Dear spammers: Are you fucking stupid?

Today we got emails from two different real, English-speaking humans asking us to use the blog to shill for 1) a weight loss challenge and 2) a calorie-counting website. I’ve worked in marketing (though thank god I was marketing something a little less reprehensible than a fucking calorie-counting tool), and I know that sometimes the pressure to bother as many people as possible is pretty overwhelming. It’s certainly quantity over quality where marketing is concerned. But seriously, how many words of this blog do you think someone has to read before they figure out that we could not be any less fucking interested? Three in a row? How absolutely shit-dumb do you have to be to be unable to figure out that our “customers” (seriously) will not be interested? How obvious could it be that you’re wasting your time?

Even more hilariously, I wrote back to one of them saying she should be fired if this is her idea of targeted advertising. Her response? SHE CALLED ME FAT. (She also called herself a spammer. Her mom must be so proud.) People are seriously this inept! It’s hilarious, and yet at the same time, do I really want to live in a world where people’s reading comprehension skills are so nonexistent? I blame the schools. (I really want to link to the page as a name-and-shame, but come on, like you guys are in any danger of unknowingly using the product.) (ETA: Okay, I finally looked at the site and it’s a total riot so I have to share: New Calorie Counter. You’ll have to google it because that link currently redirects to a less hilarious blog — or you could just riff off people in the comments, no real need to see the original source. Obviously, if you’re gonna use a calorie-counting site, which you weren’t going to anyway, don’t use this one, blah blah — but more importantly, enjoy the hilarity!)

So, because it’s apparently not clear enough (depending on what’s on the front page, sometimes you have to scroll down a page and/or click something before you figure out that THIS IS A FAT ACCEPTANCE BLOG): Dear marketing interns, spammers, potential spammers, and people who want us to spam our readers on your behalf, THIS IS A FAT ACCEPTANCE BLOG. WE ARE NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR NEW DIET OR OTHER WEIGHT-LOSS RELATED PRODUCT. PLEASE FUCKING TAKE STOCK OF YOUR LIFE.

ETA: Hey, The Rotund got one too! Alison is not the one who got abusive, it was Christina at New Calorie Counter.

145 thoughts on “Dear spammers: Are you fucking stupid?

  1. Not only that, but she called me fat BASED ON MY PICTURE, WHICH IS A CARTOON. I mean, I also am fat, but it’s fucking hard to tell that based on a 2D drawing.

  2. I’d copy/paste it, but a) my Usenet netiquette training rebels at the thought and b) Miz H would try to diagram the sentence and probably have an aneurysm. Suffice to say it wasn’t the best-formed insult, but the gist was that based on my picture I have need of their calorie-counting program No more content than that. It was precious! Especially since she clearly went back to the blog to look at my picture, but STILL didn’t manage to figure out that MAYBE I WILL NOT BE INSULTED IF YOU CALL ME FAT.

  3. “Dear spammers: Are you fucking stupid?”

    Yes. Yes, they are.

    The fact that she thought calling you fat would be a devastating insult really speaks to her reading comprehension skills, yes?

  4. The fact that she thought calling you fat would be a devastating insult really speaks to her reading comprehension skills, yes?

    Yes, indeed. Hell, I get similar emails with “You may not think you’re fat, but even 10lbs can have serious health affects.”

    I MIGHT NOT THINK I’M FAT???? Huh???????

  5. She actually registered a new gmail account to make sure I got the email where she called me fat (because she knew I was going to send any further emails to spam). Just for laughs I’m going to see if I can get the site taken down — I do have her on record calling herself a spammer several times.

  6. “Dear spammers: Are you fucking stupid?” made me laugh out loud. I guess I have this perception that FJ is the sweet, mild-mannered member of the trio of fearless bloggers here at SP and I was somewhat bowled over by the emotion contained in those 6 words. I assure you, the hearty laugh was quite welcome given the day I’ve had.

  7. I guess I have this perception that FJ is the sweet, mild-mannered member of the trio of fearless bloggers here at SP

    Ahahahahaha seriously???

    Wait, did you get me and SM confused?

  8. WTF??? OK, I’ve been writing this a lot now but WTF???:

    Exhibit 1. She called you fat like it is a bad thing?
    Exhibit 2. She called herself a spammer like this is an acceptable thing to admit?

