61 thoughts on “Weekend Fluff: Man Cold

  1. Baconsdad never told me he was making videos!

    (Yeah, a cold’s going ’round here. I just came down with it this morning – watch as my now-well hubby runs off to work on Monday and leaves me with the bossy three-year-old!)

  2. This is so spot on that I can’t even laugh, because I’m too amazed and probably too traumatized by my husband’s last cold. It was as if someone had come in during the night and replaced him with a whiny three year old. Our medicine cabinet is still full to the bursting with about eight different formulas of Robitussin and various other OTC cold remedies because I kept going out (during a blizzard, of course) to the drugstore and coming back with the WRONG KIND *cough* *cough* *moan*. I was really starting to question why I’d married this person. Seriously.

    Not to mention that the drugstores in my neighborhood keep the cold stuff locked up and ask for ID to purchase it due to meth lab concerns or whatever, so it’s a hassle to get it in the first place …

    So, are they ALL like this? I don’t know whether to be relieved or horrified about that.

  3. The only way that video could have been better would be if Simon Pegg was in it too.

    My hubby is like that too – will stay home from work for a headache or the sniffles. We’ve actually had arguments about our policy about sickness when we have kids; my feeling is, go to work/school unless you have a fever, bleeding or vomiting, or you know you’re contagious. He thinks you should stay home if you “feel bad”. No consensus has been reached.

  4. My husband has been known to take a sick day because he’s tired and Home Depot has a sale. I would like to have the same policy, but when you’re a teacher, taking sick time is like opening the gate to the barbarians.

    Where did this video come from?

  5. This is hilarious, but it’s also interesting. My boyfriend is pretty much the same way when he’s sick. But when I recently caught cold, he pretty much threw a blanket on me and left me to my Buffy-thon.

    Why are so many men like this? Is it because we are catering to them? Does anyone have experience of a non-male (and/or non-het) partner being a total whiner while sick?

  6. I can give you an example of male stoicism. My dad hibernates when he’s ill. He just disappears and returns when he’s better. I’ve never known him to be sick for more than a day or two either.

  7. Sniper, that’s what MY husband’s like. If he gets sick, he just stays in bed 24/7 until it’s gone enough to feel 50% human again.

    What irritates me is that when I’M that sick, he still expects me to do everything and constantly asks me “what’s wrong?” when I don’t seem myself. (Grrr!)

  8. Thanks, charlie!

    I’m not so bad with illness… unless it involves pain in which case I become a big baby. The last time I had a migraine I actually cried.

  9. *rofl*

    That’s great! But oh, dear. That’s more like me!

    My husband is a pretty good patient. When he’s sick, he has two settings: sleepy and biddable, and weak as a kitten but comparatively cheerful and RAMPAGINGLY HORNY.

    Err. Yeah. It’s interesting.

    If he’s in actual pain, or if it lasts for an unreasonable period of time, or if it interferes with his sleep, he becomes Mr. Crankypants, but I can’t say I blame him. He’s more patient than I am. He certainly doesn’t whine.

    I am a horrible, horrible nursemaid. Worse than anyone I know. I feel bad about this because he’s genuinely not hard to take care of, and I am, yet he takes such incredible care of me when I am sick. He brings me toys, brings the pets in to visit me, watches movies with me, fixes food I like, sits with me when I’m lonely and bored. He reads to me.

    Do you see why I feel guilty?

  10. On the other hand, I’m married to a stoic who, on one memorable occaision, dislocated his shoulder on Sunday afternoon and was surprised when his boss sent him home on Monday morning. This despite the fact he was in an immobilizer sling that essentially meant he only had one arm.

    I believe what she actually said was ‘Are you crazy? Go home and take your pain meds.’

    When sick he has generally just grimly put his head down, taken meds and gone to work any way. Our family doctor once cleared a spot in her schedule for him when I told he he had already taken two days off work. ‘Okay, I need to see him, he’s really sick.’ That one turned out to be a sinus infection, if I recall. And she had to specifically tell him to go home and stay home for another two days- he evidently said something that made her believe he was going to pick up his antibiotics and go in to work.

    When I’m sick his first response is to make a list and do a store run. Then he’ll come in every hour or so to see if I need anything. He’s also been known to willingly go out in a thunderstorm for some foodstuff he thinks might tempt my flagging appetite. And he leaves me the hell alone otherwise, to wallow in the bed and sleep or read, which is what I want.

    There’s a reason we’ve been together over two decades.

  11. Sniper, as Charlie said, it’s from the sketch comedy show Man Stroke Woman, which I had never heard of before I found this clip on Dooce. I spent the whole morning watching other YouTube clips of it. LOVE.

