I am Spartacus!
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Reader Arashi-san alerted us in comments that an astute and worthy opponent had finally unearthed the dark secret of this blog:
Kate, I was actually mistaken for you today while engaged in an argument…!
I took it as a complement, though what the commenter actually said to me was, “Arashi-san, We know you are that Kate Harding chunky chick. You filter anything you don’t agree with that’s posted, so that it looks like you have a lot of raving fans. It’s sad. Dan Savage should have ignored your fat butt.”
Sorry for re-posting such a trollish comment, but I just had to let you know that you have now achieved legendary status. We’ll soon be hearing of Kate Harding sightings: “Oh, I totally spotted a Kate Harding comment today on this article about baby-flavored donuts!” “You actually believe in Kate Harding? But she’s just a made-up rallying point for the fatties. People are always trying to get photos of her or find other signs of her existence, but nobody really has any concrete evidence.”
Yep, a rallying point who only looks like she has lots of raving fans, which is so not true because she is the queen of censoring. *headdesk* Apparently, you’re supposed to allow hate speech in your blog.
Well, folks, it’s true. Arashi-san is Kate Harding. You’re Kate Harding. I’m Kate Harding and so’s my wife. Kate is actually a profoundly egotistical solipsist who has invented the entire FA movement out of whole cloth, since surely nobody would be crazy enough to agree with her. (After all, if you choose not to let people shit all over you on a regular basis, it must be because nobody actually likes you! Please email me if you can sort out that logic.) I’m sorry to tell you guys this, but you’re only a sort of thing in her dream. You may think you’re readers, but you’re just a menagerie of sock puppets.
This is of course why every comment here says exactly the same thing and is faultlessly supportive, with no sense of individual personality or opinion, whereas each troll comment is exquisitely hand-crafted and not at all hackneyed or repetitive.
And to prove it, here is a totally unedited photo of me and Sweet Machine:
ETA: Hah, I totally did not realize that you guys were already making “Kateacus” jokes last night. Bravo.
Dying over that picture!
*teary-eyed*
I’m a sock-puppet?
Do I at least get buttons for eyes?
It’s the FA version of the Sifil and Oly show!
Bless you, Rowan. I actually had a Sifl and Olly joke in there originally, and took it out because I thought it was too obscure.
Ooh! Ooh! Can I be Kate Harding, too? Whee!
ETA: Hah, I totally did not realize that you guys were already making “Kateacus” jokes last night. Bravo.
Well, I was making Yeti jokes. So out of the loop.
I am Kate Harding and so can you!
Sorry if this is not the correct place to send links, but I couldn’t find another address. Have you seen this column on today’s Guardian that basically says people are fat because they feel useless? It’s a gem!
http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/anne_perkins/2008/01/lost_weight_the_self_respect_way.html
Lose weight the self-respect way
The breast-beating sermons about obesity ignore the truth; that being fat is a sad side-effect of feeling useless
Anne Perkins
January 24, 2008 12:30 PM | Printable version
There’s another government initiative on food, one more step in the process of raising awareness about what is really in what we eat.
But I wonder whether anyone who is fat, or who lives with someone who is fat, really thinks it will matter a row of tinned flageolets.
I fear all this breast-beating about food hazards is just making the problem worse.
Maybe there are other reasons for being fat but, in my experience, the most important factor is self-esteem: believing that what you do between breakfast and bedtime matters – to you, if not to anyone else in the whole world. I think it used to be called self-respect.
It’s a whole lot easier to start to get fat than it is to stop getting fat and start getting thin. And when you eat, because it makes you feel better and you eat too much of the wrong thing, because the wrong things – the fats, the sugars, the chips and the doughnuts – make you feel better quicker, the fact that the whole world is looking on with pursed lips and sucked teeth just makes those things more desirable.
Once you are fat, the whole world gangs up on you. That’s why you need fat friends, to laugh with when you can’t get into size 14 in Topshop (so demoralising it almost guarantees that you won’t make it into a size 16 the next time); someone to bunk off with and go and buy a bag of pick’n'mix and a coke.
Of course you know you shouldn’t do it. But when every time you turn on the TV there’s another solemn face telling you that being fat makes you a bad person. So who wouldn’t?
Being fat has never been fun. It’s a myth that once no one cared and Billy Bunter was the most popular boy in the school. But now the criteria for success in life are so tightly drawn, the premium so high and so frequently underlined by everything we watch and read and talk about, that most of us are doomed to fail. Nowadays, being fat is often (almost always?) a sad side-effect of feeling useless.
At some point, with a bit of luck, most of us grow up and learn to live with who we are. (That’s probably the time when we are most likely to be able to take a sensible decision about how we are going to live and what we’re going to eat.)
But until then – in many cases well into middle age – a sense of failure and the lack of a sense of being in control of one’s life and one’s future, especially when other things go wrong, mean bad food sure does make you feel good – until the next lecture from a thin person.
Only seven comments in, and SingOut already wins the thread.
Kate Smith, clearly you already are — “Smith” is so obviously a fake name!
Yay! What do I win? (please say ‘a donut’)
(please say ‘a donut’)
I hope you like baby flavored!
Now I’m going to have an image of a sock puppet menagerie in my head all day. I’m still deciding whether that’s funny or creepy.
