And Now Back to Disappointing, Infuriating Reality

Arizona voted to ban gay marriage. Florida voted to ban gay marriage. California (most likely) voted to ban gay marriage. Arkansas voted to ban gay couples from adopting children. 

I can’t say Arizona and Arkansas surprised me, but California voting yes on 8, for me, is the kind of kick in the gut I got used to in the last couple of elections when, instead of celebrating giddily with massive throngs of people, I was sitting there with my jaw in my beer, going, “How? How the fuck did this happen?” (2004: “How the fuck did this happen again?”) 

Like Liss and Portly Dyke, I know how it happened, of course. I just still can’t fucking believe it. I saw the blogs starting to fret about Prop 8 last night, but I wasn’t listening to any analysis, and only about 35% of precincts were reporting when I went to bed, so I went to sleep thinking it could turn around. I listened to President-elect Obama say:

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer…

It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled – Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America. 

and I thought it could turn around. He said gay! The future president included gay people! Has that ever happened before? Yes, we can, motherfuckers!

But it didn’t turn around. The out-of-state fundamentalist assholes who dumped money into making sure Californians’ brief taste of equality would be no more than that got their way. Well done, assholes.

Portly Dyke, who knows a lot more than me about nearly everything, but especially about waiting for change when it comes to gay rights, offers some small consolation

When I was 17, the thought of being accepted as a queer in my family, or in society at large — the idea of being “out” at a job – any job (except maybe a gay-bar) — simply did not exist.

At the time, I was pissed about this at some level — but it was a vague, subconscious kind of anger — and I would never have expected it to be addressed in the media or a topic of conversation outside of the secretive community that I inhabited as a queer.

Now, at 52, I’m pissed again — but this time, my anger is out in the open.

That may be bitter cause for Hope — but it is, for me, Hope, nonetheless.

Bitter hope is better than no hope, I guess. And generally speaking, the sea change that started last night is cause for a lot of hope, bitter and otherwise. But let’s not forget that the hope here relies on keeping our anger out in the open. As Shark-fu put it, “Elections give us tools that we call politicians. It is our job to use the hell out of them…to hold them accountable and to work with them to bring about change.” 

It’s incredibly hopeful to finally be thinking of my new president as a tool in the useful sense, not the slang one. But one big step forward for equality is just that. There’s still a long fucking way to go.

59 thoughts on “And Now Back to Disappointing, Infuriating Reality

  1. That’s life for you. You go so many steps forward and then you find yourself going so many steps back again.

    While it’s unfortunate that there are radical fundamentalists who cannot see past their own judgmental beliefs (I realize many Christians and other religious people are for gay marriage/adoption and equality for all) who use their prejudice to deny rights to minority groups, we should remember that it’s only a cross-section of America, and not everyone votes or makes important decisions based on if God might not approve. I believe in God, but I don’t believe God has the time to worry about Jay and John or Mary and Megan wanting to pick put china patterns or adopt children that need a loving home. It’s downright asinine when you think about it.

  2. The Arkansas one was particularly stinging to me as a potential adoptive parent. Worse, that state had allowed (and presumably still will allow) gay couples to be *foster* parents. So they’re saying, “Yeah, you can take this kid and provide her with love and attention and a family… but not forever.” That’s some quality BS right there.

  3. That sucks…but I have hope. Yes, the assholes won this time…but it seems as if Young America maybe waking up finally and maybe change isn’t as far away as we think.

    At least…that is what I hope. We just have to keep fighting for what we believe is right and never stop.

  4. It is really difficult to be excited on one level, and so incredibly disappointed on another. It is such a mixed up feeling…

    I am so incredibly let down by the hatred and bigotry that caused those props to have the success that they did. This is change, but change to take things away, not guarantee them.

    Now I have to figure out, as a country, where do we go from here.

  5. Kate, I’m glad to see you addressing this, because everyone seems to be caught up in a giddy sweep about Obama right now, and no one seems to be talking about the huge step back this country took for LGBQT rights last night.

