I am screwed for a holiday dress.
Right after I made that post, the lovely Ozlem from Igigi e-mailed to see if I wanted to review some more dresses, all of which would be appropriate for a holiday party. I said hell yes, and she sent along the green velvet wrap, Lucille dress in red, and bless her little heart, she even found me one of the sold-out short lace dresses — though in green, not red. Surely there would be something I’d want to keep in that pile, right? So I stopped thinking about it.
The dresses arrived. All lovely (review to follow), but none of them work on me. For starters, the yoke wrap was a fluke — 14/16 is definitely too big for me all over in their other dresses. (For reference, they fit me very much like typical 16Ws, and I usually wear a 14W or straight 16.) Their new 12s are more my size, and Ozlem sent the green velvet and the Lucille in 12, but neither one hung quite right on me. The Lucille is just not my cut — it makes me look short(er) and pregnant, and the 12 fits my shoulders but, like most things that fit my shoulders, is not quite big enough for the Rack of Doom. The green velvet is SO CLOSE, just as I thought when I saw it on the website, but Al and I ultimately agreed it’s only a meh+ at best (again, because of how the cut looks on me, not the dress itself), and I can do better.
Problem is, I haven’t done better. When I realized I wouldn’t be keeping any of the Igigis, I went back to the Coldwater Creek website. But by that point, the purple velvet was sold out in 16, and of course I didn’t just listen to you guys and get the red polka-dotted one. I gambled on the brown velvet, which, like the green velvet, was SO CLOSE, but not quite right on me. (Rack of Doom strikes again.) Fucking desperate at this point, I ordered (and express-shipped) a simple, somewhat dowdy LBD from Jessica London — which I somehow convinced myself was velvet, even though A) boy, it’s not, and B) it says so right there. I even got it in two sizes, so I’d certainly have one that fits.
Yeah, no. The fabric is fucking awful, the dress is cut ALL wrong for me, and neither one really fits anyway.
So now, I’m flagellating myself with shouldas like you wouldn’t fucking believe. I shoulda…
- Gotten the Monif C. dress I bought LAST YEAR altered to actually fit me;
- Ordered this $29 velvet wrap from Silhouettes on spec;
- Gone with a simple, somewhat dowdy, ACTUALLY velvet dress from the ever-reliable Eddie Bauer as the back-up;
- Ordered everything I was interested in from Coldwater Creek before they started selling out, and just returned whatever didn’t work;
Since Al’s holiday office party is Friday night in fucking Indianapolis, and we leave tomorrow, my chances of finding the perfect dress before then are awful slim. Not to mention, my credit cards are damn near maxed from all the dresses I now have to return. Which means I’ll be going in exactly the unremarkable old black wrap dress I wanted to avoid when I started looking for a holiday dress goddamn WEEKS AGO! GRRRRR.
But then, I do have all day on Friday to shop. (In Indy. But still.) And the credit cards aren’t quite maxed yet.
Wish me luck.