The reason for checking out Dr A remains, though; don’t be too fooled by the “diet” bit. It’s really about *not* dieting, in a way that is very close to what you’re talking about here.

Oh, and please have a look at my blog (link from my name, entry of Oct 18th) for another obese picture! (The tag & title says “weight loss” but I’m thinking of changing that.).

And the only reason I beat you to these things is that your ADD is being treated and mine isn’t.

Seriously, from what I understand, what you’re going through is a really common phase when one starts to eat intuitively. I didn’t really do it all at once, but I had to eat myself sick on “bad” foods many, many, MANY times before I fully registered that no, I don’t actually want to do that, even if I’m allowed to. Now, if I eat to the point of being uncomfortably full, I am SUCH a whiny baby about it, because I’m just not used to it anymore, and it hurts!! But “food comas” were so routine for a while there, I didn’t even think of them as all that bothersome.

Maybe look at it this way: you’re not losing control, but giving your body control, instead of oppressing it with outside rules. For a while, your body might respond to the new freedom like a kid going off to college and indulging in every previously forbidden thing she can think of. But eventually, just like that kid, you’ll get tired of it and find a balance.

Two things I think everyone should read when they’re in the “eating everything just to prove I can” phase of reclaiming their relationship with food: My Secret Body by Ann Lamott, and the entire archives of Good With Cheese. And stick around here and keep us updated!

Now, I just threw all of that out. And I’m going through the “eating grossly” phase. And I’m really scared. I don’t know how to think about my body and food anymore. I mean, I know in the abstract, but day-to-day living and eating and thinking, that’s where I can get lost. I’ve never focused on how food made me feel, except emotionally (thinking I was an emotional overeater even though when I’m sad or angry, I never want to eat). I’ve never thought about my body’s reactions to food, except to note how bad I felt on diets (but of course, no pain, no gain).

I ate vegetables when I dieted because I had to, but now I’m not eating even the ones I kind of liked. I might be rebelling a bit. I mean, I like baby carrots, but didn’t eat them when I dieted because they weren’t green and were carbs, and I haven’t been eating them now because “NO MORE VEGGIES”. It’s a little silly.