidman.

    “It’s easy to see why Tom Cruise would have grown tired of this uptight Aussie getting up in his grill every night.”

    That’s right ladies, you better maintain a perfect face and body all the time or else YOUR husband will leave YOU too! You’ll be fat and haggard and alooooone… *boogity boogity boo*

    Just like this “fatty” here: http://images.askmen.com/galleries/actress/drew-barrymore/pictures/drew-barrymore-picture-2.jpg

  51. Uh, the author of the post has his photo up. Without sinking to depths of bad taste as low as he has, can I just point out that he’s extremely unlikely ever to grace a magazine cover?

    But of course dude deserves to only have the hottest of female consumables ever presented to his kingly eyes.

  52. Why is it that an actress’s only value is her looks, and not her acting ability? I am so very very tired of young “hot” women in Hollywood who couldn’t act their way out of a paper bag. They only play one part, in a whole bunch of different movies and do an okay job at it.

    I’d trade them all for less attractive actresses who could do a better job.

  53. Uh, the author of the post has his photo up. Without sinking to depths of bad taste as low as he has, can I just point out that he’s extremely unlikely ever to grace a magazine cover?

    Yeah, let’s not do that. I mean, I get that what you’re saying is that he doesn’t live up to the ideals of beauty that he professes, but I’ve already deleted one newbie comment bashing his looks, so I don’t want to go there at all in this thread.

  54. Fuck sour milk. I want to be yogurt!

    I grow so, so tired of this shit. It makes me want to hurl. It also taps into some feelings I’ve been recently experiencing. My boss is such a sexist douchebag, but he pretends to be all sensitive and stuff because he’s a THERAPIST. Yea. Would send warning notes to his clients if it weren’t so, uh, unethical.

    BTW, I’ve been commenting under another name, but I decided to change for privacy purposes. I recently heard a story about a woman who was suing a company and the company’s lawyer’s printed out all of her facebook stuff to use against her in court. Yikes!

  55. I do like this turn of phrase of kristinc’s, however:

    of course dude deserves to only have the hottest of female consumables ever presented to his kingly eyes.

    which is not to say, SM, that I’m disagreeing or even commenting on your remark to kristinc. I just think she hit the nail on the head in a perfect way there. :)

  56. @DaniFae:

    I’m with you on that. Drew Barrymore has developed an amazing work ethic, owns her own production company, directs, and stars in movies. He mentions Megan Fox as a “hot” alternative, but I’ve read that letter from prod. crew of Transformers, and I’ll take talented Drew over class-less Megan anyday.

  57. SM, I think the point is important. It’s wrapped up in so much male attitude about women’s looks (including fattie-bashing): this idea that the most average looking dude in the bunch feels the entitlement to impose standards of judgement on women. Standards they themselves would fail if they applied to men.

    (I have a story where this is explicitly related to fat-bashing, actually. When my father in law watched my bellydance class perform he remarked to my husband that “Wow, they’ve got some chunky ones there, don’t they?” My FIL is morbidly obese himself. But, of course, the standards for existing only apply to women.)

  58. And actually it’s not just looks, either: men feel entitled to apply their saintly standards of parenting, ethics, and other behavior to women, but somehow skip out on the judgment their own selves. See every married man who ever bashed a woman for having a career and children at the same time.

  59. And, of course, women “act” so dudes can look at them. Several times it’s emphasized that the author never thought these were good actresses, he just liked looking at them. Because while we all pretend that actresses do stuff like, you know, pretend to be other people, this is only a thin cover story for their real worth – looking pretty and not being annoying.

    SM, you are totally forgetting about the shrill, witch-like cackle that feminists are allowed to indulge in (once a season only) after we have bought a girl-child a Tonka trunk that we know she will never enjoy. Ideological indoctrination birthday gifts are acceptable occasions for cackling still, surely?

  60. I am not commenting on the guys looks at all, I didn’t even see his pic. I just wanted to point out that if this (insert bashing words here) thought he had a chance to spend just 5 minutes with any one of these women he would probably cut his left nut off with a rusty chain saw to do so. Not that they would waste their time even bothering to spit in his direction.

