We haven’t had a good douchehounding in a while, because trolls get real boring real fast — they’re rarely worth the effort. (Pointing and laughing takes a lot of muscle power, and everyone knows fatties hate exercise!) But the three of us are having a grand time kicking this one around, and we thought we’d let you join in the fun.
I forgot to take note of this fellow’s name before I booted him into the maw of Akismet (who, as I mentioned in comments, I envision as looking just like Ammit — it’s ancient monster week here at SP!), so we’ll just call him Schmucko. Schmucko here set himself apart from the rest of the pack because of his brutal honesty. Of course most trolls think they’re being forthright and brave, the only people willing to tell us straight out that we’re unhealthy and unattractive. But it’s always pretty clear that they’re externalizing something — misogyny, puritanism, fear of death, whatever. The thing is, one generally has to work at it to figure out what they’re really scared or angry about. Rarely is a troll so up-front as to say something like “I’m going to make your body my business because I fear women’s potential power and think they should be controlled.”
Not so Schmucko. Here’s his contribution to discussion on the perspective post:
Unlike your fat gut, manticores are imaginary. I stopped believing in Lord of the Rings creatures when I was 8. My fear that a woman with the legal power to take half of my possessions might some day become so fat and sexually unappealing that I’d sooner cut my own penis off than have sex with the manatee that used to be my wife is unfortunately all too common and blogs like this one that dangerously suggest to naive future fatties that it’s ok are only leading your victims down the primrose path to a battle they can’t win. Male attraction instincts are what they are. It’s no one’s fault except yours: lose weight.
No beating around the bush for our Schmucko! It’s not about health, or American overconsumption, or even about women’s general duty to be as attractive as possible. No, it’s about the fear that a woman might become unattractive to him, and that he might have already married her, and she might take his stuff. (Note the MRA-style fixation on keeping harpies’ claws off your hard-earned possessions — oh wait, you DO believe in mythical creatures! Just not in prenuptial agreements or mutual respect.) The very existence of fatness, the very existence specifically of women who are fat, and most terrifyingly the existence of women who are fat and don’t hate themselves for it, threaten not only Schmucko’s imaginary future wife but his property and also his penis. And naturally, he cannot imagine anything more frightening. His fear — he doesn’t even bother to pretend it’s righteous anger on behalf of our health or the health of the public — shouldn’t logically extend to fat men, or fat lesbians, or fat straight women who want nothing to do with his sorry ass. Yet so strong is his terror that his hypothetical wife’s body might lead him to self-castration and poverty that he feels the need to prate about it to three women who wouldn’t touch his cock with a pair of tongs. (Don’t worry, dude, you are in absolutely no danger of slicing off your junk out of horror at having to fuck anyone here. I just don’t see the opportunity arising.)
It’s so hard to pick a favorite, but I have to say I love the part where he assures us that “male attraction instincts are what they are.” No man could ever love a fatty, it’s as simple as that — even though he’s been talking about himself, his preferences, his belongings the whole time, and I have to doubt the “male instincts” of a guy who’d chop his cock off just to avoid having sex. And (here’s where it gets delightful) even though he’s been talking to three women who are all in long-term, committed relationships with men. (Granted only two of us are fat, but the fat ones are married — and yes, we were fat when we got that way, and yes, the husbands still have penises. Well, I’m only guessing about Al.) We’re supposed to believe not only that we should lose weight just in case Schmucko someday doesn’t want to fuck the woman he’s purported to love and she robs him blind — we’re also supposed to believe we should lose weight because every man is just like Schmucko and nobody could possibly have different preferences. It’s really a magnum opus of egomania. Suddenly we’re expected to launch into self-loathing and self-denial to protect this guy’s penis, his estate, and his comfortable conviction that he’s a model of masculine instinct. Yeah, I’ll get right on that.
Full marks, Schmucko, for having the balls — FOR NOW — to say what so many of your ilk are thinking: that what’s scary and threatening isn’t fat, but women you don’t control.