So, tonight I’m competing in an adult spelling bee to benefit the Howard Area Community Center’s adult literacy program.* I’d like to say I haven’t posted today because I’ve been too busy studying, but I have not studied one bit. I can get nearly all of the 280 words used in last year’s National Adult Spelling Bee off the top of my head, and when you get into actual study guides, fucking forget about it. I watched Akeelah and the Bee recently (as part of my usual Al’s out of Town Self-Indulgence Program, which includes eating pasta**, turning on all the lights in the house, and watching movies I wouldn’t be able to hear for all the, “Oh my fucking god, YOU’RE REALLY WATCHING THIS??” if he were around), and since the whole thing is two straight hours of watching a girl study for a goddamned spelling bee — representing months of actual studying — I have been seriously disabused of the notion that the amount of studying I could do for this would make a dent. Not to mention the notion that I would enjoy studying for a spelling bee more than, say, sticking my head in the oven.
Despite spelling bees being about the only kind of organized competition I might have any prayer of kicking ass in, I haven’t been in one since I got knocked out of a classroom bee in 5th grade for spelling “aggressive” with one G. (For those of you who just saw me whine about this in the Tiny Superpowers thread, sorry.) AND I KNEW IT HAD TWO! The problem is, although I am an excellent fucking speller, thankyouverymuch, I’m not nearly as good at spelling aloud as I am at spelling on paper. In my head, I see “prepossessing,” but out of my mouth comes, “P-R-E-P-O-S-S- wait, shit, where was I? S?” So it’s entirely possible I’ll lose in the first round tonight, but hey, that just means more drinking.
If you’re on the north side of Chicago, please feel free to come cheer me on at 7 p.m. at Morseland. And you know what cheer I’m talking about.
*In answer to the obvious question: Kiyonna giraffe-print wrap top, J. Jill cami, and dark denim Right Fit flares.
**No, he is not anti-carb. He is just, quite inexplicably, anti-pasta. Also, anti-lights.