There is no such thing as a “normal person”!

I also ate a lovely apple tart with ice cream on the side for dessert. And had a hot chocolate with cream as well. I have to say, I was completely happy with my food choices that night, and it was a great feeling.

Thanks for this blog, by the way. It’s very enlightening.

It’s not so formal as to really deserve the name; it’s just myself, my husband, my best friend, and her boyfriend. We seriously do eat dinner together almost every Friday night (many Saturdays, too… we like to eat, and we like to eat together.)

We came together as a group not just because we’re all friends, but because we value food and food culture, experimenting with ethnic foods, trying new and local restaurants, etc. We are, all four of us, “food explorers.” And because among the four of us, there’s no shame.

It’s an odd feeling, something I’ve never quite had with any other group of people. We eat what we want when we’re hungry, we stop when we’re full, we try each other’s dishes and comment on everything and never, ever, shame or pressure each other in any direction- no challenges to eat more, no challenges to eat less. All four of us have experienced some kind of painful weight issues in the past- three of us with being considered “overweight” and one of us from being considered “underweight.” Calories are not mentioned. Nobody says the word ‘good’ or ‘bad’ except in praise of the chef’s seasoning decisions. We are each other’s safe zone.

We have tried to include others, but it doesn’t always work out. One couple that we all know, the boyfriend is often subtly pressuring the girlfriend to eat less; we tried to bring her out with us by herself, but she constantly then turns that same pressure on herself and on the rest of us. We’re not trying to indoctrinate her into anything, but we haven’t given up on inviting her places and trying to encourage her to feel safe with food. But the regular Friday night remains a foursquare.

It’s just that… I know (all of us do) how awful those feelings are when they strike- feelings of guilt for enjoying the taste of food, cravings that seem overwhelming, guilt and anger tried to pleasure in a way we never really shake off. But for me, I found a safe space- even if it’s only one night a week away from that pressure, with other people who fight the same battle every day. We have so much fun, and it feels so sane to live like that. I find myself living better almost every day, thinking about the peace of sharing food with friends in a happy way. It’s shocking to think we all went without that for so long.

Your writing about this brought up all those good, Friday-night feelings, so for that I thank you. :)

I just feel sorry for her that she was never able to break away from the Puritain streak that surely must run straight through her stomach and heart. It’s a sad way to live — feeling suspicious of every delicious moment or bit of fun.

Oh my word. I live in northeast Arkansas, squarely in the Bible belt, and truer words were never spoken. It’s such a dichotomy here, too. Food is what we do when we’re social, and the sweeter & fattier your delicious offering, the “better cook” you are, and the more praise you obtain from the eaters. But everyone constantly talks about how many calories are in what and how they’re so bad and what we’ll have to do to atone for it. So on the one hand, treats are what we’re “supposed” to do, but we’re chastised for it in the same breath. I hate it, and I verbally reject it at every single family gathering.

Thankfully, I’ve got a Family 2.0 who sees eye to eye with me on this, and our gatherings are a delicious joy and blessing. ^o^

Absotootly. The other side of the coin is people who say, “You look great! Have you lost weight?” when you’ve stayed the same or even gained. It’s like, no, I just got a good haircut/put on some lipstick/am wearing a skirt for once. But thanks for telling me that if I look good, it MUST be because I’m not so damn fat!

“But I’ve lost weight since the last time he saw me,” she wailed. “And I didn’t eat more than anyone else!” So we had a long talk.

I had exactly that happen to me. About a year and a half ago, I tried going vegetarian. I stuck it for a few months. (I’m not veggie now – I like fish too much – but I’m not a huge meat-eater anyway.) One week at work, I came across several people I hadn’t seen in a while, and they remarked that they thought I might have lost weight. I asked a close colleague, and she looked at me for a few moments and said, yes, she though my waist was smaller. I hadn’t noticed, but I figured it was to do with cutting out the meat. Anyway, that weekend I also went to see my mother for the first time in a couple of months, and she remarked that I’d put weight on and had better think about losing some!

Some people just see what they want and are predisposed to see.

Horrors. And now I find I need some simulation of it for my career.

I can haz tutr plz sweetmachine? SRSLY!