    Conclusion: We now have evidence that life can exist even without a working brain.

  9. Exhibit 2. She called herself a spammer like this is an acceptable thing to admit?

    Apparently she thought I should be so ashamed to write back to a spam message that it totally canceled out the indignity of ACTUALLY BEING A SPAMMER.

    The funny thing was, the message wasn’t actually spam in the sense of indiscriminate mass mailings — the major fail was that it was supposed to be targeted marketing. That she then adopted the spam mantle was simply a delicious auxiliary fail.

  10. From their amazing site, where somehow they have not yet learned that “lose” has but a single “o”:

    People who live healthy lifestyles tend to eat healthy, while people, who don’t, eat just about anything as long as it’s edible.

    I don’t know about you, but that sentence makes me want to eat the extra inedible comma.

    NOMNOMNOMNOM

  11. No duh, brainiac–eating healthy is PART of living a healthy lifestyle!

    Is it bad that my brain keeps reading the first half of that sentence as “People who live healthy lifestyles tend to eat healthy, white people”?

  12. But that site is so educational! Like this juicy tidbit:

    “Did you know that 100 grams of fried beef liver contains more than 8-10 times the recommended amount of Vitamin A? ”

    Well, color me enlightened! Fried beef liver for dinner it is!

  13. Calling anyone fat (especially someone you’ve actually seen in real life, rather than in cartoon version) is always so insightful. It would be a bit like trying to insult someone by saying “Oh, yeah? Well, you’re wearing socks with your shoes, so there.” Um, yes, and?

  14. Meg, I was totally going to comment on just that. MMMM, forget baby flavored donuts and hand over that beef liver!!
    If they spent a tad more time actually studying nutrition and metabolism, they would find that it’s hard/impossible to overdose on fat soluble vitamins in their natural forms, you usually get in trouble with supplements.
    Now I must stop years of vegetarianism for the uncontrollable lust to eat BEEF LIVERS!!!! I have no willpower in the face of organ meat!

  15. @ Karalora

    “Is it bad that my brain keeps reading the first half of that sentence as “People who live healthy lifestyles tend to eat healthy, white people”?”

    That’s how I first read that line too!

  16. People who live healthy lifestyles tend to eat healthy … what? Babies? Plants? LOL your adverbs, people. If you take that extra comma and trade it for an adverbial suffix you’ll come in under the daily recommended allowance of grammar fuck ups.

    You save even more if you lose those extra o’s in “loose”. If you’re genetically predisposed to being a sloppy grammarian, and therefore correcting all your writing mistakes seems overwhelming, try doing short 10-minute proofreading sessions. They’ll really add up.

    (On a related note, I think it might be kind of fun to loose my fat on people… like some kind of awesome superpower).

  17. I had some loose fat once, I took it to obedience training and straightened that right up! Now my fat can be loosed at any moment, but always comes back when I call. It’s really all about positive reinforcement.

  18. As I commented elsewhere, I’ve had these idiots bug me, too. I figure that if they can’t demonstrate basic reading comprehension skills, then they deserve the DELETE key and nothing more.

  19. Methinks their marketing budget would be better spent on a writer.

    Also, maybe they think that fat acceptance is not serious, that somehow, it’s an act.

    When you consider all the people who come out with FA style utterances then go back to dieting before you know it, means that some people think we can’t possibly mean it, deep down.

    The fact that she called you fat and expected you to burst into tears or something, confirms it.

    I hope she’s got the message, that some of us are not bullshitting when we talk about FA.

  20. “If you’re genetically predisposed to being a sloppy grammarian, and therefore correcting all your writing mistakes seems overwhelming, try doing short 10-minute proofreading sessions. They’ll really add up.”

    Best comment EVAR.

  21. What scares me most on the Calorie Counter site is the inclusion of baby foods on there, leading me to believe that either

    a) These people think babies need calorie restrictive dieting to lose weight
    b) Adults eat baby food
    c) Both

    No matter what though, it’s f’n scary.

  22. I like the beginning of the paragraph at the bottom, which starts “If you’re a weight loss enthusiast…”

    Sorry, but there are better things to be enthusiastic about. Going on vacation. Getting ready to enjoy a good meal of fried beef livers and that tablespoon of peanut butter for dessert. Reading this blog. David Tennant. But weight loss? Or according to the grammar-challenged spammers at Calorie Counter, weight loose.

