Comments on: Grow up already http://kateharding.net/2009/01/10/grow-up-already/ Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:04:55 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: diaryofarecoveredbulimic http://kateharding.net/2009/01/10/grow-up-already/#comment-101607 diaryofarecoveredbulimic Sat, 04 Jul 2009 09:03:51 +0000 http://kateharding.net/?p=2432#comment-101607 As a recovered bulimic/anorexic, it was my main goal to raise kids without eating problems. I have succeeded. How? I never made an issue out of food. We have healthy stuff & some junk, and it all balances out. Children learn a lot by watching -- and I was always clear about food. I think it is very important to convey a positive attitude, to let food be food -- a source of nourishment as opposed to the enemy. The word "diet" is not part of my vocabulary, nor do we have a scale. Nor are any foods "fattening". Everything is allowed -- in moderation. When I was growing up, my mother used to binge and fast, was slim and always on a diet. Not the best role model. So I had to figure out the hard way what "normal" is. Those who learned it as children are blessed. Those who didn't have a struggle, but it is possible -- a learning process. As a recovered bulimic/anorexic, it was my main goal to raise kids without eating problems. I have succeeded. How? I never made an issue out of food. We have healthy stuff & some junk, and it all balances out. Children learn a lot by watching — and I was always clear about food. I think it is very important to convey a positive attitude, to let food be food — a source of nourishment as opposed to the enemy. The word “diet” is not part of my vocabulary, nor do we have a scale. Nor are any foods “fattening”. Everything is allowed — in moderation.
When I was growing up, my mother used to binge and fast, was slim and always on a diet. Not the best role model. So I had to figure out the hard way what “normal” is. Those who learned it as children are blessed. Those who didn’t have a struggle, but it is possible — a learning process.

]]> By: E http://kateharding.net/2009/01/10/grow-up-already/#comment-99304 E Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:58:48 +0000 http://kateharding.net/?p=2432#comment-99304 My mother never restricted my eating growing up. I am now, and have always been, capable of stopping when I'm no longer hungry and eating without a feeling of guilt. I also never feel afraid that I'm going to eat everything in the world. In summary, thanks to my mom for stocking carrots and chocolate milk and cake and potatoes and chicken and pizza. It's made me a much less stressed-out person. Coincidentally, I had a very liberating conversation with the thin waitress at my local cafe. It went a little something like this: Me: "I'm going to have the mozza sticks and an iced tea, please." Her: "Okay!" *smile* Did you see that? Apparently it's possible for a thin person to look a fat person in the face, consent to bring them a plate full of deep-fried cheese, and smile, all without a judgemental expression or a sermon either verbal or nonverbal. Apparently there are people outside of the fat acceptance community who are okay with the fact that I can eat batter when I want it. Shoot, it isn't much, but it made me feel like the world might be getting better after all. My mother never restricted my eating growing up. I am now, and have always been, capable of stopping when I’m no longer hungry and eating without a feeling of guilt. I also never feel afraid that I’m going to eat everything in the world.

In summary, thanks to my mom for stocking carrots and chocolate milk and cake and potatoes and chicken and pizza. It’s made me a much less stressed-out person.

Coincidentally, I had a very liberating conversation with the thin waitress at my local cafe. It went a little something like this:

Me: “I’m going to have the mozza sticks and an iced tea, please.”
Her: “Okay!” *smile*

Did you see that? Apparently it’s possible for a thin person to look a fat person in the face, consent to bring them a plate full of deep-fried cheese, and smile, all without a judgemental expression or a sermon either verbal or nonverbal. Apparently there are people outside of the fat acceptance community who are okay with the fact that I can eat batter when I want it.

Shoot, it isn’t much, but it made me feel like the world might be getting better after all.

]]> By: Caitlin http://kateharding.net/2009/01/10/grow-up-already/#comment-80679 Caitlin Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:37:52 +0000 http://kateharding.net/?p=2432#comment-80679 *learning Also, now I reread that I pretty much just spilled my brain onto SP in a way that had nothing to do with anything. Sorry. Carry on. *learning

Also, now I reread that I pretty much just spilled my brain onto SP in a way that had nothing to do with anything. Sorry. Carry on.

