One of the first things they teach anyone involved in palliative care is not to do that. If the person (who IS going to die, and probably soon) says something like that, you don’t dismiss it. It’s like telling someone with postpartum depression to pull their socks up. Or a person who is constantly told by society that she is disgusting that ‘of course you’re not’. Now not only do you feel disgusting, but you feel like you are an annoying burden to your friends and family – it would be better for them if you’d just internalise it quietly and then go away, thanks…

I get SO IRRITATED when I say ‘I’m fat’ or not even the words, maybe something like ‘I hate summer, I get a rash where my thighs rub together’ and someone says ‘you’re not fat!’

Yes. Yes I am. And that’s fine! I’m allowed! And I can still be a healthy, attractive, useful member of society. Fat isn’t a death sentence. And death isn’t so bad either, if we’d stop freaking out about it. Let’s everyone just relax and deal with the way things are – I am fat, and one day we all will die. I don’t see why either of those things should stop me from enjoying myself.

And you know what?
I’ve been considering joining a fat acceptance group. I thought it would be a good idea, especially since I’ve had a massive ED for 15 years and still have problems accepting my body as it is (I’m now mostly recovered ; my food intake has been normal for years, but I still won’t store food at home or spend time on cooking because I’m afraid it would spark a relapse). Anyway, for a while I’ve been lurking in the forum of one of the very few (if not the only) fat acceptance group in my country, namely France [here goes the myth that French women don't get fat, hehe]. They happen to be based quite close to my place and organize various activities, and I seriously considered joining. But the ambiance seemed mitigated toward non-obese people, not officially but still in a noticeable way. At some point, they barred one of their adherents, a formerly obese woman now moderately overweight, from joining their swimming activity because you see “it’s only for fat people, period”. I was aggravated. To begin with, the adherent who was banned was still fatter than I am (and again, I’m overweight; my BMI wanders around 27 and random unknown people call be a fattie). I just seem to be too fat to be accepted by society but not fat enough to be accepted by fat acceptance groups. I’m not trying to pretend that I have it as bad as a morbidly obese woman, but it still sucks that I meet no one’s criteria for acceptable.

Too many people were wrapped up in screaming racism, rather than seeing what I was saying is that until people take sizeism as a serious discriminatory factor, what can we do? I’m tired of people acting as if sizeism is a joke, or the answer is to get off your fat behind and walk around the block a little.

Maybe I should’ve said we should be more proactive like Black people, and get out there and demand our right to exsist. Does that come across any better?

9 Things NEVER to Say to White Colleagues

3. “There’s no way you as a white person can understand”

But the knee-jerk response is “If that’s true, then why should I try to understand?” says Howard Ross, the white founder and chief learning officer for Cook Ross, a Maryland-based diversity consultancy.

Don’t beat up your white colleagues by cloaking them in the shroud of “ignorant oppressor” while wearing the shroud of “victim.” Look for the personal stories that will develop commonalities and shared ideas.

“Now at some level that’s true–I can never be an African American, Latino or Asian American. But also, it minimizes the various levels of discrimination that everyone deals with and can understand through the human dynamics that apply to all people,” says Ross.

Visconti adds that saying you can’t understand because you’re white is treating a white person as if he or she is ignorant of culture and diversity issues. “It belittles the good intentions [white people] may have,” says Visconti. “It doesn’t progress the discussion. Considering that nearly [one-quarter] of U.S. households have a biracial or multiracial component, you should never assume a white man or woman is not intimately involved with issues surrounding diversity.”

6. “You KNOW you’re being racist”

In the absence of concrete evidence, don’t assume that a comment considered prejudiced was the result of a conscious thought process designed to stereotype, says Ross.

“We’re learning that an overwhelming number of decisions people make are not made by bad intentions but are made by people blind to their own behavior,” says Ross. “Rather than assume that a person intended to be sexist or prejudiced, assume they didn’t mean any malicious intent.”

McCloskey adds that often people who are not white assume whites know their behavior is racist or prejudiced: “But being in a place of privilege is such a powerful place to be that the assumption is that everyone is living my life experience.”

Ross says people should stop before they reply to a comment deemed prejudicial and ask themselves if their reaction is the result of thinking the white person is like “all white people” or is a person who “happens to be white.”

“If I’m dealing with them as ‘all white people,’ my triggers will be [switched],” says Ross. “If I’m dealing with them as ‘a person who happens to be white,’ then they’ll be [communicative].”

I was in the parking lot of a toy store, getting into my car. I’m near a very busy street.

A group of teenage guys in a car make a dead stop in the middle of this road to scream at me, “Holy shit, you’re fat!”

So, what exactly did they achieve by this? These kids risked death in order to throw an insult at me.

If I like one part and not another, I usually have to remind myself that’s it okay to actually modify the sandwich or whatever to suit my tastes. I’m someone with serious food texture issues, and I’m just now learning that it’s okay to ask for no tomatoes rather than picking them out and making a mess or being unable to eat the thing.

I’m a frosting lover, always have been. At birthday parties as a kid, I used to take off the frosting off my piece of cake and save it on the side of the plate so I could enjoy it by itself. (And thereby inviting “jokes” from people who would say, “oh, you don’t like frosting? I’ll take it!” with a reaching fork. I’d practically snap and slaver like an angry wolf, LOL.) So, sometimes lately, I’ve found myself, say, eating a cupcake or a piece of cake and thinking, “I love the frosting but the cake isn’t so good,” yet continued to eat the cake part. I recently had the revelation: DUDE! If you’re not enjoying the cake, don’t eat it! Eat the freakin’ frosting by itself! It’s paradoxical, isn’t it? I have to take some of the less desired food to balance out the yummy “sinful” part, when in fact, not eating the cake at all would save some OMG CALORIES, if in fact I ever counted them. Crrrazy thinking.

Also, I have loved salads all my life. Just love ‘em. Loved ‘em when I was thin, love ‘em when I’m fat. But I nearly lost that love through the advent and forced popularization of nonfat crappo salad dressings and “virtuous” alternatives like lemon juice and balsamic vinegar (by themselves). They just taste awful, they turn the lettuce into some mouth-shriveling ascetic scourge, and they just generally ruin the whole experience. Luckily, I turned from the dark side before I allowed my beautiful darling lettuce to become an evil food to me. Even when I was on WW I would always used full-fat salad dressing, lightly applied (because that’s how I like it). If I can’t make my food taste the way I like it, what’s the point of eating it??