I don’t have PCOS. However, I have been losing my hair because I’ve been pulling it out. It hurts to say this, and I wish I had no hair because I decided to be badass and go bald. It always hurts to take a psych class and realize that when the lectures on OCD start, that the lecturer is partly talking about something that is very akin to what I have. (Trichotillomania, although never diagnosed, because my pulling is very mild in the range of what the name of this disorder entails.)

So yeah, I understand what it means to feel inadequate and overall crappy because of your hair. It also sucks because I used to have a lot of curly, thick hair. I mean, I had a ton of hair, and it was difficult to deal with when I was a kid and in my tweenaged years. I do feel fortunate though, because I went to therapy and got tools to help me stop pulling. It’s not that way with PCOS, I know, but I came to the point where I realized I would need to stop or buy a wig. Looking on line for wings/hair growth treatment made me have a break down and cry for hours. I never talked about what I was doing with my family/my roommate or anyone, even though I know they all noticed. Hair loss is not something people like to talk about. It’s a downer conversation.

Going to a therapist and talking about what was happening was probably the best thing I ever did. I know, it might not be the ultimate solution for someone with PCOS, but a good therapist that you’re comfortable with helps with the drastic life changes thing.

So, I would like to thank you for the dose of empowerment in the not conforming to society department. :)

I’m white; a few years ago, I was an assistant to a gay white male HR manager who thought a black female worker’s dreads were unprofessional and wanted to ban that style. Earlier, she had explained to me why she had a little burn mark on her forehead (from lye), and when she got the dreads, she told me what a relief it was not to have to process. I got very upset at my boss and asked him how he would feel if he were told he’d have to alter his natural hair texture in order to keep his job. The dress code remained unchanged. All this to say, I feel you on what you said about racism. All a white person needs to do is look at the “ethnic” products, really look.

I am married to a beautiful woman whose head I shave almost every morning. It’s an accident from home haircutting that became a trademark, mostly ’cause she’s very active and hates having hair get in her face. People tell her she’s brave. She says women who don’t choose that look, have it chosen for them, are much braver. She was talking about friends of ours who’ve gone through cancer, but I believe she could be talking about you and other women with alopecia as well.

I don’t know what to say except that society sucks, and the only thing that can change it is more of us letting it out about what women *really* look like and *really* are. To take control and not let others control how we feel. I guess that’s what I’m thanking you for–the reminder that most of us don’t look like the women on the covers of the magazines–hell, not even *they* do, do they?–and we don’t fucking HAVE TO!

Thanks again for telling your story!