Douchehound of the day: Brevity is no longer the soul of wit
2008 July 18
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Hey all, if we’ve seemed a little touchy lately, it’s because we’ve been getting a lot of trolls. Some of them write gigantic screeds about how we’re delusional and should probably die violently (before our inevitable death from our puddles of fat, natch); some, like our friend “Ripley” below, are more pithy.
Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags
Ripley
I believe this is meant to be a response to my deletion of another abusive comment. My favorite part is that s/he signs it. No one else can take credit for Ripley’s stunningly original, intermittently punctuated invective!
A while back, our tagline was “Humorless feminism & fat acceptance,” but I’m thinking “Humorless, Stalinist hags” is more fun. What about you?
Shoot, I want that on a T-shirt.
I totally just e-mailed you that “Humorless, Stalinist hags” was gonna be a tagline before I even saw this.
I like humorless, stalinist hags! Its hilarious!
Do it!
That is so unsatisfying. I keep thinking Ripley is going to tell us what we REALLY turned out to be doing just as he thought we were doing something else.
Hm. Maybe it’s the beginning to a Mad Lib.
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags __________ (past continuous tense verb), it turned out you were really ________ (another past continuous tense verb). So then I scratched my _______ (body part other than “head”) and pulled my head out of my______ (other body part other than “head”) and exclaimed ‘Well,______! (exclamation) Put my ______ (concrete noun) in my _______ (concrete noun) and call me a ________ ’s (animal) ________ (someone you’re related to, e.g. ‘aunt,’ ’sister,’ etc.).”
Put my ______ (concrete noun) in my _______ (concrete noun) and call me a ________ ’s (animal) ________ (someone you’re related to, e.g. ‘aunt,’ ’sister,’ etc.).”
This is the single greatest sentence that has ever appeared on this blog.
I expect that mad lib to be filled in many times over before Sweet Machine and I return from having cocktails.
I kinda liked the one who said our brains must be 70% fat cells, and Kate looked it up and it’s 66%. Insult gone wrong or clever parody? I don’t think we’ll ever know.
I’m still rooting for “sanity tastes better than thin feels” for the tagline, though.
Ooh, Troll Libs, FTW!
Proud Humorless Stalinist Hag.
I want the tee shirt.
Oh god, the Stalin reference kills me. DO IT
Deleting obnoxious comments = Stalinist.
Ordering deaths of millions = ????????
Yeah, this whole conversation brings up a lot of hate. Why? My *therapist* turned to me the other day when I brought up this blog and said, “Yeah, but being overweight can be very dangerous,” like I had just said, “You know what, we should all just stop exercising and eat Crisco (baby-flavored donuts) all day. Screw it all.” The fear in her voice was incredible. So much for that.
I don’t hate you guys.
Now, for the madlib:
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were fumigating, it turned out you were really circumnavigating the globe. So then I scratched my toenail and pulled my head out of my spleen and exclaimed ‘Well, holy bejesus!’ Put my barrel in my horse trough and call me a marmot’s second cousin twice-removed.”
Sniper, I don’t know what, but those people would have to be REALLY mean.
Well I, for one, welcome our new Humorless Stalinist Hag overlords.
I didn’t at first understand that Ripley was saying you were Stalinist as another term for oppressive. I thought that s/he was saying you were socialists, and couldn’t figure out what was wrong with that.
So, this is what I thought Ripley meant:
Damn you for wanting fat people to own their means of production!!
Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were reaching wrong conclusions about the archbishop’s bottom, it turned out you were really just playin’. So then I scratched my ear and pulled my head out of my boob valley and exclaimed “Shiver me timbers! Put my cornbread in my pocket and call me a unicorn’s brother-in-law.”
atiton, I’m sorry about your therapist being kind of a poo.
You guys are my hero. I just wanted to ask if there has been a bigger influx of trolls as of late? Is this because we (as in FA) are getting more mainstream? What do you attribute this to?
OMG! L O FUCKING L.
That was so funny I had to come out of lurkdom to say it.. Everything about that sentence — the lack of proper punctuation, the odd (or nonexistent?) noun-verb relationship, the venomous, easy dismissal of your entire blog — love it! Now that’s the way to hate someone/thing/idea!
We should write love notes to him/her, like
“Dearest Ripley,
Today I saw another magazine telling me how to please my man while losing 5 lbs, and I thought of you. *Sigh* Come back to me, R, come back to me.
