Like others, for a good long while I felt that if I dated a fat man it would say something about me, as though it were asserting my patheticness, my inability to be attractive. I realized, that by thinking that, was I buying into the same sort of thinking that keeps so many guys away from (gasp!) a woman with extra poundage (which is something I am). I realized that I was being a hypocrite and that it was just as unfair, so I stopped thinking it. All of a sudden, my guy prospects seemed to double. My fat guy friend was hot. I had an amazing sex dream about him. And I felt better about myself. I’m pretty sure as an end result of not being as critical of others, I started being less critical of myself.

My boyfriend has started being encouraged by some of his doctors to lose weight. It breaks my heart, his rapid and unhealthy weight loss which was encouraged by his doctors before we met is actually what triggered his hypoglycemic episodes to begin with (something his doctors then scolded him for having).

My boyfriend is an amazingly intelligent, supportive, humorous, loving and sexy man. He’s also fat. And I couldn’t love him any more or less if he were x# of lbs heavier or lighter.

So true. I also find that hubby is less attractive when I’m less happy with myself – he’s a part of me, in a sense, so when I despise myself I’ll despise him. Ack!

Less symbolically and more annoyingly, I can find hubby less attractive when I’m mad with him but won’t admit it. :p Like he’s done something stupid or rude but it seems too petty for me to admit being bothered by it so I try to stuff it down but it comes out in my not finding him attractive.

I was thinking about this, and I’ve had the same thoughts about my husband at times. He’s not fat, but he’s certainly larger than he was when we were first together, and this has bothered me. It even bothered me after I realized that I do indeed find some fat men attractive. It was sort of a variation on that “Everybody else’s fat is fine, but mine is disgusting” thing; other men can be fat and hot, but not my husband.

I think, though, that it really has more to do with me than him. If he gets fat (and, given his father, he will probably be kind of fat), then we’ll be a fat couple, and not a fat girl who is married to a not-fat guy. And I’d rather be a fat girl married to a not-fat guy, because that says something about me. I may be fat, but I’m still cool/attractive/sexy/desirable. If he’s fat, then we’re just two fat people, and there’s no elevated status in being married to a fat guy. Maybe then I’m not somehow better/cooler/sexier than every other fat woman out there.

I’m sure this isn’t the case for most people not attracted to fat men. But, looking back on times when I have avoided relationships with people I told myself I just didn’t find attractive, it really had a lot less to do with my truly not finding them attractive and my wanting to reject the things that I felt like being with that person would say about me. I tend to think so much of attraction is more head stuff and social stuff than anything innate about us, and for me a lot of what has attracted me to people has been things that, ultimately, would reflect positively on me. Like I said, this has been my experience, and I’m not saying it’s true for everybody who doesn’t find fat guys attractive. But, I’m guessing that, if there wasn’t a social stigma to dating a fat person, and if there wasn’t a status that went along with dating somebody thin, then a lot more women would be attracted to fat men then currently are.

I honestly could NOT understand all the people who called Sawyer “hot” for the longest time – then I saw the actor on some celeb thing where he was being himself and about fell over. That actor is hot. Sawyer? Not so much. Hurley was a much more attractive human being in my book…

I crushed on Hoss from Bonanza (pretty much a chunk) and Hannibal Heyes from Alias Smith and Jones (scrawn city) at about the same time; never had any problem with being attracted to heavy guys. However, I wasn’t willing to get serious about a heavy guy because I wanted to have kids and I didn’t want them to get a double whammy of hefty genes in this culture. *sigh*

I dunno what to call that but I’m not proud of it.

I have a bit of a celeb-crush on him. He’s one of my boyfriends, along with Cary Elwes, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and David Krumholtz.

Lu writes: I just started catching up with Lost (via Netflix). I’ve only watched the first 5 or so episodes, but Hurley is a helluva guy. What a great character…

Oh, you have *so* much more Hurley love to look forward to. Grab the popcorn and the comfy side of the couch, because it’s a long ride. It’s a good idea to avoid spoilers if you can, because the episodes (IMO) work so much better as surprises.

Also, you can watch LOST on the ABC web site in streaming video (minimal commercials.)

The LOST gossip says that Jorge Garcia originally auditioned for the part of Sawyer (!!!), but was ruled out for that. However, the creators liked him so much that they apparently *tailored the role of Hurley for him.*

OK, /fangirling.

I really am glad to see more articles on fat men in and around the Fatosphere, too. :beams:

And, last Wednesday I was totally thinking that Hurley was kind of hot.