  23. Now now, let’s not be too hard on stupid people. They can’t help being stupid.
    It’s evolution.
    They exist so we can eat them, as part of a healthy lifestyle. Unfortunately, some of them — a tragically large proportion — become spammers, and therefore inedible.

  24. God, I love you people.

    “You save even more if you lose those extra o’s in “loose”. If you’re genetically predisposed to being a sloppy grammarian, and therefore correcting all your writing mistakes seems overwhelming, try doing short 10-minute proofreading sessions. They’ll really add up.”

    Bwahahaha. And copy/paste- saved to desktop.

    “I had some loose fat once, I took it to obedience training and straightened that right up! Now my fat can be loosed at any moment, but always comes back when I call. It’s really all about positive reinforcement.”

    Died. laughing. again.

  25. “They exist so we can eat them, as part of a healthy lifestyle.”

    Only if they’re healthy and white.

  26. Ok, so I just noticed that the original post had been edited to include a link to the site and I clicked it so I could see all these wonderful gems for myself and instead of taking me to a calorie counting site with hilarious grammatical errors I was lead to a blog called NO MA’AM. (National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood)

    Guess. Just Guess. What that blog is all about?

  27. “I don’t know about you, but that sentence makes me want to eat the extra inedible comma.
    NOMNOMNOMNOM”

    BAR freaking HAR! Thank you, thank you for this tidbit of wit!

  28. *laugh* Yeah, I get three or four of these a week and it’s just so ridiculous! I have gotten two that are interesting – a book that I’m waiting to read and a person I have to email back for more info but they seem to have actually, you know, read the blog.

    It stone cold cracks me up that she called you fat and herself a spammer. She really is totally fail.

  29. Okay, the link to the calorie site is now pointing at a blog of douchebaggery. It’s equally funny and grammatically catastrophic, but also with the stabby pains….wtf?

  30. Another brilliant marketing strategy: Make your website redirect to another site.

    I dunno, guys, is the blog funny enough to leave the link up? I find antifeminism kinda snoresville, except when it’s MRAs complaining about how fat makes them cut their junk off.

  31. Wow, I’m glad other people are experiencing the joys of NO’MAM because I really thought I had somehow failed at clicking a link properly.

  32. I figure that if they can’t demonstrate basic reading comprehension skills, then they deserve the DELETE key and nothing more.

    Mockery is kind of our MO around here.

  33. JR, I honestly don’t know, never got into watching that obnoxious show but since there’s a picture of Al Bundy with a NO MA’AM sign attached to a podium up at the site, I’m going to say, yea that’s the group.

    FJ , I wouldn’t really call the site funny but it certainly does have a lot of mockery potential.

  34. I made it about halfway through the blog post on NO MA’AM talking about how “In the economic contract of marriage, the female agrees to transfer the ownership of her sexual reproductive ability to the male, and she takes ownership of his surplus labour as payment for it.”

    And I just couldn’t really read any further because OMG, these dudes must be miserable assholes.

    FJ, I don’t think it’s so much funny at this point – it might piss a bunch of people off at anti-feminists but, eh, anti-feminists don’t really need any help with that, do they?

    What I think IS funny is that someone has redirected to that blog on purpose – probably because y’all mention feminism in the header. This is apparently what passes for witty repartee from spammers!

  35. probably because y’all mention feminism in the header

    Which means they read at least one word of the site! READING COMPREHENSION VICTORY

  36. I looked at their calorie counter and they listed baby foods but going to that calorie and entering “donuts” turned up zero results.

    So, obviously not targeted to us.

  37. Not only stupid, but her website is telling me to eat a level of calories I know from experience leaves me too hungry to function. Apparently that is the only way I will know if I am eating the right amount. Because hunger pangs and feeling full are just lies determined to steer me away from what my body really needs.

  38. Aw, filter ate my link!

    I was just saying that I want Hungry and an Adipose* to team up and be the Wonder Happy Body Twins.

    *Doctor Who, cutest alien in existence

  39. *clears throat*

    lol your fat!