]]> By: Caitlin http://kateharding.net/2009/01/10/grow-up-already/#comment-80678 Caitlin Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:35:34 +0000 http://kateharding.net/?p=2432#comment-80678 I grew up on Norn Irish farm food – meat, veg, potatoes. Spaghetti bolognese was as adventurously “ethnic” as it got in our house. I discovered Indian food aged 18 (thanks, ex-boyfriend!) and have been eating it every chance I get ever since. The “what kids are raised with is what they’ll eat for life” stuff is (IMO) mostly bollocks designed to give mothers one more thing to feel guilty about. Because just like you can never be thin or pretty enough, you can never raise your children well enough, so LET US TELL YOU HOW YOU’RE FAILING. <I>Here’s the thing: we’re all going to make bad decisions sometimes. It’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t even have to try to be perfect! I</I> I know you were saying this about food choices, SM, but sometimes I think I need this tattooed on me so I remember to apply it to life in general. If I can't get a first-class degree without sacrificing my real life and my health, I need to stop wanting it & thinking I 'have' to have it, because it is damaging me. I need to stop trying to please people all the time, and I need to stop thinking the way I am as a person is inherently faulty or not good enough, especially since the more I read about it the more I think I might have the ADD, which would make my life make so much more sense. I have a problem with deadlines and punctuality. That does not make me a bad person; that makes me an otherwise good person who has problems getting shit done on time because of how her brain works. It's like I have a Fantasy of Being Thin for my personality too, and earning to embrace <i>me</i> as I am would help my sanity as much as embracing my body as it is fixed my relationship with my physical self. I wish I knew how to do that. (This brought to you courtesy of the lab report due today I haven't started due to the overwhelming academic anxiety. *sigh* Is not such a good day to be me.) I grew up on Norn Irish farm food – meat, veg, potatoes. Spaghetti bolognese was as adventurously “ethnic” as it got in our house. I discovered Indian food aged 18 (thanks, ex-boyfriend!) and have been eating it every chance I get ever since. The “what kids are raised with is what they’ll eat for life” stuff is (IMO) mostly bollocks designed to give mothers one more thing to feel guilty about. Because just like you can never be thin or pretty enough, you can never raise your children well enough, so LET US TELL YOU HOW YOU’RE FAILING.

Here’s the thing: we’re all going to make bad decisions sometimes. It’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t even have to try to be perfect! I

I know you were saying this about food choices, SM, but sometimes I think I need this tattooed on me so I remember to apply it to life in general.

If I can’t get a first-class degree without sacrificing my real life and my health, I need to stop wanting it & thinking I ‘have’ to have it, because it is damaging me. I need to stop trying to please people all the time, and I need to stop thinking the way I am as a person is inherently faulty or not good enough, especially since the more I read about it the more I think I might have the ADD, which would make my life make so much more sense.

I have a problem with deadlines and punctuality. That does not make me a bad person; that makes me an otherwise good person who has problems getting shit done on time because of how her brain works. It’s like I have a Fantasy of Being Thin for my personality too, and earning to embrace me as I am would help my sanity as much as embracing my body as it is fixed my relationship with my physical self. I wish I knew how to do that.

(This brought to you courtesy of the lab report due today I haven’t started due to the overwhelming academic anxiety. *sigh* Is not such a good day to be me.)

]]> By: Madelyn http://kateharding.net/2009/01/10/grow-up-already/#comment-80448 Madelyn Thu, 15 Jan 2009 02:54:07 +0000 http://kateharding.net/?p=2432#comment-80448 ScatteredMarbles, that's ridiculous!! Sounds like your mom just wants to control YOU and it has very little to do with food. Can you maybe buy some of your own food and try to regulate your own diet as opposed to having your mom be all control-freak-y about it? Or set limits for her? (though living and home and doing that sounds really hard) Because that sounds just insane... My upbringing foodwise was actually so normal, compared to some of these. My parents didn't have much junk food in the house ever, but would buy sugary cereals as a treat every so often. My mom also guilts everybody about too much butter/fat sometimes, but she managed to instill fairly sane and balanced eating habits in all of us kids. I'm really hoping that I can do that for my own. ScatteredMarbles, that’s ridiculous!! Sounds like your mom just wants to control YOU and it has very little to do with food. Can you maybe buy some of your own food and try to regulate your own diet as opposed to having your mom be all control-freak-y about it? Or set limits for her? (though living and home and doing that sounds really hard) Because that sounds just insane…

My upbringing foodwise was actually so normal, compared to some of these. My parents didn’t have much junk food in the house ever, but would buy sugary cereals as a treat every so often. My mom also guilts everybody about too much butter/fat sometimes, but she managed to instill fairly sane and balanced eating habits in all of us kids. I’m really hoping that I can do that for my own.

]]> By: Piffle http://kateharding.net/2009/01/10/grow-up-already/#comment-80446 Piffle Thu, 15 Jan 2009 02:39:43 +0000 http://kateharding.net/?p=2432#comment-80446 Poor kidlets, kids are supposed to get dirty and have fun; not be worrying their mother will get mad about their clothes. I do go so far as to say play clothes when they're going out to play rather than brand new stuff but geez. Caffiene can be bad for some kids, but it can be good for others. Still this is too overcontrolling. She probably shouldn't read any biographies they write as adults. Poor kidlets, kids are supposed to get dirty and have fun; not be worrying their mother will get mad about their clothes. I do go so far as to say play clothes when they’re going out to play rather than brand new stuff but geez.

