Lindra: You said, like you, I had the guy at my school tell me that I was too fat and he could catch diabetes off me. There wasn’t a response to give to that, really

and I thought, yes there is:

“Wow, it’s good for me stupidity’s not contagious then, isn’t it?”

//i can has snark.

NDD, I want to simply express my support for you, and I hope that you can communicate with your mom about HAES and work something out. I’m in talks with my mom about these type of things too, as I’ve been learning about HAES for the last year or so, and I’m 30.

Good luck, and be well.

I know I might have felt better about myself a lot earlier if I knew any adults who were willing to talk to me about self-esteem and body issues without admonishing me about weight. Not to mention it would’ve helped me if someone could have helped me pick out my plus-sized duds aside from my mom (who dressed me in unfortunate clothing in styles that aimed at much older women and which were dramatically frumpy on me).

Even if all we achieved would be to help teens to think for themselves about advertising, it would be well worth doing.

-Ericka

My mum had the lovely habit of going ‘oh, if only you lost 5 or 10 kgs, you’d be such a pretty girl’.

They teach that in Mom School. It’s in one of the mandatory courses — right next to “But You Have Such a Pretty Face (subtext: What the Hell is Wrong with the Rest of You?) ” in the syllabus.

And apparently, since we do lbs here, it’s in the International Curriculum.

Highly recommend Deborah Tannen’s “You’re Wearing That?”

Bought it for my mom last Christmas. She read it too.

We fight less now.

(I won’t tell you how old we are. It’s classified. My mom missed her calling; she should have been a CIA NOC.)

As Cosmo said in Sneakers, sometimes “It’s ALL about the information”.

As a result, I certainly hope Aunt Fattie will be a regular feature. :D

It has nothing to do with how I feel and everything to do with Teh Fat.

Thank you Aunt Fattie…lovely article.

“She goes to theatre camp with her jaw wired shut, and just before the camp’s big final show where the parents are in attendance, the girl who was supposed to sing and her sub for one of the songs get into a fight rendering both unable to perform.”

I really wish we could edit comments.

Next time your parents start to bring up fat acceptance, start singing an inspirational song!

Okay, just kidding. But I was listening to my iTunes and got to the soundtrack of a little movie called Camp (which is one of the most camp movies in the history of campness) about a bunch of kids at a theatre camp. And there’s on girl who’s father gave her an ultimatum before camp, she could either go to fat camp, or she could go to theatre camp with her jaw wired shut (so that she couldn’t eat – get it?)

She goes to theatre camp with her jaw wired shut, and just before the camp’s big final show where the parents are in attendance, the girl and her sub for one of the songs get into a fight rendering both unable to perform. So they take pliers (did I mention this movie is complete camp?) and cut open her wired-shut jaw and then she goes out on stage and sings in front of her parents.

And the songs she sings just happens to totally fit her current situation and does a pretty good job of letting her parents know she’s not going to diet anymore.

So when we all have family problems, we should totally just sing.

By the way, I totally love that song. And the movie holds this weird little place in my heart, too. Partly because of how fun it was when I saw it the first time with my theatre friends in an otherwise completely empty cinema.

Anyway…

Daisy, I think so many of us have had this experience with our mothers. They don’t realize that they are passing their insecurities on to their children or they say things and don’t think. I’m happy that you’re with someone that is so understanding.

On a similar subject I have come to hate weight watchers (as most here seem to) and it was partially because my mom took me to become a member or get on the plan or whatever their rhetoric is this week when I was 13. I can’t even talk about how upset I was by condecending women telling me that I was lying about how much exercise I was getting. I was competitively swimming at this point and running a couple of miles daily. I restricted my food like they told me and my weight didn’t go down. I must be lying. *sigh*
More recently my boss has decided to try weight watchers. She said yesterday that she was really hungry because she just started the program. I responded that if she isn’t eating enough then maybe she shouldn’t be doing weight watchers. Her reasoning? It’s cause it was her first day. She would get used to eating less food. How can this be healthy? If you are hungry, eat! It doesn’t have to be junk if you’re so worried about what you’re putting in your body, but it’s not good for you to be hungry all the time. I worry sometimes.

I think my worst feelings about myself is that my left breast is much bigger then the right one. Close to twice the size in fact. I remember when I was in the 7th grade and she picked me up from school in the middle of the day. Seems I had a doctor appointment that I hadn’t been informed of. We sat in the exam room and when the doctor came in, she pulled up my shirt (no bra, of course) and said “what’s wrong with her?” Dear, dear Dr. Nelson (RIP) reached over, pulled my shirt down, patted me on the arm, handed me the box of tissues and asked my mom if he could talk to me out in the hallway. It certainly dried my tears quickly to hear him chew her ass out, we’d known him for years. I’d never really noticed that my breasts were different size at that point, I was just happy I was getting some. But after that day, I’ve spent my life feeling like a deformed freak. I know that I could have surgery (if I could afford it) and I have researched it. When I read there would be the possibility of some loss of feeling or sensation in the nipple area. Yeah, that sort of killed that idea real quick.

I’m very blessed to have found a husband (half my age I should point out) that thinks I’m beautiful just the way I am. Even with that, I still feel like a freak and there are times that I can’t bear to have him see me naked, or to even touch me.
At least he understands when I get that way.

Sorry for the rant, it just started and I couldn’t stop it.

daisy

In my family it was inexcusable to respond with any kind of sense, and while I fluctuated between an extreme eating disorder and healthy weight gain (Getting FAT!!!!! OMG!!!!) my parents commented daily on either end of the spectrum, patting my stomach with a condescending look and flippant comment when I was not starving myself, and getting in huge screaming matches about my refusal to eat when I was. They still do it. And no amount of nicely put, intelligently thought out rebuttals has, or ever will change their opinion of me. And saying “No.” was not an option, and I don’t recommend it to any minors, with understanding parents or not, because it is a trigger word for parents; “No” means you’re not hearing them, and instantly vetoing what they’re telling you. It sounds like blatant rebellion to the parental ear.