    I want to be happy about what we just accomplished as a nation, but right now I am too angry at my fellow Californians.

  6. My sister lives in Arkansas and I’m scared to ask her how she voted.

    I’m glad I live in Massachusetts, but sure is lonely over here. I’ll never understand why anyone gives a shit about whether people who want to marry can get married. Being pro-life makes a lot more sense to me – it’s a human life in need of protection, sure, I can understand that. I disagree with the position, but I get it. But being anti-gay rights just seems like gratuitous meddling in other peoples’ lives.

  7. meloukhia, oops, your post reminded me that I shouldn’t have said gay rights – it goes far beyond just gay rights.

    Incidentally, meloukhia was one of my favorite dishes when I was in the Middle East. :) Mmm, tasty.

  8. Paul,
    I am actually pretty sure that the Arkansas question, as I read it, bans gay foster parents also. I feel really, deeply sad.

  9. I fully believe things will change back eventually. But it is incredibly frustrating. When Wisconsin voted to withhold marriage-type benefits from gay people, I cried for a long time. On the other hand, my house rep is gay (and awesome), and won 70% of the vote, which is politically huge. That wouldn’t have been possible until very recently.
    I’m not surprised that those passed; California is not all sunshine and hippies smoking pot. It’s still sad.

  10. Yeah, this was a night for mixed feelings. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. Thanks for thinking I don’t deserve what everyone else gets, California voters.

    For the next election, I want to start a referendum that would ban out-of-state financial contributions to in-state referenda and propositions. Most of Prop 8′s funding came from the Mormon Church in Utah and Nevada.

  11. Florida’s Amendment 2 is a particularly nasty bit of work. Gay marriage was ALREADY banned here. What this amendment does, though, is strictly define marriage as being between one man and one woman AND PROHIBIT any equivalent relationship and associated benefits for anyone.

    That means ANY domestic partnerships, gay or straight, are fucked twelve ways and upside down. It means Florida’s seniors, many of whom depend on domestic partners for companionship and stewardship in medical situations when they cannot make their own decisions, are fucked. It means all the kids who need the benefits provided by their parents’, gay or straight, domestic partnership, are fucked.

    It isn’t just underscoring the illegal status of gay marriage. It’s elevating marriage to the only recognized relationship of importance and saying no one else can receive any benefits no matter what – which is a big deal when so many companies in Florida recognize and provide domestic partner benefits.

  12. @meloukhia

    I feel the same. As utterly fantastic as most of the results of this election have turned out to be, I am just far to devastated by Prop 8 and AZ/FL/AK to feel good about anything right now.

    Though I do want to point out that Kate’s not the only person talking about the anti-LGBQT side to this election; there’s posts up at Alas, F-Word, Feministe, Feminist Law Professors and the aforementioned Shakesville. They’re all helping me feel a *little* better about this clusterfuck of an election for LGBQT.

    That and every time I check the page for my friend’s status updates on facebook, I see more and more voices crying out “Yes Obama, but WTF California.”

    Thank you asshole bigots for raining on our much-deserved parade.

  13. I was gobsmacked when I saw the results for Florida this morning. I’ve lived in the liberal bubble surrounding UF for the last 15 years, and I thought Amendment 2 was a joke. It never occurred to me that it would pass.

    Florida already bans gay marriage. What this did was put it in the state constitution, fer cryin’ out loud, and it will likely strip benefits from registered domestic partners who work for companies/institutions whose policies currently provide them. On the other hand, Disney accounts for so much state revenue, that if they decided to take a stand…

    It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

  14. Like any other social hygiene issue, they believe that unless it is against the law, they are being ‘forced’ somehow to ‘approve’ of people doing it. And thus they magically transform the lack of oppression of one group into oppression of themselves.