Yr humorless, Stalinist hag 4eva,
N”
Ummm…I kind of have to take the blame for your influx of trolls! The guest entry I wrote and then posted on my blog has been featured on digg, reddit, mentalfloss, and a few other places as well as receiving it’s own forum in Something Awful. All since Sunday! And since I linked to you guys in that entry…yeah. I’M SORRY!
I had to disable anon commenting but they’re still emailing me, contacting me on MySpace, and even signing up for Livejournal to bug me. I’ve even been getting death threats! That’s how I knew I was officially e-famous!
FATTIES ARE DESTROYING THE WORLD! KILL THEM ALL!
bellacoker – that’s awesomely hilarious.
Just as i thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were whistling dixie, it turned out you were really exsanguinating. So then I scratched my sternum and pulled my head out of my bellybutton and exclaimed “Well, buggerit-millenium-handnshrimp! Put my sandwich in my shredder and call me a woodchuck’s mee-maw.
Comedy gold, people, comedy gold.
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags “were lobbing”, it turned out you were really “drumming”. So then I scratched my “knee” and pulled my head out of my “shoulder blade” and exclaimed ‘Well, “YELP”! Put my “brick” in my “light blub” and call me a “fox” ’s “nephew.”
I would prefer “hilarious Stalinist hags.” I really like the image that conjures up in my head.
Heidi… I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry. It boggles the mind to try and figure out what on earth people could find to be so hateful about in your guest post. I found it moving and unspeakably brave.
Andy you made me laugh out loud with the Pratchett reference!
A Sarah, just joining the gang of “I-have-a-girl-crush-on-you” folks. :D
I’m pretty sure you can report the IPs of death-threatters to the FBI. What has PZ been doing with his death threats?
So far we’ve only gotten people wishing we’d die, I think, not anyone actually offering to do it. They’re charmers, these guys. I think of Something Awful et al. as sort of a pile of wet used toilet paper in the corner of the internet. Imagine your greatest ambition being to out-miserable bastard the other miserable bastards so that all the miserable bastards will admire you until they turn on you for being the miserable bastard you are.
Meanwhile, Heidi, how are you holding up?
I’m surprised no one has used “Surprise me cunt!” as an exclamation for the Mad Libs yet.
Back in the early 80s, I had a sweatshirt painted with a cartoony Stalin, to which was affixed giant googly eyes. I still miss that shirt, even though I doubt I’d wear it outside today — I get enough comments about my old Archie McPhee ‘Groucho Marx Wants You’ shirt.
Just reminded me of it, that’s all. No-one’s ever called me a Stalinist hag, and I think I’m feeling deprived!
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were skipping , it turned out you were really scrapbooking. So then I scratched my elbow and pulled my head out of my knee pit and exclaimed ‘Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Put my spatula in my pocket protector and call me a marmoset’s step grand daughter.”
Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were hogging all the nachos, it turned out you were really loving cheese. So then I scratched my hammer and pulled my head out of my nether regions and exclaimed ‘Well,surprise me cunt! Put my donuts in my SUV and call me a hedgehog’s grandpappy.”
ahhh TM I was planning it all along! Should have refreshed!
Also, I totally underlined the blanks, where did the tags go!
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were hanging loose, it turned out you were really making whoopie. So then I scratched my toe and pulled my head out of my cleavage and exclaimed ‘Well, fiddle-dee-dee! Put my handcuffs in my handbag and call me a horse’s husband!.”
Atiton, I’m sorry about your therapist. I hope that you soon find one who really understands you!
And Heidi…all I can think to do is say (((hugs)))
Onto the mad lib!
Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were propagating, it turned out you were really foraging for berries . So then I scratched my tibia and pulled my head out of my armpit and exclaimed ‘Well, you’re busier that a cat in a box! Put my coconut in my tractor and call me a wombat’s grandmother!
Heidi, I hope that’s not a serious apology because this is so not your fault! And I am so sorry for what you’ve had to deal with… I saw some of the comments on your LJ and they are just horrifying. I don’t know how anybody can be so horrible.
Do you have any idea how it got circulated around all those places?
‘Well,surprise me cunt! Put my donuts in my SUV and call me a hedgehog’s grandpappy.”
