Douchehound of the Day

So, what with the recent influx of trolls, I turned on the feature that sends comments to moderation if the poster hasn’t had an approved comment before. Now, all the new trolls go straight to my inbox, where their words usually die an unremarkable death. (Pleasant newbies go there, too, so I apologize if it takes a while for your comments to show up, pleasant newbies.)

But sometimes, these comments are just too good to be lost to the ether. Sometimes, you just gotta crown a Douchehound of the Day.

Today’s Douchehound joins us from the University of Wisconsin campus, where he’s submitted comments under both the name “LAME” and the name “Troll.” Points for honesty in both cases (even if the former is arguably ableist).

As “LAME,” he writes:

I didn’t even read your whole post because it was too long and angry, but let me tell you this: Al’s friend is right.

Gosh, a troll who didn’t read the whole post, let alone the whole blog. There’s a new one. Ditto “You’re too angry.” Lord knows I’m the first female blogger who’s ever heard that. Thanks for the tip, dude.

Losing 1-2 pounds a week can be maintainable.

Oh, I see. My mistake was taking off 40 lbs. a week.

A four hundred pound dude could go down to a two hundred pound dude in 3-4 years…people have done it, and yes, they have maintained it. I’ve done it myself, and kept it off for 12 years now.

Oh, so do you work at UW, or are you a non-traditional student? Or did you weigh 400 lbs. when you were six?

I’ve had friends who have lost somewhat less than that and kept it off for years too. I’m not a freak, or one of the rare ones, I am just sane. I was never malnourished…never suicidal…and I’m actually a whole lot happier now than I was at 400 pounds (and have a wife! Yay!)

That? Is my very favorite part — the whole reason I bothered quoting this comment, in fact. HE HAS A WIFE NOW! Totally unlike Paul, The Rotund, Mo Pie and Weetabix, Lindsay, Vesta44, Good with Cheese, and numerous other fat bloggers — plus millions and millions of plain old, non-blogging fat people, even! — this dude is MARRIED! Which would have been impossible when he weighed 400 lbs. — back in the first grade — because everyone knows FAT PEOPLE CANNOT GET MARRIED! Unless they’re male stand-up comics with sitcom deals, in which case, they are automatically issued skinny fictional wives. But other than that? No one loves a fatty! Duh!

If I thought this guy had really lost 200 lbs., and really felt like he could never have been loved before that, he’d just make me sad. But, um, I don’t.

Seriously, IT’S NOT THAT HARD. Why do people think this is that hard? As long as you aren’t starving yourself trying to lose 100 pounds in a year, it can be really, really easy to do, and a positive thing for a lot of people.

Okay, that right there tells me this guy hasn’t lost as much weight in his life as I have, and I’ve only lost half what he claims he’s lost. Dieting is “really, really easy”??? People who are pro-dieting don’t believe that. In fact, the perception of dieting as HARD WORK is the whole reason people think it makes them morally superior to non-dieters. They are WORKING REALLY HARD while we are sitting on our fat asses cramming donuts into our faces. Get your facts straight, dipshit.

By the way, I liked dieting. The foods I discovered were great. :)

There were foods you didn’t know about before you dieted? Now, that really is sad.

Also, I don’t know if you realize this, but fat people actually are allowed to eat nutritious food. Some of us discover that broccoli tastes good all on our own, without even dieting. Win-win!

So okay, now you’ve got an idea of who this asshole is. And honestly, although “and I have a wife!” gave me the belly laughs, that alone would not have earned him Douchehound of the Day status. It’s his second comment — this one as “Troll,” made after he realized his first didn’t automatically show up — that is just so good I had to share. I present it after the cut, exactly as it was sent to me.

FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS FATTIES ARE GROSS

Fillyjonk and I both had the same reaction to that one: Gee, he put so much work into that, it’d be a shame to delete it!

So there it is, y’all. FATTIES ARE GROSS IT’S TRUE SHUT UP!

You know, trolls can get awfully tiring sometimes, but then there are days like this, when the laughs make it all worthwhile. So thank you, “LAME” “Troll” of the University of Wisconsin. I needed that.

124 thoughts on “Douchehound of the Day

  1. Gosh, really kicking myself right now that I turned U.Wisc. down.

    One of my favorite parts is when he says that dieting is only hard if you starve yourself to lose 100 lbs a year. Because going from 400 lbs to 200 lbs in 3 years only requires you to lose 67 pounds a year, which is totally healthy and safe and requires no privation, y’all!

  2. Gosh, really kicking myself right now that I turned U.Wisc. down.

    Heh. I should point out that there is at least on former Badger among the readership, and I generally have a lovely impression of the school.

  3. Remember the guy who thought you should lose what ended up being 4-5 lbs. a year and then you would be able to keep it off. It would only take you 40 years to lose 200 lbs. at that rate! Not that he had any evidence whatsoever that this was any more effective than losing 1/2 or 2 or 10 lbs. per week.

    I like how the “FATTIES ARE GROSS” all lines up neatly in that column width so there are tidy little lines running down the length of the comment. It pleases me.

    I also like the random number generator aspect of losing… let’s see, what’s a good large number… 200 pounds, and keeping it off for… let’s see… something a lot longer than 5 years… 12 years! Yeah, that’s it, 12 years!

  4. I like how the “FATTIES ARE GROSS” all lines up neatly in that column width so there are tidy little lines running down the length of the comment. It pleases me.

    I admit that was WP formatting. The original version was much choppier.

  5. I generally have a lovely impression of the school.

    Aw I know, and I probably would have liked it. But going for the school that gave me more money was how I met my fiance, and fatties apparently can’t get married in Wisconsin anyway (how’s THAT work?), so it worked out for me.

  6. fatties apparently can’t get married in Wisconsin anyway (how’s THAT work?)

    Yeah, no kidding. This guy lives in a town that holds the world’s largest annual Bratwurst Festival. I’m pretty sure they don’t deny marriage licenses to fatties who aren’t dieting.

    Also, I want bratwurst.

  7. How in the HELL did somebody like THIS actually manage to get INTO a university?

    Through the door. All I know from his IP is that he wrote this from the UW campus. Doesn’t necessarily mean he’s college material.