Caffiene can be bad for some kids, but it can be good for others.

Still this is too overcontrolling. She probably shouldn’t read any biographies they write as adults.

]]> By: Wish http://kateharding.net/2009/01/10/grow-up-already/#comment-80419 Wish Thu, 15 Jan 2009 00:41:11 +0000 http://kateharding.net/?p=2432#comment-80419 I have an aunt who is a complete control freak when it comes to her kids' eating habits. She used to be very large, she's nearly six feet tall and I'd say once weighed well over 300 pounds. Funny thing is, she was at her fattest when she married my then thin, good-looking uncle (he's still good-looking, just not so thin :P ). So being fat really didn't stop her from having friends or dating or any of that stereotypical stuff. She became obsessive over losing weight, and now is probably ten pounds under what she should be. She's had heart palpitations and near fainting spells because she restricts herself so much, but she feels she's healthy because she's thin. Her children are 7 and 5, and they are not allowed any junk food. She never has it in the house, and at family gatherings she leers over them to make sure they don't eat too many chips, or get a piece of cake with too much frosting. Another aunt babysat her son for a few hours, and gave him a chocolate chip cookie. When she asked if he'd like another one, he looked worried and said his mother would be angry if he did. And she was, in fact, quite angry he had a cookie and some soda (she hates for them to have any caffeine). At Christmas dinner, her daughter asked for a second roll, and her mother informed her that it would be too many carbs. So basically, her children are expected to act like perfect little robots, and they're so scared of angering or disapointing her, they have been known to have crying jags at school when they get their clothes dirty (bad enough for a parent to be called). Everybody in the family is concerned, but because most of us are big, she considers herself better than we are. So much drama! I have an aunt who is a complete control freak when it comes to her kids’ eating habits. She used to be very large, she’s nearly six feet tall and I’d say once weighed well over 300 pounds. Funny thing is, she was at her fattest when she married my then thin, good-looking uncle (he’s still good-looking, just not so thin :P ). So being fat really didn’t stop her from having friends or dating or any of that stereotypical stuff. She became obsessive over losing weight, and now is probably ten pounds under what she should be. She’s had heart palpitations and near fainting spells because she restricts herself so much, but she feels she’s healthy because she’s thin. Her children are 7 and 5, and they are not allowed any junk food. She never has it in the house, and at family gatherings she leers over them to make sure they don’t eat too many chips, or get a piece of cake with too much frosting. Another aunt babysat her son for a few hours, and gave him a chocolate chip cookie. When she asked if he’d like another one, he looked worried and said his mother would be angry if he did. And she was, in fact, quite angry he had a cookie and some soda (she hates for them to have any caffeine). At Christmas dinner, her daughter asked for a second roll, and her mother informed her that it would be too many carbs. So basically, her children are expected to act like perfect little robots, and they’re so scared of angering or disapointing her, they have been known to have crying jags at school when they get their clothes dirty (bad enough for a parent to be called). Everybody in the family is concerned, but because most of us are big, she considers herself better than we are. So much drama!

]]> By: Bonnie http://kateharding.net/2009/01/10/grow-up-already/#comment-80407 Bonnie Wed, 14 Jan 2009 15:10:34 +0000 http://kateharding.net/?p=2432#comment-80407 I had a food Nazi mom (my dad would let us eat whatever, but we were only rarely alone with him), and I was both a restricter and a compulsive sugar-and-junk binger until about 5 years ago, when I moved out on my own and realized I could eat whatever the fuck I wanted, and junk food makes my body feel like crap! Not only that, but I don't even like sweet stuff that much.. I prefer savory food. I admit I find the idea of my future children eating junk food makes me a little nervous now that I'm all into eating 'real food', but you just can't micromanage every aspect of your kid's lives. Not healthy for anything. You gotta let them live and make their own decisions, and mistakes. I had a food Nazi mom (my dad would let us eat whatever, but we were only rarely alone with him), and I was both a restricter and a compulsive sugar-and-junk binger until about 5 years ago, when I moved out on my own and realized I could eat whatever the fuck I wanted, and junk food makes my body feel like crap! Not only that, but I don’t even like sweet stuff that much.. I prefer savory food.

I admit I find the idea of my future children eating junk food makes me a little nervous now that I’m all into eating ‘real food’, but you just can’t micromanage every aspect of your kid’s lives. Not healthy for anything. You gotta let them live and make their own decisions, and mistakes.