Lynn, thank you for providing the I-almost-wet-myself moment of the day :-D
BWAH! bellacoker, I just laughed out loud as I contemplated all the levels on which that’s true… fat people owning their means of production. Someday. Someday.
(Also blush blush I don’t know what to do about the girl crush talk because I’m so used to being the unpopular kid… and it… I… mrf… don’t know how to… cause you’re all way cooler than…. mrllleeeeaarrggghhhh… *asplode*)
Well I know I’ve had a wicked influx of views since I was just put into the fat-o-sphere today and holy swiss hell batman. 506 views…on one post…in one day. I think my head exploded. But then there is always the bad with the good. I especially love the one telling me I am willfully ignorant and slothful (um hello…scientific links in EACH post; about page listing the many activities I do; but whatevah) and that I need to get a nutritionist and mental help. ;)
But they are sending my blog to everyone they know since “no one” can believe it. Score one for the fat-o-sphere! If even ONE person they send it to just thinks for a moment and even questions the common-sense assumptions about fat; my work here will have been worth it.
I am amazed at how well I’m able to brush off negativity and delete the vitriol too. Makes me feel like I’ve grown a lot in my self confidence so far and that feels great! Thank you Shapely Prose et al! :D Now for that mad-lib…think I’ll have hubby provide the words.
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were jumping it turned out you were really eating. So then I scratched my boob and pulled my head out of my penis and exclaimed ‘Well, aaaallll right! Put my dildo in my book and call me an Aye-Aye’s brother.”
Yeah okay…so apparantly the DH is hungry and horny LOL
Hey all, if we’ve seemed a little touchy lately, it’s because we’ve been getting a lot of trolls.
It hasn’t shown, if you were wondering…
Trolls are a conundrum. On the one hand they’re so insecure that they can’t handle the thought of someone else on the planet refusing to conform to their reality, but at the same time they’re so arrogant that they think they have the right to bully others into doing (or, more commonly, not doing) what they want.
I kinda liked the one who said our brains must be 70% fat cells, and Kate looked it up and it’s 66%. Insult gone wrong or clever parody? I don’t think we’ll ever know.
Your brains are more highly myelinated than the average person’s, causing hilarious comments to race through them at speeds unfathomable to the average troll. Or anyone else.
Oh, and:
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were discovering the secret recipe for the Colonel’s extra-tasty crispy, it turned out you were really building a city on the moon to placate our Vulcan overlords. So then I scratched my superfluous third nipple and pulled my head out of my big toe and exclaimed ‘Well, may it please the court! Put my highly myelinated brain in my teacup and call me a kitten’s gouty great-aunty!”
I’m glad someone finally used “surprise me cunt”! I was working on one but then I was bereft of further creativity.
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were painting the mother pink (*), it turned out you were really defenestrating the chamberpot. So then I scratched my islet of Langerhans and pulled my head out of myarmpitand exclaimed ‘Well,who let THAT in here! Put my dried blueberry in my belly button and call me agnat’s (animal) fairy godmother”.
(*) extra points if you’re old enough for this reference
That totally made me giggle.
You have to make it a permatagline. Like how I make up technical terms there.
I, for one, am a humorless, Marxist *feminist* hag.
So there, Ripley :-p Nya nya nya nya nya.
Shouldn’t Ripley be off somewhere being chased by slimy, drooly green aliens instead of making fun of a bunch of fat people on the internet?
Come on trolls, reach for the stars instead of bending down in the shit.
I am getting an unbelievable amount of trolls because of the name of my blog. I even get trolls that PRETEND to be fat acceptance, but I can tell sarcasm apart from sincerity. I’m even getting a weird stalker troll who insists on telling me WHAT blogger template I should have and WHAT type of graphics I can post. No, really!
A post I did on the late Tim Russert probably brought about the nastiest trolls, just because I had the audacity to say that maybe we should show some respect for those who pass instead of jumping on the “OMG OBESITY KILLS” wagon the day after Mr. Russert passed away.
But “humorless, Stalinist hags?” What can top that? I’m all for that being your new slogan.
As one humorless, Stalinist hag to three others, I love you all. For real. Thanks for doing what you do.
(A google search for “surprise me cunt” is surprisingly hilarious, including one post that uses it as an pirate’s alternative for “shiver me timbers.”)
It was all worth it for A Sarah’s mad lib. TropicalChrome: “Scratched my islet of Langerhans…” Now that’s a circus trick, woman!