(Hi! New to commenting here, but I’ve been lurking for a while.)
Wait a second…. I thought I was Kate Harding…
Do we all get to eat “Kiss my ass” cereal too?
Hi, Marymac! *dances*
That reminds me of the dream I had last night. I won’t bore people with the details except to say it was weird. And it made me sad that I had seen Doctor Who.
I had a dream that I went in for some diagnostic procedures I have to do next month, and it turned out they were secretly planning to give me WLS while I was knocked out!
I think I’ve been spending too much time with the blog.
You know… I knew that I felt a special kinship with Kate… I just didn’t know it was so special that we were the same person.
But I’ve never been to Chicago. Or done yoga. And I don’t write for shit.
Ow! My head hurts.
Man, I wish I were as articulate as Kate when I’m arguing with people. I work in Catherine’s, and I tell you, the self-loathing that comes out from women in that store is sickening; Constantly berating themselves for not looking good in anything smaller, complaining about their diets not working, etc.
This one woman came in the other day, and while I was ringing her up, she said, “These are my hopeful jeans. I’m getting Bypass surgery next week, so I’m buying these in anticipation.” I smiled for the moment, because I didn’t want to say anything about her mutilating her organs for the sake of MAYBE losing weight. My coworker chimed in immediately, “Oh, that’s so cool! You’ll look so good afterwards, my sister did it too!” I offered, rather meekly(Still not used to the self-confidence thing) that I didn’t believe in surgery like that because of the risks, and got the same general response from both of them: “It’s healthier than being obese!”
Interspersed in there was a lot of fat-loathing comments. My coworker actually talked with me about it afterwards, and said, “Well, when I suddenly gained 100 lbs and shot up above 300, I was miserable. My joints were in pain all the time, and I felt heavy and slow. You can’t tell me it’s not unhealthy!” Of course, she didn’t believe me when I said, “Maybe it’s because you SUDDENLY shot up above 300 lbs, your body couldn’t adjust immediately? Maybe the misery and feeling slowed down was caused by something emotional, not physical?” Nope. Can’t be that- has to be health. I ended up having to say, “regardless of whether it’s healthy or not, fat people shouldn’t have to feel like they should be invisible”. It was about the only point she agreed with me on. Argh! (sorry for the rant. ^^; )
So this means that I went out for drinks with… myself? It’s like Fight Club, only with less fighting. It’s Fat Club!
That certainly explains how I got so drunk – turns out I was drinking twice as much as I had thought, since I am Ottermatic and Kate Harding.
I’m so confused you guys.
turns out I was drinking twice as much as I had thought, since I am Ottermatic and Kate Harding.
Oh god, I don’t even want to THINK about how much Indian food I must have eaten when I went out with Kate. Kate, that shit’s expensive! Why didn’t
youI stopmeyoume?It’s like Fight Club, only with less fighting. It’s Fat Club!
Crap. We’re all totally blowing the rule about not talking about Fat Club.
You’re allowed to talk about Fat Club as long as it’s in an echo chamber.
I’m so confused you guys.
Wait, I’m not confused. I’m just drunk. Kate, you’ve got to do something about my drinking problem.
OMG – if ANYBODY can hook me up with some episodes of Sifl and Olly I will be eternally grateful!
Lilah, YouTube has you covered!
Nice – you know, I checked there a while back. Maybe I’m just unable to spell anymore. Thank you thank you, fj!
“The Kate is our master…The Kate chooses who will go and who will stay.”
Oh gosh, Indian food. Devon here I come!!! I mean.. here Kate Harding comes… or something.
Resistance is futile. We are The Kate Harding. You will be assimilated. (And then you’ll catch Teh Fat! OH NOEZ!!1)
I feel like Buddhism and schizophrenia are arguing in my head about what’s the funnier comment.
Wow, I didn’t know I’d get my comment posted! This realization that we’re all really Kate Harding shook me somewhat, but as my name is already Kate, it didn’t take all that much adjustment.
Oh, and somebody totally needs to write the rules of Fat Club. Kate, want to do the honors? Wait…who am I talking to? Oh no…I’m talking to myself!!
Arashi-sanKate Harding, it was just too funny to pass up. Especially once I got the photo idea intomyKate’s head.Oh gosh, Indian food. Devon here I come!!! I mean.. here Kate Harding comes… or something.
I think it is safe to say, “Devon, here Kate Harding comes” in any case. :)
I feel like Buddhism and schizophrenia are arguing in my head about what’s the funnier comment.
Tari, no comment could be funnier than that one.
I was at the gym last night, and a woman in the locker room was so eager to tell us about her weight loss, showing us the “before” picture of her 100+ lbs ago, which I didn’t bother looking at, since I didn’t want to participate in that dynamic. She gave us an unsolicited pep talk about how just sticking with it and persevering would work. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t care. I mean, she seemed very happy with herself, which is great, but the assumption was that we were all trying to lose weight and that’s why we were there. Except for my thin friend, of course. She must be there for fitness and toning.
But of course, I, the chub, couldn’t be there because exercise is just good for you: later, one of the people who had been listening asked me, “How much weight are *you* trying to lose?” (It was her confession that she wanted to lose 40 lbs that started the whole thing. And btw, I was shocked at that–I couldn’t see where 40 lbs would be coming from.) I said, “I’m not trying to lose weight. I’m just here for my health, to stay fit.” She seemed surprised (and I’m trying not to be insulted) but applauded me for being happy with myself, though she added, “I’m not there.”