  61. I’m a humorless, comics-hating, loveless feminist who thinks men should be arrested for talking to women in public:

    Arrest them! Arrest them! *pitchforks*

    I’m in a sudafed haze, so it’s all good.

    Apparently you can use sudafed to make crystal meth, so party on down.

    I have nothing to contribute about the actual article, I just wanted a break from the xkcd ppos because I think I’ve reached the Saying ‘Fuck’ A Lot critical event horizon.

  62. “because I think I’ve reached the Saying ‘Fuck’ A Lot critical event horizon.”

    Bwhaaaahahahaha! Honestly – Laughing Out Loud

  63. Apparently you can use sudafed to make crystal meth, so party on down.

    So I hear! In the US, they’ve cracked down and you can only get it OTC. In fact, Mr Machine had to purchase ours today because the pharmacist wouldn’t accept my passport as a valid proof of age. (My normal ID expired and I need to get a new one but I lost my SSN card and can’t get an ID in Illinois until I have a new one so I’m walking around with a passport just so I can get a beer. But apparently Claritin-D is much more dangerous than alcohol these days.)

  64. Caitlin. With an i. Sorry ’bout that.

    I know how to make both meth and ecstasy with Sudafed. One hell of an OTC item, I must say. (Not that I ever have. It’s completely theoretical job-related knowledge.)

    Gail, doncha mean that to be a bit more humorless?

  65. Hee hee hee. Humorless? Nah wouldn’t want people to think I was feminist or something. I love comic pieces that insist I want what I don’t. I like it when I go out in public all by myself without a big male escort and get harassed. That’s how you get love right? Besides, that’s what I deserve for leaving the protection of my kitchen. Obviously I’m dying to get laid or I wouldn’t have left the house silly.

    OMG I can’t stop giggling, so burnt from work. Sorry you guys, I shouldn’t cross-thread, couldn’t resist.

  66. So, I’m a middle school teacher, and I spent all day with all my sweet, wonderful kids. Seriously, my kids are sweet and wonderful. And then I read Douchey McDoucherton’s article.

    And now I just want to kill someone. We all wonder what happens to little girls between middle school and high school. Why their performance drops. Why they won’t speak up in class. And I don’t know why we wonder.

    It’s shit like Spike TV, and fucking douchebags who reduce women to consumables.

  67. I JUST saw this via Jezebel.

    It’s very sad and sickening. Drew Barrymore is plus-size? Oh really?

    A lot of these photos seem to be not very flattering ones, or they weren’t taken in the best of light etc. That would have something to do with it.

    But who IS this scuz who wrote this? Is he the next Perez Hilton wanna-be?

    I hope Spike gets a LOT of negative feedback in response to this horrible article!

  68. Oh, Anita, I am cackling shrilly right now at the thought of the Barbie Dream House that I will NEVER BUY FOR MY DAUGHTER!!!

    Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

    And now (sigh), I guess it’s back to bitter chuckling for the rest of the year…

  69. @ yellowhammer- A-fuckin-men, sister! And kristinc– I TOTALLY hear you on some men who pull that projection crap and setting judgments on career women who want families. In my field (accounting), it’s starting to become somewhat female-dominated and while at least my particular “sect” (tax prep and audit support) is more socially lax than the corporate arena, I know plenty of female CPAs who get bullshit for having a career and family (bonus points if she’s a single mom.)

    I think it’s an intimidation factor. Career-devoted men who see women handle so much duty both at home AND the workplace feel small down there because of how much more we do than them. And this is how they act on the intimidation. This hateful “used by” list proves that– I bet this Bloch character will never see a fucking QUARTER of the money the women on that list have made.

  70. yellowhammer, I teach middle school too. And yes, my girls are already calling themselves “stupid” and “ugly” because they aren’t as tall and thin as they’re “supposed” to be, or because they don’t have straight, fair hair and clear, light skin. Some of the athletic little girls are already getting shit for their obvious strength, and the fat little girls are being tortured, and the little girls with breast are being treated like sluts, sometimes by their own families. I would really, really like to teach a Recognizing Douchebaggery Unit, but I don’t think I’d get approval. Douchebagger is not on the standardized test.