    Also, they truly believe that children ought to be protected from the obviously crippling fate of purposefully being brought into a family, either by birth or adoption, that lacks an adult with a penis (or one with a vagina.) This deprivation is, in fact, tantamount to child abuse to them and so they cannot just stand by idly. Better to keep kids in foster care, where they know what a REAL family looks like even if they don’t have one.

  15. This sucks. Now, I’m not a lawyer, but isn’t FL’s Amendment 2 technically unconstitutional? I think the 14th amendment to the US constitution says that states can extend protections of rights, but cannot restrict rights that are not restricted in the US constitution. (At least, that’s how I recall learning it, if I’m wrong, someone please correct me.)

    I think that one might get overturned in the near future. I hope they all do.

  16. Yeah, seriously, FL’s amendment sounds all kinds of unconstitutional. Really, all of them do, when it comes down to it: prohibiting two adults from entering into what basically amounts to a legal contract. I have a vague hope that the amendments might push something to be done about this whole mess on a national level…I’m not sure to what extent, but nonetheless.

  17. I’m horrified at my state for allowing fear to overwhelm basic human rights (and just as horrified at what happened last night in Florida, Arizona, and Arkansas), but I do take heart in one thing: at least the vote out here is still too close to call absolutely. Ten years ago, the no vote wouldn’t have had a chance in hell.

    With each move forward, there is a reaction backwards. My firm belief, though, is that one day shoolchildren will learn about this dark night for human rights much the way they learn about the Dred Scott decision; with pity and horror that people could once have been so terribly wrong about who is really human and what rights they do and do not have.

    Last night there was a great victory for non-whites, and multiple terrible blows delivered to the GLBT community. It’s difficult to know how to react when one part of my heart is singing for joy and another is so completely distraught.

    The road to social justice is a long, difficult one. I guess I’ll just keep walking it and inviting others to join me…but it would be nice if just once in a blue moon, those refusing to join in would stop throwing the damn boulders in our path.

  18. I’m from Mass (and CT!), and we also have the lowest divorce rate in the US.
    It’s hard not to brag, sorry.

  19. oh, I don’t get it.. did you guys vote on this issue at the same time as the Presidential vote? And gay marriage in California was voted in just this summer, right? So now that is being reversed? And I know about Massachusetts… it’s kind of the one bright spot, right, because they’ve had it for a while, but, no one from out of state can go there to get married…

    oh, Sorry… no one needs to answer that.. I can find out on my own what it’s all about.

    but this sounds like… painful madness. And the following is just a flight of fantasy: cannot the United Nations just declare it a universal human right… that anyone can marry the person of their choice… can’t we just make that true for all HUMANS, across the board?

    no, I guess not. Ohh, this issue makes me emotional above all others. And proud to be a Canadian.. for the moment, anyway. I want to just invite everyone up here… Vancouver is lovely for weddings, at least when it’s not pissing rain.

    Sorry for the very ignorant message; I hope I haven’t severely annoyed everyone.

  20. I really did expect more from California. This just confuses me. Isn’t a more stable society better for everyone regardless of beliefs?
    I always wondered if framing the issue as not a ‘gay’ one would make a difference?
    Like, I want my sister as my domestic partner to take care of my kids at home with hers and be on my health insurance at work. What conservative, of any stripe, couldn’t get behind that?

  21. People forget, I think, that while urban and coastal California tends to run left to lefter, inland the tendency is more from hard right to rightmost reactionary. Then, too, even in the more liberal areas, there’s generally a solid minority that votes right no matter what — somewhere around 25 to 30 percent. Bless their shriveled little hearts.

    Myself, as bad as the news on Prop. 8 is, I take heart that it was such a squeaker of a vote. And there’s already a legal challenge … it’ll be interesting to see that play out, given that there’s a clause in our state constitution that requires equality under the law.

  22. No, California’s Supreme court ruled that equal protection meant that gay people could marry; the vote yesterday was an initiative that invalidated that court decision. Two different branches of the government.

    And I think Massachusetts either has or is considering amending their law to let out-of-staters get married.