I just don’t know what to say about this. The whole thing was so stereotypical.
BTW, the lady who had lost 100 lbs over 2.5 years also said, “We all have our problem areas.” I said privately to my friend afterward, “*I* don’t have any ‘problem areas’.” I don’t! I really am starting not to think of parts of my body as “problems” that need to be solved. And this is sort equally a feminist and a FA thing. A woman’s body is not a problem.
nor is a man’s of course. But I’m not a man, so I can’t speak to that.
sorry, i’ll stop now! (for a while)
Maybe we all take turns being Kate Harding. My schedule is free on 2/18. I’ll look forward to being awesome that day.
And this is sort equally a feminist and a FA thing. A woman’s body is not a problem.
A-freakin’-men.
Maybe we all take turns being Kate Harding. My schedule is free on 2/18. I’ll look forward to being awesome that day.
All right, I need to be me this coming Monday and Thursday, and preferably throughout the weekend. Otherwise, y’all can feel free.
Hah, I totally did not realize that you guys were already making “Kateacus” jokes last night. Bravo.
Of course we were, since we’re all of the same mind.*
*i.e., Kate’s
Oh, and CAN I JUST SAY…
always trying to get photos of her or find other signs of her existence, but nobody really has any concrete evidence.
Sadly, this is more right on than you might think (though still hilarious). I deleted a couple douchehoundz the other day, asking why there are no pictures of me on my blog, to prove that I’m fat/healthy/real/whatev.
Um, yeah. Evidently you missed the headshot that accompanies EVERY ONE OF MY POSTS. And the page about me, with the handy tab up top. And this post. And about a gazillion others.
Seriously, they can all kiss my ass.
Kate, they must have really been wondering why there aren’t pictures of all the rest of us.
FJ–You know, like how Michael and Janet Jackson are never seen in the same place?!?
Well apparently we should just all have photos of ourselves on every comment we post, to prove we’re real! This is starting to sound like some kind of fat yearbook/annual.
Arashi-san: my photo is not actually me – it has been Photoshopped to make Kate look like a skinny brunette figure skater. This is obviously true because the person in the photo is the same height as Kate. THE LOGIC IS IRREFUTABLE. (Except, IIRC, I’m actually an inch taller.)
Except, IIRC, I’m actually an inch taller.
Even with the Treehorn Syndrome? You’re clearly not trying hard enough.
With all the internet memes out there, people become fascinated and instantly want to gobble up new stuff. A shirt that says “I am Kate Harding” with the blog address would probably grab a lot of attention. “I want to be Kate Harding when I grow up” would work too. Another idea: Shapeling. Or Super Bacon. I don’t know about other people, but I would definitely invest in a nicely designed shirt/button/bumpersticker supporting this blog.
Caasana, we were just talking about T-shirts the other day! Those are great ideas. I love “I am Kate Harding” (’cause it’s all about me, duh.) “I am Kateacus” would be way funnier, but not as good for self-promotion. :)
One that just says “Shapeling” could be awesome, too. And the superfood is all from clipart.com, so could totally go on a tee…
All right. We need to do this.
Yes to the bumper sticker idea. I recently decided that if I can’t have a shiny new car, my not-so-shiny-decade-old-one is going to be my own roving socio-political forum. In other words, one of those crappy old cars you see covered in smart, funny, thought-provoking bumper stickers. Kate Harding anything, along with blog address, fits nicely with that goal.
I’ll totally wear an “I am Kate Harding” shirt, as long as it says “Don’t tase me, bro” on the back.
Oo oo! For the brave: “Mmm…baby-flavored” with picture of donut. That might receive repulsion, but I’ve seen shirts advertising tubgirl, so it could be worse.
Tari I read that as “Don’t taste me bro”
which is pretty funny as well.
“Mmm…baby-flavored” with picture of donut. That might receive repulsion, but I’ve seen shirts advertising tubgirl, so it could be worse.
I already have a shirt that says, “When the rapture comes, I’m taking your car,” so I’d go for that.
Oh, I would totally wear a shirt that said, “I am Kate Harding.” ESPECIALLY if it had the website underneath. And if you offered Casana’s baby-flavored donut shirt, I’d just have to buy that one, too. :D Woot!
And here I was, just wanting to put “if you think fat people have no self-control consider the fact that they haven’t killed you yet” on a t-shirt.
I clearly have no imagination.
Which, sadly, means I am *not* Kate Harding. <>
I have to admit, this is one of the more creative troll ideas I have ever seen. Kate’s picture is, of course, everywhere on the blog, but the idea that she could be sending all of us all over blogland pretending to be her takes some kind of feat of imagination.
Think of all the “pundit” celebrities we could do this with! Ann Coulter gets a new book out and it’s quoted in the paper, and we all write in to the paper saying, “Ahh, that ain’t Coulter, that’s one of her sockpuppets pretending to be her. She actually hasn’t written a thing herself since the Clinton administration. And that photo on the dustjacket? OLD. I know law school classmates of hers who say she was using that same photo in law school. We double dog dare her to prove otherwise.”