    Although sadly, we can’t rule it out.

  8. Wisconsin. As in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. As in the place that has the ballpark where you can buy FOUR KINDS OF SAUSAGES, as well as Fried Cheese Curds (served to you in a bun) and – wait for it – Cheese Fries in A Helmet. Not the little ice cream sized helmets, but a helmet that an 8 year old could wear on the field.

    I am quite sure Mr. Troll did learn about cucumbers and tofu when he started dieting.

    he shouldn’t have bothered with FATTIES ARE GROSS. Really what he wanted to say was I AM RIGHT LISTEN TO ME I AM RIGHT LISTEN TO ME I AM RIGHT LISTEN TO ME

  9. Y’know his first comment was interesting. It was the second comment that really got me. I mean, how could I have not realized before? It’s just so obvious. His compelling logic and stunning rhetorical fireworks have finally convinced me. I am now 100% sure that some people are just too fucking stupid to be allowed to live.

  10. Wisconsin. As in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

    Madison, Wisconsin, actually. But if I’d known you could get FOUR KINDS OF SAUSAGES at the ballpark in Milwaukee, I’d have bought season tickets years ago!

    he shouldn’t have bothered with FATTIES ARE GROSS. Really what he wanted to say was I AM RIGHT LISTEN TO ME I AM RIGHT LISTEN TO ME I AM RIGHT LISTEN TO ME

    Totally. But FATTIES ARE GROSS is way funnier. :)

  11. WOW. I am in awe of his sheer and rampant geniosity. I’m sure he regularly gets invited to genius parties where they wear genius capes and eat genius shrimp. Surely, he has enlightened us on matters where we were entirely ignorant.

    You know, i’m starting to feel a bit like Cyrano de Bergerac, here – if you’re going to insult me, can you at least make it interesting, make it something i haven’t heard before? Tell me that my sweetest of odors would still knock a vulture off a shit truck at one hundred paces. Tell me my momma’s so poor her welcome mat just says “Well?” Tell me that the only reason i managed to snag a man was due to my gravitational orbit.

    Or am i just asking too much, here?

  12. Hey, we have a Total Douchehound given blogspace in the national media. Allegedly classy, respectable, reputable papers and sites like the Sydney Morning Herald!

    http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/allmenareliars/archives/2007/11/fatist_tendencies.html – which is where all The-F-Word’s trolls came from, apparently. I didn’t bother to comment there (most of the comments are appalling and likely triggering for many), but I did send a complaint to the SMH about how they shouldn’t be giving national media time to hateful douchebags.

  13. Through the door.

    Yeah, but Kate, was he able to uncover the mystery that IS **the door**? Or did he sneak in when some unsuspecting academic accidentally opened it wide enough for him to follow on their heels?

    (my mind’s still boggling, for the record)

  14. I’m sure he regularly gets invited to genius parties where they wear genius capes and eat genius shrimp.

    Nah, at Wisconsin genius parties, they eat genius brats, duh.

  15. Nah, at Wisconsin genius parties, they eat genius brats, duh.

    Heh. Bit of an obscure reference – there’s an episode of Sifl & Olly where one of them buys a “genius kit” from Precious Roy, and it just dissolves into silliness from there. :D

    But yes – genius brats and genius cheese curds are much more popular in WI, i imagine.

  16. I’m not up on the Sifl and Olly references, ’cause I didn’t have cable back in the day, but I’m betting Fillyjonk will get it. And it’s oh so appropriate for a troll posting under 2 different names.

  17. I love the fact losing 2 lbs a week is OK, but losing 100lbs a year is stupid. How many weeks are there in a year again?

    Is it even slightly possible that this is actually two different people and it’s a university web proxy that’s making it look like the same IP address though?

    On second thoughts no, it’s far too much of a coincidence.

  18. I love the fact losing 2 lbs a week is OK, but losing 100lbs a year is stupid. How many weeks are there in a year again?

    Ahahahaha! I didn’t even catch that brilliant bit of logic!

    It is possible, btw, Eleanor, but since the comments came in just a few minutes apart, from the same IP, and he would have figured out that his first comment hadn’t shown up before the second one came in … I’m thinking it’s the same guy.

  19. Wow that’s a lot of effort.

    Now I kind of feel sorry for some poor married guy so upset he has to cut and paste so the fatties know.

    And he knows because of his learnings.

    As pissed off as I’ve ever gotten reading things on the internet I have never been annoyed enough to spend who knows how long sending comments like that.

    I almost want to applaud his tenacity. Almost.

    But more so, I’d like to maybe smack his fingers with a ruler and take away his computer time.

  20. Hey, I hope I have that guy in some of my classes next year! Oh, man, I love that, “hey, I used to be really fat” totally false comment thing. Why does it matter so much to the trolls what us loud angry fat women have to say?

  21. you know, if he was french then really he’d be saying FATTIES ARE FAT FATTIES ARE FAT FATTIES ARE FAT

    which makes it even funnier for me.

  22. I have talked to people who claim that losing weight and keeping it off is easy, and they seem to have a lot in common: they are male, were athletes (or very physically fit) and slim in high school and/or college, and gained weight after becoming what popular culture thinks all fatties are like – sedentary and living on donuts, pizza, beer and Whoppers. After a few years of this, they decide to “get fit”, discover broccoli, start jogging and lose the 20 or 30 pounds they had gained. They are also usually vocal about how lazy and sloberific fat people are (since that’s what they were like when they were fat) and how easy peasy it is to lose weight, if the fatties would only get off the couch and stop eating at McD’s. It must work for everyone, since it worked for them. I’ve never heard anyone claim losing 200 pounds was easy, though.

  23. I love how the block of text is so long, it requires scrolling down. That’s some serious copying and pasting effort. I bet his term papers are a delight to read!

  24. Kate, this post is awesome. Now that you are moderating comments, I HIGHLY recommend you write a monthly or weekly blog entry with the most hilarious Douchehound emails you get and what your reply to them would’ve been. That sounds like a very humorous regular feature.

