Goofus and Gallant, Once Again

Goofus writes an article about mortuaries in Australia finding their facilities inadequate to deal with large corpses, and emphasizes that:

“Urgent action is required at the highest level to change unhealthy lifestyle habits by improving diet, increasing physical activity and making our environments supportive of these objectives,” wrote the lead researcher, Professor Edward Janus.

Gallant writes an article about hospitals finding their facilities inadequate to deal with fat patients, and emphasizes that:

Every hospital that does surgery should provide at least one theatre and a number of critical care beds equipped for morbidly obese patients and ensure that all beds, trolleys and operating tables are clearly marked with maximum weight loads, it says.

And items such as larger gowns, stockings, blood pressure cuffs and tourniquets should be available….

Dr David Haslam of the National Obesity Forum said: “The obesity problem is not going to go away. Services are not geared up for this at all. It is about time the manufacturers and service providers caught up.”

So. We can solve the problem of some body types receiving inadequate medical and after-death care by:

A) Getting the government involved “at the highest levels” to mandate diet and exercise routines and make teh fatties go away, or

B)  Providing the supplies that allow fat people to get proper and dignified health care and funerals.

Boys and girls, do you want to be like Goofus or Gallant?

23 thoughts on “Goofus and Gallant, Once Again

  1. Wait a minute. Is Goofus really saying that I need to lose weight to die? I thought being fat was what was going to kill me. You’d think that since the, OMG, “Obesity Epidemic”, is going to kill so many of us fatties the funeral industry would be first to rush to accommodate our “dead weight” and charge our families exorbitant amounts to bury us in XL caskets.

  2. You would think that mortuaries would be the first businesses jumping on the provisions for fat bodies band wagon. What with all the people DYING just from being fat an’ all.

    *snort*

  3. Even dead fatties can’t escape weight loss pressure?! Unreal.

    I love that this was in the “odd news” section. To say the least.

  4. I can’t help but remember J. Eric Oliver’s words in Fat Politics to the effect that making all of America slim would require a level of government intervention “that would make Kim Jong-Il blush.” Yeah, I know the first guy is from Australia, but still. They’re not that different from the U.S.

    Are they really gonna go there? Raid everyone’s cabinets daily and make sure there’s only organic veggies and tofu and brown rice and free-range chicken boobs in there? Assign cops to people to make sure everyone is panting and sweating hard for at least 90 minutes every day nonstop and toss them into hard-labor camps if they slack off? Outlaw all deep-frying and baked goods? Take away people’s cars if they’re fat and make them walk to work even if it takes them three hours in each direction? Make all the fatties pee on keto sticks to make sure they’re burning fat at all times? Only let thin people do grocery shopping?

    If so, for starters they ought to realize how killer expensive that’s all gonna be.

  5. [Context: Australian]

    Hang on? You mean I’m not supposed to die because the morgue can’t handle my fat arse? And neither can the funeral director. Or the cemetery/crematorium?

    Well, damn. Looks like I’ll have to settle for being immortal, then. Excuse me, I’ll just be off beating someone else’s head against a wall (can’t risk my own, after all).

  6. Well, Meowser, i’m not sure what the purpose of it is, but my refrigerator* has an alarm on it. Seriously. I suppose it’s to alert the parents of those naughty hungry children when the child has broken into the food stash? So sadly, your suggestions may already be on the agendas of marketing execs and governments.

    (*the fridge came with the house when i bought it)

  7. I just read an article about a woman trying to quit smoking who wanted to be jailed for several days without cigarettes. No jail will take her.

    I wonder if some fat person will next asked to be jailed in order to be kept from food. I think it’s interesting that the 700 lb. patients who go to the Brookhaven hospital, who are truly jailed in their immobile bodies, are not restricted from ordering restaurant food for delivery on top of their monitored food. On the one hand they want to be saved, but on the other hand they don’t.

  8. Celeste, I have heard of people getting their mouth sewn shut/wired shut to prevent them from eating solid foods for a certain amount of time. To me, that is like being jailed – you’re caught in your own body.

  9. It’s especially nuts given the fact that extreme wasting (losing 50-plus pounds due to organ failure, sepsis, dysphagia, etc.) is very common towards the end of a fat elderly person’s life. (Less common towards the end of a thin elderly person’s life because they don’t have as much to spare, but even they tend to get thinner.)