    Oh, and ain’t nuthin’ wrong with crying over a migraine. It’s crying over the sniffles that makes one a man.

    PenguinLady, you might appreciate this, which I ran across while I was watching shit this morning.

    Finally, I should state for the record that Al is not THAT bad; this made me think of an ex much more than him. But still, the Man Cold has been a constant in all my relationships, to one degree or another.

  12. My husband owns his weirdness. No matter what’s wrong with him he wants to either apply ice or stay home and watch television. He’ll complain incessantly about a minor problem (“What’s the fun if you can’t bitch and moan?”) but if it’s serious I practically have to drag him to the doctor (“What the hell do they know?”).

  13. Apparently I married a woman then.

    Me too! (Or well, I didn’t marry him yet.)

    Actually, if we go by gender roles he’s some kind of hermaphrodite — he cooks AND fixes shit! I don’t really know what I contribute to the relationship.

  14. My girlfriend of 13 years is just like that.

    I have to cycle through fresh cold compressed for the forehead and the back of the neck. I have to keep tissues near by and NEVER throw the crumpled ones away withot permission. I have to retrieve certain foods, rub feet and cradle her. I don’t mind doing it, but she always has to make some remark about wishing her mother was there and then I want to kill her.

    She has had the upper respiratory crud three times since October. Thing is, she’s loud as a damn train. She coughs, clears her throat, belches, moans at an unreasonable volume, IMO. Oh, and when she’s got “drainage,” the dry heaving is so damn loud I want to check in to a hotel. If she’s got a cold, I’m not sleeping.

    Oh, and illnes always makes my girlfriend horny. WTF is up with that? Like I wanna get naked and close to your mucus-spewing orifices (sp? Is that Latin?) when you’re sick. EUW!

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  16. C. never ever does this. All he wants when he has the cold is the vaporizer turned on and to zone out in front of YouTube or whatever ballgame is on. If I ask him if he wants anything, it’s never anything more than the odd cup of Breathe Easy, and maybe to pick up some more tissues while I’m out. And it happens maybe once a year, tops.

    However, this video almost exactly describes the behavior of my XH when ill. And he was sick a LOT. I am about in the middle of the two of them. I can be a whiny baby, but I remember how to run the damn microwave long enough to nuke my own soup.

  17. This would be hilarious if it weren’t EXACTLY what Jim is like when he gets a man cold. If I get a cold, I keep a couple Kleenex in my pocket, full stop. He gets the same cold and he wants to call the attorney to update his will.

    In case anyone in North America is wondering, what the paramedic is saying to the woman in reply to her “What about me?” is “Have you never heard of LemSip!?”

    LemSip is a quasi lemon-flavored Alka-Seltzer-style cold medicine across the pond.

  18. nuckingfutz, that is EXACTLY how my hubby is. He gets sick maybe twice a year, sleeps for a day and is better. I on the other hand, due to a horrible immune system from several illnesses when I was a child, can get the EXACT same thing and be sick for 2 weeks or more with it. Of course I don’t expect him to cater to me for all that time, but hell, make dinner man! I’m just so glad my son is now in half-day school so that if I am sick I can take a nap. It’s saved me more times than I can count and he’s only been in school for 2 weeks, lol.

  19. Back in the day when I was married, I once heard while I was in bed with a 104 fever…. ” cynth I know you are kind of sick, but could you get up and make us a little something to eat? And are you going to do laundry today? Cuz I need a clean shirt for tonight…..”

  20. In case anyone in North America is wondering, what the paramedic is saying to the woman in reply to her “What about me?” is “Have you never heard of LemSip!?”

    Thank you! I was wondering! I mean, I figured out from context clues that it was an OTC cold remedy (I’m smrt), but it actually was bugging me that I didn’t know exactly what he said.

    And Cynth, OMG.

  21. I don’t really know what I contribute to the relationship.

    Ditto, sister. My man cooks, cleans, does laundry…and I make big ADD messes and bring home cats.

    When I ask him what HE thinks, he just says, “I love you, honey.”

    : )

  22. My boyfriend is kindof like this, except he refuses ANY treatment that I come up with that might help any of his symptoms. If he comes up with it (Hot showers) then it’s fine, but if I do something nice like bring home Halls Defense drops then he croaks (cause of his throat) “Oh… no I don’t need those. ”

    He wont even let me buy him tissues, he has used all of our paper towels!!!!

  23. I make big ADD messes and bring home cats.

    Ha! I don’t bring home cats ’cause I’m allergic, but that still hit home enough to crack me up. Al’s lucky we’ll get evicted if we have more than two dogs.

  24. My boyfriend is kindof like this, except he refuses ANY treatment that I come up with that might help any of his symptoms

    Oh, OH. Don’t get me started.

