Comments on: You can find out how much better things can get

By: iheartchocolat

iheartchocolat — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 20:59:25 +0000

i stumbled on this months later, because i was reading the feminism threads. and let me tell you, for such time as this, for such a time as this…i just want to thank all of you FAers above for your positive stories. i definitely needed this reassurance today, i’m in a tough patch… it made me cry. thank you again.

By: What oft was said, but ne’er so well expressed « (Almost) Without Footnotes

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:55:47 +0000

[...] know how to be a good partner? Just be a mensch. That’s all any person asks from her fellow humans. Also from Kate Harding, lighten up, [...]

By: Rachael

Rachael — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 17:12:21 +0000

I’ve actually no idea if there’s anything my husband dislikes about my body because he’s always too busy telling/touching the parts he does like. I find that extremely liberating.

By: Banana

Banana — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 14:15:29 +0000

One thing my partner has taught me, and I think about it every day, not just in terms of our relationship but as an approach to the world around me, is the idea that we don’t get to cherry-pick. So basically, I may prefer if I were thinner or less grumpy, or maybe more interested in cleaning (I say as I look at the chaos around me) and maybe I’d like it if my mom were less critical or whatever, but we just don’t get to pick these singular things and exchange them for something else. All of our traits are interconnected and I’m not willing to be more interested in cleaning if it meant that I spent less time reading or blogging or walking… Or whatever – it isn’t just time management… I find for me, it’s an essential step in self acceptance and to accepting people around me. Sure, we can work on things about ourselves, but we don’t get to just throw out parts of our identity because we decide they’re bad. They are usually related to something really important about ourselves. Not sure if that makes any sense…
So, yeah – I know that he takes me as the whole package and that’s taught me to try to look at people that way too.

By: redblossom

redblossom — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 17:29:39 +0000

Linz, I had shaved my head on my own and it was a little uneven, so I went to the local Great Clips to get it more uniform. After tsk-tsking a bit, the women who was razoring it said, “You’re lucky you’re so pretty. Otherwise, you’d look like a little boy.” And my guy friends were varying degrees of horrified. My dad was actually the one to praise not only the practicality of the shaved head, but the aesthetics as well.

Occhiblu, I send you hugs and reassurance.

By: occhiblu

occhiblu — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 14:16:53 +0000

but I’m glad to hear you’ve taken something positive from it. *hugs*

Yeah, if only the determination not to stay in a relationship after the *first* time someone calls me stupid, rather than sticking around and assuming he’ll get nicer. Sigh.

By: sweetmachine

sweetmachine — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 14:08:30 +0000

Oh, occhiblu, I’m sorry that you’re going through the pain of a breakup — but I’m glad to hear you’ve taken something positive from it. *hugs*

By: occhiblu

occhiblu — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 14:03:22 +0000

So, my boyfriend and I have been arguing for the past week, culminating in a break-up last night.

Reading this thread over the past couple days has given me the strength to realize that (a) my boyfriend has been being an asshole, and (b) there are other men out there who are not assholes. Which has been enormously comforting.

Thank you so much, y’all.

By: naath

naath — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:59:59 +0000

I think it’s important for the partner to be supportive of fat acceptance *in general* and not just of *your* fat – I’m sick sick sick of people who are attracted to me saying shit like “she’s clearly lazy and eats to many pies” followed with “but I like *you* just the way you are”. I don’t want to hear that you like me *inspite* of my size! (which, OK, is marginally better than “you are so fat and ugly I hate you” but somehow seems much more dishonest).

I don’t want to hear my partner going off on some rant about how some other fat person they know is so lazy and eats so much crappy food (especially when said partner is lazy and eats piles of crappy food – and, oh, is thin anyway), I don’t *care* if they say that that fat person is “different” to me – it’s disgusting, it’s not at all supportive, and I just don’t want to have to associate with people who are rude about fat people.

(I’m sick of people claiming they are into fat-acceptance just because they are dating a fat person and not forcing them to diet).

By: Linz

Linz — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 01:38:35 +0000

Oh my God, yes, EVERYONE feels entitled to rub your shaved head! What the fuck is that about?

Now that I think of it, the people who tried the hardest to talk me out of shaving were male. Kind of an obvious demonstration of how some men view women, isn’t it? If you want to do something that will make you less attractive to them, they take it as a personal affront.

Shortly afterwards, I went to a costume party as Princess Buttercup, with a long blond wig. One guy COULD NOT get over how much he loved it. He actually said, “See how pretty you’d still be if you hadn’t cut your hair?” What. The. Fuck.

Also some of my conservative Catholic family got very upset by it. Not my dad, though, bless his heart–he thought it was awesome and stood up for me steadfastly.

Eli, I agree, it was a huge step towards self-acceptance! I keep thinking I want to do it again, but, ugh, the growing-out process. I have very thin hair, and when it was growing out I looked like a baby bird. I wore hats for months. If I ever shave again, it’s staying shaved!