Limbaugh? Same thing. He’s on the radio; anyone could learn to imitate his voice and style and even act as a body double entering the building while Rush himself jaunts down to the Dominican for more scrips. Can he prove that’s not happening? Can he? For real?
I think they just handed us something great to work with here. Of course I think Osama Bin Laden has been dead for at least five years, so maybe I’m the wrong one to ask.
You know for a hive mind we ROCK!!! Anyways, I would totally wear any of the shirts that are dreamt up, and happily slap a bumpersticker on my car.
zomg I so want a Shapelings shirt. Actually, a hoodie because I quite literally can never have enough hoodies (really, I’m always losing or destroying them). Also a baby donut plushie. And an “I am Kate Harding” with the rules of Fat Club on the back. Speaking of which, what are the rules of Fat Club? Or should I already know this because I am part of the Kate Harding hivemind?
If y’all are really talking about t-shirts, I would love one that says “Powered by baby-flavored donuts”.
Oh and I meant to add, if I am a sock puppet Kate Harding, then I want to be that one really bizarre argyle sock that is found in the wash. The one you don’t even remember buying but there it is staring at you from the load, wrapped around your granny panties like a long lost lover.
Thats the sock I would make my Kate Harding sock puppet out of!! With mismatched Button eyes as well …
All your Kates is belong to us!
Sorry. Couldn’t resist.
I would totally buy a Shapeling t-shirt, if it could be one that would flatteringly fit my curves, not straight-cut high-neck men’s styles please. But it seems like none of the custom t-shirt companies carry women’s styles in sizes bigger than a XL, which in generic brands tends to translate to a 12-14. This makes me a little sad. I want a Shapeling t-shirt!
I say at our next Fat Club (or Future Fatties or whatever) we have craft time, and do nothing but make Kate Harding Sock Puppets.
Linda, false! Well, true until recently, but now Cafe Press carries women’s plus shirts up to a respectable 5x.
…and then mail them to Dan Savage.
…and then mail them to Dan Savage.
:lol:
(ETA: wow, that laughing smiley worked, I wasn’t sure it would. Nor am I sure how I feel about it.)
Also a baby donut plushie.
I would buy that. I would buy in multiples for baffling Christmas gifts.
I don’t know if there’s anything we can do about baby donut plushies, but I personally am dying for one of these.
How ’bout saying it in rap?
I’m Kate Harding
Yes I’m the real Harding
All you other Kate Hardings are just imitating
So won’t the real Kate Harding please stand up
Please stand up
Please stand up
(there’s a little Kate Harding in all of us…we should all stand up!)
I like I AM KATE HARDING and also BABY FLAVORED DONUTS )with no explanation)
(ETA: wow, that laughing smiley worked, I wasn’t sure it would. Nor am I sure how I feel about it.)
It does look slightly…..er….lascivious?
It does look slightly…..er….lascivious?
It works better if you imagine that it has a short, flexible snout, like a tapir or a proto-elephant.
like a tapir or a proto-elephant.
BWAH!!
I don’t know if there’s anything we can do about baby donut plushies, but I personally am dying for one of these.
There’s some possibility that the only reason you don’t already have one of those in your fat little hands is that I’m a lazy asshole who can’t ever get to the post office. Just saying.
How about a picture of Kate that says “Your baby donuts. I has dem.” :)
Someone who can draw should totally draw a SHapeling. I feel like it needs an adorable graphic. (I would but all I can draw is checkerboards on my notebook paper, and even that not well.)
You know what would also be awesome, a Shapeling version of weemee. (Www.weeworld.com)
Kate, I had a suspicion along those lines when you asked me for my address. :)
[i]Also a baby donut plushie.[/i]
With a bite taken out of it. But a big bite, ’cause yanno, we fatties always eat things in 3 bites or fewer. ;D
My other car is Kate Harding’s.
(and I would totally wear Shapeling gear.)
That picture makes me look fat!
“Someone who can draw should totally draw a SHapeling. I feel like it needs an adorable graphic. (I would but all I can draw is checkerboards on my notebook paper, and even that not well.)”
*coughs*
darnit. damn shapelings always putting IDEAS into my head.
especially when my workload is about a gazillion times heavier than it was a month ago, and its going to stay that way until i graduate.
;_;
SM, that’s me! You’re on the left.
UR BOTH FAT AND DISCUSTING AND I NEVER WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH U NOT THAT U ASKED
I WILL FORCE YOU TO FIND ME ATTRACTIVE BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT THIS MOVEMENT IS ALL ABOUT
I am SO confused. If everyone is Kate Harding, then who was wearing Tyra Banks’ fat suit? Was it Kate Harding wearing a Tyra Banks suit wearing a fat suit? Kindly explain.
^^^^
Or perhaps it would be a Tyra-Banks-Wearing-A-Fat-Suit suit?
No, FJ, I mean, it’s like usually I look in the mirror and I see a thin person… but now I realize that I look just like that Kate Harding chunky chick!
“I’m not really a horse. I’m a broom.”
Ben and Jerry should totally do a Chunky Chick flavored ice-cream at Easter, using chopped up Marshmallow Peeps.
(Unfortunately, chopping and freezing won’t kill something as vile as Peeps, but it’s a good start).