  25. “I’m sure he regularly gets invited to genius parties where they wear genius capes and eat genius shrimp.”

    Genius capes! I gotta git me one of those, fer cryin in a bucket!! Do you think they will let me crash their D&D parties if I wear a blue velvet one?

  26. Yeah, no kidding. This guy lives in a town that holds the world’s largest annual Bratwurst Festival.

    That’d be why he discovered so many foods when he started dieting — he doesn’t know how to eat anything that doesn’t have its own local festival.

    Lindsay, I have to say I don’t recall that particular Precious Roy segment, but “genius shrimp” still made me fall off my chair. Which I guess just proves that I find Sifl and Olly incredibly funny, which… yeah.

    I should do a post on my exercise routine of running after the ice cream truck.

    I love the fact losing 2 lbs a week is OK, but losing 100lbs a year is stupid. How many weeks are there in a year again?

    Holy crap, Eleanor. BRILLIANT catch.

  27. My first comment on my first blog was by, shockingly enough, “anonymous” and consisted of “Being fat is disgusting. You are disgusting.” pasted 50 times. I had to congratulate him on having learned to copy and paste. What a putz.

  28. I think I’m in love with this guy. After the hell-filled day I had today I needed a good giggle, and boy howdy did he give me a good giggle.

    Oh and thank you Eleanor for your brilliant observation, but I must point out that they say “losing 100 lbs in a year is stupid” but they never said “losing 104 lbs in a year is stupid”. Apparently the difference between stupid and smart is a whole 4 lbs. Now I just need to figure out if I should lose that 4 lbs or gain it to have some new found smartness! LOL

  29. Aw, damn, you get all the GOOD trolls.

    *grin*

    So, where does that leave those of us who are both fat and married? Should I expect to explode (or, perhaps, implode) from the stresses caused by being the center of a localized time-space continuum paradox?

  30. Wait a minute. I’m not supposed to be married because of my weight?!? Man, my wife is going to be pissed.

    Interestingly I’ve gotten some of the “cut and paste trolls” at BFB before. It’s always a 3-5 word phrase in all caps. Like lolcats minus the funny, minus the cats, and, uh, maybe not at all.

  31. I am in awe of his sheer and rampant geniosity. I’m sure he regularly gets invited to genius parties where they wear genius capes and eat genius shrimp.

    You should definitely plan parties for cash.

  32. I, fat girl, am currently in the process of working up the nerve to ask out this fat guy I am really crushing on. I guess if we get to the actual dating part, I should tell him up front that our mutual fatness means marriage can never be on the table, huh?

  33. Filly, i can’t remember the exact episode, but i found a link to the clip on you tube. I think this clip actually sums up a great deal of the troll experience.

    To get sliiiiiightly back on topic, i told Ben about the whole “fat people can’t get married” thing, and ever since then, he’s been lamenting around the house – “Our marriage is a shaaaaaaaaaaamm!”

  34. “Our marriage is a shaaaaaaaaaaamm!”

    Hee!

    Hey, but what if a fat person “marries” a thin, nay, scawny-arsed person? What’s that called? Besides, obviously, an abomination.

  35. Sniper, Ben weighs in at maybe 170? Most of it is muscle (and his BMI is still overweight, lulz), Size 29 inch waist, if i recall correctly. When he and i got married, every one of the dozen people at the ceremony said it was the most beautiful wedding they’d ever attended (and my stepmum has lost count).

    But uh, people who are asshats? They’d probably call it a waste, or entirely confusing. IT MAKES NO SENSE! Why on earth would a perfectly hot skinny chap want to shack up with a fattie? ZOMG.

    Love, maybe? Pff.

  36. I’m reminded of a couple i used to work with. He was well over 6 feet tall and weighed somewhere between 400 and 500 pounds. His wife? Shorter than me (i’m 5’7″) and maaaaybe 90 pounds soaking wet.

    Most of the people there refused to understand “omg, what does she SEE in him?” It pissed me right the hell off. Maybe they love each other? I raised this point a good dozen times before i got sick of hearing “love MUST be blind” or “better HER than ME.” I wanted to slap each and every last person who said this. Apparently loving a fat person is a FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!

  37. Fatties are gross! Nyah nyah nyah!

    I think your estimate of his age is too generous Kate. Clearly he was born weighing 400lb if this is the level of his debating skillz. His poor mother.

  38. FATTIES ARE GROSS fucking killed me. I laughed a LOT.

    My son says the comment means that the troll is compensating for his very small penis.

    As I was reading the first comment, I first thought how sad the guy was, not that fatties can’t get married, but that he couldn’t get laid (small penis) and attributed his marriage to his weight loss (because he was such an ugly troll before) (or because being fat made his penis even smaller).

    Then I saw the remark about dieting being easy and I thought exactly what you thought; yo, you’ve never done it, dude. Cuz, dieting. Hard. And also? If it was easy, most of us would fucking do it and be “thin” or at least be a size where we had a wider range of stores we could shop in. I mean, if it was EASY? To take it off and keep it off? Like, no effort, no brainer, wow this is fun kinda easy? FUCK YES.

    But it’s not easy. And ultimately, it’s not actually possible for most of us. And he discovered new foods? That’s a fucking riot. Because clearly Teh Fattiez only eat fried things. And we don’t know about Teh Green Things. Never even saw any in the supermarket.

    Hey, you know what I did? I sauted arugula in butter and shallots and garlic. You should do that. It is very wonderful. I mention this cuz arugula is green.

  39. What do you think is behind the psychology of this troll?

    There are men out there that are convinced that if there were fewer fat women, there would be more thin women for them to date.

  40. I think your estimate of his age is too generous Kate. Clearly he was born weighing 400lb if this is the level of his debating skillz. His poor mother.

    Possibly his dad was Robin Williams and his mom was Pam Dawber, and he was hatched from an egg?

  41. There are men out there that are convinced that if there were fewer fat women, there would be more thin women for them to date.

    They’re assuming all those mythical thin women would actually want to date them.

  42. But uh, people who are asshats? They’d probably call it a waste, or entirely confusing. IT MAKES NO SENSE! Why on earth would a perfectly hot skinny chap want to shack up with a fattie? ZOMG.

