Comments on: It’s Not All About You (or Me)

By: welshsarah

welshsarah — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:04:30 +0000

Hi there, I’ve just found your blog! I love how straight-talking this post is. I’ve struggled with an eating disorder in the past but like to think that it’s firmly behind me. And whilst I’m not overweight, hearing of others strictly controlling their diets is a major trigger of relapse for me (regardless of whether or not they NEED to lose weight) and I have to find strength to stop this relapse (it gets easier though the more I do it). Anyway, I’m not quite sure what my point was…

I love how this post puts everything into perspective and encourages people to think beyond body weight. We are SO much more than what we weigh yet somehow we live in a society where that is all that seems to matter. Ok, that’s it. Big love for writing this post. x

By: lunaestrella

lunaestrella — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:46:00 +0000

Hello, I’ve been lurking on this blog for a while, just wanted to add my comments.

I have struggled with being overwieght for years even though I did all of the stuff they told me to do (i.e. excercise, don’t eat junk food) and still remain fat while watching my size three sister sit around the house all day eat nothing but macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, ice cream and buttered microwave popcorn, and still maintain her size.

It used to burn me up that I was condemned to a lifetime of eating salads and cardio workouts while remaining a size 14 while my sister could do whatever she wanted and nobody would make comments about her weight.

I am new to the whole fat acceptance thing, and I find your blog to be comforting on my bad days.

What I wanted to talk about was the part about the skinny chick complaining about her weight, that has happened so many times with my stepsister who is a size 0 by the way, and has an amazing body. I don’t know how many times I told her you’re not fat when she used to come to me and pinch the skin on her stomach and complain how disgusting she was. Which like you said made me wonder, “What does that make me?”

Which brings me to my final comment, if we don’t love ourselves and our bodies, who will, because the skinny people certainly aren’t going to do it.

By: Time-Machine

Time-Machine — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 07:21:25 +0000

Guys, if your comment won’t post and it doesn’t say “awaiting moderation,” it probably sent you to spam; just let us know, because we have to train the spam filter not to do that.

^^;;;

Thanks! <3

By: Bunny Mazonas

Bunny Mazonas — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 02:47:13 +0000

I realise it’s probably not my place to invade your space like this but…

I have a friend who I’m really concerned about with regards to her own self-hatred and inability to get past her perceived “imperfections” and, if any of you lovely Shapelings would be willing to offer my advice, I’m about to post a little bit about it on my blog and you’re free to comment and advise if you wish to.

I hope you don’t mind me intruding like this, Kate. It’s just that the people here seem far more… well, sane I suppose, and articulate, than most and I don’t know who else to ask for help.

By: sweetmachine

sweetmachine — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 23:06:08 +0000

Reba, I love that story. Good for the YBG and the RSWB.

By: The Solution? People need to care more. « The Long and Winding Road

The Solution? People need to care more. « The Long and Winding Road — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 17:05:32 +0000

[...] need to care more. Posted on November 30, 2007 by nuckingfutz Checking the responses on It’s Not All About You (Or Me) at Shapely Prose, I came across this comment, where Time Machine mentioned that she had written a [...]

By: holls

holls — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 16:42:16 +0000

I had an intern a while ago. A very sweet girl with a very big and obvious eating disorder.
I made a point of working really hard at not saying anything self-hating or self critical around her, and trying to set a good example. One day she was complaining over and over about how ‘disgusting and fat’ she was, and finally I said “honey, what do you think of me? I must be twice your size!” And she was horrified! She told me that I was MUCH skinnier than she was, and that I looked great. It was only when I pulled out a tape measure and measured us both that she believed me. She kept commenting on how much she just couldn’t believe it for the rest of the day and a few days after that.
I think part of the disordered thinking is the inability to relate ones own feelings if shame and self hatred to any sort of external standards. Otherwise it would matter at all when your boyfriend of your best friend or your sister told you your thighs are great.

The thing about ‘all about you’ is that sometimes it is so big and so universe blotting-out, that you can’t see beyond it. I (am embarrassed to admit) know that on occasional isolated days, I’ve seen someone and thought “wow, she looks great. I wish I were that thin” only to realize as the person came closer that I was, in fact quite a bit smaller.

This site, this space, these IDEAS are important because you can’t ever be thin enough to be immune from the pressure, or safe from the feeling that you ‘don’t measure up’. If it were *just* about meeting some bogus BMI designation of fat, I don’t think these blogs would have the thin (and every size) readership that they apparently have.

Like I’ve said before, I want this for every woman I know.

By: Reba

Reba — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:17:47 +0000

Oh. I don’t know if I shared this on another thread but I am a non-traditional student (graduating in 2 weeks!) and the last class I needed was a gen ed math course, so I am surrounded by freshman. One day a group of three girls was talking about how gross they were for eating something the night before and how they HAD to make sure they didn’t gain any more weight because ewwww. The young black woman who sits next to me turned to them and the following exchange happened:

YBG: Can I ask you guys a question?
Three: Sure.
YBG: Are you happy?
Three: What?
YBG: Are you happy?
Three: Yeah, mostly. Why?
YBG: Then why you feel the need to torture yourselves over your weight? You look fine.
Three: Guys like skinny girls.
YBG: You know what? I’m too damn thin to get a guy in my neighborhood. If I had to weigh in like a jockey, I’d have to put bricks in my pocket in order to get a date. There is nothing wrong with you. You just need to retrain your men. Or start dating in my neighborhood.
Random Skinny White Boy: You’re all hot. I think most of the girls in this class are hot. And not everyone likes the same body type, okay?
YBG: So who isn’t hot?
Boy: Apologies to anyone offended by this, but I can’t date redheads. They remind me of my sister.

I wanted to thank that boy for having the courage to say what half the guys in the class were thinking but were too afraid to admit out loud. Well, not about the redheads, but you get the idea.

By: kateharding

kateharding — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:16:58 +0000

You don’t get to tell me fat is gross and then make up some excuse why it’s okay for me.

WORDWORDWORDWORDWORDWORDWORD.

By: Reba

Reba — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:05:33 +0000

I work with two women who are constantly dieting, then beating themselves up for failing. They are both younger than I am – and smaller. More than once, they’ve gone on about “good” food and “bad” food. When I reached the limit of my tolerance for this, I asked them how food could have a moral component. Food can taste good or bad to you. It can be fresh or rotten, but it does not, by itself, carry any moral weight. I then pointed out that there was no benefit to saying they had been “bad” because they ate something they desired because it robbed them of the ability to enjoy themselves yet accomplished nothing except negative self-image. Strangely, the diet talk has died down around me.

On another tangent, I would like to note my desire to smack the crap out of the next person who says “I didn’t mean you. You’ve had children. I’d totally be fine with my body if it was because I had kids.” UM? WTF did you just say to me? That I get a pass? That my body would NOT be okay if I hadn’t bred? You don’t get to tell me fat is gross and then make up some excuse why it’s okay for me.