Still need a costume?

Some people like to go as characters for Hallowe’en. I always seem to go as inanimate objects (a tree, a My Little Pony). But by far the most classic Hallowe’en costume is a fabricated but nonetheless menacing creature that induces feelings of horror and panic. Think zombie, vampire, ghost — they don’t exist, but they’re calculated to prey on our fears.

Thus, I will personally give a prize to any member of the commentariat who goes as the Obesity Epidemic for Hallowe’en. Especially if you let us post the photo on the blog. The more overblown and fantastical the better — think reductio ad absurdum.

32 thoughts on “Still need a costume?

  1. Sure! The sky’s the limit. I just want to see the Obesity Epidemic portrayed as the fantastical monster it really is.

  2. Awww, darn, a challenge, and I was gonna go as a zombie with a box of oatmeal…you know, a vegetarian zombie, GRAAAAAAAINSSSS!!!

  3. Idea – make a TV out of a cardboard box with your torso right on the screen. Make sure to have a caption across the bottom, right under your belly, that says “THE OBESITY EPIDEMIC!!!”

  4. GRAAAAAAAINSSSS!!!

    OMG dying! You have to do that. I can send you a prize anyway. (To be fair it will probably not be a very good prize, so don’t throw over any brilliant ideas because you’re afraid of missing out.)

  5. Wear a bathrobe and carry a tv remote and a bag of Chee-tos…because you know, everybody thinks we are fat because we lay round watching tv and eating crap all day. Make up a campaign button that says, “Ask me about the Obesity Epidemic” and pin it to the robe.

  6. GRAAAAAAAINSSSS!!!

    Grooooooaaaaaaan. :) And yet, awesome.

    This is a fab idea, Fillyjonk. Now I’m tempted to wear a balaclava and a sweatsuit and go as the Headless Fatty that illustrates every article on the OBESITY EPIDEMIC.

  7. Now I’m tempted to wear a balaclava and a sweatsuit and go as the Headless Fatty that illustrates every article on the OBESITY EPIDEMIC.

    This is awesome, and all the more awesome because you said “balaclava.”

  8. LOL, I was thinking to myself, “Wow, I didn’t think anyone but my late mother used the term, balaclava,” and then I noticed I was you, Kate. Duh. BTW, the balaclava got its name from the Crimean War. I believe it was a garment worn in, um, the Battle of Balaclava? Or something. Also, Cardigans and Raglan sleeves came from the Crimean War. Named after Lord Cardigan and Lord Raglan. I did a paper on it about 30 years ago.

    Shutting up now.

  9. BTW, the balaclava got its name from the Crimean War. I believe it was a garment worn in, um, the Battle of Balaclava? Or something. Also, Cardigans and Raglan sleeves came from the Crimean War. Named after Lord Cardigan and Lord Raglan. I did a paper on it about 30 years ago.

    Shutting up now.

    You know, I think it’s possible that we’re related.

    Oh, also, recent convo with Al:

    Me: I’m turning into my mother.
    Al: You already are your mother.
    Me: How would you know? You never even met her.
    Al: I don’t need to have met her. I LIVE WITH HER.
    Me: [eyeroll]
    Al: You want me to call your sister [J.] right now and ask her if I’m wrong?
    Me: Fuck you.

  10. Loving the costume ideas. Now I want to be the negligent working mother who’s to blame for the obesity of kids. Except that I can’t think of any way to dress or any pithy way tosay that. Oh well. I can at least devote myself to giving out lots of candy and fat-laden goodies at the class party.

  11. I was gonna go as a zombie with a box of oatmeal…you know, a vegetarian zombie, GRAAAAAAAINSSSS!!!

    OMG… LOL… I’m sorry, I don’t know if it’s just because I’m still sick, but I find that so freaking hilarious!!!

    (And my 10 y.o. liked it, too. :) )

  12. Kaethe – wear some kind of “power suit” and stick a cell phone to your ear and hand out fast food bags to every kid you see? ;)

    Now I want to make some kind of Obesity Epidemic Hydra, with tentacles swinging everywhere and at the end of each one will be something different – a little couch, a little TV, a bag of Cheetos, a McDonald’s bag, a little sign saying “EXERCISE” and the circle-slash “no” symbol over it… the whole works. And then chase people down going, “Fat is contagious!! Booga booga booga!! I’ll make YOU fat TOOOOOOOO! BWA HA HA HA HA!!!”