  23. mara, the thing about people from out of state not being able to marry in Mass. is a sore point. The law was originally created to keep interracial couples from getting married, so y’know, long history of oppression there. Last I heard there were rumblings about getting it overturned. Mind you, it wouldn’t do them much good to get married here and go back to their own state where their marriage is invalid, but at least if one of them got sick they could come and stay in the hospital in Mass.

    If Obama hadn’t won, I might have seriously considered threatening to move to Canada.

  24. Seriously, though.. if anyone wants or needs to come up here and get married in response to this painful madness, I will help you out in whatever way I can.. finding places to stay .. even my place in a pinch, tho’ it is rather small and I have a mad dog… booking venues and photographers, etc..

    I know that’s not really an answer. I just want to do something, from above this invisible borderline.

  25. I’m with meloukhia and Twistie here, I’m so bitterly out of charity with the 52% of California voters who voted to enshrine discrimination in our constitution *after* our Supreme Court courageously affirmed the basic human rights of my LGBT neighbors to be overwhelmingly joyful at the thought of President Obama.

    I take some minor consolation from the fact that 8′s margin of victory is quite a bit smaller than the victory for Proposition 22 a few years back.

    I donated money to help counter the messages of intolerance but did not phone bank; I get too emotional about this issue for me to be the most effective advocate even when I’m among people who share my views.

    I’m not sure what kind of legal action can be taken to challenge this, and don’t hold out much hope for the US Supreme Court to say that separate is not equal in this case. I also don’t know what the CA Supreme Court can do.

  26. From what I understand, Ct does allow out of staters, btw.
    I wonder if this can be correlated to Cali’s newly minted economic troubles. It does seem that richer states tend to be more progressive?
    OK, I’m done now.

  27. “The law was originally created to keep interracial couples from getting married, so y’know, long history of oppression there.”

    oh wow. another thing I didn’t know… :(

  28. killedbyllamas, I think you’re right about the all kinds of unconstitutional. And as much as I abhor the results reported here, perhaps a silver lining is that there’s now something solid that can be challenged in court, something that is demonstrably removing the legal rights of some citizens. I’ve always maintained that it’s going to take a Supreme Court decision to settle the legal question of gay marriage, and perhaps this stupidity will provide the grounds to do so.

    But right now I’m ashamed that I have a California marriage license.

  29. pyewacketsid – I live in the liberal bubble of Orlando, where I’ve seen a scant handful of Yes on 2 signs and SCORES of No signs. I truly thought it was a ridiculous thing.

    What’s killing me now are the county breakdowns. Even the counties that were overwhelmingly for Obama didn’t support No on 2. I don’ t know if people just came and voted for president or what.

  30. Mass overturned the no out of staters rule. So, now people are welcome to get married from anywhere, it just means nothing legally once you leave the state for the most part.

  31. Hey–

    I was really happy he said “gay” also, and that he said gay before straight…..that was awesome. just one thing in your transcript though, I’m pretty sure he said “Hispanic,” not “Latino,” which is somewhat offensive to many people………..just to split hairs.

  32. Eve, you say you don’t understand why anti-gay people care. I will tell you what my uncle things (I totally do NOT agree, I think he’s a bigot and a racist, but just want to answer your question). He is afraid that his kids will be taught in school that ‘it’s ok to be gay’. He’s afraid that will make more people gay. He thinks you are not born gay or straight, but you can become gay if your parents let you (as a boy) play with dolls or wear dresses. And presumably, you’d become gay or accepting of gays if the kids in school had gay parents, or the school “endorsed” gay relationship as being “ok”. It’s revolting, but this is what they think (and my uncle is an intelligent man, really. I am just very sad about this).

  33. I feel that I can add a word for most reality-based Califonians here — we’re sorry, we did really try!

    I am altering my “No on Prop. 8″ car sign to read
    “Prop. 8 – Aren’t You Ashamed?”