    My six-foot, 150-pound husband calls it a damned good deal, but he must be irrational or at least deeply flawed for loving a fat chick.

  43. Wait, the guy claims that it’s “easy” to lose 2 pounds a week and then says that “starving yourself trying to lose 100 pounds in a year” is bad. Um, there are still 52 weeks in a year, right? 52 weeks x 2 pounds a week is . . . oh yeah! Right around 100 pounds?

    So which is it, dude?

    SIncerely,
    The fat girl who was actually fat when she got married! omg!

  44. You may have done this poor soul a service. I suspect last week he may have felt he reached the peak of his career as a social commentator when he posted BRITTNAY SPEERS IS A SKANK HO 750 times in a row on Perez Hilton’s site.

    But alas, then he found your site and knew there were even more important things he needed to cut and paste obessively on a comment page. Next week he might find his way to a site for the handicapped and cut and paste CRIPPLED PEOPLE ARE STOOPID CUZ THEY CAN’T WALK 1000 times.

    Just think, in the days before the internets there might not have been a forum out there for him to share his genius with the world. It makes me appreciate the luddites.

  45. I’m glad to see our public universities are doing a fine job of educating our citizens!

    Copy and paste – what talent!

  46. Wonder if this is the same moron who went to my livejournal and posted “you are a fat pig” 50 or so times in a row, and then posted it larger, and then larger again. Shows a decided lack of imagination, IMO. If that’s the best they can do, I pity them.

  47. In today’s news, the door that allowed trolls such as “LAME” to walk into the hallowed gates of the University of Wisconsin was spray-painted with the words “Jackassery cannot enter here.” Officials later condemned and tore down said offending door, to prevent any other sources of vehement douchebaggery to enter.

    In other news, the door that allowed enlightened folks (or those on the path to enlightenment of any kind) was renovated. It’s color is cobalt blue.

    This is the FashionableNerd saying good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

  48. because everyone knows FAT PEOPLE CANNOT GET MARRIED!

    And neither can 6 year old kids, right? ;)

    Really, this is a good idea for a regular feature I guess, if only for the laughs it provides. As I once told my friend, sometimes I feel sad the only spam I get is just a bunch of links.

  49. ok this is a bit off topic except that it has to do with stupid troll-type behavior. i hope it’s ok to comment here.

    i am watching TBS’s Very Funny Standup and Jeff Garland, a fairly fat comedian, is doing some standup.
    Then he anounces he wants to talk about “fat girls and midriffs” and proceeds to describe a woman as big as him dressed inappropriately for her size (according to him) and “shoving a donut down her throught”. (does anybody say “shoving a salad down her throat”? why can’t someone just eat a donut. and why does every fat person supposedly eat a donut all the time. whatever.)
    Anyway, his only positive thing to say was that he does find full figured women attractive but only if they are dressed or naked, not in between. so with this comment he gives lip service to the idea that he isn’t bashing their bodies only the dress sense of certain women. but that’s bull, obviously, because his problem is that they EXPOSE parts of their body.

    i mean, my problem here is basically that it is pathetic (and self hating, coming from a fat person) to try to get the audience on ur side by bashin fat girls.
    cuz if ur a fat guy, that’s the only person lower on the totem pole to bash? a fat girl?
    and/or because as he says, he is fat but he dresses “appropriately”.

    jesus.

    anyway i’m sorry if it’s not appropriate to comment on this here, but it made me so mad… i’ve only fairly recently started to be aware how we take for granted that this kind of talk is okay when really it’s NOT and i had nowhere to take all this frustration except here, where i expect some people might understand…

    p.s. AS I WRITE THIS, another comic is explaining how “nothing bad ever happens in the beer commercials…. eight guys go out and get drunk… hook up with models… nobody throws up or sleeps with a fat girl or anything.”
    ya. nice. can u imagine this on TBS if they were making fun of some minority instead of fat girls?

  50. oops i spelled “throat” wrong and made any number of other mistakes, please understand i am upset not stupid :)

  51. Ugh. You are right, that is so not okay. The whole thing is predicated on how as a woman, I have no worth as a person unless the man who is speaking finds me sexually attractive. They always seem to think their opinion of how fat is too fat is the objective truth and that they really should and do have the power to decide whether I should change myself to suit whatever their taste is. It kills me how this type of man never doubts for one moment that his opinion is just that significant and important.

    On the bright side, considering I have no interest in fucking him, I’ll just keep dressing however the hell I want and he can just keep not wanting to fuck me (and whining about it on stage, if that’s what floats his boat). Sounds like a good arrangement to me.

  52. Happy to oblige. ;) That stuff is so infuriating though. And they always seem to think it’s so original and funny.

  53. I have to say, “dieting” (which I am doing to avoid being batshit insane due to hypoglycemia, not to lose weight) really has introduced me to some new and awesome foods, as well as some that are not new but that I would not eat if I weren’t shooting to keep as much variety as possible in a limited menu (pork chops!). And also, since it’s somewhat low-carb, forcing me to confront my conditioned fear of dietary fats.

    One thing Wisconsin has no shortage of is fat people. One time I went to the Y with my mom and I think I was the smallest person in there other than her…and I would like to draw your attention to the fact that I’m talking about the *Y*, where people *exercise*. I thought that was so awesome, since I rarely see anyone bigger than me in a gym here in SF. I know SF’s demographics are different, but I have to think some of that is people just feeling more comfortable getting out and moving in the local culture back home.

  54. Pingback: *sob* LEAVE SANTA ALONE!!!!11!!! *sob* « PhotoPhobic

  55. Wow, he sure showed you! Fatties MUST be gross. He wouldn’t have pasted it so many times if it weren’t so.

    I’m racking my brains trying to think of any other area of life where “I did it, so can you!” is EVER actually considered a legitimate argument. I was under the impression that people only ever used that phrase on infomercials, and the appropriate response was just to snort and change the channel. But apparently whenever the topic of weight loss comes up, suddenly it’s a completely valid piece of evidence for your case. Huh.

