Dan: You should come out here. There’s a very obese bird. FJ goes onto back porch. There is a small bird of some sort with puffed-up winter feathers sitting on the shed. Dan: He’s very obese. Someone should do something about the obese birds. FJ: It’s a serious problem. Dan: It’s an epidemic. Oh, he … Continue reading »

As I mentioned in my humorless feminist post, I really can’t stand “Seinfeld.” Or, for that matter, Larry David’s show. I know this isn’t a popular position, but I seriously have to change the channel the instant the “Simpsons” credits end. I thought it was because I didn’t enjoy watching people be self-absorbed, hurtful assholes, … Continue reading »

Today I whanged myself in the eye with a mascara wand, so I got to put on new disposable contacts. Man oh man, I don’t want to disparage my boyfriend or my job or my friends or anything, but new contact lenses may be one of the greatest joys available to me. What else makes … Continue reading »