Comments on: Ask Aunt Fattie: How do I talk sense into my dieting friend?

By: Lenneth

Lenneth — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 21:27:49 +0000

It’s so refreshing to read this. I have a dieting friend who counts the calories and fat grams in everything, going so far as to complain that bananas have “too much fat in them”. I wasn’t sure whether or not to try and talk IE to her, but after reading this I’ve decided to go for a “lead by example” approach.

Thanks, Aunt Fattie ;)

By: Tari

Tari — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:12:28 +0000

I’m a short nonfat fat activist, extra hot, with cinnamon.

BWAH!!

By: fillyjonk

fillyjonk — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:40:03 +0000

TwitchyHug, it’s an admirable goal! But in this case you achieve it by telling her she’s always been beautiful, not that she was more beautiful before.

I wish we lived in a perfect world where every woman was happy with the way they looked

Man, you and me both.

By: TwitchyHug

TwitchyHug — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 08:32:30 +0000

Oh, you answered my question! That was unexpected, thank you. I haven’t brought it up since I wrote in – as I said, I don’t want to nag or make her think she’s unattractive. I just brought it up beacuse I kind of wanted to make her feel like she WAS beautiful, even if she didn’t realise it. I wish we lived in a perfect world where every woman was happy with the way they looked :(

By: madicated

madicated — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:05:34 +0000

More than that, she didn’t even say her friend was dieting or mentioning it at all, so her telling her friend ‘you looked better heavier, but I’m worried about your health’ struck me as a little bit like the reverse (but the same) of ‘you’d look so much better if you lost a little weight, but I’m worried about your health.’ –Cala

Thank you for writing that and putting it so well. I was thinking the same. I have family and friends that constantly state the same or are always harping on the fact that I’m underweight. Even though they know why (meds for bipolar I and epilepsy) and know that I’m doing my best to maintain/gain.

Something that may not have occurred to “Concerned” is that her friend may be taking medication/s for a mental or other health issue that may be affecting her weight. Not everyone talks about being “mentally interesting” openly, even with friends and family. There’s still a lot of stigma out there.

By: Ailbhe

Ailbhe — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 22:23:06 +0000

Actually, it was moving the abortion debate out the door I was particularly grateful for this time. I grew up in Ireland, where there is still almost no legal abortion.

By: kateharding

kateharding — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 21:55:26 +0000

Dear Kate,

You are marvellous. On behalf of my daughters and myself, thank you.

Thank you kindly, though I literally wrote one word of this particular post. Aunt Fattie’s a group effort, and I was the last to take a pass at this one. :)

By: spacedcowgirl

spacedcowgirl — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 21:33:07 +0000

Eden, I love that!

By: Ailbhe

Ailbhe — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 21:27:47 +0000

Dear Kate,

You are marvellous. On behalf of my daughters and myself, thank you.

By: Juliet

Juliet — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 21:22:31 +0000

Having spent time with a lot of anorexics and bulimics, I’d caution about harping on how much weight your friend has lost in a situation like this. If there’s a real eating disorder fueling the weight loss, that sort of affirmation will likely only work in a negative way.

I had a best friend who was anorexic and we all learned to be very careful about what we said to her regarding her appearance. Anything could be taken out of context and turned into “I’m doing great, I’ve gotten thinner” or “Oh, no – I must be looking fatter today.”

So we circumvented her appearance at all costs, and eventually she did get therapy and gained some weight, though I think it is still a consistent struggle for her (despite having three kids, there isn’t a single picture of her pregnant, for example, because she hates looking fat). That’s the only thing I’d say that I don’t think was said (got sort of lost in the pro-choice debate).