They could avoid the Peeps entirely and have little chocolate chickens, like the chocolate fish in Phish Food or the chocolate cows in, um, BGH Ripple or whatever the cows are in.
Then I’d have half a chance of eating it. With Peeps, no way!
BGH Ripple is awesome. And probably really delicious right up until my hooves come in.
I think it goes beyond the fatosphere. The whole world is an illusion, because we are all a part of Kate Harding’s dream.
Nobody wake Kate Harding!
It gets worse folks. Just learned on another thread that *I* am also Kate Harding. Not sure how my wife or her boyfriend is gonna feel about that. ; )
I would totally wear a t-shirt supporting this blog. It has to be black though, kk? Cause I can’t match my clothes.
Kate, I told you. Now you rule the internets. Next, the world.
*gigglefit*
That is all.
I (Kate Harding) would so wear a baby-flavored donut shirt.
Nobody wake Kate Harding!
I heartily second that advice.
I’m so going to spend my work day figuring out how to make a baby-flavoured doughnut plushie (or arigurumi)…hmmmm how to fully represent the delightful baby-flavoured-ness???
And then I’ll be spending the weekend making a prototype.
Because that’s totally the best way to spend my weekend.
Ooo oo ! To play off of redblossom’s idea. Full on Fight Club theme “I am Kate Harding’s undeniable sense of self-worth.” FAT CLUB on the back with rules of fat club. BEST.SHIRT.EVAR!
In death a member of Fat Club has a name. His name is Meat Loaf.
*Puts down the fight club references and backs slowly away* Whew… sorry guys.
I want one of everything please! When can I send you my $$$$$?!
Un oh. Don’t tell me I’ve gotten myself involved in something creepy like a Kate Harding Cult!
I want an Official Member of The Kate Harding Cult patch.
Or is this more of a shared delusion?
In any case…which Kate wants my money?
Caasana – in pale pink. with a chocolate sprinkle donut on the front., text wraparound the donut.
I love you, Sparcatus.
I now can’t stop thinking, “This is Dan. Dan has bitch tits.” Because if we’re all Kate and this is Fat Club, and blog wars are like our support groups and and and *head explodes*
[buzzing noise]
We interrupt comment to inform you that the poster is really, really dumb. She couldn’t think of a better way to de-lurk than to snark on Dan Savage, reveal her Fight Club geek-obsession, then feel lame. Your regularly scheduled comments will return shortly.
This is Kate. Kate has bitch tits.
Technically.
I’m also put in mind of Tom Joad in “The Grapes of Wrath”.
Kate will be all around in the dark – she’ll be everywhere. Wherever you can look – wherever there’s a fight, so fat folks can eat without catching shit for it, she’ll be there. Wherever there’s a concern troll beatin’ up a blogger – she’ll be there.
I am vengeance. I am the fat. I am KATE HARDING.
I am the fat that flaps in the night!
Dude. If people are going to be drawing designs for T-shirts, then I’m thinking we need to revive the old Obesity Epidemic Halloween costume thing, and put that critter on a T-shirt. Sadly, the only thing I can draw is sharks, and that’s only because one of my kids has made me draw like, 600 of them in the past few months. (As it turns out, even someone who could barely draw a smiley face without it looking demented, given that much practice, can actually turn out a sharkish-looking shark. Who knew?)
I so had to revamp some of the quotes from Fight Club:
“Fat Club was the beginning. Now it’s moved out of the basement – it’s called Project Shapeling.”
“You’re not your pants size. You’re not how much you weigh. You’re not the junk in your trunk. You’re not the contents of your bra. You’re not your fucking stomach rolls. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing fat of the world.”
Hello. My name is Kate Harding. You ate my baby flavoured donuts. Prepare to die!
I am Kate Harding. I am nigh-invulnerable!
No, I am Kate Harding.
Who knows what evil lurks in the fat of women? Kate Harding knows.
I am the evil midnight Kate Harding blogger what blogs at midnight!
My Kate senses are tingling. To the fatmobile!
Boy, I stink at this.
Arashi-san, that’s awesome.
Boy, I stink at this.
No! No! I love the Evil Midnight Blogger.
I totally have this vision of a cartoonish baby in the shape of a donut with colorful sprinkles.
And my lurking Shapeling husband draws BEAUTIFUL fat women, so maybe he’ll be willing to draw a Shapeling Icon. I can’t geek at you enough about his talents. When he offerred to show me his top secret nekkid women art and the ones predating me were my size, I started my ensnarement plans. They worked. :)
Okay, this isn’t really the right place to say this, but I don’t have anywhere else. I was just watching Joy Nash’s Fat Rant sequel and came across a new troll argument (maybe I’m just slow and this has been covered before). The argument goes: if we “promote” obesity we are threatening national security (US national security, I’m Australian) because people will be too fat to join the armed forces and thus the terrorists will win.
OH NOEZ. FAT=TERRORISM SUPPORTER.
Um. Yeah.
“You’re not your pants size. You’re not how much you weigh. You’re not the junk in your trunk. You’re not the contents of your bra. You’re not your fucking stomach rolls. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing fat of the world.”
Holy shit, I LOVE this!!
Boy, I stink at this.
No! No! I love the Evil Midnight Blogger.