All worth it except for the death threats to Heidi, of course. Those aren’t funny. Seriously, WTF is wrong with people?
Report those fuckers, Heidi!
What has PZ been doing with his death threats?
Getting people fired for it, not undeservedly in my opinion. Turns out when you threaten people it can, indeed, be taken seriously. Turn in the trolls, Heidi! Make ‘em pay.
In unrelated news, Dr. Horrible!!!! OMG!!! Love.
Heidi, I believe you can forward all that stuff to the Abuse team at LJ. And please please please do, you’re too precious to put up with this fuckwittery. (I’m metonymy over on lj and love your stuff. <3)
Stalinist hags! Has anybody linked to this tee yet? It was just reprinted!
Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were going to be the object of my everloving desire, it turned out you were really having intelligent conversations that passed the Bechdel test. So then I scratched my spot on my back I can’t reach no matter how hard I try and pulled my head out of my groin and exclaimed ‘Well, my stars and garters! Put my donuts in my deep fryer and call me a squid’s sister-in-law.
AH! That’s my son’s name!
Fortunately, he’s six, and unlikely to know who Stalin is. Or type.
excuse me dr. horrible fans, did no one notice that i used “hammer” as a body part in my mad lib? :D
just HAD to make sure my hilarious sense of humor did not go unremarked.
Oh, man, Lynne, that whooshing sound was it going right over my head. And there was even a cheese reference in it, too!
Yes, I’m waiting up until midnight hoping for part 3.
well, the non-functioning tags didn’t help delineate the madlibbed parts.
Ripley is my son’s name.
Not douchehound. Or Stalin. Or even Squid’s Sister In Law.
Those were all on the list (of course!), but we decided they were too popular.
also, i wasn’t planning to wait up, but now that it’s so late i suppose i might as well! woohoo dr. horrible party at SP!
The new Dr. Horrible is up :-)
Hahaaaa and it’s awesome
Oh, it was totally NOT WHAT I EXPECTED. I will never be able to sleep now.
Although the first song was hilarious.
OMFG I love you people. I’m good and tipsy and you have just redeemed this whole lousy day for me. Thank you so much.
*drunk swoony hugs all around*
it turned out you were really having intelligent conversations that passed the Bechdel test.
Car = my new BFF
(SORRY FJ)
So, I don’t understand why the trolls are picking on Heidi–I mean, she had the surgery, what more do they want from her?
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were “tossing bunnies”, it turned out you were really “kitty snuggling”. So then I scratched my “ass” and pulled my head out of my “stanky armpit” and exclaimed ‘Well, “Yarr,, Matey”! Put my “potato” in my “skull” and call me a “badger” ’s “step-cousin.”
They want her to be properly abject and self-effacing when speaking to them, as they are the healthy skinny people.
Seriously Heidi, please don’t feel this is your fault, it would have happened eventually anyway. And who knows, maybe this will bring a few people here who will find the message we give freeing!
Tropical Chrome, you win 10 internets for “defenestrating the chamberpot.” I just woke my husband giggling at that. Genius.
Dr. Horrible was disappointing. Boo hiss.
Ordering death of millions of trolls = priceless.
Jane, however, FTW.
CHILDHOODS END FOREVAH!!!!!
*fans down*
Sorry. Between Fedal Fever and the Dark Knight premiere I am a fainting, simpering wreck.
So, I don’t understand why the trolls are picking on Heidi–I mean, she had the surgery, what more do they want from her?
They wanted her to lose 400 pounds the “natural way,” silly, by following the special diet all thin people follow, without “cheating” with the help of a surgeon (although getting plastic surgery after accomplishing that feat would have been just fine).
And then post “hot babe” pix for them to gawk at.
And then blow each and every one of them — secretly, of course, so that each blowee will think only he is getting “serviced” by her.
Which means she’d also need one of those memory zappers like Will Smith had in the Men in Black movies, because there’s no way they wouldn’t blab to each other otherwise.
You know, nothing extraordinary or anything.
Humorless, Stalinist hags . . . oh, my!
Humorless, Stalinist hags . . .Oh, My!
Humorless, Stalinist hags . . . OH, MY!
Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were writhing in shame at my scorn, it turned out you were really shooting beer out your nostrils in hilarity. So then I scratched my collateral sulcus and pulled my head out of my duodenum and exclaimed ‘Well, lick me clean! Put my ego in my lovely acrylic display cube and call me a crawdaddy’s grammy.