    The ex I immediately thought of when I saw this clip? Was fucking famous for that. “My head hurts so much. I’m dyyyyying. Can you get my mom on the phone so I can tell her I love her one last time?” “Hey, honey, did you take some Advil?” “No, I don’t need it.”

    That was actually, no lie, one of the things that made me think Al was a keeper early on. He is not too proud to take Advil or Benadryl.

  25. This is all way too true.

    My other half had a slightly clicky, achy knee from an injury he got as a kid, and whenever it plays up even a LITTLE he’s home from work. He also, when there’s no work (he temps) and he’s got a cold or an upset stomach, does NOTHING for 2 weeks. It takes him 4-5 days to “start getting better” and then a further week until it’s “safe” for him to do things again. And yet when I’m ill with my compacted spine or when my 5-times-a-year delirium and chest infection with migraines that make me go blind plays up I’m still going to work, cooking, etc and he’ll nudge me from my foetal position to say “hunny, are you okay, are you feeling better yet?” and then, after a pause… “I’m kinda hungry…”

    But bless him, he actually managed to think up an “evolutionary reason” for men to become useless when ill! And I can’t think of a comeback! Nooo!

  26. Kate! You posted this yesterday, and you know what else happened yesterday? I came down with a cold. I blame you!

  27. But bless him, he actually managed to think up an “evolutionary reason” for men to become useless when ill!

    Oh, I gotta hear this.

  28. Oh, I gotta hear this.

    Ditto!

    Kate! You posted this yesterday, and you know what else happened yesterday? I came down with a cold. I blame you!

    Sorry, SM! I just don’t think!

    and then, after a pause… “I’m kinda hungry…”

    Oh, god, this just reminded me. Friday night, I’m out with the girls. We had invited Al to come along, but he said no, no, go do the girly thing, I’ll be fine on my own. Girls! Cooties! Ptooey!

    As we’re on our way to dinner, Al calls me, and just says, “I’M HUNGRY.” Well, honey, I’m fully confident that you can solve that problem on your own. So… “I’M HUNGRY!” Uh-huh. So, what you’re saying is, you want to come meet the girls and me for dinner? “Um, Maybe.”

  29. But bless him, he actually managed to think up an “evolutionary reason” for men to become useless when ill! And I can’t think of a comeback! Nooo!

    You have got to share this! There’s nothing funnier than evopsych.

    My husband is of the (frankly irrational) opinion that I’m the best cook ever so I get a lot of appreciation for my cooking. I also get “hints” like brownie making supplies or loaf pans left on the counter.

  30. Slightly off topic, but on the “useless men” subject:

    A friend of mine had just had her second child. It had been a really hard labor on her, and she was in rough shape. She came home from the hospital and laid down on the couch because the doctor told her to rest as much as she could for the next little while. She woke up an hour later to the newborn screaming and the toddler whimpering in the corner, husband nowhere in sight.

    The toddler comes over to her and she asks, “What’s wrong, honey?”.

    He responds, “I’m hungry.”

    My friend asks the two-year old, “Where’s your daddy?”

    “Playing computer.”

    She tells the kid to get daddy to make him some food, and he wanders away. A little while later, he comes back, still sniffling.

    “Daddy says you can make it.”

    Within a month, she moved out and divorced his ass.

  31. I told Dan about this post and how I’m apparently a total man when it comes to not feeling well (It’s not that I can’t take care of myself, it’s just that he’s so much better at it!) and that I couldn’t imagine how he puts up with me.

    He said “I’m keeping a tally, and I’m going to bill you.”

  32. The “evolutionary reason” is…

    in Ye Olden Tymes, women and men both hunted and foraged, etc, but because women gave birth to children, they regularly spent a lot of time in the home/cave/whatever. Meanwhile, the men would be out hunting meat and protecting the cave from predators.

    When a woman fell ill, the men still had to go and get meat and the children still needed caring for, so it makes sense that a woman will FEEL LESS ILL so that she can carry on doing her thing.

    When a man fell ill, he became a liability in the hunt. Sluggish, smelly and slightly woozy, he ran the risk of getting mauled or getting his friends mauled in the hat of the hunt. So it makes sese that his body shuts down and makes him feel AWFUL so he lays still and keeps out of the way.

    Apparently…

  33. “but if he’s home, doesn’t it make sense he can help take care of the children?”

    Ah, but you see obviously such manly men as existed in them there days would have felt inclined to go hunting and do man things as soon as they felt well enough, so it’s far better that they lay there, prone, taking up time and resources meted out by the women that would normally be shared amongst the women and children.

    ;)

    A’course, his reasoning still doesn’t explain why, regardless of how ill he is, he’s always well enough to get out the power tools and “fix” something to make it “work better”.