  56. omg, i was just reading this comment by La Di Da that links to another stupid article… of course i agree with everything La Di Da says about it.

    but here is the funny part:
    someone commented on that article that he is tired of paying for fat people clothes!

    he said:
    ***
    I’m sick of paying for thier clothes though, I can tell you that for nothing. When I buy an XL shirt, I look at the XXXL and see that it uses triple the amount of material. The funny thing is that, although it looks like Homer’s moo-moo or a three man tent, it’s the same f##ken price !
    We’re all paying for the Fatty’s “extra” material …
    ************
    after that it gets worse, more hateful and does not deserve to be reproduced here.

    oh my GOD.

    first off, this idiot thinks he’s paying for the material? he is paying 30 dollars for something that cost 2 cents to have made by little slave children in a 3rd world country. the amount of material is irrelevant.

    secondly, even if it did go by fabric and that was driving the price up, how fucking arbitrary is THAT? everyone under his size should not be angry with him, but he has the right to be angry at everyone bigger than him?

    third, it never ceases to amaze me the RANDOM BULLSHIT stuff people pick to justify their hate toward fat people. ya, we should hate them cuz those XXXL fatties drive up the prices of our XL TSHIRTS!

    and fourth, heLLO – in any situation where the fabric is important, like a special gown or whatnot, they DO charge u more for a bigger size. And of course, not if ur a size 6 versus a 0, i think they just draw an arbitrary line where they think plus size should start and then there are two prices.

    oy.

  57. (also i think thats a misinterpretation of the sizing chart. XXXL does not actually mean 3 times bigger than XL. anymore than a size 12 is 3 times as big a size 4. i have size 4 friends i i most certainly could not fit three of them in my dress.)

  58. (and forgive me if i don’t take this genius guy’s word for it when he describes the size of the items or explains their relationship to price. argh.)

  59. ROFL my first reaction to this was to write

    DOUCHEHOUNDS ARE STEWPID DOUCHEHOUNDS ARE STEWPID DOUCHEHOUNDS ARE STEWPID …….. an even greater amount of times just to make it even more true than it already is but I am way too fat to put all that work in … and well my hands are full with a brat covered in cheese curds and of course that takes precedence.

    Then I sat there thinking that there is NO WAY this guy could lose all that weight and keep it off AND FIND IT SO FEKKEN EASY AND FUN if he didn’t even have the self control to even TRY and act like somewhat of a decent human being for more than a few min… I mean .. first comment you could see he was really trying…. poor thing was probably busting some veins in his head from the stress of it all. Then he just burst and splattered stupid douchehound innards all over his next comment.

    So now I sit here in all my fat grossness red faced from laughter as I picture the poor guy in a werewolf state of transformation during all this… “Nooooooooo I must not let the douchhound out… must appear to have brains… must stop drooling… omg I am not strong enough …. ”

    poor thing…. sad poor pathetic douchehound.

  60. BTW Cggirl I read that blog as well and my gosh that poor guy was so sad.. all worried and ranting about being forced to date a disgusting overweight person.. I mean the nerve of people even suggesting that to him. but I think I reassured him with my post

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Gotta totally agree with you … no one should have to date someone they are not interested in but you really don’t have to worry about being forced to date these fatties to be perfectly honest, none of them wouldn’t date you anyway.
    For one they have learned early on through normal everyday occurances not to trust any kind of advance like that plus, they seem to have their own kind if “fattism” mostly because of the special sense they have to spot a shallow egotistical twathead who can’t think past the wee little head in their pants to actually WANT a woman with substance, and are really far above childish men who feel so poorly about themselves (and probably their prowess in bed and the like) that they need to find a mate who could make up for what they themselves are lacking.
    So therefore you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about… they wouldn’t give you the time of day if you begged them. You aren’t worth their time.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    I hope I put his mind at ease ^.^

  61. LOL…

    Brilliant Cordelia :oD

    The mere thought of there being a woman in existence who didn’t find him instantly attractive probably made his poor misogynistic head explode.

    Hee.

  62. And as for the first class douchehound in Kate’s original post – people like that make me want to do an Incredible Hulk style “grrrrrr”.

    Closely followed by reducing them to mere entrails.

    But as I have M.E. and a cuppa, I’ll have to content myself with reading Kate’s brilliantly cutting mockery of the troll.

    You can have my walking stick if you run out of implements to hit him with…

  63. (also i think thats a misinterpretation of the sizing chart. XXXL does not actually mean 3 times bigger than XL. anymore than a size 12 is 3 times as big a size 4. i have size 4 friends i i most certainly could not fit three of them in my dress.)

    I wear size 12 pants and I’m pretty sure the average size 4 woman has thighs a third the diameter of mine. But, maybe my thighs are just weird.

    But, I’m pretty sure XXXL is not 3 times the size of XL. I think XL is 10-12, XXL is 14-16, and XXXL is 18-20. So, not 3 times bigger, they just ran out of words after “small, medium, large” and just started adding x’s.

  64. cggirl, some of us at Shapely Prose follow a diet called Sanity Watchers (invented by fillyjonk). The diet says: Never read the comments on an article about fat (unless it’s from a fat acceptance site) because they will make you crazy.

    Also, I’ve seen lots of sources online where the XXL and up tshirts cost more than the XL and down. So this guy isn’t even right. (And shouldn’t his XL wearing self have to pay more than somebody who wears a S or XS? What an idiot).

  65. Also, if plus sizes are the same price as regular clothes then someone needs to notify Lane Bryant, as well as any department store that carries an item in misses’ and an identical item in plus that is $5 more, because whoever is putting the tags on is apparently running some kind of racket and pocketing the difference. Since they all actually cost the same. Good to know. That should save me some money.

  66. “Seriously, IT’S NOT THAT HARD.”

