Pre-holiday Fluff Cavalcade Five: A Very Obese Bird

Dan: You should come out here. There’s a very obese bird.

FJ goes onto back porch. There is a small bird of some sort with puffed-up winter feathers sitting on the shed.

Dan: He’s very obese. Someone should do something about the obese birds.

FJ: It’s a serious problem.

Dan: It’s an epidemic. Oh, he flew away.

FJ: No, he can’t have. He must have fallen off. Or fallen through.

27 thoughts on “Pre-holiday Fluff Cavalcade Five: A Very Obese Bird

  1. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

    I fear the day Dan and my Jim meet. There could be an implosion in the sarcasm vortex that seems to surround them both, which could open a wormhole to another dimension where everyone talks like that.

  2. Further obese bird conversation took place later:

    Dan: He was too obese. We have to save him from himself. Although, I don’t know, he seemed okay.
    FJ: No, he couldn’t have been okay, he was obese.

  3. LOL!!! Somebody get a treadmill and tie it down – the poor thing won’t be able to fly! And think of what it’s doing to its joints!!!

    Hilarious! Thanks :-)

  4. lol… This has seriously made my day… well, night technically, seeing as it is 11 o’clock……..

    darn i just keep laughing every time i read it… lol

  5. Y’know, it’s this obesogenic environment–suet and seeds, man, they’re full of fat fat fat fat fat.

    And the addiction to junk food. Bread crumbs! Muffins! Dirty french fries! I’ve known ravens to devour an entire bucket of KFC and once saw a pair steal a bag of groceries out of someone’s truck. Bird delinquency!

  6. Dani, battered worms?

    He hasn’t stopped, by the way. We saw a picture of a bird on a billboard and he said “there’s another one! That bird has really let itself go. When I married that bird it weighed 93 pounds.”

    I’ve had to ask him to rein it in around people who aren’t me or you guys, since folks who don’t realize that the Obesity Epidemic is a fat load are apt to be made uncomfortable.

  7. This made me LOL too.

    We were watching birds out on the snow and I kept commenting on how “cute and fat” they are. (I have a thing for birds — as symbolic imagery — I have a tattoo of a goldfinch.) My boyfriend felt the need to ruin my awe and tlel me they weren’t REALLY fat, they just had their feathers puffed up to keep warm.

    I like them better cute and fat.

    WE MUST WIN THE FIGHT AGAINST BIRD FATPHOBIA.

  8. I have a good friend who adores “cute, fat” birds. She has a tattoo of one on her plump breast!

    That song at cute overload. Priceless.

Comments are closed.