I’d Probably Lose Weight Too If I Crapped Myself Every Time I Ate

Sandy Szwarc has another absolutely terrific post today, this one reality checking the marketing campaign for Alli.

My favorite part is this:

Under the Alli plan, a severely restrictive low-fat diet is mandatory and it has ways of making you comply. Their diet book has an extra value-added bit of advice: If you eat more than 15 grams of fat, expect some “unpleasant effects.” Their book recommends that people wear dark clothing and start the program when they have a few days off work, or to bring an extra pair of pants to the office.

Emphasis mine.

You’ve really got to read the rest of it — there’s too much to quote here. But the short version is, you’ll lose about 3 more pounds over the course of 2 years with dieting, exercise and Alli than you would with dieting and exercise alone, and you’ll probably ruin a bunch of pants — and possibly your couch — in the process. And as always, there’s no study showing the average weight loss after 5 years, since there almost certainly would be no average weight loss after five years.

And they’re anticipating annual sales of $1.5 to $3.9 billion.

Posted in Fat

22 thoughts on “I’d Probably Lose Weight Too If I Crapped Myself Every Time I Ate

  1. Read the whole article and jeebus! This alarms me on so many levels. The marketing campaign is Orwellian with the whole “fat is doubleplusungood” ring to it. And the NP’s description of “leaking” issues (with the disturbing titters of “LOL”) grossed me out. Why would anyone do this to themselves? Think I’ll start bringing towels to the movie theater to sit on. If I discover an orange puddle on a seat I won’t be LOL.

    Why is sensible diet and exercise or making peace with yourself as you not enough? Oh wait, because those approaches are free and don’t make someone one like GSK gobs of money. Well, I have the will–to fight the power of these corporations that want to make us their brainwashed guinea pigs. Screw that I say!

    (And the really sad thing? Teen girls and young women with eating disorders will flock to Ally and make themselves sick.)

  2. The marketing campaign is Orwellian with the whole “fat is doubleplusungood” ring to it.

    Love it.

  3. Sensible diet and exercise doesn’t make unthin people unfat. It’s been proven to make people healthy, but not significantly less unthin, so these “facts” are unbellyfeel. And because our culture has decreed that unthin is unhealth, surely this proves that people need “help” becoming unfat.

    And a diaper. Diapers are doubleplusgood, you know. That’s what the doubleplusgood duckspeaker said.

  4. Oh geez… uncontrollable, orange-colored oily leakage from the anus…. And did you catch how the stain AND THE SMELL is 99% unremovable?

    Wearing dark clothes or Depends won’t help with the smell, folks.

    THIS is better than being fat?

    Gads.

  5. “Diapers are doubleplusgood, you know.”

    Heh. My cantankerous prediction: This will be Depends’ new slogan.

    And Kate, I’m doubleplus in love with your blog and how forthright you are. Keep up the good work!

  6. Because I am on some level a bad person, I’m kind of looking forward to seeing if any of my less favorite coworkers suddenly are wearing different pants midday.

    Even at the height of my disordered eating, I would not have been willing to soil myself in public *one time* to lose three pounds, let alone on a semi-frequent basis.

  7. Even at the height of my disordered eating, I would not have been willing to soil myself in public *one time* to lose three pounds, let alone on a semi-frequent basis.

    No shit. So to speak.

    (I’m sorry. I had to.)

  8. You know what’s saddest to me? There are people out there who would rather endure the embarrassment of CRAPPING THEIR PANTS than continue to be “overweight.”

    I read somewhere once that a study was done where children were asked if they would rather be fat or lose an arm. Guess which most of them picked?

    It amazes me the lengths people go to lose weight.

    I have days where being fat isn’t a big freakin’ party but I’d still rather be heavy than CRAP MY PANTS in public. I guess I’m just crazy!

    And wait until you see the “blog” they’re working on. I can’t link to it now because it’s not public yet but I am keeping an eye on it. Should be FUN.

  9. Well, fat people are smelly slobs anyway, so why should one more horrible odour bother them?

    I’ve seen diet blogs (now those are some scary and yet completely boring blogs) recently where people are getting all excited about how Alli’s involuntary-pants-crapping effect will give them an “incentive” to eat low fat. If by incentive you mean threat of punishment, sure.

    A whole extra 3lbs! Have no idea what I weigh but I bet I fluctuate by that much weekly – and so do most women who have menstrual cycles.

  10. In the interest of full disclosure, I took Xenical with the goal of losing weight before my wedding and I crapped my pants at work. It was more like I “leaked” my pants.

    I had one of those moments like, “Is that me? Did I just do that?”

    Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stay away from Alli.

  11. Ugh, CG, that’s awful. I won’t ask if it was orange and oily and impossible to remove.

    Well, I will, but I’ll e-mail you.

  12. I can’t wait for the class-action suit filed on behalf of the thousands and thousands of self-crappers.

    That would be some entertaining reading.

    This is unreal. Alli doesn’t seem to have any actual involvement with weight loss. It’s a placebo with nasty side effects. People will be paying for punishment, essentially. Let’s see… you could not use this, and skip the Super Sized Big Mac value meal and spare yourself 1600 calories because it’s bad for you. Or, you could take an Alli, and not eat the meal because it will make you crap your pants!

    First course of action involves will power and pride. Second course of action is about being scared of the consequences.

    Isn’t this how religion works?

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  14. What’s even more disturbing is after reading about the “gas with oily spotting” stuff is that there’s a link to “see alli in action”…I’m too scared to click on the link.

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  16. Does anyone have any idea how to get those ****ing awful orange greasy stains out of clothes, bedding and mattresses. Well the clothes and bedding I’m willing to dispose of but not a new friggin mattress.. Even the stain isn’t so bad, it can be covered with bedding….but the smelll!!!!! It’s like an old peoples home X 100 I’m embarrassed to have anyone back!

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