    Let’s put this in perspective, because I think perceiving the difference in weight is something these people seem to have trouble grasping.
    For someone who already weighs 130 pounds, it probably isn’t too hard to lose significant weight. He hops on a treadmill for five minutes and drops 2 pounds, which is noticeable.
    I weigh 335. I hop on a treadmill, and even if my thyroid somehow manages to restore itself and my metabolism boosts to his level, losing 2 pounds is like sucking up half an eyedropper’s worth of water from a full jacuzzi.
    It’s NOT easy. It’s NOT as instantaneous as they think it is, and I’m sick of being involved in their irrational mad dash to be thin… oh, sorry, healthy.

  67. Why do people even post a comment if the only thing they have to say isn’t worth hearing? The least a commenter can do is say something nice.

  68. Thanks becky you are totally right! i shouldn’t even bother to read that crap.

    And Marle – i won’t argue that ur thigh comment might be based on optical illusion, because hey, if some woman’s thighs are that much smaller than yours nobody cares anyway, ur still both hot :)
    but it’s hard to imagine 3 thighs could fit in your (or my) size 12 pant leg.
    but what i was thinking of when made my comment was that i CERTAINLY can’t imagine a size 4 woman’s width at her hips or her waist is a third of ours at our hips or waist respectively. check how wide that is. a woman that size would be, like, the size of a little baby! hahaha.

    but again, that’s just silly commenting on my part, cuz the whole point is it’s fine to be teeny and it’s fine to be big.

  69. oy. i said i wouldnt argue something and then i went and argued it anyway. sorry. bad, bad commenter.
    becky was right tho, not even worth my time reading that drivel the person wrote on that horrible article…

  70. Really didn’t know where to post this…but I think I have another candidate for douchehound of the day.

    Someone on my LJ pointed me toward this:

    http://blogs.dallasobserver.com/unfairpark/2007/08/how_would_jesus_eat.php

    Apparently, she thinks pastors/priests/vicars should be giving sermons on “gluttony” and the eeebil obesity epidemic.

    A quote: “Jesus called us to be salt and light in the world. That means we are supposed to be the standard of what is right and good. This is one area where we as a church are failing miserably. We need to get serious about the obesity epidemic and stop waiting on science to develop a miracle cure. We need to take action before it is too late.”

    Excuse me??? I’m feeling the need for an attack with a clue by four – and I’m a Baptist Christian myself.

    Seriously – now being fat is some kind of crime against God? Is there anything these people won’t do or say to vilify the rounder of us in the public eye?

    *red-faced mutley style grumblings*

  71. I can’t believe I was expecting something…more intelligent.

    That said, I’M SO CONFUSED!!! Didn’t we just establish a week or two ago that getting married MAKES TEH_FAT COME OUT?!?!?!?

  72. “Seriously, IT’S NOT THAT HARD.”

    The thing is, for some people that’s actually true. My ex-boyfriend was the perfect example. Most of the time we were together (6 years), he would eat virtually nothing other than junk food – fast food, potato chips, pizza, candy, even his morning cup of tea had more sugar than tea in it, and he was completely sedentary. He gained maybe 20 pounds in that time period. But then one day he decided to lose the weight, and he did it just like that! He’d still eat junk, but slightly less junk than before, and he’d go on an occasional short (1-2 mile) walk or bike ride – but the weight was gone within 2 months! Meanwhile, I was eating ~1200cals/day of veggies and lean meats (which he wouldn’t touch), spending 1.5 hours 5x/week at the gym, and barely maintaining!

    I can provide the perfect counterpoint to the whole “calories in…calories out; you just need to exercise more; you’re lying about how much you eat!” argument. Each year, I spend 3-6 months doing field research at a remote biological station. There, all food is prepared and served by the kitchen staff, so we’re all eating the exact same things, and even the portions are essentially the same, since you’re not serving yourself. Actually, many people there go back for seconds, and I often don’t even finish my first, so if anything I’m eating less than most “skinny” people there. I’ve logged my foods there, and estimate that we eat about 2000 calories/day, far more than the 1400-1500 I eat at home. But, you’re incredibly active.

    My fieldwork involves hiking and biking to a remote site, approximately 5-10 miles/day up and down sometimes-steep hills, plus walking or standing for the remainder of the day. Furthermore, I work at sites that are 2-3x as far as any of the researchers there, and tend to stay in the field longer, so I should be burning more calories than the “skinny” people there. So I’m active for 8-9 hours/day, burning what, according to FitDay.com, adds up to >1500 calories/day. 2000-1500 – if it’s truly calories in-calories out I should be unable to function, as it only leaves me 500 calories for basic things like breathing and metabolism!

    I do typically lose 5-10 pounds in the first few weeks in the field, as you’d expect, seeing as I’m exercising 8 hours/day 7 days/week vs. 1-2 hours/day 4-5 days/week. But then I stabilize at a weight which is near the overweight/obese line, if you believe those BMI numbers (ha!) – and higher than any of the other ‘skinny’ researchers (who, as I’ve said – with maybe 1 or 2 exceptions – eat more and exercise less than I do – and here, I see everything that they eat, as we’re eating breakfast and dinner together and eating the same field lunch).

    So, tell me again about how I’m lying? About how I’m just not getting enough exercise? About how I’m eating too much? Sure, maybe I could eat a few less calories – but when you’re out in the field by yourself with snakes and treacherous conditions, you don’t want to pass out with exhaustion!

    The sad thing is, people who – like my ex – can lose weight easily don’t understand how difficult it is for people like us. I wish they could walk in our footsteps for a few days!

  73. chickadee, yup, the whole thing has a flip side — just as we don’t know how to make people lose weight permanently, we don’t know how to make them gain permanently. Hence the comment upthread about how the people who say “dieting is easy!” are generally people who got themselves 20 or 30 pounds above baseline through habits (more than that is difficult to achieve) and then rebounded back when they stopped, much like a dieter ceasing to restrict calories.

  74. The sad thing is, people who – like my ex – can lose weight easily don’t understand how difficult it is for people like us.

    I hear you, Chickadee. My husband eliminated soda and started drinking water a few years ago. He also cut out fast food for veggie burgers. Other than that, he made no other changes – none, absolutely. He lost about 30 – 40 pounds in just a few months.