  71. Aw, I made people laugh. *fist pump*

    yellowhammer and Sniper, I got that a lot — a lot — with the girls in my bunk at camp last summer. In some ways it was intensified because a lot of them had aspirations in dance or musical theatre, and so their looks/weight/etc unfortunately did matter, but even the non-theatrical ones were at it, all. the. time. It was like that bit in Mean Girls where she didn’t realise how many things could be wrong with your body — I don’t know whether when I was a teenager we hated ourselves less, or just weren’t as vocal about it, or whether I’d forgotten what it was like. It got to the point where I had to institute a “no talking shit about your own appearance or others’ while I’m in the room” just to maintain my sanity.

    It’s so depressing to know that anything you manage to communicate to them is just a drop in the bucket of the sea of toxic messages they get every day. And they unfortunately didn’t give me a minor in Why You Are Okay and It’s Society That’s Fucked Up to teach them how to fight back even a little bit.

  72. Sweet Machine…

    Soooo, the document that’s supposed to let you travel between countries and prevent scary terrorism events by the nature of its verifiability is… not enough to prove you’re you so you can get some cold meds?

    My goodness, those small-scale (very small scale, considering what your ID will get you in a Walgreens these days) drug manufacturers are craftier than Al Qaeda. Or over the counter drug salespersons know something the TSA doesn’t.

    But back on track… my goodness that post by Mr. Bloch was truly hateful. It wins for most hateful thing I’ve seen all week, and this week has included and unfortunate inappropriate T-shirt event on campus, so that’s saying something.

  73. SM, clearly you can rock even *with* swine flu.

    So, is the previous thread as scary as the comment number suggests?

  74. Caitlin: I have to say… there may be some merit to banning the import of haggis. That stuff is practically a weapon of mass destruction, and in the wrong hands could wreak havoc*.

    Also, there are some persuasively tasty vegetarian haggis options out there. They involve lentils and lots of pepper.

    Unless we could import some haggis for the special consumption of Mr. Bloch, (possibly haggis past its sell-by date?), in which case I am all in favor.

    *One drunken Glasgow night and a battered deep-fried haggis taught me the truth of this personally.

  75. NOT THE DEEP-FRIEND HAGGIS, ANTHROK8. NEVER THAT. *clutches the children*

    Veggie haggis is pretty awesome, I’m not going to lie, but haggis neeps and tatties rockS my world. There is just something hilarious about people spending the month of January engaging in a mass effort to get packages of sheep (?) offal into the United States. Like, correct me if I’m wrong, but there are livestock and cooking equipment in America too? It seems to me that there is an obvious solution to this problem.

    Briefly OT: I MET KATE! *squee*

    WHAT WHAT I AM SO JEALOUS.

  76. This is probably irrelevant, but I found it interesting that despite their obvious efforts to find the least flattering pictures EVAR, my reaction to the majority of them was “She’s pretty. What exactly is their problem here?” And then I read the comments underneath and sort of boggled at the idiocy.

    Excuse me, I’m going to go tell my dad that he shouldn’t watch Spike.

  77. PS now that I’ve actually read the thread, MY favorite chocolate cake recipe also calls for sour milk (or buttermilk). It’s called Black Magic Cake. It’s the most moist, nummy, rich chocolate cake ever (possibly because it also calls for coffee in the recipe). Unfortunately I am not at home where I can get to the recipe but I’ll try to remember next time I am 1) home and b) open thread.

    DRST

  78. I make pancakes with buttermilk and soda flour, because they are the best pancakes in the world. It’s almost like a metaphor for the diversity of human experience and the non-existence of an arbitrary standard of attractiveness.

    So yeah, Nathan whatsit can take a running jump.

  79. Bit OT, but there isn’t anything else resembling an open thread that’s more recent. Can someone point this jerk at some FA 101? I’m too irritated to compose a coherent comment at him.

  80. As an offical Scot (resident in San Francisco) I say we ban the haggis. That way my Dad can’t force me to eat it if he’s here. Can’t some of us show our national pride by drinking Irn Bru or eating oatcakes or…you know, something less offal-centric.

