Troll logic

Hey all, I just wanted to share this stunning new information that I learned from reading the moderation queue:

The reason that obesity is equated with unhealthy is because except for a few rare cases, people who are obese are more unhealthy than normal weight people

Did you hear that? The reason people think obesity is unhealthy is because obesity is unhealthy. It’s science! I guess we can shut down the blog now.

Most concern trolls face a swift and merciful death in the moderation queue, but sometimes they’re too perfect not to share.

52 thoughts on “Troll logic

  1. Heh. I like how the troll *ass*umes, that normal weight people are unhealthy too. We fatties are just ‘more’. :^)

  2. This will keep me giggling for hours.

    It’s the kind of logic I regularly see from my freshman students.

  3. Troll must not have seen that cholesterol-drug commercial a few years ago with the 115-lb woman falling to the ground from a heart attack.

    Although I guess that sort of imagery does lend itself to “everyone’s unhealthy!” more than “your size does not indicate your health.” Hrm.

  4. Well, I’m convinced. I mean, you guys had been sort of making me think that that obese =/= unhealthy, but this troll’s flawless logic has made me see the light. I’m off to join Weight Watchers (it’s not a diet, you guys, it’s a lifestyle change! You see, the reason they call WW a lifestyle change is because, except for a few rare cases, people who do Weight Watchers change their lifestyles. I dare you to counter that bullet-proof argument.)

    Sarcasm is fun.

  5. Do you think there’s a way we can figure out those who few rare cases are, compared to the rest of us bad fatties?

    Oh, I know! We just need to ask people whether or not they’ve had a baby donut recently. That’ll weed the bad ones right out.

  6. You see, the reason they call WW a lifestyle change is because, except for a few rare cases, people who do Weight Watchers change their lifestyles.

    :-D

  7. I don’t suppose he’s ever considered that perhaps the stress of being abused one’s entire life could lead to, oh… stress-related illnesses?

    Because guess what? “Normal”-weight people in other oppressed categories have higher rates of disease, too. Same with people in high-stress occupations. Seems that the constant release of adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones) messes with one’s body. Go fig.

  8. Do you think there’s a way we can figure out those who few rare cases are, compared to the rest of us bad fatties?

    No no, Robotitron, that would be way too much work. Much safer to just assume all fatties are unhealthy and shun them accordingly.

  9. It’s always just a few rare cases of something when people want to suggest that people are just making excuses to be fat.

    It’s crazy how those few rare cases turn into an epidemic when it’s about the fat people who might get diabetes, hypertension, cardiovascular disease or whatever.

  10. Hey, speaking of troll logic, check out this winner from today’s Postsecret:

    The comments on the LJ feed are full of “ZOMGZ I saw fat UNHEALTHY people in a UNHEALTHY McDonalds with their kids, poor kids!” crap too. Yes, that was us, sorry we fatted at you!

  11. You know, I really really hate the comments/forums/etc thing at PostSecret. The whole beauty of the project, to my mind, is that it creates a space free from shame. To allow commentary is just antithetical to that, especially given the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory and all.

  12. Circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works etc

    repeat ad infinitum as obviously teh fatz needs no other explanation.

  13. Breaking News:

    The Bible is true because it says so right there in the Bible.

    Meme Roth is an obesity expert because she declared herself president of her own club about obesity and said she knew what she was talking about.

    The reason the walls of my bedroom have blue paint on them is because they are blue.

  14. SM: I had NO IDEA that there was a comment/forum/etc thing for PostSecret. I always read the secrets and think about them for myself and that’s it for another six days. Huh. I totally agree with you that the project is beautiful without someone else’s unsolicited interpretation.

  15. Ok, I know this isn’t really on topic, but this has been driving me nuts – what’s the deal with Baby Donuts? I keep trying to look it up on search engines and stuff, but nothing I’m finding seems to have any connection to anything here…

    Thanks!!

  16. “The comments on the LJ feed are full of “ZOMGZ I saw fat UNHEALTHY people in a UNHEALTHY McDonalds with their kids, poor kids!” crap too. Yes, that was us, sorry we fatted at you!”

    Not to mention that to have seen ZOMG TEH FATZ at McDo, the presumably thin and “healthy” commenters would have had to be at evil McDo themselves! ZOMG!!!!111!!1 The mind boggles…

  17. Phledge, I think Lily was referring to the LJ RSS feed of PostSecret, since LJ allows comments by default. But I know a few months ago the actual PS site allowed comments and it was just disastrous, IMO. Now they have separate forums (fora?) linked from the site but I can never bring myself to click on them.