    *goes back to cuddling Hungry with one arm and eating coffee cake with the other, while watching an Adipose baby dance! Dance, fatbaby, dance!*

    *And yes, I’m one of those folks who was like, “RTD, seriously, what did a fat angel ever do to you?” but still, those little fatbabies can dance like nobody’s business. In my friend’s icon.*

  40. “They exist so we can eat them, as part of a healthy lifestyle.”

    Only if they’re healthy and white.

    Yes, because dark meat is bad for you, amirite?

    And, damn it, I thought you were going to link to the baby-shaped cake on that site.

  41. “Even more hilariously, I wrote back to one of them saying she should be fired if this is her idea of targeted advertising. Her response? SHE CALLED ME FAT.”

    Its not often you met someone who loves the taste of their own feet so much. It’s not often the universe drops such a hilarious payload in your lap. ;)

    *back to lurking*

  42. And, damn it, I thought you were going to link to the baby-shaped cake on that site.

    Dude, that cake is for us. Like I’m sharing a cake baby.

  43. When trying to vilify something, the worst possible course of action is make it into a Muppet.

    The Muppet version of anything is guaranteed to be cute.

    I feel like we need to launch a rescue mission and get him out of the WW compound.

    Free Hungry!

    DRST

  44. I love Hungry!!! It’s so cute and lovable. Betcha they trademarked Hungry so I can’t start making them and send them out to my fave FA folks…

  45. Also I gotta say:

    Do you see now why it is important to keep track of your caloric intake in order to be successful? If you fail to do this, you will have no way of knowing if you are eating too much or too little.

    Really? There’s absolutely no other method in the known universe that will tell me whether I’m eating too much or too little? Not even that vague, gnawing sensation I get when I haven’t eaten in four or five hours? Those noises coming from my (fat) belly that sound kind of rumbly? Excessive saliva? Constant thoughts about particular food items I want right the hell now?

    Hunh. Must be the aliens taking over my brain then.

    DRST

  46. I am fucking up somehow

    Maybe swear more?

    Sorry, I am giddy, I had the worst job interview in the history of job interviews and am finding it extremely ridiculous.

  47. Maybe swear more?

    OH MY GOD I COULD NOT POSSIBLY FUCKING SWEAR MORE

    Sorry about the job interview… the job-hunt circuit is brutal. Good for funny stories at least?

  48. The Muppet version of anything is guaranteed to be cute.

    Except for the muppet version of The Gentlemen from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

  49. OH MY GOD I COULD NOT POSSIBLY FUCKING SWEAR MORE

    See, that’s a start ;)

    I’m now going to read your last few posts to see if it makes me think again.

    Oh, seriously. So unprofessional. It’d almost be funny except for the fact I’m still jobless :/

  50. First- Hungry- I saw on of the WW Hungry commercials for the first time last noght, and my squeals of pure delight followed by me shrieking “I want hunger, OMG, Honey! Find me HUnger, quick!” really confused my Hubby.
    I totally want one, Hunger looks like the most cuddly and lovable feeling ever.
    I would feed him gingermen cookies, and coffee, and we would watch cooking shows.
    I also love that in that particular WW commercial, part of their new plan is to “Fight HUbger by eating filling foods!” What the fuck now? You mean that if you eat filling foods, you will fill full?1 When the hell did this happen! Why did no one tell me? /\

    As for the calorie counter…. Yeah…no.

  51. Hungry seems like someone with whom you’d want to curl up on the couch. Someone who would be all fuzzy and comforting. Of course, that sounds suspiciously like some of the pro-ana rhetoric…hmmm. Wonder if that crossed WW minds?

  52. People: you KILLED me yesterday and I was resurrected with baby-flavored doughnuts, and NOW you are ALL killing me AGAIN! Thanks so much, the grammarians especially, but all ya’ll, I live for this site!

  53. And, seriously, here is a tip from that site:
    When a person eats at least 1/2 a raw onion a day, their good type HDL cholesterol goes up an average of 30%. Onions increase circulation, lower blood pressure, and prevent blood clotting.

    Onion breath for everyone! Whose with me?

  54. When a person eats at least 1/2 a raw onion a day, their good type HDL cholesterol goes up an average of 30%.

    IN A DAY?

    Tip: When you don’t put units on your numbers, smart people assume that you are pulling this out of your ass.