    (Also the deep fried haggis is relatively inoffensive, it’s the battered deep fried Mars Bar that’s mind boggling. I mean it’s basically the same batter you’d put on fish, but on chocolate. Um, why? Couldn’t they make something a bit more dessert-like?)

    Also RE nasty little man’s nasty little list…please, dude, as if Nicole Kidman would even notice that you were in the room. If any of these women ever actually spoke to him he’d probably pee himself in terror and have to go lie down to recover.

  81. No surprise from Spike TV. Though as a woman of color, for once I found woc invisibility a welcoming surprise. I can’t really think of one of the actresses mentioned that I ever cared for (echoing another commenter) but it was definitely not about looks and generally all about their annoying omnipresence at the height of their careers or I just found them otherwise unpalatable.

  82. “Skinny, large-breasted, big eyes, and an even bigger smile…there really wasn’t much not to like about her.”

    This is where I had to step away. It was either that or gouge my eyes out.

  83. Irn Bru? Irn Bru??? It’s the citrus-coloured piss of the devil.

    Also, In 4 years in Glasgow (and a lot of time spent in late-night chip shops) I have never seen or heard of a deep-fried mars bar except as an example of how far those crazy lower-class Glaswegians will take their dedication to artery-clogging. I’m not saying they don’t exist, but they’re not a big part of culinary life here, despite being what most people (including me) have heard about Glasgow before they live here.

  84. Somehow, I think someone got his terms mixed up in trying to be clever.

    As others have pointed out, sour milk is really terribly useful stuff–not only does it make for delicious baked goods, but it’s milk well on its way to becoming yogurt. Being sour milk isn’t so bad.

    Spoiled milk, on the other hand, is no good for anything because it’s gone rotten–much like Nate Bloch and his textual spewings.

  85. @Sweet Machine:

    Your “humorless feminist” op reminded me of my new favorite joke. It worked only because it was told to me (a feminist) by a rocking feminist friend:

    Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A (sternly): That’s not funny.

    I THOUGHT the inanity of that joke made us laugh really hard, but I must be mistaken. Alas, I now realize those could only have been bitter chuckles.

  86. Well, I could make a list of 10 actors past their expiration date – but it would have nothing to do with their looks. It would be about whether they are still taking on good roles, rather than descending into self-parody or just doing it for the money.

    To pick up on the previous thread, I think (like street harassment) a lot of men don’t even see the amount of judgement women are subjected to on account of their looks or the chilling effect it has on women’s self-esteem and agency. If they were indoctrinated their whole lives that their whole worth was based on how fuckable they are, maybe then they’d get it. Until then we just get told we’re being “oversensitive”.

  87. Though as a woman of color, for once I found woc invisibility a welcoming surprise.

    Time for bitter feminist chuckles!

    Seriously, that killed me too — because you know that actresses of color were not even on his radar as “hot” to begin with, so who cares if they’re spoiled?

    And now I realize he didn’t quite make that comparison. *headdesk* Sorry, I’m stupid sometimes.

    Actually, he did: They hit their expiration date and go bad, and once they hit that point there’s no making the sour gallon of milk scrumptious again.

  88. Anger at first yes, but then almost pity. It’s the palpable terror of death that is so pervasive and pathetically sad.

    He seems to pour his disgust all over the bodies of these women who act as a canvas for his rage, at the finiteness of life. He is punishing for that reminder.

    I say uselessly because there is no insight, no revelation, no resolution; nothing.

    That’s why people like him are so disgusted with themselves, at their cowardice which makes them feel even more powerless and scared.
    They don’t understand the courage to be vulnerable, to know you will end, to explore that, directly, without trying to protect themselves by hiding behind women.

    This gap between I’m a big man who can tear these women to pieces, and thinking of the void, terrifies me, makes me feel small, makes for more rage and so it goes, round and round again.

  89. Echoing Renatus above, for a brief PSA:

    Pasteurized milk spoils before it goes sour. Which is why nowadays things like sour cream and creme fraiche and supermarket buttermilk (as opposed to real buttermilk, which is the liquid leftover from butter-making) have to be specifically cultured to achieve their sharp flavor and thick texture. Pasteurization destroys the microbes that used to naturally turn dairy products pleasantly sour and thick.

