If you haven’t already, I would love it if you’d address something that I am too emotional to write about myself: The REALLY fat people. There’s a difference between fat people and really fat people. I’ve been both and the world is a different place for the really fat than it is for the fat. Once you go over 320 or so, people start treating you like a real freak. They avoid eye contact. They pretend you’re not there. If forced to talk to you it’s clear that they’re modulating their voices to sound lighthearted. I often wonder if they’re fighting their natural inclination to scream… I’ve yet to figure that one out.

Men are the worst. Many of them want to make it very very clear that there is no WAY they’re sexually interested in you so you should just go away NOW. Don’t even LOOK at them, their body language seems to be saying.

This is not paranoia on my part. I’ve gone up and down so many times that I can predict when it’ll start up.

And here’s the thing that I would love to see someone write about: It makes you feel like you’re not a human. It does. After a lifetime of being fat and really fat, I no longer really feel a part of the human race. Even when I read fat acceptance literature (and blogs), I am always thinking: They don’t mean me. They mean regular fat people. They don’t mean a gross beast like me… I’m not human.

And that feeling is a killing feeling and lately (you might have noticed) the hatred is increasing. Sometimes I feel so ostracized and maligned that I can barely hold my head up in public. I feel shame at what people think I must do to have become the freak that I am even though I know that I eat less that anyone I know and always have. I imagine them looking at me and thinking of all the TV shows and articles that say I’m emotionally, intellectually and morally challenged and believing all of it.

So… yeah. If you ever were to write an entry on the Very Fat, I’d be very interested. I’m sure it’d be fabulous.

How did you get into my head that way?

I just found this website. I think I will be spending a lot more time here.

Yes, it would have. Because we dorkier kids would have pestered the gym teachers to let us do our yoga in the corner during gym class, and we would have become much more comfortable with our bodies and with regular physical activity at an earlier age, and the gym teachers wouldn’t have had to be bothered with putting us on a team when we were picked last, because as recovering jocks they didn’t want to have to figure out what to do with us anyhow.

Nivea has better anti-cellulite cream, actually. However, most of my other skincare products are Dove since the campaign.