You have to read the whole article to put them in context, but it is the last three paragraphs of the article below on “The Psychopathology of Athlete Worship” that packed a pretty visceral punch, for me, in terms of what these trolls believe and why it pushes them to behave the beastly way they do.
Check it out.
http://www.law.harvard.edu/news/2006/08/28_hanson.php
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags would bow to my razor sharp wit, it turned out you were really saving the world. So then I scratched my duadenem and pulled my head out of my taint and exclaimed ‘Well, I Never! Put my stupidity in my boat and call me a a ameoba ’s boo.”
Yes but what does ‘Ripley’ actually think of you?
Zactly, Meowser!
Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were ‘abnegating your responsibility to give me a hard-on’, it turned out you were really ‘offending my trollish sensibilities’. So then I scratched my ‘nut sack’ and pulled my ‘cock’ out of my ’sphincter’ and exclaimed ‘Fiddlesticks! Put my arrogance in my baby flavored donut and call me a plushy’s step-mom!’
You want humorless?
I’m a college prof and my first reaction upon reading that comment was, “Wait….that’s not even a complete sentence. What an idiot!”
In my defense, I spent the past two days grading a mess of really horrible student papers.
@littlem: That was truly fascinating on all fronts. Thanks for the link.
I stopped by here because your subtitle is so cool. But now that I’m here, yeah, I think “Stalinist hags” is trumps.
So, I don’t understand why the trolls are picking on Heidi–I mean, she had the surgery, what more do they want from her?
Nothing. There’s nothing she can do to atone for the sin of being fat. All she can do is meekly accept their abuse, nodding along and saying: “Yes, yes I deserve that.” She has failed to do so, no doubt enraging them even further.
Oh, it was totally NOT WHAT I EXPECTED. I will never be able to sleep now.
I realize that Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan (Swoon) Fillion are busy, but surely they can find the time to make 10 or 20 more episodes.
Getting people fired for it, not undeservedly in my opinion.
I have no problem with these folks being charged for sending death threats. “It’s just the internet,” my ever-widening ass.
So, I don’t understand why the trolls are picking on Heidi–I mean, she had the surgery, what more do they want from her?
They want her never to have been fat in the first place.
Ah! Late to the party. This is becoming usual. XD
MADLIBS YAY!
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were tripping the light fantastic, it turned out you were really turning me on, which threatened my insecure machismo beliefs. So then I scratched my carotid artery and pulled my head out of my nasal passage and exclaimed ‘Well, AAAH get it off get it off! Put my vintage snuffbox collection in my Davey Jone’s locker and call me a doodlebug’s state-appointed guardian.”
They want her never to have been fat in the first place.
DING DING DING
I like it. It’s almost as great as spaghetti language.
Late to the party too; however this is due to the most eclectic show ever last night and the ensuing hangover, so that’s ok. :)
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were longing to fellate me, it turned out you were really mocking my idiocy. So then I scratched my tibia and pulled my head out of my toe cleavage and exclaimed ‘Well, fuck me running sideways! Put my hot sauce in my Preparation H and call me an alpaca’s babymama.”
So, I don’t understand why the trolls are picking on Heidi–I mean, she had the surgery, what more do they want from her?
They want her to accept that women are made solely for their pleasure. Since she has failed to meet their desired specifications; they want her to disappear.
By the way, I really shouldn’t be allowed to read trackbacks, but I just read one that was complaining about how the DRAWINGS of us at the top of the page don’t show us as fat enough. Apparently we’re total hypocrites because I drew me and Kate with chins and SM as not fat. This is of course hilarious to me because:
- I put my double chin in there, to the extent that I have one and could indicate it within the constraints of the drawing style
- Kate doesn’t really have one
- This drawing style is cartoonish
- SM isn’t fat
Obviously this person didn’t like what I had to say about calories either — I guess I shouldn’t have posted that piece while we were trollbait, but whatever. But this part just cracked my shit up.
Bwah, fillyjonk. I’ve seen photographs of all three of you, and your drawings are spot-on.
Guess what, trolls? Fat people don’t look like your fat stereotype! Not all fat people have fat faces! And sometimes thin or average people aren’t assholes who judge people based on their bodies! Mind-blowing, ain’t it?