    Unfortunately, the words “sour” and “spoiled” have become interchangable when it comes to milk, but they are not the same thing.
    So please don’t pull that expired carton of milk out of fridge, take a sniff and go, “Ugh, sour. I know, I’ll make pancakes!”

    Brought to you by your local, friendly food nerd.

    Oh, and that article? Epic, vile, FAIL.

  90. Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A (sternly): That’s not funny.

    THAT IS MY FAVORITE JOKE TOO! (I introduce it to people who may be less familiar with my sense of humor as “my favorite naughty feminist joke”.)

    Pasteurized milk spoils before it goes sour

    Uh? I’ve had numerous partial gallons of milk go sour in my fridge. And made pancakes with them. I’m not sure I understand your distinction, but the spoiled milk I’ve accidentally, say, put in my tea (ew) sure tastes sour to me.

  91. Something that I find interesting* about the way this guy talks about these women is that he seems to be blaming the fact that movies they were in bombed entirely because they didn’t fit his definition of attractive.

    And after the bomb that was Australia, I think it’s clear that audiences are not drawn to her in droves anymore (were they ever?).

    Leatherheads, Appaloosa, New in Town…none of these movies have done well and it doesn’t seem like an accident that she’s been the female lead in all three of them.

    Now we look forward to her work in Shrek 4 because we won’t have to look at her.

    But on the other hand:

    In Castaway you really feel bad for Tom Hanks because of how bad fate screwed him over – he lost a damn fine woman!

    Clearly, whether a movie is good or not depends solely on the size of Nathan Bloch’s boner.

    *read as: disgusting.

  92. I have to chirp in for SJP. I liked SATC, despite some problematic nature and such, but I liked the relationships between the female characters. I have always hated the way the press picks on her because she dared to just be herself. Even though I find her grating sometimes, I am really bothered by the not-to-subtle “how dare you try to be hot” froth that some men have about her.

    SM, I was bracing myself to see if some long forgotten blactress made the list and was picked apart for not keeping her svelte figure. That’s what I notice in some brown pop culture spaces, “former” hotties like Jayne Kennedy, Vanity and Pebbles are picked apart for putting on some weight.

  93. Oy, nothing really to say. Wanted to take a side trip to a thread where the dipwad in question isn’t actually here to spew stoopid all over everything.

    (ahhhhhhh sweet relief)

  94. Eeeeeeek. OK, I mean, there are some women on the list that I’ve never been a big fan of (seriously, I just don’t get the fascination with Julia Roberts – I never have and I never will). But “past their expiration date?”

    How about fuck you, Spike. You’re worthless and expired. You don’t even show good CSI reruns anymore.

  95. Wow. So this guy seriously isn’t even worth the piss it would take to drown him. Seriously, Queen Elizabeth I’s being “hot” by his vacuous modern standards was so totally more important than the fact that she turned England into the world’s foremost naval power and that her reign is still regarded 500-odd years later as one of the best periods in English history due to the fact that the country was mostly very peaceful and prosperous. But fuck, who cares about that shit? Bitch was UGLY, so she should have to go, y’all!

    Sorry, but Megan Fox is a terrible actress and not worth 1/10 of Drew Barrymore. Oh, but I’m just a jealous bitch for saying that. Does anyone else get really pissed off by this societal double standard: Women who make comments about the dubious acting ability of women such as Megan Fox or Jessica Biel are jealous bitches, but men who say the same things about actors like Orlando Bloom, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Shia LeBeouf are totally objective and only saying that because the guys really are sucky actors, not because they’re jealous! Because only women are petty enough to jealous of someone based on their appearance, men are so above all that. Ugh.

  96. I was thinking about this thread while watching “Quan of Solace” and drooling over Ms. Dame Dench. If this article is to believed, she passed her SBD two hundred years ago. Fools. I want to marry her when she’s in M drag.

  97. And the stupidest thing of all is, I find most of the women on their list absolutely charming in their features. What the hell are they doing all day, watching mannequin porn? I don’t think I understand how your range of attractive features can get that narrow…

    Ugh, ugh, ugh. And people say that there’s not a link between animal product-consumption and sexism. Jeebus.

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