All right, Shapelings, this is your own damn fault. For some reason we have not been able to stop talking about creepy-ass animals in comments all week, what with the coconut crabs and the megalodons and all. Comment threads are starting to induce nightmares and fits of madness. So let’s just get it out of our collective system and use this thread to scare the pants off each other.
I recently watched Sir David Attenborough’s Life of Mammals series (highly recommended), so I feel I have a bit of an advantage going into this thread. Whales themselves aren’t creepy to me, but that was of course before I learned that they have 12-foot wangs that emerge from slits in their abdomens (NSFW…maybe?):
The most epistemologically creepy type of animal, IMHO, is the monotreme. Monotremes, in addition to giving us the classical example of fucked-up shit, the duck-billed platypus, are mammals that lay eggs, which is a little creepy. But that’s small potatoes compared to the fact that they do not have nipples, so they just OOZE MILK FROM THEIR TORSOS.
Ahem. I realize it’s not as “run for your life” scary as a crab that could bite your arm off, but it gives me the shivers. Plus they’ve got poisonous spurs.
So have at it: creepy animal time. Abandon all hope ye who click the comment threads.