In the last couple of days, there’s been a lot out there on the wild internet that’s made us want to tear our hair out. Societal insanity seems to bring out the best in the commentariat, but I thought you guys might want a break from repeatedly making my day with your informed, eloquent snarkiness. Male-identified readers may want to go make a sandwich (make sure to sneak in some vegetables for them, girls!), because this post is eventually going to make no sense at all to you.
A little backstory on why I’m posting this link. I know that a lot of fat women either never learn to dress themselves — they, or someone close to them, decide they can’t or don’t deserve to look nice — or they frump out at some point in their lives, because they’ve gained weight and nothing fits or they’re depressed about their bodies or they feel like it takes them twice as much effort to look fabulous, or whatever. I’ve actually been doing it myself lately, to a limited extent. I’ve always been a high-maintenance clothes person, and I’ve been putting a lot of energy into my outfits since I started to stop being ashamed of my body (including a goth phase and some very work-intensive hair). But lately I’ve been kinda poor and kinda lazy and kinda utterly seduced by the allure of too-big jeans and a cheap tee. A few weeks ago, I went to a huge fabulous party where about half the people were wearing highly time-consuming outfits, and I wore jeans and chucks and a T-shirt and a military surplus jacket. I kinda felt great, like a throwback to my badass days of combat boots and Thrill Kill Kult tees. But I kinda felt like a frumpaholic, too.
You’ve probably had that day, or maybe you’ve never not had that day. Well, let me introduce you to the secret ingredient for wardrobe-related inspiration: What Claudia Wore. Yes, intrepid blogger Kim is going through all the Babysitter’s Club books and teasing out the incredibly hamfisted descriptions of the gloriously 80s outfits — centering, of course, on artsy Claudia and her papier-mache jewelry. Oh my god, if ANYONE can rekindle your desire to look flashy and amazing and even ridiculous, it’s Claudia Kishi. Check it:
The best way to get this point across is to describe to you what Claudia was wearing at lunch that day. It was her vegetable blouse: an oversized white shirt with a green vegetable print all over it – cabbages and squashes and turnips and stuff. Under the blouse was a very short jean skirt, white stockings, green anklets over the stockings, and lavender sneakers, the kind boys usually wear, with a lot of rubber and big laces and the name of the manufacturer in huge letters on the sides. Wait, I’m not done. Claudia had pulled the hair on one side of her head back with a yellow clip that looked like a poodle. The hair on the other side of her head was hanging in her face. Attached to the one ear you could see was a plastic earring about the size of a jar lid.
If you’re anything like me, you thought this was SO COOL at the time. (I only owned one Babysitter’s Club book — I was probably embarrassed to ask for them, or to put them near my more precocious reading material — but I remember devouring them at a friend’s house.) Well, you know what? It is cool, terrible writing and all. Claudia doesn’t give a rat’s patoot what you think of her and her absurd outfits. Girl knows she looks good. Read up on her sartorial adventures, and take this as a reminder to give your own wardrobe a shot in the ass. Remix outfits, break out the fabric paints, hit the mall, whatever — Claudia out! You deserve to be seen.