Er, and by “average,” I mean average-sized.
There is nothing average about the people who post here. :)
Please, please I wanna be a humorless, Stalinist hag…. :) I agree we need a tee shirt.
Hear, hear.
Okay, I say SugarLeigh wins. *rofl*
Even I got my first troll recently – on my personal LiveJournal, no less. Which isn’t linked anywhere, so I guess he/she/it actually found me through LiveJournal. Odd. The comment made no sense whatsoever and was completely hilarious, too – sounded as if Sandy Szwarc had somehow written an article I’d mentioned JUST TO PLEASE ME. And failed, obviously. That’s what they seemed to base their whole argument on. *facepalm*
By the way, I really shouldn’t be allowed to read trackbacks, but I just read one that was complaining about how the DRAWINGS of us at the top of the page don’t show us as fat enough.
I got the same complaint from my stalker troll commenter. I have an animated “Meez” on my blog, and the troll complained that I should make it bigger. Just one of many “suggestions” given to me by this person.
A Sarah, FWIW Ripley is a lesbian, a woman (well, she says dyke.) She would never leave a comment unsigned. I only mention it because you said “he.” Not all people who get hostile are “he”s of course.
Though admittedly she’s pretty masculine. I’m not aware of this history or genesis of what led to that comment, unless it was in fact because of the banning of the person who said they didn’t think the blurb about TR was that bad. I felt somewhat the same way (er, about the blurb being well-intentioned overall) though I did write a letter to the editor. I think they should apologize for being insensitive.
AnnieMcPhee, WHOOPS! Thanks for the correction. I’ll try to watch myself better.
Also, my apologies also to Ripley if for some unfathomable reason she has read this thread, read this far DOWN the thread, and gives a rat’s ass what I think. I should have watched my assumptions. When I think of someone calling a group of people “hags” I do indeed assume it’s a man, but there’s no reason to do so.
Mine is similar to SugarLeigh’s (but composed before I saw hers):
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were frying baby flavored donuts, it turned out you were really making me fall in love with you. So then I scratched my aortic valve and pulled my (tiny) head out of my inferior vena cava and exclaimed ‘Well, Moisture!’ Put my vibrator in my monkey sling and call me a kangaroo’s great uncle.”
I almost didn’t read the comments on this post because I thought, what is there to say, but there must be something for there to be 95 comments. Glad I did.
“AnnieMcPhee, WHOOPS! Thanks for the correction. I’ll try to watch myself better.”
LOL don’t worry about that – I also assumed male, but that’s something I do fairly regularly. When in doubt I generally say “he.”
My daughter is a bisexual (definitely lesbian leaning) and isn’t averse to the “hags” epithet herself, so I guess I ought to watch my assumptions too. But I seldom do lol.
I did the madlib with my sisters. One of them is obsessed with Dr. Who and Torchwood.
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were jumping, it turned out you were really just smiling. So then I scratched my leg and pulled my head out of my foot and exclaimed ‘Well, yay! Put my balloon in my John Barrowman and call me a Ilizard’s aunt.”
Not all people who get hostile are “he”s of course.
Most people coming from the places our trolls have come from lately are men. People who call women “humorless hags” are misogynists, and many misogynists are men. It was a reasonable assumption, Sarah.
I didn’t do this, so here it goes:
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were getting up to make your fifth trip to the buffet, it turned out you were really telling me to go to hell because you refuse to be objectified so I can’t wack off to pictures of you on the Internet in my grandma’s basement. So then I scratched my butt and pulled my head out of my ear and exclaimed “Well surprise me cunt!” Put my Viagra (concrete noun) in my tampon collection and call me a baboon’s mother.”
An All-Dr. Horrible edition mad-lib:
Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were collecting signatures for the Caring Hands Homeless Shelter building repurposement, you were really using your ipod to abscond with the Wonderflonium so you could join the Evil League of Evil. So then I scratched my spork-imbeded leg, and pulled my head out of my penis and exclaimed, “Evil Lurks Everywhere!” Put my hammer in my dimple and call me a thouroughbred of sin’s third-cousin.
That may be, fillyjonk – I don’t know from whence your trolls have been coming. Ripley may be a “troll” from a SP standpoint, but she isn’t from a libertarian, fat liberation standpoint.. My suspicion is something just pissed her off greatly. I certainly thought “man” originally, but no. Not so in this case. She’s just a pissed off dyke with a low tolerance level for certain things.