]]> By: diaryofarecoveredbulimic http://kateharding.net/2009/01/10/grow-up-already/#comment-80397 diaryofarecoveredbulimic Wed, 14 Jan 2009 11:09:47 +0000 http://kateharding.net/?p=2432#comment-80397 I read some of the comments and must laugh. We were brought up on a mix of regular normal food (had a big garden) and junk food (breakfast cereals), then mom switched to health food when I was 10 or 11. The first thing my older brother did when he left home was buy a box of pop-tarts! (Just as he always said he would.) I had bulmia/anorexia for 13 years and had the dubious pleasure of learning the hard way how to eat normally and enjoy food. It is possible. It just takes determination, honesty, willingness and practice, and at some point replaces the old habit as a new one. I read some of the comments and must laugh. We were brought up on a mix of regular normal food (had a big garden) and junk food (breakfast cereals), then mom switched to health food when I was 10 or 11. The first thing my older brother did when he left home was buy a box of pop-tarts! (Just as he always said he would.)
I had bulmia/anorexia for 13 years and had the dubious pleasure of learning the hard way how to eat normally and enjoy food. It is possible. It just takes determination, honesty, willingness and practice, and at some point replaces the old habit as a new one.

]]> By: Scattered Marbles http://kateharding.net/2009/01/10/grow-up-already/#comment-80393 Scattered Marbles Wed, 14 Jan 2009 08:17:59 +0000 http://kateharding.net/?p=2432#comment-80393 I grew up in a household with 3 sisters who were all quite skinny ... I was the chubby one. My mom has always been one for healthy food... she was brought up very much that what you eat is a moral thing and somethings are bad and she would be a bad mother for serving her children sugared cereal and junk food. Being that I was the fat one of the family everything that went into my mouth was watched, I was taken to weight watchers at the age of 7, comments were always made about the amount of food I was taking and mealtimes were full of shame for me. While my sisters were all allowed seconds if they wanted them I never was this was the start of me learning to take as much as I could right away for fear I wouldn't get enough. Even that was commented on and I was made to feel bad about it. I started sneaking food, and hiding my eating and so began a very very disordered and messed up relationship with food. To this day eating makes me feel shame and I struggle with my relationship with it. Being I am back living with my parents while I go to college I am back in this enviroment. Now the minute my mom realizes I "Like" something it will not come back into the house because "it is best to remove the temptation to over indulge" now I am not talking about chocolate or cake here (though you will not see those around at all either) but stuff like chicken noodle soup, corn, hell even broccoli slaw mix you know the kind with the grated broccoli stems and carrots and such. Really anything that she decides I have eaten to much of will disappear from our house and not come back in except in controlled situations, like if company is coming over and she knows there won't be leftovers. So I admit to being a bit like those kids, when I find something I actually enjoy I do tend to eat more of it than normal because I know I probably won't see it again. Now I can say that us being kept from sugar did not reduce me to someone hooked on sugar much like a crack addict, yes there are times I crave something sweet.. but I also crave salad, and lettuce, and yes even liver and onions if I need iron. When living on my own you will never find me buried under a pile of junk food wrappers passed out from a binge, if I want something.. I have it ... then I move on because I know I will get it again if I want or need it it isn't a big deal. Being taught as I was growing up that food was bad , that there was a moral factor in all we ate certainly messed up my eating and started me on a road that led here. I grew up in a household with 3 sisters who were all quite skinny … I was the chubby one. My mom has always been one for healthy food… she was brought up very much that what you eat is a moral thing and somethings are bad and she would be a bad mother for serving her children sugared cereal and junk food.

Being that I was the fat one of the family everything that went into my mouth was watched, I was taken to weight watchers at the age of 7, comments were always made about the amount of food I was taking and mealtimes were full of shame for me. While my sisters were all allowed seconds if they wanted them I never was this was the start of me learning to take as much as I could right away for fear I wouldn’t get enough. Even that was commented on and I was made to feel bad about it. I started sneaking food, and hiding my eating and so began a very very disordered and messed up relationship with food.

To this day eating makes me feel shame and I struggle with my relationship with it. Being I am back living with my parents while I go to college I am back in this enviroment. Now the minute my mom realizes I “Like” something it will not come back into the house because “it is best to remove the temptation to over indulge” now I am not talking about chocolate or cake here (though you will not see those around at all either) but stuff like chicken noodle soup, corn, hell even broccoli slaw mix you know the kind with the grated broccoli stems and carrots and such. Really anything that she decides I have eaten to much of will disappear from our house and not come back in except in controlled situations, like if company is coming over and she knows there won’t be leftovers. So I admit to being a bit like those kids, when I find something I actually enjoy I do tend to eat more of it than normal because I know I probably won’t see it again.

Now I can say that us being kept from sugar did not reduce me to someone hooked on sugar much like a crack addict, yes there are times I crave something sweet.. but I also crave salad, and lettuce, and yes even liver and onions if I need iron. When living on my own you will never find me buried under a pile of junk food wrappers passed out from a binge, if I want something.. I have it … then I move on because I know I will get it again if I want or need it it isn’t a big deal.

Being taught as I was growing up that food was bad , that there was a moral factor in all we ate certainly messed up my eating and started me on a road that led here.

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