The other day, JoGeek wrote a post about how plus-size shopping bitch sessions inevitably involve the short people complaining that everything’s too long, the tall people explaining that everything’s too short, the pear-shaped complaining about gapping waists, the apple-shaped complaining about saggy butts, etc. Bottom line, it sucks for everyone. Except perhaps plus-size fit models, but I suspect even they have their gripes.
Having said all that, I went to Walgreen’s last night to buy some nude colored nylons to wear with the Igigi dress I finally got altered to fit me. I bought two pairs of L’Eggs Silken Mist, in Q and Q+, because the size chart said the former would fit someone 5’2″ and up to 190 lbs., the latter someone 5’2″ and… a little over 200, I think. Since I hover right around 190 and have Thighs of Doom, I grabbed both, figuring one would have to fit.
Here’s what I didn’t anticipate (please forgive shitty webcam photo):
That’s right, folks. THE PANTYHOSE COME UP TO MY FACE. (I accidentally held them about 2 inches off the ground in that shot, but while touching the floor, they still come up to my mouth.) When I took them out of the package, I actually screamed, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” out loud, and demanded that Al stop peeing and come out of the bathroom immediately to see the ridiculousness. I did not even bother trying them on, and instead, as you can see, just went with a pair of black hose I already had.
This? Is the kind of thing that makes short chicks say, “Do they think we’re all amazons?!?” I mean, I know tall women have problems with lots of other brands only coming up to their knees, so I’m not claiming this as an exclusive Short Fatty Problem. But seriously, for fuck’s sake. Says right there on the package that this will fit a 5’2″ woman. NOT SO FREAKIN’ MUCH, L’EGGS.
JoGeek, if you’re going to be in Chicago any time soon and want an unworn pair of nude hose, I can totally hook you up.
(Oh, and Al took a couple pics of me to show off the newly altered dress–you can at least see the new length above. If they’re any good, I’ll post them.)