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From an “internet marketing specialist”:
I was looking at websites under the keyword bra stores and came across your website http://kateharding.net. I see that you’re not ranked on the first page of Google for a bra stores search.
I’m not sure if you’re aware of why you’re ranked this low but more importantly how easily correctable this is.
Actually, I’m pretty sure I’m ranked that low because this isn’t a fucking bra store.
Our specialist continues:
P.S – If the tables were turned and somebody I didn’t know came to me with a proposition, even one that was appealing, I would be hesitant because I would be wondering – what’s the catch? What does this guy know that I don’t.
But then I would think he does know something that I don’t know. He does have thousands of high PR websites, he does have hundreds of thousands of pages indexed and ranking in Google Yahoo and MSN.
And here’s something I know that you don’t, buddy. I live with an actual Internet Marketing Specialist, who would very much like to see fuckwit spammers like you die a thousand deaths. I’m inclined to agree.
Just what was this soul searching “bra stores” for, anyway? He refers to himself as a guy, so… HM.
Ha! I’d buy a bra from you, Kate…
Well, why aren’t you a bra store? I mean, really, people have expectations from search engine results, you know.
Yeah, wheres the racks of Rack of Doom support?
I WANT MY GENUINE SHAPELY PROSE BRASSIERE RIGHT NOW.
We can sell thongs at the CafePress store…
I don’t want a thong! I want a gen-u-wine Rack of Doom Supporter!
buttercup, now I have a Beautiful South earworm – “I want my sundrenched windswept Ingrid Bergman kiss – not in the next life, I wanna have it in this! I want my Shapely Prose Bra right now you hear this? Not in the next life, I wanna have it in this, I’ll have it in thiiiiiiiiiiis…”
The Beautiful South! I don’t know their music super well, but “Don’t Marry Her, Fuck Me” is one of the most kickass songs ever.
Damn, I’m going to have to write a poor review of Shapely Prose now. Here I am expecting to buy a reasonably-priced bra that fits well, and not only can’t I find one, Shapely Prose doesn’t even seem to SELL bras!
I’ll be sending in a strongly worded letter, too. You mark my words. *shakes fist*
I don’t want a thong! I want a gen-u-wine Rack of Doom Supporter!
Sew a few thongs together?
Wait, you mean this ISN’T a bra store? I’ve been getting lots of support for my Rack of Doom as well as my Thighs of Thunder.
Wait.. not THAT kind of support. But, support is support, right?
Sew a few thongs together?
That’ll only get you a half way decent slingshot.
I run a small wedding planning business, and I’ve been getting calls like this all week.
What is it, try to dupe small business owners into giving people money to up their google rankings month?
That might be the funniest spam mail ever.
You know, Kate, I was telling my friend about Shapely Prose the other day… telling her how wonderful it was for the community, the news, the insight into size-prejudice etc etc but all she was concerned with was “BUT DO THEY SELL BRAS THERE?”
I mean, even though YOU think it’s a blog it’s really supposed to be a bra shop. Duh.
Seriously, though, do you carry my size?