    I could definitely write a whole post on that particular secret, and maybe I will, but I’ve got a headache this afternoon so short comments are all you’ll get out of me today. :-)

  18. The Bible is true because it says so right there in the Bible.

    Haha, you’re all awesome, this thread is very amusing. :D

    As for the postsecret thing, sometimes it makes sense to comment on them. There’s a LiveJournal community that basically does the same thing, except with digital pictures, where people always give a lot of advice in the comments. Of course there will always be haters, too, but usually someone else replies to the hateful comment right away pointing out its rudeness. If I posted my own secret, I’d love to get comments.

  19. Not to mention that to have seen ZOMG TEH FATZ at McDo, the presumably thin and “healthy” commenters would have had to be at evil McDo themselves!

    BWAH! Yeah, they’re kind of like the people who were like, “I was so disgusted by Janet Jackson’s boob, I re-ran it fifty times!”

  20. You know, I really really hate the comments/forums/etc thing at PostSecret. The whole beauty of the project, to my mind, is that it creates a space free from shame.

    Yeah, imagine if art museums decided to put up whiteboards and pens next to each display and invited visitors to have at it, huh? “BOTTICELLI YOUR BITCHEZ SO FAT WHY YOU LET THEM EAT BIG MACZ???”

    (I know, don’t give them any brilliant ideas.)

  21. Nope, I can attest that through my huge body of research I have determined that – this weekend at least one of the thinner brothers in this house is SICKER than his heavier little sister and that the other is just as sick as she is. Add in my own current fight with this rhinovirus and I have to conclude, with far more evidence than the troll, that normal weight people are just as sick as weird weight people. Two thin ones sick, two fat ones sick, = one middling weight husband/father frequently washing his hands.

    And the little sister only counts as fat if you are willing to sink so low as to decide that the appearance of a two year old is a set thing. In which case it is three normal sized sickos to one fat and there for normal weight people are the ones who are unhealthiest!

  22. LMAO at the white board at the art museum.

    I’m sure the virtuous thin people who witness all the HUGE FATTIES stuffing their faces and force-feeding mcnuggets to their fat kids are just happening to drive by the exterior of a Micky D’s verrrrry slowly and looking in the window. Maybe they were stuck in traffic. Maybe they were stalking one of the cashiers. Hard to say! But at any rate, I’m sure they weren’t standing in line waiting to order a supersized number 4 value meal with an apple pie. And if they were…it was for a friend. A FAT friend.

  23. Hey, speaking of troll logic, check out this winner from today’s Postsecret:

    The comments on the LJ feed are full of “ZOMGZ I saw fat UNHEALTHY people in a UNHEALTHY McDonalds with their kids, poor kids!” crap too. Yes, that was us, sorry we fatted at you!

    i find it interesting that everyone knows that fatness is totally caused by modern lifestyles, and that our grandparents and great grandparents were all thin (possibly due to healthful conditions like TB). and yet, there do appear to be people in those old photographs who are, in matter of fact, fat. good lord!

    i can only assume that they had access to a time machine that only allowed them to travel forwards to branches of mcdonalds. this makes a lot more sense than the alternative explanations, right?

  24. unhurt: “i can only assume that they had access to a time machine that only allowed them to travel forwards to branches of mcdonalds. this makes a lot more sense than the alternative explanations, right?”

    No, the logical explanation is that all the fat people in old photos were the ancestors of the guys who started McDonalds (cuz no one else was fat EVER before McDo). How else would those guys have known how to cook the food that causes ZOMG TEH FATZ?

  25. You know, I really really hate the comments/forums/etc thing at PostSecret. The whole beauty of the project, to my mind, is that it creates a space free from shame.

    I totally agree. I remember that there were comments enabled on the blog itself, briefly, and I quit reading it for a while because of that.

    And WRT the post itself… someone on LJ had an icon with the words “circular reasoning works because” in a circle. First thing that popped into my head when I read this.

  26. normal weight people are just as sick as weird weight people.

    I’m totally going to start referring to myself as “weird weight.”

  27. Wow. That logic is just…seamless.

    P.S. The art museum comment by Meowser made me laugh out loud. Hehe, I’m still giggling.

  28. I’m totally going to start referring to myself as “weird weight.”

    Me too. I think all the official papers and things should use this as well. Then we’d get fun headlines like:

    “People with weird BMIs are shown to have longer lifespans than people with normal BMIs.”

    I just love how it so clearly illustrates why categories like “normal” and “overweight” make NO SENSE.

  29. My weight is more than weird, it’s psychopathic. Instead of obesity, I’ll call it Norman O-bates-ity.

  30. Q.E.D. There it is. An unassailable argument. Can’t beat that. I think we’d better pack up and go home while the going’s good.