    Onions increase circulation, lower blood pressure, and prevent blood clotting.

    Lord knows we don’t want our blood to clot.

  55. And I can’t help myself, here is another fab tidbit:
    “Polar bear meat is an excellent source of iron. Iron helps make healthy blood that flows through our bodies giving us energy and making us grow. Healthy blood keeps us from getting tired.:
    Fur reals, polar bear meat. Because it’s a)so easily accessible at the local market in all of the lower 48 and Hawaii, and b) not endangered or anything.

  56. JF: That’s what I copied and pasted, at least 1/2 a RAW onion per day! I’d sure love to have been a participant in THAT scientific study… “Ok, here’s your raw onion for the day!! –Whaa… I want to be in the control group! I’ve had enough onion! I’m outta here!–But wait, we didn’t test your cholesterol yet!!!”

  57. oops, blushing wildly, that should of course have been addressed to the lovely FJ (not JF)!!! ack. all the crap has clearly addled my brain.

  58. That’s what I copied and pasted, at least 1/2 a RAW onion per day!

    Yeah, but… I mean, that is disgusting, but also, does it mean your HDL will go up by 30% per day? I mean, it doesn’t say — the only time period mentioned is a day, so I have to assume. Do you only have to eat one and one half onions to increase your HDL by 90%? OR ALTERNATELY IS THIS FIGURE COMPLETELY FABRICATED

  59. Oh, got it!!! Right, seriously, epic fail on that point. I’m voting complete fabrication, too. Or else complete inability to read and process actual informa—oh wait, we covered that already!

  60. As much as that site may be spouting shit, it’s actually true about the anticlotting effects of onion, or at least it’s a strong enough correlation to be taken seriously.

    I remember when I was first diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder and having to go on Coumadin (evil, vile drug) to keep my blood thin, I had to carefully monitor Vitamin K intake so as to not throw off the levels until they could get a baseline. While discussing which foods would have what effect on my blood, my doc basically said, so if you must binge out on that spinach, at least make sure you toss in some onion.

    However, I certainly find fault in their statement that eating 1/2 of a raw onion per day will raise their good cholesterol by 30%. Care to show where you got that figure? sheesh.

  61. They really are that fucking stupid, and it isn’t just related to fat. If a word comes up more than twice, there’s some magic bot that targets it and sends you the latest in hate-spam.

    Case in point: I wrote a post in my LJ about feminism and sex, and was talking about the highly elementary idea that, oh muh gawdz brace yourselves, women actually enjoy sex, and want it, many of us even wanting it (gasp) regularly, and that doesn’t mean we’re crazed nympho slutwhores who are asking for a good ‘n’ hard manly raping. Or that we’re freakish, bad, wrong, or immoral, or even abnormal. No seriously, those are the exact things it DOESN’T mean.

    So once the post was up I clicked to the page to make sure I closed all my tags and that-there goodly jazz. And the first thing I see is an add with some sultry-looking couple about to get it on and the huge-letters tagline ARE YOU ADDICTED TO SEX?!

    NO! I JUST PAINSTAKINGLY EXPLAINED THAT TO YOU, INTERNETS.

    FUCK!

  62. Interesting, April! But I think we must agree that inhibiting the clotting of blood is not a universally positive characteristic. :) (I find nobody knows this better than people on blood thinners…)

  63. FJ – I stand corrected. I did not mean to imply you were fucking up somehow by appearing mild mannered. But perhaps you could fucking swear more. *wink*

  64. When a person eats at least 1/2 a raw onion a day, their good type HDL cholesterol goes up an average of 30%.

    Is it only me who is totally hearing that in an Andy Sipowicz from NYPD Blue voice in my head?

    It’s probably only me.

  65. People I am a known bitch and I seriously could not swear more. Are you sure you’ve been reading me and not some other fat redhead?

  66. C’mon now, that’s one of the highlights I remember from Advanced Consumer Marketing: “When confronted with resistant potential customers, be sure to call them ‘fat.'” I’m just glad all that fancy learnin’ hasn’t gone to waste.
    *Officially lured by all the amazing recent blogposts & finally delurking*

  67. Online calorie counters can be kind of interesting, especially when they track calories in/energy expended. Because weight loss is easy! All you have to do is consume fewer calories than you use! Eat Less! Exercise more!