And I love the Fatmobile!
I am Kate Harding?
I always knew there was something different about me, but I never dreamed I was Kate Harding.
I sure screwed up my grad school applications…
I’m in ur blogs, eatin ur baby donutz
Hmm. This brand of logic sounds mysteriously similair to my schizophrenic ex-roommate’s brand of crazy.
I am proud to be a Katecus sock puppet of the internets! I haz no brain!
OH NOEZ. FAT=TERRORISM SUPPORTER.
Ha! For the first time in my life, I feel scary.
Hello. My name is Kate Harding. You ate my baby flavoured donuts. Prepare to die!
You keep saying Kate Harding. I do not think it means what you think it means.
“I’m Kate Harding, and I approve this message.”
I just received something today that I was so f-ing insulting.
One of my neighbors sent me a letter from the American
Heart Association. It’s one of those letters that talks about
how eating right (re: dieting) and exercising will help you
to lose weight and improve your overall health.
Mind you, I’m only NOT exercising outside like I usually
do because here in the Midwest, it’s snowing outside
and it’s only 20 degrees outside. Mind you, it’s one of those
well-meaning donation letters with tips on “how to improve
your life.”
This neighbor is actually a friend of my diet-crazy mother,
whose a size 16 (now, down from an 18) and a self-
hating fattie. I don’t know her that well for her to be
able to send something like this to me or assume
that she knows my health by looking me at me but
here at the assumptions:
I’M THE BIGGEST PERSON IN MY HOUSE. MY DAD,
MOM AND BROTHER ARE ALL SMALLER THAN ME.
I TAKE AFTER MY FATHER’S SIDE OF THE FAMILY
WHERE EVERYONE IS FAT, SOME HAVE HAD
HEALTH PROBLEMS DUE TO POOR DIETING
AND MOST OF THEM HAVE SOME ARTISTIC
ABILITY. MY BROTHER TAKES AFTER MY MOM’S
SIDE OF THE FAMILY WHERE THEY TEND TO
BE NORMAL BY MY STANDARDS BUT OVER-
WEIGHT ACCORDING TO BMI. MY BROTHER IS
SLIM BUT HE FORCES HIMSELF TO EXERCISE
AT LEAST THREE TO FOUR HOURS A DAY IN
ORDER TO KEEP HIS WEIGHT DOWN WHICH
MY SCHEDULE WON’T PERMIT.
(I’m sorry to be yelling but I’m just so friggin’ mad.
This is insulting on so many levels.)
I wonder, how should I respond?
Snerk! I love that.
I wanna play, too:
Grow up, Shapelings. Fat acceptance is sooo 2007!
May I see your belly? When I was a child, my father was a master baby donut maker. One day, a woman came to ask for the most tasty baby donut. My father made it, and when the fat woman came, she would only pay him half of the agreed upon price.
Her belly was large, and when my father refused to give her the baby donut, she ate all of the baby donuts in the shop. I have spent my life looking for this woman with the large belly.
I am proud to be a Katecus sock puppet of the internets! I haz no brain!
Ah, yes. The sense of humour is what I love the most about trolls.
No more Princess Bride, I mean it…
No more Princess Bride, I mean it…
Ha! Never go in against a Kate Harding when death is on the line.
which Kate wants my money?
THIS ONE. :)
No more Princess Bride, I mean it…
anybody want a peanut?*
*eat an entire jar of peanut butter in one go, right?
I want a t-shirt that says: “My cat eats kitten-flavored doughnuts”
Oh, and “Kate Harding … You keep using those words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean”
Sweet! If I am Kate, I still basically look like me, but I’m 14 years younger, several sizes smaller, and everybody loves lapping up my sugar-sweetened Kool-Aid.
Being fat won’t kill you and raise my health insurance rates? Inconceivable!
Incon-thieve-able!
I hear that Kate Harding spent years building up her immunity to baby doughnut poisoning.
There’s a shortage of Racks of Doom in this world. It would be a pity to damage Kate Harding’s.
So I work third shift. It is currently 10:15 pm here and I just woke up*. I read this thread before going to bed. Making my post regarding my sock puppet being argyle etc. ( which is not to say I think Kate looks argyle or anything of the sort, they are just my favorite pattern on a sock the more hideous the better )
Anywho, my dream floated in that all too wonderful dream state of sock and granny panty forbidden love into a scene from Invasion of the body snatchers.
A whole mess of Kate Hardings ( all of us) pointing and chanting ” One of Us” ” One of us”. We were chasing all the trolls, doctors, well meaning parental figures etc.
It was, a bit freaky to say the least.
I will admit I am glad to be ” one of us” though.
* any misspellings or lack of flow and clarity in this post, is due to not enough coffee and baby flavored donuts imbibed yet to get me on my way.
Trolls have no sense of humor… but it is to amusing to think they might. ;)
I might have to claim being a Katecus sock puppet in my email signature now.
A whole mess of Kate Hardings ( all of us) pointing and chanting ” One of Us” ” One of us”. We were chasing all the trolls, doctors, well meaning parental figures etc.
It was, a bit freaky to say the least.
*crying with laughter*
If I can Kate Harding, so can you.
{{{IN UR KATE HARDINGZ, SHAPIN UR PROZ}}}
IMHO SP has the potential to make a mint here, perhaps through Cafe Press?