    Me, I haven’t had fast food in years, I’ve drank diet pop since I was 21, and I used to drink about 120 fluid ounces of water a day (about 60 fl. ounces a day now). We eat most of our meals together, so I know what and how much both he and I eat – and he eats more unhealthy than I do. I eat vegetables mostly, he won’t touch any veggies except for corn and potatoes. Sometimes I fix separate dinners for us.

    Yet, he’s skinny; I’m not. If it were a simple issue of calories in/calories burned, we’d be a nation of thin people.

  75. My husband eliminated soda and started drinking water a few years ago. He also cut out fast food for veggie burgers. Other than that, he made no other changes – none, absolutely. He lost about 30 – 40 pounds in just a few months.

    I’ve had 2 boyfriends — including the current one — who lost 20-30 lbs. just by cutting out regular pop. I’m like, for Christ’s sake, HOW MUCH OF IT WERE YOU DRINKING? But then, it could just be that, whaddaya know, bodies are different and weird. Like you, I’ve only drunk diet pop for more than a decade. It has not caused a magic weight loss.

  76. I maybe have a regular soda once a week. That’s down from the two or three a day I used to have. I didn’t lose ONE FUCKING OUNCE from making that change. Not ONE. (And no, I did not substitute fruit juice, Gatorade, beer, or anything else with ZOMGCALORIES! for the soda.)

    We’re not all the same. We’re not all the same. We’re not all the same. I wish that could be tattooed on people’s eyelids already.

  77. The sad thing is, people who – like my ex – can lose weight easily don’t understand how difficult it is for people like us.

    The really sad thing is that a) most don’t seem to care and b), it’s so bloody important for a fat person to justify her very existence.

  78. I’ll bet any money his mommy or daddy work at the U, and he’s a 12-year old wanky little middle school student.

  79. Jason, are you sure he has the hand-eye coordination to play Halo 3? I’m thinking you might be giving him too much credit.

  80. Perhaps the guy is a janitor at UW and the 200 lbs. he lost was his wife, in the divorce, twelve years ago.

    Just a thought.

    I love when I can put a brand new word in my vernacular. I’m off now to try “Douchehound” in a dozen different sentences.

  81. “Jesus called us to be salt and light in the world. That means we are supposed to be the standard of what is right and good. This is one area where we as a church are failing miserably. We need to get serious about the obesity epidemic and stop waiting on science to develop a miracle cure. We need to take action before it is too late.”

    Too late for what? Are they worried the fatties will eat all the food in the world? Maybe we’re going to eat so much we turn into gigantic blobs who’ll go rolling down the highways, crushing every SUV in our paths!

    Actually, that sounds like fun.

  82. It’s just crazy how some people think about things. It sounds like he’d make a good guest for Jerry Springer. Today on Jerry Springer we have Troll who thinks fatties are gross. Share your college wisdom with us regular folks.

  83. I’m Jewish, so what do I know, but didn’t Jesus feed entirely villages of people and turn water into (omg! empty calories!) wine?

    As for everyone being different, so very true. Even outside of the extremes, some people need more food, some need less. Some need to eat frequently, others large amounts infrequently. Exercise affects different people differently, as do changes in diet.

    Most “omg teh fat” people I’ve seen will acknowledge that there is a continuum in how much people expend. Which is great, except then the corollary is that people whose bodies are prone to storing food as fat have a “responsibility” to recognize that they can’t eat as much.

    Right. If someone’s body is telling them they are hungry, maybe they have a responsibility to their body to feed it. Certainly not one to some stranger to stay hungry. I find it shameful that people expect genetically heavier people (or people who have had a change in metabolism due to illness, medication, or past cycles of starvation and plenty) to exist in a state of semi-starvation for their entire lives just to reach someone else’s judgment of what they should look like.

  84. “We need to get serious about the obesity epidemic and stop waiting on science to develop a miracle cure. We need to take action before it is too late.”

    Oh, god, isn’t anyone safe from right-wing Christian attacks? Other than Billy Graham, that is.

    Actually, I think Jesus would tell the “Marthas” of the world to shut up and let “Mary” enjoy her damn dinner…don’t you?

    This reminds me… I made a shirt on Cafepress that reads: Jesus was a feminist. I’m always amused by the numbers of people who find it offensive.

  85. The sad thing is, people who – like my ex – can lose weight easily don’t understand how difficult it is for people like us.

    May i add more anecdotal evidence? A friend of mine gained 40 pounds (!) on medication. She’s been a size 2 all her life and, bless her, didn’t know a thing about dieting. After she was off the medication, she made those cute little changes she imagined being on a diet was like. Replacing butter for low-fat margarine, for example. Or chocolate for wine gums. Of course, the 40 pounds were -whooooosh- off in 6 months.
    And now she’s SERIOUSLY telling me, why don’t you try skipping that bit of butter, too? You could lose 50 pounds so easily! Every time she looks at a fat person, she must be boggled at how they don’t care enough about their looks or health to stop stuffing themselves with all that butter and chocolate for even a few weeks.

  86. “Actually, I think Jesus would tell the “Marthas” of the world to shut up and let “Mary” enjoy her damn dinner…don’t you?”

    Ha – I like that :o)

    I was just dumbfounded that these people can’t think of anything better to rant about – wars, famines, poverty within their own country…

    But no, the important thing is “Lose Weight 4 Jesus”.

    *headdesk*

  87. Alainn – The whole “god wants me to diet” diet is really becoming popular, actually. It’s been on my list of topics to blog about for quite a while, but I just can’t seem to muster the motivation to actually do so.

  88. Jesus loves you…..if your BMI is less than…..

    When I slugged through the bible trying to read it cover to cover I don’t remember a verse that said “if you are 5’4″, you shall weigh between 115 – 130 lbs”. I also don’t remember seeing a verse that said “if you see a fat person you shall make fun of and place so much pressure on them so that they too shall be skinny”. I know that the argument is to fire back at me “treat your body like a temple” verse, but when did treating your body like a temple mean that the temples all had to be the same size?