  34. @ Eve: In addition to what nicegirlphd said, the same people often firmly believe (again, it’s not true, but they have been convinced that it is) that their churches will be forced to perform and recognize marriage ceremonies between same-sex couples. This is absolutely not the case, of course. Any church can turn away any couple for whatever reason they please.

    When anti-miscegination laws were struck down, no church in the nation was required to marry a mixed-race couple. To this day, there are plenty of churches that refuse to marry couples on the grounds that they simply aren’t members of that congregation, or because they haven’t taken that church’s pre-marital counselling, or because they are of two different religions…heck, if they really want to (and, no, I’ve never heard of this reason being used, but they’d be within their rights to do so) they could refuse to marry a couple because they thought the colors of their eyes clashed.

    Most people don’t understand that if same-sex couples are allowed to marry, it doesn’t mean that their particular church will have to do the deed or approve the relationship at all. They don’t get that recognition by the state and recognition by a specific religious organization are not the same thing.

  35. Unfortunately, you don’t have to go very far inland in CA to reach the conservative underbelly. Yesterday, a Beaumont city councilman shoved a “no on 8″ demonstrator and said “You dykes get out of my face, I don’t agree with your queer views.”

    He also said that his comments weren’t homophobic:
    “It’s not homophobia,” he said. “They are queer. I believe it is an immoral lifestyle. They do not want tolerance, they want acceptance. I am not going to accept their lifestyle.”

    Beaumont is around 50 miles inland and not too far from where I live. :(

  36. Anytime someone says something like “gay lifestyle,” it makes my blood boil. What if we don’t want to accept their “lifestyle” of being stupid bigots?

    Besides, wasn’t that shoving assault?

    I am happy about the presidency but not happy about a lot of other things today.

  37. nicegirlphd & Twistie, thanks for the explanations. I didn’t realize people thought their churches would be forced to perform marriages (which makes no sense — who wants to be married by a minister who’s being forced into it?) they didn’t approve of.

    My particular church has been performing same-sex marriages since the early 1970s. :)

    I did think it was about the children, that children should have a father and mother for traditionally gendered role-models. I kind of got it in that sense. The whole thing is incredibly frustrating, that people can have such widely differing views of the best way for society to be.

  38. I’m in Florida and I’m sad that 2 passed, but not surprised. But what I keep thinking about gives me a lot of hope.

    Two years ago my mom was very hardcore Christian and watched all those obnoxious TV preachers – John Hagee, Rod Parsley, all those hate-filled guys. This was a woman who wouldn’t let us subscribe to the Disney Channel when I was a child (for some reason it was extra where we lived) “because Disney supports homosexuals.”

    Yesterday I had to assist her in filling out her ballot because it was confusing for her (we used to have electronic voting), and I stood right next to her and watched her fill in the bubble that said No on 2, because she wants me to be able to get married to whoever I want. And when Obama won, she hugged me and said “I’m so happy, especially for your sake.”

    It’s surely going to hurt me in the long run that Prop 2 passed, but for right now? I don’t feel hurt by it at all. Because I know my mom voted against it.

  39. One of the things I feel like screaming at bigots is, they are all worried about children being brought up by gay people, and in that is the shadow of fear of pederasty. But: in our nuclear family “ideal”, there is one man who MAY sexually abuse young girls, already….it’s not like sticking with the Mom-and-Dad-and-the-kiddos model removes the chance of pederasty, it’s there DOUBLE, if anything!

    And children are demonstrably unsafe in nuclear families ALREADY. In fact , if they want to get THAT PARANOID about it, the ONLY safe families for kids would be two dykes with boy children and two gay guys with daughters. Sheesh!!

  40. I’m pretty sure he did say ‘Latino’, as I remember being a bit taken aback that that word was chosen.

    And I’ll second Mara – Vancouver is lovely for weddings and we’d love to have y’all come up and get hitched here. :)

  41. Twistie, can I just say how fantastic it is that you and Never teh Bride have made manolobrides explicitly pro-marriage equality? I’m not even planning to get married and I love manolobrides, partly for that reason.