    Then plug all the numbers into the calculator, and ask yourself why, if you are consuming 1000 calories a day, and expending 2500-3000 a day (based on basal metabolism plus activities), you aren’t losing weight at the rate you should, based on all the fancy calculations about how many calories are in a pound?

    Maybe it’s not as simple as calories in/energy out? No, not possible!

  68. Calling anyone fat is – at best – inappropriate, but what kind of response do you expect when you email someone and tell them they should be fired? And did you use the same scatalogical, junior high language you use in your blog?

    Does anyone have any idea anymore about conducting business in a civil, adult, restrained manner?

  69. Janey, if you don’t like the blog, feel free to fuck right off. I notice your last interaction here involved you calling Kate “hysterical.” If you don’t like what we post, it turns out there are other sites on the internet.

    Does anyone have any idea anymore about conducting business in a civil, adult, restrained manner?

    Hahah “conducting business.” It’s so awful how unprofessional I am about unsolicited emails asking me to promote offensive bullshit for free on my unpaid blog!

    I feel a right eye pain coming on…

  70. FJ: People I am a known bitch and I seriously could not swear more. Are you sure you’ve been reading me and not some other fat redhead?

    But… you look so cute and sweet in your two-dimensional cartoon picture! I thought I could tell everything I need to know about you from that!

    P.S. I am so not making fun of the dear commenter here who thinks of you as sweet. I am making fun of the spam lady.

    P.P.S. I will also take this opportunity to say that Sweet Machine’s cartoon picture is about as cute as any cartoon-person could be, down to the smile and the head-tilt. I get a little lift from looking at it every time.

  71. Except for the muppet version of The Gentlemen from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

    Are you kidding? You saw “Puppet Show” right?”I’m gonna tear you a new puppet hole, bitch!” The Gentlemen as Muppets would be just like Statler and Waldorf. Awesome! ;)

    DRST

  72. Janey

    Actually, it would be perfectly appropriate to call me fat. I don’t know what exactly it would accomplish, but it would be appropropriate (in the sense of “true and inoffensive”), if not actually useful.

  73. Raw onion and polar bear meat! It’s the “Lost” diet!

    In other TV news, FJ, watch an episode of “Deadwood” sometime. You could swear more. You really, really could. Hell, you’re not even up to Debra Morgan standards yet.

  74. Fillyjonk, if it makes you feel any better, you remind me of my friend from college who was a bitch in the best way possible: making antifeminist fratboys cry on a regular basis and whatnot.

  75. if it makes you feel any better

    YES IT DOES

    My understanding is that that is more what I’m like in real life, though I only have other people’s word for that.

  76. You know, I didn’t leave a comment yesterday because I felt like there was nothing left to say, but I laughed so hard I cried. (No, really.)

    And now it’s happened again.

    I’M RUNNING OUT OF TEARS, HERE PEOPLE! ;)

    I have to rise to the defense of the onion, though: if you slice it thin and cook it in a pan over low heat with a litle butter and a splash of dry Marsala wine, it’s the BEST THING EVER. Seriously. On its own or on top of any meat you feel like. (Probably not the way that site intended for it to be eaten, but hey – they didn’t specify how to fix it, right?)

  77. Raw onion and polar bear meat! It’s the “Lost” diet!

    ROTFLOL

    In other TV news, FJ, watch an episode of “Deadwood” sometime. You could swear more. You really, really could. Hell, you’re not even up to Debra Morgan standards yet.

    Aahhh… I love Debra Morgan.

    I have nothing useful to add, sorry, except that y’all are hilarious :)

  78. These people don’t read and not comprehend they just don’t read. It would be too much of an effort. Their software looks for keywords and returns addresses. If they were inclined to do anything involving actual work they would get real jobs.

  79. So much Fail. So little intelligence. The trouble with spammers is that, most times, their shear stupidity makes you want to explore their naked skulls with a blunt and weighty object. Questions are; would you just end up breaking a, possibly expensive, blunt and weighty object and would they even notice?

    As for The Hunger? I’d be, TOTALLY, down for owning one as a TV time couch snuggle. But not if it meant handing any of my, hard won, greenbacks too those ‘But we’re NOT a Diet! . . . REALLY!!!’ grifters.