And now I shall go enjoy some Funny Games US, which is a horrific movie, remade shot for shot from a superior horrific movie. I do think it was better in the original Austrian. They were scarier.
Ripley may be a “troll” from a SP standpoint, but she isn’t from a libertarian, fat liberation standpoint..
Then she should probably post on libertarian blogs.
Ripley may be a “troll” from a SP standpoint, but she isn’t from a libertarian, fat liberation standpoint..
And I’m sure the people who think we should die have mommies who love them.
Put my hammer in my dimple and call me a thouroughbred of sin’s third-cousin.
How great was Nathan Fillion at the end there? And how great was it that The Thouroughbred of Sin unveil?
How great was Nathan Fillion at the end there? And how great was it that The Thouroughbred of Sin unveil?
Infinite and infinite.
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were secretly planning to stalk me, kidnap me, throw me in the swamp and write a blues song about it, it turned out you were really carrying on living your fabulous lives as normal. So then I scratched my philtrum and pulled my head out of my Meckel’s diverticulum and exclaimed ‘Well Gor Blimey guvnor, strike a light! Put my peanut butter cups in my trash compacter and call me Chthulhu’s secret love child.”
SM, can we please have a SP post/thread about Dr. Horrible’s Sing a Long Blog?
I would love to read what your amazing brain (and FJ’s and KH’s and everyone else who comes here’s) has to say about it.
Personally, I love the blogging aspect — such as when Dr. Horrible learns that both the LAPD and Dr. Hammer are viewers.
And what’s also funny to me is that my little 3.5 year old has been watching this one Backyardigans episode almost exculsively for a month now, featuring superheroes and supervillians, one of the superheroes is named Captain Hammer (“played” by Austin, who is quite the opposite of Nathan Fillion’s character). So, I’ve had superheroes and supervillians on my mind.
I guess I’m mostly appreciating what I interpret as the political commentary in DHSAB — what happens when the heroes are hideous and the aspiring supervillians who want to take down the system are the only ones who are worth sympathizing with — I suppose this is well-trod ground but still, it resonates.
Wellroundedtype2,
If you like that theme, may I recommend the audiobook Playing for Keeps at podiobooks.com. It follows a similar vein. Also, it is free.
ok, I’ve just started reading the comments, but I haven’t read them all so this may have been said….when I read th first “surprise me cunt”, I read it with a pirates speak followed up with an ‘arrr’
“Just as I thought you humorless, Stalinist hags were dancing in the moonlight, it turned out you were really harvesting kale. So then I scratched my grundle and pulled my head out of my uvula and exclaimed ‘Well, fuck the police! Put my hand-rolled cigarette in my composting toilet and call me a skunk ape’s illigitimate nephew.”
i’m more of a anarchafeminist really, they got it all wrong
“Then she should probably post on libertarian blogs.”
Agreed.
Though I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want anyone to die :)
Wow. Being overweight is the same as ordering the deaths of millions of your own people? I HAD NO IDEA.
@catandjules: Yes, it’s the Godwin’s A Fat Bastard Law.
@fillyjonk, who said: I’m still rooting for “sanity tastes better than thin feels” for the tagline, though.
Oooh! I said that! I feel loved! I also need it as a t-shirt and thence to send to my eldest cousin who’s convinced herself if she ‘just loses a little weight’ her depression will magically go away and her amazing boyfriend will love her more (even though the man is utterly besotted already). Yes, there’s an ulterior motive, too, because my mother seems to think that because my cousin is depressed and unhappy about being fat, I, too must be depressed and unhappy BECAUSE I’m fat. The offer of monetary-reward-per-pound-lost has come up again. *sigh*
I’ve just figured it out. Ripley just wanted us to have a great summer!
I just got done dealing with a bunch of trolls over on my companion LiveJournal account and one of their biggest insults (they thought so, I didn’t) was that I was FAT FAT FAT!
I’ve long since “gotten over” what such a schoolyard insult could do and I am at peace with my body.
In fact, in a further post, I told them their insult did nothing except make me aware of how much they fear getting fat, and I suggested they stop obsessing and enjoy life, instead.
L, who has been compared to Hitler and Nazis more than once
OMG! Sometimes, I just can’t stop laughing at the stupidity of Trolls! Thank you for making me laugh! You guys Rock!