    Such wasting, in fact, is a very common reason for elderly people to have to go into assisted living. My XH’s father and uncle, both fat, had this happen to them; his dad, in fact, lost so much weight in the last year of his life that he had loose skin hanging all over him, just because he couldn’t keep anything down, including water. Next time anyone brings up the “hardly any fat people in old age homes” meme, keep that arrow in your quiver.

  10. Are they really gonna go there? Raid everyone’s cabinets daily and make sure there’s only organic veggies and tofu and brown rice and free-range chicken boobs in there? Assign cops to people to make sure everyone is panting and sweating hard for at least 90 minutes every day nonstop and toss them into hard-labor camps if they slack off? Outlaw all deep-frying and baked goods? Take away people’s cars if they’re fat and make them walk to work even if it takes them three hours in each direction? Make all the fatties pee on keto sticks to make sure they’re burning fat at all times? Only let thin people do grocery shopping?

    Of course, Meowzer, even with these interventions there might remain people who are stubbornly fat. Clearly, they would be the ones sneaking out at night to raid the fridges of the overlords.

  11. Of course, Meowzer, even with these interventions there might remain people who are stubbornly fat.

    Oh, I know. I even suspect I might be one of those people. I don’t even wanna know what they’d propose for a “final solution,” though. Too hideous to think about.

  12. I don’t even wanna know what they’d propose for a “final solution,” though. Too hideous to think about.

    Well, since obesity kills, and eating too much is its only cause, maybe they’d just throw us all in a walled city with a whole LOT of food.

  13. The boneheads at Thatsfit.com have put an even more negative, fat-hating spin on it. According to Jonathon Morgan, “The study found that 64% of women and a whopping 75% of men living in rural areas were overweight. Then, after heart disease, diabetes, or some other obesity-related illness finally caught up with these people, their bodies were causing “significant occupational health and safety issues” for those working in mortuaries.”

    You read that right. Apparently Mr. Morgan believes that fat people never die of anything but fat-related diseases. The stress our fat bodies are putting on death-care services are a direct (and sole) result of heart disease, diabetes, or some other obesity-related disease “catching up to us.” Wow, so fat people never die from car accidents, leukemia or just plain old age? Cool!

    I’ve already posted my own response to his blatant bias and stupidity, but hey, the more the merrier!

  14. Yeah, Christine, isn’t it nice to know we never have to worry about being shot or stabbed to death? I’m so relieved to know only my pancreas is capable of doing me in.

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  16. patients who go to the Brookhaven hospital, who are truly jailed in their immobile bodies

    Er, no, I think they are ‘jailed’ in the ‘obesity crisis’ paradigm the same as the rest of us.
    Refusal to understand what the problem is, how to deal with it, and the total lack of ANY interest in learning from the actual inmates/ patients themselves, in spite of their lives being in mortal danger. Here’s a 1500, calorie diet does not translate in the brain of said fatty, abbracadabbra you are now healed. People seem to think that, kind of like faith healing, but without the compassion and duty of care.

    How are dead fatties impacting on the health of mortuary workers? Ingesting of free floating adipose cells? Maybe I read that somewhere!

  17. I see my error, Kate, I overlooked the fact although they have hoists and lifting gear, it is too flimsy and for lightweights!

    I find it funny though that they are so resolute in putting all their eggs in one basket, that they are constantly forced to come to terms with reality.

    When it comes to services for fat people, dead or alive, it seems that everything is on the cheap, i.e. spend nothing. I’d like to be there, looking some of these people in the eyes, to catch that ‘moment of clarity’, when they finally realize that the gig is up, we aren’t going to lose it.

  18. If someone’s body is too heavy for a worker to lift, they shouldn’t be lifting it. Get some help, for god’s sake. People lift heavy shit in my line of work all the time and they either lift as a team or use appropriate equipment to assist them. I’m not blaming the workers individually here, but geez. The solution is so obvious.

    I can’t imagine it would be all that advisable to lift a 100-lb. dead woman by yourself either, incidentally.

    Regarding gurneys and such, shouldn’t they be rated for fairly heavy people anyway? What if a local football player gets injured? Do we just throw our hands up and give up? Oh, wait, it’s only when you have a 300-lb. woman that we suddenly start talking (always in really flippant, insulting terms… I’m looking at you, ER)about catastrophic failure of equipment that would probably mysteriously work fine for a larger man or high school boy.

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