Comments on: Miss Conduct’s Mind Over Manners: A Very Belated Review

By: Flame Writing

Flame Writing — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 13:06:40 +0000

Great post. Just an interesting side note on something quoted from the book, though: “Just-world theory is comforting — it lets you believe that you won’t get cancer because you don’t smoke, that you won’t get raped because you don’t wear short skirts, that you won’t go bankrupt because you work hard and save. Comforting — and wrong, both factually and morally. It’s natural to look at someone who has suffered misfortune and immediately try to figure out why the misfortune happened and why, therefore, it could never happen to you. But remind yourself, after your monkey mind does that little self-serving exercise, that random bad things happen to people.”

Never saw rape as a random thing that happens, I must admit. Unlike the other things on the list, it is something that is done to you, deliberately, by another person. I just found it interesting that this slipped onto the list of apparently random badnesses. I don’t assume by any means that rape was intentionally presented as the same kind of ‘random’ as bankruptcy or cancer, but in a way that makes it even more interesting.

By: Annie

Annie — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:28:00 +0000

Sure you can leave a “I’m concerned for your health” note if it’s the neighbours themselves! Something like, “gosh, it sure would be a shame if an “accident” happened while you were being loud at night. Sure would suck to find your car keyed/house egged/trees TP’d the morning after a big party. Just sayin’.”

Or would that not be good etiquette?

By: shinobi42

shinobi42 — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 17:39:51 +0000

Can you just leave a note when it is your neighbors themselves that are keeping you up at night? I somehow don’t think the “concern for your health” issue is gonna work this time though. Alas.

By: fatsmartchick

fatsmartchick — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 16:22:41 +0000

It is increasingly unacceptable to leave dogs outside especially in the city. Responsible dog people don’t do it. . Obviously the dogs will bark. But they can also be stolen by breeders, general weirdos, or people who think the dog is being neglected….which it is. PLUS dogs left in isolation are more prone to aggression so its possibly a public health issue.

FJ it is not your responsibility to worry about whether or not the dog fits in a small house. The owners have encroached on your personal space and you have a right to say something.

Write an anonymous note, explain the problem, and say that you’ll call the police and animal control if it continues. That way you’re not putting yourself in danger if the person is confrontational.

Enclosed in the envelope I would include articles from groups like Dogs Deserve Better. I pasted a link they have about the problems with leaving dogs outside but they have other articles that address this problem.

http://www.dogsdeservebetter.com/outsidedogs.html

By: Kate Harding

Kate Harding — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:57:40 +0000

Well, I think you can back it up, purely from an etiquette/disturbing the peace standpoint — and if necessary, let animal control decide if there’s a dog-health reason to get them to take the poor thing inside.

By: fillyjonk

fillyjonk — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:34:26 +0000

But I also know telling people what to do with their dogs goes over about as well as telling them what to do with their kids.

Yeah, that’s why I only wanted to tell them what to do if I could back it up… but the flip side is saying “I wish you’d do something.” Which is a bit vague but, yeah, also doesn’t seem as lecturey.

By: Caitlin

Caitlin — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:31:28 +0000

I’m not very confrontational in real life (unless I’m outraged and/or someone is trying to make me feel like I don’t belong in my own goddamned world) but I go all JFGKRHJLWHAT when people are doing stupid loud inconsiderate things that stop me (and others) sleeping. It’s the height of rudeness. People need energy to function!

I wonder if they sleep through the dog’s barking or if it keeps them up too? Either way, FJ, I am so with Kate — they absolutely DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT to let their dog bark outside all night if it’s keeping their neighbours up, and it’s up to them to deal with it as they see fit, but they do need to deal with it.

By: Kate Harding

Kate Harding — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:22:48 +0000

It’s not necessarily a dog-owning truism, but a lot of more geeked-out dog owners are definitely against leaving dogs outside overnight. I’m not a big fan of the practice. But I also know telling people what to do with their dogs goes over about as well as telling them what to do with their kids. So personally, I actually would focus on the etiquette issue, rather than the dog health issue here. Basically, “I’m a dog lover, and I’m sure your dog is awesome, but when you leave him outside all night, he keeps the whole neighborhood awake, and that’s just not okay.” And I would probably try to let them know as gently as possible that you intend to call police and/or animal control if it keeps happening. Then I would do that. That dog is obviously not fucking happy about being out there all night, and having authorities check on him might not be the worst idea.

I defer to Miss Conduct if she has a better idea, though.

By: fillyjonk

fillyjonk — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:27:30 +0000

Is it better to include something in the note about what I would prefer they do instead? Because I'm not 100% sure what one does with a dog who's determined to bark itself sick if you leave it outside -- I would just not leave it outside in the first place, but I don't know if that's universally a bad idea (in parts of my area there are known dognapping problems but not here), and I do know how small houses are around here, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable saying to them "I really wish you would let your dog bark INSIDE your house instead" if it's not a dog-owning truism that you don't leave them outside overnight.

By: Miss Conduct

Miss Conduct — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:38:13 +0000

FJ, talk to your neighbors, or leave them a note or something. My usual advice is to FEIGN concern for the dog, but you actually ARE concerned, so there you go. (I would be worried about the dog, too, but a lot of people don’t care.)