Comments on: Ask Aunt Fattie: How do I stop feeling negative about my girlfriend’s fat?

By: The Worrier

The Worrier — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:44:28 +0000

Hi all!

Fillyjonk, er Aunt Fattie, thank you for replying to my issue! :) I am really honored. It was a good response. Things have been moving along nicely — yes I can confirm this is a very new relationship — and I have found that being accepted by HER, and the fact that she’s so positive about my body, has helped me get more comfortable about body issues.

This may be odd, because it sounds like saying “it’s not her fault,” but I have since learned about her thyroid issues, and in the course of that there has been some acknowledgment about being fat, about being OK with it, but in her case definitely having a ways to go in terms of comfort. In her case, she is also not “typical” in terms of gender identity (kind of a crock in the first place) so this complicates her feelings about her lovely, womanly shape ;)

Anyway, y’all asked a couple questions so … no her weight has not changed, no I am not noticing reasons I would feel less attracted (however, due to being a person who is kind of permanently trapped in my own busy skull I have gotten worried and scared a lot, has nothing to do with her body or mine, just has to do with me being scared when someone likes me).

Also, she is not a lumberjack, although I am extremely amused that this thread turned (at least in part) to a celebration of lumberjackitude. Hee.

And she loves kayaking and I’m curious about it too. So I’m going to ask her to show me how! I have a definite tendency to fall in to water and/or be unable to get into a boat, but I can tough it out ;)

Erin: “Making distinctions between acceptable fat and unacceptable fat doesn’t seem like fat acceptance to me.” Yeah, seriously. Awesome.

Thank you Aunt Fattie!!!

By: Fat is the Flavor

Fat is the Flavor — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 19:47:05 +0000

As far as motivating goes it is easier to do something *with* you rather than to suggest a physical activity.

Maybe it is just me but that always comes off sounding like, “Hey you need to exercise fat ass.” rather than anything constructive.

By: Erin

Erin — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:05:36 +0000

I hate the phrase “let herself/yourself go”. Not just because of the suggestion that women only try to look nice to snag a partner. But also it seems to be just another way of claiming fat is a character flaw. You got fat because you don’t care about yourself anymore. I mean, anyone who cared about themselves wouldn’t dare let themselves be fat!
I don’t understand how this could come from someone claiming to care at all about fat acceptance. (of course I think it’s clear 99pp never actually did).
Or is it that fat is ok, and acceptable only if we have always been just as fat as we are now? As soon as you gain more weight then you’re “letting yourself go”? I mean, if you once weighed less, how can you say that your heavier weight is a healthy weight? Clearly if you could weight less before, you could weight less now, and so you should!
Making distinctions between acceptable fat and unacceptable fat doesn’t seem like fat acceptance to me.

By: fillyjonk

fillyjonk — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 23:36:41 +0000

Arwen, you said “pee pee.”

That is very funny.

By: veganwobbly

veganwobbly — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 23:04:49 +0000

i do love femmy lumberjacks, yes i do. i sort of am one; gender identity/presentation-wise, not so much regarding the jacking of lumber.

everything else is pretty much right on and therefore not needing further commentary

By: Arwen

Arwen — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 22:21:04 +0000

99 Pee Pee Pees on the wall
99 Pee Pee Pees!
One concern troll down
Others around
98 Pee Pee Pees on the wall.

I have decided this is my new theme song for the Ignoring Of Concern Trolls.

By: Cindy

Cindy — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 19:51:57 +0000

Oh, and, of course attraction wanes and waxes (Attraction: Wax on, wax off!), I though the letter writer was concerned about fat-phobic thoughts derailing both her own progress and her relationship. That there is a loaded concern toward the end of the letter is evidence of just how much culture can dictate dimensions of relationships.

By: Cindy

Cindy — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 19:45:00 +0000

Wow. There are a LOT more references to lumberjacks than I ever could have imagined.

I don’t know why, but whenever I see a tall, beefy, beared man, I hear myself in my head say the following in a come-to-bed-with-mama voice: “Hellllloooooooooo, Lumberjack!”

And now I promise never to bring up lumberjacks again.

By: fillyjonk

fillyjonk — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 19:11:28 +0000

Thanks Bunny! That’s precisely what I saw too, and I was a little worried that I’d undercut the obvious attraction by editing out some of the new-crush mooning. (But not that worried, because 99ppp has a fairly classic concern troll methodology, right down to the “I thought you were cool” parting shot.)

By: Bunny Mazonas

Bunny Mazonas — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 18:19:52 +0000

“Alright, I thought this thread could have served as a place for civil discourse. So be it.”

Fascinating how you break this little chestnut out whilst all of the replies to you have been perfectly civil, just confused as to why this single point, not mentioned in the question asked by Crushed-our Worrier, is so important to you.

See, I saw this point…

“I’m very attracted to her (physically! mentally! everything!),”

And then noted that the only negative thoughts were either about attitude to food and stereotypes of fat people or “how do other people see us”.