  42. Jazzy, thank you for that. I’ve been feeling WAY down all day about prop 2, but it’s stories like that that remind me to keep hoping. I was in CA when prop 22 passed, and though I’m aghast at the fact that Prop 8 passed as well, I’m taking what comfort I can at the fact that it was SO much narrower, and it was a more contentious issue this time (real gay marriage as opposed to hypothetical gay marriage.) Hell, even Obama and Biden have a more progressive position on gay marriage than they used to – they don’t officially support it, but they opposed Prop 8 and these other amendments.

    I don’t know if FL will be able to follow CA’s example given another 10 years, but I just have to remind myself that the tide is turning. As more people realize that we’re not being queer ‘at them’, we’re just being queer and we’re not changing, the opposition will keep on eroding. But it sucks to know that this many million people think we’re less than human. Stories like yours make me remember the good things.

    The Rotund, thanks for being the first to emphasize that Prop 2 isn’t about marriage, it’s about domestic partner benefits and healthcare powers of attorney. I know that one of the main Yes on 2 guys said that he’s going to target the Tampa firefighters’ domestic partner benefits first – since I get benefits through one of the state universities, I have a feeling my healthcare is about to disappear as soon as they set their sights on us.

    I’m so happy about so many of the candidates and propositions that won (or were defeated, depending), but it’s going to take me a little while to get giddy about any of it.

  43. @ Miss Prism: NtB and I both believe strongly that more marriage is a good thing. We both have strong personal reasons for believing in marriage equality, but I think even without the specific reasons, we would both be for it based on simple human decency. Human rights are human rights. It doesn’t really work if some humans are barred for no particular good reason.

  44. I’m from CA and I’m still hanging on to the idea that maybe people didn’t mean to vote yes on 8. Usually someone who is against same-sex marriage is also anti-abortion. Considering prop. 4 lost (abortion restrictions), I find it hard to believe that there are that many pro-choice people who are also anti same-sex marriage. There was a lot of voter confusion fueled by “yes on 8″ callers telling people that voting “yes” would actually be in support of same-sex marriage. There was also a flyer that recently came out saying Obama supported prop. 8; a lie, but one that may have confused liberal voters. Whatever the reason, still very sad. I just hope it get’s opposed through the courts . . .

  45. Keep fighting…If this election has shown one thing, that you can’t accomplish your goals easily sometimes, and even as hard as they try, you’re going to need to try harder… Unfortunate, but true…

  46. “This sucks. Now, I’m not a lawyer, but isn’t FL’s Amendment 2 technically unconstitutional? I think the 14th amendment to the US constitution says that states can extend protections of rights, but cannot restrict rights that are not restricted in the US constitution.”

    2 or 3 amendments that had been slated for the ballot got struck down by FL’s Supreme Court in September for being unconstitutional. Amendment 2 made it through. I just don’t know. Maybe it can be appealed in higher court?

    @Rotund: I just checked the Alachua county results, and yeah. Right in line with the state’s. Gobsmacked again.

    My husband says that if folks are really concerned about the sanctity of marriage, they need to start by attacking those dirty, dirty divorcées. :-p

  47. but this sounds like… painful madness. And the following is just a flight of fantasy: cannot the United Nations just declare it a universal human right… that anyone can marry the person of their choice… can’t we just make that true for all HUMANS, across the board?

    They could try, yes, but most likely one of two things would happen: it would be vetoed by one of the five founding nations, or it would be promptly ignored by the more conservative parts of the USA, until such time as an amendment mandating such rights was made to the federal consitution.

    And that would be a very big fish to fry, indeed.

  48. I haven’t given up on California. I’m pretty sure the Cali supreme court has said before that an amendment to the constitution isn’t enough to rob a percentage of the population of their civil liberties and the ACLU is already challenging it on that point.