    :D

  34. Oh my gosh, that IS my boyfriend. I spent a week with a raging cold turned into some sinusy beast and my boyfriend hardly ever lifted a finger to help me out, even with my subtle hints very quickly turning to direct requests for a little TLC. I did my best to avoid infecting him, but the silly guy kept taking sips of my gatorades! This was also annoying, since I had to drag myself to the store to buy them. Inevitably, he caught the cold.

    Once he discovered that he was sick, it was all about the “rub my back,” “i want soup,” “i don’t feel good” whines. And yes, he absolutely refused medicine, even when i offered to run to the store to get it for him (did he ever offer to get me some? of course not). I almost feel like he was avoiding feeling better, so he’d get to be babied!

    What is it that makes some people completely ignore their sick loved ones, but the instant they come down with anything, they expect to be catered to 24/7?!

  35. Bunny, the derail was most welcome. WE HAD TO KNOW! Also, barf.

    And penguinlady, holy fucking shit. It feels weird to say, “Yay, divorce!” but…

    FJ, hee hee about Dan billing you.

    I must say, I’m starting to feel bad for the poor menz here. Maybe next week’s fluff needs to be True Stories of Men NOT Acting Like Infantile Jackasses. I do have plenty of those, actually.

    But the Man Cold… Jesus. I can remember the first time my FIRST serious boyfriend got sick, I called my mom and was all, “WTF? He’s got a cold, and it’s like he’s brain damaged.” And she said, “Honey, you might as well learn it now — no one is ever as sick as a man.” I’m glad to hear stories of guys who aren’t like that, but I definitely have yet to date one.

  36. WE HAD TO KNOW! Also, barf.

    Seconded. Jeez.

    Maybe the next Friday fluff could be My Significant Other is an Angel in Human Form – Ask Me Why.

  37. Now that ya mention it, as much as I complain about my husband, there are a lot of things I can praise him for, too. I’ll just keep it in reserve, though, just in case y’all DO decide to do a Men Aren’t Assholes ALL The Time Fluff Post. ;)

  38. “Honey, you might as well learn it now — no one is ever as sick as a man.”

    Oh man, a belated “oh snap” to your mom. :-)

  39. C. thinks men were more stoic in the “old days” and that he’s simply a throwback. I can’t say whether or not that’s true — my father was in such a terminal state of grump and rage growing up that it was hard to detect any difference when he had the sniffles. Anyone else have any clues about that?

  40. Maybe next week’s fluff needs to be True Stories of Men NOT Acting Like Infantile Jackasses.

    …And Not Demanding To Be Showered With Praise Because They Behaved Like Adults For Once?

    Never feel sorry for a man. He’s always better off than the women who support him.

  41. Never feel sorry for a man. He’s always better off than the women who support him.

    Untrue. Unfair. Indefensible.

  42. Wicked Child, you’ve made three comments here, and every one has been about how much you hate all men. I understand that you’ve been hurt, but please find somewhere else to work it out, and some other way to contribute here.

  43. I had a roommate in college that was horrible when she got sick. First off we shared a tiny dorm room. I had gone to class for 3 days with a 103 temp because i was horrified of getting behind. She could not have cared less that i didn’t feel well, but when she got sick a few weeks later it was like i was suddenly living with an infant that was incapable of caring for herself. She could not get her own food, or take care of her own dishes for a week. The whole time her fever didn’t go over 100 and she missed a week of class. She called her mom everyday to complain, i felt like sending her home.

  44. Popping in late to share this true story: my dad, whom I love like crazy, once fell off a collapsible ladder, which collapsed on his foot. He dislocated and broke his ankle, although we didn’t know he’d broken it until he was at the hospital. So he’s lying on this person’s lawn (Dad does insulation, so he was climbing on the client’s ladder, which is a no-no), in extraordinary pain, and he calls my mom. “Honey, what’s our insurance number?”

    Mom can tell something’s wrong. “What is it?”

    “I fell off a ladder and fucked up my foot.”

    “…How do you know you fucked up your foot?”

    “It’s not where it’s supposed to be.” (Mom told me later that Dad’s foot was literally off the bottom of his leg and pointing the wrong direction.)

    “Where are you? I’ll be right there.”

    “No, I just need the insurance number.”

    “Uh huh.”

    Mom also apparently broke several speed limits getting over to the client’s house. Luckily, Dad was in no condition to argue with the paramedics or the surgeons by the time it came to fix his foot. He’s fine now, although his ankle still gets tired fairly easily. But I have to laugh in a helpless sort of way when I think about him stoically insisting all he needed was the insurance number.

  45. I have never gotten through my bf’s cold without a breakup. actually, ex-bf. we broke up last night again on day two of current man cold.

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