    I just need a couple months, a ton of supplies, and to suddenly morph into someone who knows how to sew. grin!

  13. Thorn, yesyesyes, that’s EXACTLY the type of thing I was thinking of! (I think all the other ideas are total hoots, too, but this one definitely accords with my personal vision.)

    That is also, sadly, the reason that I’m fobbing it off on you guys instead of doing it myself — far too late this year. (Next year I might use Colleen’s TV idea, though… we have this crazy piece of plastic that hugely magnifies anything you put behind it — it’s not a lens, more like a diffraction grating — and it would be perfect for the TV screen.)

  14. Thorn, on one of the tentacles you need a doll that will represent all the dead children, the ones you personally are killing of Type 2 diabetes because if we are fat, we must be bad parents who shove trans-fat-fried high-fructose corn syrup down our kids’ throats 24/7.

  15. spacedcowgirl – ooh, you’re so right! Maybe I’ll put a couple little kid dolls all zoney-eyed in front of that little TV!

    Now I just need to figure out how to represent a little deep-fried blob of HFCS and lard…. :)

  16. This is going to be an AWESOME costume. If you do it you so have to take pictures.

    I love putting the “at-risk kids of obese people” in front of the little TV. Maybe you should give them a baby bottle of Pepsi. :)

    For health insurance, maybe a graph that just says “Health Insurance Costs” at the top in big letters, then has one of those Dow Jones-like lines that is spiking up and up and up with an arrow on the end until it busts through the top of the graph.

  17. LMFAO Thorn… I LOVE the chasing people down bit.

    Now, if I had the time, energy, and money, I’d make myself a fat costume (yes, I know, I’m fat already, but I’m talking like Eddie-Murphy-in-The-Nutty-Professor or Weird-Al-in-the-music-video-for-Fat-type costume), and make it a NAKED one, with just a string bikini on, and section it up (you know, like how cow diagrams are sectioned up for cuts) and faintly color each section, and label it with the reason for it and/or the consequence of it… Like have the right butt cheek labeled “No exercise” and the left one labeled “Cheetos” and the love handles labeled “fried butter” (that one ala Kate217 :-P ) and one boob labeled “Diabetes” and…

    OMG I HAVE to make this one now!

  18. BTW, on the subject of Wierd Al’s music video:

    Kate, I think you should use one of the lines in that video for your tagline sometime:

    Don’t you call me pudgy, portly or stout
    Just now tell me once again who’s fat?!

    Or wait, wait, how about this one?

    Just watch your mouth or I’ll sit on you

    I really like that one. Tells the trolls who’s boss lol

  19. I suppose I should say, I especially love the labeling the different “cuts” into what caused them. My husband and I, for a little while, would joke about that once in a while. “Man, I can’t believe we used to eat at Chili’s so much, just because that jerk we used to hang out with loved it there. I swear, I’ve /still/ got some Awesome Blossom hanging around here somewhere….” while grabbing a thigh or a love handle or something. Your costume idea is like the logical extension of that. :)

  20. I’m going to get my husband a t-shirt that says “I’M WITH THE OBESITY EPIDEMIC ——->” and then stand next to him all night.

  21. “I’m going to get my husband a t-shirt that says “I’M WITH THE OBESITY EPIDEMIC ——->” and then stand next to him all night.”

    +1!

  22. Had I already not designed a costume (and a scary one at bat), I would do this. I could so design this.

    I would borrow maternity clothes from a friend, and stuff them to make a pseudo-fat suit. I would then take one of those toy sized couches (those teeny toddler sized play couches) and glue it to my newly inflated ass. I would then stain my maternity clothes with Cheetos and chocolate (I know, waste of perfectly good chocolate, but still), make my hair look all frumpy (not a challenge, naturally curly +bedhead FTW!). I would paste a very obvious picture of an ailing heart, and have signs like DIABETES, HEART DISEASE, INSURANCE COSTS, NO EXERCISE, and NO VEGGIES on it. I’d carry around an old McDonalds bag and a TV remote.

    Oh. I’m covering my head with a paper bag. For the whole “headless fatty” crap you see on TV.

    Too bad I didn’t find your blog, and this post earlier.

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