That was an excellent point, and nicely made – thanks.

I want to acknowlege that’s what I’m doing, when I walk away or cringe, and I own that clearly as something I’m working on to overcome.

On a personal level, in my life, I’m conflict avoidant. And part of that is in my particular experience of being female: that is, in some way, and intersecting issue here, and I wonder if female dominated spaces don’t have slightly more of “run away from a point of contention!” going on in the readership. (Not by the bloggers, who in order to run a major blog need to be somewhat comfortable handling things like anger, just in troll control alone.)

(So my hypothesis would be that in female dominated blog spaces, threads that may contain more heated contention between regular readers would have fewer commenters than in male dominated spaces.)

In my own examination of myself and my understanding of gender, my avoidance isn’t limited to issues of race or my privilege. It’s why I was anorexic, has been a problem in relationships, and it’s why I don’t link to my blog. I’m working on sorting this and am I lot better at getting pissed of, and having people pissed at me, as I get older. But I’m in my thirties. It’s been awhile.

So while it is true that I’m a white woman avoiding the anger of women of colour when I walk away from commenting, it is also true that I have put myself in six kinds of prison to avoid anger in ways that have nothing specific to do with my internalized racism.

The fact that this damage of mine affects women of colour I completely agree.

It is, however, interesting to me how this trait, which I have found more common in women than in men, might specifically be affecting the dialogue between white women and women of colour.

No one’s responsible for my own emotional shit, and I want to affirm and support the real right, validity, and importance of this anger. I am trying to find more of it in me and for me; it’s something I admire.

I’m still more *kneejerk* likely to try to look like an airhead martyr saint and smile and nod and make it go away: this is a basic coping strategy of my life.

Oh crap. This is awfully personal. Onward! Bravery!

At most of the popular activist blogs, what the bloggers provide is an elegant, or humorous, or cutting, or brilliant, way of framing their anger. Many of us, as readers, are here to use that in ourselves. Obviously, other people find activist blogs with righteous anger already in place, but I also hear people like me — “oh, I could be angry? (will me being angry destroy the planet?”) The articulated anger of the blogger is a tool to help voice what we wish we could say. But that’s for learning anger going out, not for learning to process anger coming in, which is the other half of the battle.

SO.

I’m in this place where I want to support those with anger, because it’s why we all show up, but also I have a lot of empathy for all the people who include a verbal flinch or get afraid of engaging. And I want to offer that support and understanding, if it’s useful – to anyone who’s walked away rather than engaging something painful.

It’s can be hard to step outside our comfort zones on anger, a brave act for (women?) those of us socialized or otherwise taught to be very afraid of anger.

It’s also necessary.

For both being an ally, and for being able to do all we need to do in the world. I encourage us all to try it, in little and big ways.

This last exchange has become both very thoughtful and very interesting. It has been my experience that what used to be called “consciousness raising,” in my day, begins with personal experience, but needs a constant bridge-building effort. No human being can suddenly KNOW, as opposed to parroting words, what any other human being has gone through, or how such experiences shape another’s perceptions. But through a willing attempt to suspend one’s own personal biases and a willing attempt to engage in empathy we can build some bridges to the “intersectional” (this generation’s interesting new word) experiences of the oppressions/privileges of others and connect them into a better/broader understanding of the world.

In that context, Daniinpa, your description of your journey, “When I first started reading this blog a year ago I identified as conservative, and I was a years-long member of FreeRepublic, very religious (some would say fundamentalist), anti-liberal, and determined anti-feminist. But also fat and mad about fatphobia. And black and always stymied about racism (even when I wouldn’t admit it). And poor and very depressed about it. And a woman who thought I hated women when what I really hate is the “ideal woman” as defined by white male-oriented society. What I didn’t understand was how it all tied together.” is so engaging.

I do have many bridges to build yet in terms of my understanding of racism in particular, my role within it, my unacknowledged privileges, etc, but this does not diminish either my interest in seeing the subject discussed at length, nor my sense of how important it is. I hope you will continue talking about your own experience, because it really sounds like a fascinating journey.

Personally, I am also interested in the religious angle. I myself grew up in a fundamentalist evangelical home, and as such, am incredibly familiar with that territory of human consciousness known as guilt and shame. And it seems to me that these feelings have effortlessly jumped from the area of sexuality to the area of appetite/hunger – with themes of sin and punishment and self-control in the present in the hope of future rewards. Maybe you would understand what I’m talking about here? Maybe your experience of fundamentalist Christianity is different to mine? (I have to tell you that, although it is many years since I have darkened the door of a church, I still thrill to the bone when I hear good Gospel music).

And I am curious to know if you still identify as conservative?
Anyway, the conversation you have raised is one I certainly would love to have, so I hope you come back here over the next few days.

I was going to say the same thing as well, but I got distracted.

There’s actually a post from the carnival that I’ve got bookmarked to highlight here, though, which I’ll probably do Monday. So maybe we can get some discussion going then.

The only thing I want to add about the post with the carnival links is that I think that linking to a carnival in general ends up not generating much discussion, because people have to go elsewhere, read a variety of posts, and then return here. I’m hoping that even if people aren’t commenting here on what they’ve read in the carnival, they are at least *reading* it… but that may be putting too much faith in the power of linking. When I posted that particular link, I had just found out about the carnival but not read many entries myself, so I didn’t frame the post as a conversation about it but as a “check it out” post — next time I’ll try doing it the other way around.