  80. Seems like hungry monster is also a big ol’ copyright infringement on Bugs Bunny, but maybe that’s just me.
    (Hm, Wikipedia calls the big red Bugs Bunny monster “Gossamer”. I didn’t know he had a name.)

  81. OK, people, I tried getting a laugh with this once a long time ago on this blog and it fell flat. (Not to worry. I’m over it). But I still think it’s mighty funny so I’m trying again.

    (Recall if you will, the discussion upthread about loose vs. lose…)

    A local exercise studio erected a sandwich board-type sign out front that said,”Loose the Muffin Top!”

    I just love that image. “Sproing!!!”

    Ahhh, sweet release.

  82. “Seems like hungry monster is also a big ol’ copyright infringement on Bugs Bunny, but maybe that’s just me.”

    It ain’t just you car. I KNEW he was looking, kind of, familiar! Now, Warner Brothers, I’d pay to get one from. Maybe we should drop a dime to their legal dept.

  83. KSJ: I”m laughing!!!!!!!!!! Later in the term, when I am grading undergraduate papers, where the 47th student author will have confused lose and loose as well as about 1,000 other errors in that same genre, I will be crying. But right now, I’m laughing at the muffin top going SPROING!!!

  84. Hehe. My muffin top very much enjoys being loosed. And thanks for the laugh; I definitely needed it to cut the pissiness, as sometime in the last couple of hours flyers were posted here at work for another freaking Biggest Loser contest. I was hoping they’d stop after last year’s.

  85. Janey: Does anyone have any idea anymore about conducting business in a civil, adult, restrained manner?

    No. Go fuck yourself. And I’m saying that while sipping a cup of tea with pinky raised just so.

    Or maybe it’s my middle finger, I just cannot tell.

  86. Why do you blame the schools? One of the largest factors in learning to read is how much the parents read to a child when they are young.

  87. Uh, one of the other largest factors is schools! The school district where I grew up has basically been a controlled study in spelling instruction. The very clear result: not teaching elementary kids to spell generates a teen popultion that can barely spell.

  88. Does anyone have any idea anymore about conducting business in a civil, adult, restrained manner?

    *snorfle* Oh, Janey, teach me how to live!

    (Lord knows I need more societal restraints in my life, not fewer. It’ll only take me a lifetime to unpick the ones I have.)

  89. Can we go back to polar bear meat?

    “Iron helps make healthy blood that flows through our bodies giving us energy and making us grow. Healthy blood keeps us from getting tired.”

    Ah, yes, healthy blood. It’s all about finding the right balance between healthy and unhealthy blood. Not to mention phlegm, black bile, and yellow bile. It can be tough. Sometimes, when I can’t get my hands on a nice, juicy polar bearburger, I have to resort to leeches, bloodletting, and cupping. That brings the ol’ humors right back into line.

  90. Janey, as an etiquette columnist, allow me to inform you that etiquette is about context.

    If I stick out my foot and trip someone, that is rude.

    If I stick out my foot and trip someone who is running away with an old lady’s purse, that is kung fu.

    And as FJ said, “If you don’t like the blog, feel free to fuck right off.”

  91. I thought that Hungry monster looked familiar! Of course! “If an innnnteresting monster can’t have an innnnnteresting hairdo, I just don’t know what things are coming to!” And yes, I want one. Did some marketing bozo really think that thing was ugly?

    So let me get this straight. This is allegedly a diet site (I refuse to give them any hits to find out for sure) this admitted spammer is spamming for, and its links lead to a so-called MRA organization with Al Bundy’s picture on it? Are you sure this whole thing isn’t a spoof?

  92. Meowser, it’s actually a calorie-counter site, but they made links from here redirect to the anti-feminist blog.

    lauredhel, I totally forgot about (what was in my experience) “IHNJ IJLS.” Thumbs up for useful acronyms from the earlier days of the internet.

  93. The Muppet version of anything is guaranteed to be cute.

    Except for the muppet version of The Gentlemen from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

    Oh, then you haven’t seen the episode of Angel where Spike and Angel get turned into Muppet-like characters. Hilarity ensues.

  94. Late to the conversation but just had to say you guys crack me up!

    Question for lauredhel – What does “IHNJ” and “IJLS” stand for?

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