  49. this issue sickens me. It looks like it’s time to figure out WHAT the HELL people are doing thinking that if marriage is a religious institution then WHY is this a LEGAL issue.

    if we’re arguing over the label MARRIAGE being a religious term, then at the state level, all marriages should be civil unions, and your religious institution can call it Bob for all the law should care. As a nonthiest, by their logic, i shouldnt be allowed to get married either, even though i’m heterosexual.

    ALSO? the propaganda on the pro-prop8 website is just rediculous:
    [voting for prop8] protects our children from being taught in public schools that “same-sex marriage” is the same as traditional marriage, and prevents other consequences to Californians who will be forced to not just be tolerant of gay lifestyles, but face mandatory compliance regardless of their personal beliefs.

    HOMG WE MIGHT HAVE TO ACCEPT TEH GHEYS AS PEOPLES INSTEAD OF MERELY TOLERATING THEIR EXISTANCE. we may have to teach our children that they exist! dogs and cats living together! MASS HYSTERIA.

    that’s all i got >.< PEACE.

  50. Prop 8 and the others make me very very sad. The fact that apparently only 48% of San Francisco turned out to vote on prop 8 makes me incandescent with RAGE. (48%? Of San FRANCISCO? Oh, fuck all of you who stayed home and the horse you didn’t fucking bother to ride in on.) The fact that the first lawsuits against prop 8 had already been filed before I went to bed last nght made me hopeful.

    And, as I read elsewhere, apparently in the opinion that legalised gay marriage in CA the judges said that there were two ways to bring the situation in California in line with the section of the constitution banning discrimination on the basis of sex, and allowing same-sex marriage was the least disruptive. Now that option’s (provisionally) gone they may have to do the other — getting rid of marriage altogther so EVERYONE’S on civil partnerships, and the straights can find out just how “separate but equal” actually works.

    I would lol and lol, and lol and lol.

  51. That sucks. I am gay and probably would never bother to getting married. But I would like me and others to have the choice. In New Zealand we have a civil union bill but arn’t allowed to get married either.

  52. Frankly, I think a lot of the people who voted for Prop H8 actually voted because of the word Marriage. If someone introduced legislation to give gay men and lesbians equal marriage rights, but didn’t call it marriage, the majority of the people who voted for 8 would go for the civil union option.
    However, I’m afraid this is going to get VERY nasty. I live in CA, and there is a LOT of anger in the gay/lesbian community over this. The Mormons and Christofacists have opened up Pandora’s box, and they aren’t going to like what comes out of it. Frankly, I could give a fuck if they don’t like it. They have slapped me and people like me in the face for the LAST FUCKING TIME.

  53. jazzy! That story is so beautiful. I have so much respect for people who can overcome religion and bigotry to realise that it’s not some abstract culture war, it’s about people they love having the right to love other people. It’s like that mayor, of I want to say San Diego? who pissed off the Republicans by completely reversing his position on gay marriage after his daughter came out. I have so much time for that.

    My aunt was the same when I came out to her. She’s 60+ years old, lived with her parents her whole life, comes from a conservative country where the social politics haven’t left the 16th century, didn’t know anyone who was gay, and is properly Catholic with all that entails. I told her first out of anyone in my family and her FIRST response was, “You know I love you anyway, right?” And I told her first BECAUSE I knew she would put her religion aside to accept me, because she loves me that much. It’s not like she’s thrilled about it, but it’s part of me so that’s it. And now gay marriage isn’t an issue she can automatically be against anymore, because it’s an issue that’s about me. This is how we change things.

    OB fat acceptance: I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been, and I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and thought “Damn, I look good.” And I was looking at old photos where I was 30lb lighter and I was like, “I can see that I’m thinner, but…I don’t think I look any better than I do now?” I think I might actually look worse, because I hadn’t learned to dress myself or cut my hair right at that point. FA has infiltrated my braaaaain. And I love it.

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