    The problem is that I’m sure that churches that offer these programs see them as helpful, but I counter that and say, perhaps they are more harmful then helpful. Church is supposed to be your place to go to be closer to God and to surround yourself with those who will not judge, who just want to worship together. It should be, in my humble opinion a place of safety. But inevitably what has happened by offering a weightloss group is that you have alienated a group of people. I think a better program in a church would be the “Jesus loves the least of them”. This program would help people to like themselves and to do away with the societal pressures to look and be a certain way….just a thought.

  89. Liz Curtis Higgs, in her book One Size Fits All and Other Fables (sadly, out of print — I was fortunate enough to locate a used copy in Powell’s), talked about once having been one of those “evangelical dieters” who ran a “God wants us to be thin” program at her church, called “Will Power — My Will Surrendered to God’s Power.” Until she gained the weight back and a clue along with it, that is.

    This would have been in the early 1980s, and she said such groups were common even then, and there were plenty of Christian-themed weight loss books (sample title: More of Jesus, Less of Me. She has a good analysis, from a Christian perspective, of how this type of approach “simply was not Biblical.” She said the Proverbs passage about “gluttony” was often misinterpreted; what it actually said was that excess food and drink itself would make a person drowsy and make it difficult for them to function, it said absolutely nothing about body fat.

    Said Higgs: “I looked everywhere in Scripture to find an example where fleshiness itself was a problem. Certainly we never hear about anyone’s dress size. What size did Ruth wear? Her very name means ‘beauty,’ but her size and shape are not mentioned. Her character, on the other hand, is discussed at length.”

    I wish Christians like her got more attention.

  90. And now she’s SERIOUSLY telling me, why don’t you try skipping that bit of butter, too? You could lose 50 pounds so easily!

    And yet you haven’t killed and/or dropped her as a friend. I congratulate you on your incredible patience and sense of humor.

  91. Higgs has a great point. Lots of signs in the Old Testament that fat was a very positive thing. Nice plump sheep and cattle, lots of jars of olive oil. Practical, real, earthly blessings that meant your tribe wasn’t starving to death, basically.

    (Fasting came in a lot later, with the body-hating influence of some Greek schools of thought on early Christianity. I love what Julia Cameron said about fasting – it gets God’s attention because, in Her Jewish mother aspect, She worries that you’re not eating!)

    I’m recalling a book here, I think it was by Shelley Bovey way back in the 80s, which illustrated the Biblical quote “Thy clouds drop fatness…” with a picture of lots of fat nude angels falling out of the sky. Cute.

    I really think if Christians are going to re-emphasize gluttony as a deadly sin, they should redefine it as ANY kind of excessive consumption – energy, resources, anything. (I often think this is a reason behind the rising level of attacks on fat: people are painfully aware of how much of the earth’s resources we’re over-consuming as a society, so it’s “Let’s assuage our guilt by blaming the people who – we think – LOOK as if they’ve been over-consuming”. I mean, c’mon, we’re more or less being blamed for global warming as it is…)

  92. Said Higgs: “I looked everywhere in Scripture to find an example where fleshiness itself was a problem. Certainly we never hear about anyone’s dress size. What size did Ruth wear? Her very name means ‘beauty,’ but her size and shape are not mentioned. Her character, on the other hand, is discussed at length.”

    That is SO awesome.

    These days we have the Weigh Down Diet (which is at least based on eating when hungry and stopping when full, though it is quite legalistic as I recall) and I remember reading another one in high school called “Free to be Thin” from the ’70s or something. At the very least, the fact that these “Biblical diets” keep coming up once every 10-20 years should give people some pause. If you lose weight and gain it back, that’s one thing, but if you truly believe you have found the one true answer because Jesus is guiding your weight loss, and you still gain it back, that has got to be somewhat disconcerting.

    I briefly considered trying to do Weigh Down a while back because it seemed sort of similar to Geneen Roth’s ideas, and I was sort of convinced that God really would look favorably on me “getting control of” my weight. Then later I decided that if he had an opinion on it at all, he would probably much rather I was out doing some good than spending all my mental energy weighing and measuring food or “sculpting” myself in the gym. Talk about self-centeredness.

  93. Emerald, that is a really interesting point about overconsumption. If people can just find one group to scapegoat for it, then they don’t have to feel any guilt or make any changes themselves. Hmm… scapegoating… another biblical concept there… you would almost think morality and fat were inextricably linked in a lot of people’s minds in our society. :P

  94. The Renfrew Center – a renowned and very expensive eating disorder facility – began offering spiritually-based treatment programs earlier this year, also.

    I find this and the whole concept of religion-based diets to be very ironic, considering many pro-ana sites elevate anorexia next to godliness – starvation is considered holy, coveted, and ideal. The first documented cases of anorexia, in fact, were bound in religious asceticism. In the twelfth century, an anorexic girl of today would have been seen as holy and touched by god.

    RE: Gwen Shamblin’s Weigh Down diet, spacedcowgirl wrote:

    and I was sort of convinced that God really would look favorably on me “getting control of” my weight.

    Herein lies the problem with religion-based diets. If you lose weight, god must be smiling down upon you. If you don’t lose weight, you not only lack discipline, you lack obedience to god. And should you gain the weight back, as most dieters are prone to do, religion-based diets encourage people to see this as reflection of a lack in faith.

    Shamblin maintains that salvation isn’t achieved through god’s grace, but through effort and repentance. Fat people, she has said, cannot be saved and won’t go to heaven until they “suffer” and lose weight. “Grace does not go down into the pigpen,” she has said.

  95. Err . . .

    let me rephase that.

    Heaven forbid that someone might actually have something
    different to say that wouldn’t support the existence of their
    empty, meaningless, consumer-driven lives that spends
    more time picking on fat people than anything else. Like
    ending starvation in third-world countries.

    JUST TELL THEM TO SHUT UP AND GO EAT A SANDWICH!

  96. Holy cow, I had no idea Gwennie had such extreme ideas. Thank goodness I never got any further into it than I did.

    Fat people won’t go to heaven, eh? What about thin people who never lift a finger to help their fellow man? Hmmph.

  97. Wow, Em, didn’t it occur to her that stopping the MEDICATION might have an affect?

    Re fat people not being “able” to get married, does this mean I have to break up with both my partners or just the legal hubby?

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