And I want a babydoll t-shirt. Belly out. Just to piss people off.
There’s a shortage of Racks of Doom in this world. It would be a pity to damage Kate Harding’s
I am quite amused by this.
What about the misguided fools who don’t know Kate Harding exists? Are they too part of the collective mind that is Kate Harding?
You know, this is starting to sound more like The Matrix than anything else.
I like the idea of “I am Kate Harding” on the front and the website adress on the back!
However, I would like to point out that this multi-faced superhero Kate Harding comes in all shapes and sizes! I hate to sound like a jerk but I would feel really awkward walking around my high school with a shirt with a picture of an attractive large woman on the back. I can barely walk around with a Gossip shirt without a laugh or two.
I think that the shirts are a WONDERFUL idea and the jokes are hilarious, but if we are wearing them for the sake of promotion we need something catchy and something that is able to be worn by people of all shapes and sizes while standing up for fat acceptance!
Anyone can be Kate Harding if they confront sizist stereotypes and individuals!
How do I know this?
Well, I am Kate Harding =P
We could also distribute boxes of baby flavored doughnuts in order to get people addicted to teh evil foodz 11111 Becuz when people get addicted to teh evil food itz like smoking!
They will be unable to overcome their unhealthy addiction to this blog after the doughnuts!
*by feel awkward I mean people would give me a lot of shit for it and I wouldn’t know how to take it
And the first Kate Harding trip tropped, trip tropped across the bridge.
“WHO’S THAT TRIPPING ACROSS MY BRIDGE!” roared the troll.
“It is I, the tiniest Kate Harding,” said Kate Harding, “And I am going up the hillside to make myself fat.”
“Now, I’m coming to gobble you up!” said the troll.
“Oh, no!” said the littlest Kate Harding. “Don’t take me, wait until my clone comes along! She’s much bigger.”
And all the Kate Hardings crossed the bridge in such a manner, promising a bigger Kate Harding to come.
Until the last Kate Harding Clop Clopped across the bridge.
“I’m coming to gobble you up!” screamed the troll.
But the Biggest Kate Harding said:
“Well, come along! I’ve got sharp wit!
Your douche-ness isn’t worth jacksh*t
Besides I’ve got a Rack Of Doom!
And now you’re crushed, BADDA BOOM!”
And that is the tale of the Kate Hardings Gruff.
Snip snap snout, the fatties are OUT.
I LOVE THAT STORY!
Is the hillside we are going up candy mountain?
Hey Emoness, the whole point is that “Kate Harding” can become a meme, and as one, people will be curious to find out what “it” means. It’s pretty random to wear a shirt that says “I am Kate Harding” especially around people who know that you aren’t, so people wonder, they may be so bold as to ask, or they may just see a web address and decide to go look. Same thing for Fat Club, or Shapeling, or Baby Donuts. There are a lot of people who see things like this and instantly go “What social phenomenon am I missing out on!?”
I don’t see shirts, bumperstickers, etc. making a point of F.A. – seeing another Love Your Body! may help some, but I think most people are pessimistic enough about their bodies, that a simple phrase isn’t going to change their minds. Part of what has set Kate apart is her humor and sarcasm and it’s what will draw more people in. Simple logic and stated facts don’t gain a lot of interest – biting realism from a snarky remark does.
Four awesome themes have come from this (Katecus, Shapelings, Baby Donut, Fat Club (or other cult-classic movie/book reference)) and it would be beyond thrilling to see these ideas really come to life.
Ok, Caasana I get what you mean and I completely agree with it! By wearing the shirts we are trying to get people to come to the website and learning about fat acceptance!
However, I am saying that if I did wear a shirt with a picture of teh fatties on it (and I have, in the case of the Gossip shirt) it would not help much because a group of immature people would come up and be like “ZOMGZ LOOK FATTIES!” “YOU ARE A FATTY ENABLER”, after this happens people will be less hesitant to look up the website because peer preassure has officially denounced it as “bad”.
But, if the shirt has just the “I am Kate Harding” , the website adress and maybe some other small icons the people who are most likely to care would be curious and look up the website while the ones that are likely to denounce it as uncool would ignore it.
As for people asking, obviously the shirt wearer should be prepared to answer questions(even not nice ones) but the people who truly want to do nothing more than insult the movement will give up on questions pretty quickly.
I’m not trying to be mean, I just have seen this happen so many times before when it comes to activism and school. If the concensus goes against what I think I will still wear my Kate Harding shirt to school(and everywhere else I go!), and feel completely empowered while doing so!
Ok, first draft of Fat Club rules. I was waiting for someone funnier than me to do it, but since they didn’t yet, I’m putting this out there for total revision at your will:
1.The first rule of Fat Club is, you do not talk about Fat Club.
2.The second rule of Fat Club is, you do not talk about Fat Club.
3.If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, you can have their baby-flavoured donuts.
4.Two Kate Hardings for every troll.
5.One Rack of Doom for every member.
6.No scales, no diets.
7.The fight for Acceptance will go on as long as it has to.
8.If this is your first night at Fat Club, you get a carton of baby donuts to yourself.
She’s found a way to hack the Matrix! OH SHIIII—-*weird, electronic sounds, face morphing* …Hello, Mister Anderson.