    Thanks for showing me the error of my thinking, Troll darling.

    Eeesh.

  31. “People with weird BMIs are shown to have longer lifespans than people with normal BMIs.”

    Underweight peeps have a weird BMI too though. Actually, you could say it’s weirder simply because it’s much less common. Meaning, I win the weird BMI contest! Go me. :P

  32. I think my favourite thing about that postcard is how it so explicity illustrates the cognitive dissonance induced by the current FATTY FATTY NO LOVINGS thinking.

    So… having fat kids makes you a bad mother. Right. And you choose to illustrate this point with a) photos of fat people from a century or so ago, thus neatly puncturing the People Were Only Fat This Century myth, and b) they were posed erotically, which suggests that a number of somebodies somewhere thought fat people were OMGHAWT enough to comission postcards of them, therefore neatly puncturing the narrow modern definition of what makes someone sexually attractive.

    Methinks they have some contradictory thinking going on in their head.

  33. We’ll conveniently ignore the question of why anyone would even WANT a weird BMI contest.

    So you can win baby flavoured donuts.

    Obviously.

    But seriously, at any point over the rest of my life, filling out medical surveys, doctors appointments, whatever – when people ask me my BMI, I’m totally answering “It’s somewhere in the Weird range.”

    And if it’s a paper survey, I’m making a new little box, labeling it “weird” and then checking that.

  34. Going back to an earlier comment….someone remarked on the “everyone is unhealthy” idea – and you know? I think that’s the new paradigm for news-outlet health stories.

    The “Oh noes we’re all going to DIE!!!!” sort of hype.

    The “stealth disease” teaser (as in “Five things in your refrigerator that could KILL YOU!”)

    The “let’s terrify the mommies” trope (“What you are feeding your child could make them stupid and ugly and unpopular!”)

    Etc., etc.

    I know that “if it bleeds, it leads” is a long-term dictum of the news industry but I do think the whole “We are all so doomed!” mentality has become worse in the past few years, and I can completely see people buying into it to the point where if someone deviates even a tiny bit from what is “prescribed” to be the “right” body type or lifestyle, they freak out and expect that person to be at death’s door.

    And I’m sick of it. And it makes me mad. Look, busybodies: I know my blood pressure, blood cholesterol, and blood sugar numbers. THEY ARE ALL FINE. My DOCTOR thinks they are ALL FINE. So butt out and leave me alone; don’t give me the diabetes or hypertension scare story because I am sick of hearing it.

  35. Damn, I don’t know where those winking smilies came from but I just intended for a plain closed-parenthesis to be there.

    Stupid smug smilies.

  36. Meowser, your comment is tragic as well as funny. People have no idea how poisoned they are anymore…which is why it is indeed possible those same self-rightous -save the fatties- types would make a comment so tasteless towards the work of a classic artist like Botticelli.

  37. i went for PT when i broke a bone in my foot (from some moron pushing me down the subway stairs with their shopping bundles), and they give me this really elaborate questionnaire to fill out, which i dutifully do, and check the box that said “no” next to diabetes, and when i go for intake:
    “no other health issues”
    “aside from thing X not at all possibly caused by TEH FATZ”
    “no diabetes?”
    “wow, fat girl comes in so you automatically assume diabetes?”
    “i didn’t say–”
    “I filled out your form. you made me sit there for 20 minutes to fill it out and then i sat there another 20 while it sat on your desk. if you read it you would have seen that i said i had thing X and didn’t have diabetes, so why are you asking?”

  38. Dear Professor Troll:

    I’m still confused. I am frequently unhealthy, but I am also thin. Does this mean I have to treat obese people, who as your bulletproof logic asserts are also frequently unhealthy, with the same basic dignity I expect for my frequently-unhealthy self? Or can I bask in my superiority to them because, despite being unhealthy, I am thin?

    Please respond quickly, as the matter is urgent. I might have to hold an elevator for a fat person during my errands today, and I want to know whether I should extend this common courtesy or tell them to take the stairs. Thanks!

    (PS: I had an ice cream cone for lunch today. Should I feel badly about this obviously unhealthy choice, or preen because ice cream has never made me fatter?)

  39. (PS: I had an ice cream cone for lunch today. Should I feel badly about this obviously unhealthy choice, or preen because ice cream has never made me fatter?)

    You should take the Big Macz from the hands of Botticellis’ girlz and eateded them.

    Meme Roth is an obesity expert because she declared herself president of her own club about obesity and said she knew what she was talking about.

    Point of Order. I’d like to call for a recount.

    All those in favor plZ throw ur middle fingahz in the aiyr
    and waveded themz liek u JUST DON’T CAYR.

    *fAT troll kitteh sez kthxbai*

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