“Well, come along! I’ve got sharp wit!
Your douche-ness isn’t worth jacksh*t
Besides I’ve got a Rack Of Doom!
And now you’re crushed, BADDA BOOM!”
And that is the tale of the Kate Hardings Gruff.
Snip snap snout, the fatties are OUT.
EVERYBODY SAY HO! (HO!)
SAY HO! HO! (HO! HO!)
SAY KEEP SANTA FAT! (KEEP SANTA FAT!)
ROCK TO THE SIDE WITH YOUR FAT!
IT’S HOW WE GET DOWN LIKE THAT!
wiki-wiki-wiki-wiki
“I have spent my life looking for this woman with the large belly”
Right here, Kristin, hiding behind the Spike donuts!
thewellofemoness, I really feel for you. I’ve always feel slightly awkward reading “fat-enabling” literature in public just in case somebody starts on me and I’m not mentally prepared. Which is totally irrational since it’s never actually happened to me. (It happened to a friend once though). I feel like I should be well over this by now, given how long I’ve been flying the FA flag and given the fact I’m more than capable of fighting my corner but, if anything, having undiluted vitriol directed at me on the interwebz – not to mention the naked fat-hatred I hear regularly on London radio stations – has exacerbated my unease.
So I kind of agree with your view of the ‘less is more’ tee-shirt design in this instance. That way if people ask you who the hell Kate Harding is, you can just point to the back of the tee and suggest they go and find out.
But wouldn’t the first rule of Fat Club be to talk about Fat Club all the time, because we can’t keep our big mouths shut?
All right, you guys, this has gone on long enough. I can’t take it anymore and must say something.
The correct pluralization is “Kates Harding.”
We’re Kates of the Round Table,
We work out when ere we’re able,
We have donut rolls and flatten trolls
With logic impeccable.
We dine well here in Shapely Prose,
We eat baby mashed potatoes.
And I’d like a Kate Harding mug.
And a matching I Am Kate Harding t-shirt for the husband and one for my doggie.
I also want fillyjonk and sweet machine plushies. And mugs.
This thread is killing me. Love it.
Well of Emoness, I totally see what you’re talking about, and I’ve voted for at least a couple text-only tees, just because I tend to prefer those anyway. I think Fillyjonk’s going to work on some designs this weekend — I’m currently swamped with other stuff. But hopefully we’ll have a cafepress store up soon.
I also want fillyjonk and sweet machine plushies
Ooh, me too!
The correct pluralization is “Kates Harding.”
FJ, you crack my shit up.
More Princess Bride quotes, you say?
Why didn’t you list Kate Harding and fillyjonk and sweet machine amongst our assets?
(They are quite the assets, too, I must say!! They make my day, every day!)
Also, I’d totally buy any of the T-shirts and other stuff that y’all are planning to sell. Sign me up!!
Why didn’t you list Kate Harding and fillyjonk and sweet machine amongst our assets?
fillyjonk, sweetmachine…. and a wheelbarrow!
*dies of laughter*
I would totally buy a Shapley Prose shirt.
Apparently, I worship the gods that are Kates Harding.
Also want a SP/KH tshirt…
“You’re not your pants size. You’re not how much you weigh. You’re not the junk in your trunk. You’re not the contents of your bra. You’re not your fucking stomach rolls. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing fat of the world”
WANT!!!
And I would like to second the nomination for black tshirts…I never have had much luck with white because of the relative transparecy and my propensity, nay, talent for spilling shit all over myself.
Fillyjonk, you need to purchase that fat cell microbe. All of your wildest dreams will come true.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Giantmicrobe.com, I love your plushies so very much. I collect them like Beanie Babies circa 1998. Why did you have to include the whole “watching your weight” line and embarass me in front of Fillyjonk? WHY?!
Heh, I didn’t even look at the text. Giant Microbes is a great company, an asset to the universe, and one of the only worthwhile things about my old job, but they are some weaksauce copywriters.
This is one of the best threads yet. I have laughed so much my face hurts (and it could be killin you~ bada bing)
“I am the fat that flaps in the night!”
“You’re not your pants size. You’re not how much you weigh. You’re not the junk in your trunk. You’re not the contents of your bra. You’re not your fucking stomach rolls. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing fat of the world.”
Killa just killa
I am the fat that flaps in the wind~
You know, I was very tempted by this conversation to make you an argyle sock puppet (based on talk up stream in this thread) but it looks like I can send you a virtual one. This Friday’s Rocketboom video is a look at what happens when you are missing a sock:
http://www.rocketboom.com/vlog/rb_08_jan_25
enjoy! It’s Kate the sock puppet out on the town!
You know what we need, while we’re waiting for the t-shirts: a Shapeling badge for linking here. There could be several, “Proud Shapeling”, “I am Kate Harding”, “Baby doughnuts rule”, etc.
OH Linda Brilliant !!! That is a great idea. I would proudly rock a Shapely Prose button over on the The Stepchild.
a Shapeling badge for linking here
Oh HELL yeah! I’d be plastering that all over both of my blogs and all of my messageboard sigs (and of those, there are many).
All right, anybody who wants to try their hand at making SP badges, please go ahead and e-mail me with it!